A/N: Hey everyone. I started this story a long time ago and despite having many ideas for it, I've always struggled to work on it and for years I've contemplated just rewriting it from the beginning. Now is the time. This is the first chapter of a new and hopefully improved version of this story that I intend to be able to actually finish and be happy about. For the time being I will leave the original story up for a couple of reasons. One, so anyone who is new here can get an idea of where this is going to go and two because I'm still going to be using bits and pieces of the original in the rewrite and I no longer have access to some of the original files for the first several chapters. Those died a couple months after I began writing it when my laptop crashed along with my original outline. Until we catch up with where the original story left off, I will leave it up for anyone who wishes to read it. Any questions, concerns, or comments you have I'd love to hear. I hope you enjoy.

The first time she laid eyes on him it felt like a knife to the gut. She had trusted him. They all had. And he had betrayed them, betrayed her, all to sate his own selfish curiosity.

Kate Beckett had known that Castle was going to be in the precinct that afternoon to take some photographs for his book launch while a reporter asked her a few questions. Under threat from the Captain that she would be on her best behavior if she didn't want to spend the next month chained to her desk catching up on the entire department's backlog of paperwork, she had reluctantly agreed.

She hadn't anticipated that he'd be bringing the bimbo twins along with him to feel him up while the photographer snapped one picture after the next. The nerve of him, to act like that in her own home after what he'd done to them.

Words. Someone was speaking. She realized as the reporter continued with her question that she'd been staring daggers at the author, making no effort to hide the malice in her glare.

Shit, what was the question? Beckett took a moment to replay in her mind what the woman had said. What's so special? She scoffed inwardly even as a lick of heat flashed up her spine. The only thing that made Richard Castle special was exactly why his betrayal stung so deeply.

Of course, she couldn't tell the reporter that. Thankfully the woman had moved on. Instead, questioning her about Nikki. Pasting a smile onto her face, Beckett lied through her teeth. Montgomery was watching and would know if she was anything but cordial.

That all went out the window the very next time the reporter opened her mouth. Essential? Castle thought he was essential to solving their cases? There was only so much she could take.

"Could you excuse me for a moment?" she asked, but didn't wait for a reply. Instead, she stood from her desk, having spotted Montgomery walking across the bullpen.

"Sir? Could I talk to you in private for a moment?" she asked, already leading the way into his office, dropping the veneer of pleasantry that she had maintained for the interview.

Montgomery tried to put her off but she was a force to be reckoned with and they both knew it.

"We had a deal Beckett." he reminded her as she closed the door to his office behind her.

"The deal is off."

Then again, Montgomery was still her boss and it soon became apparent that this wasn't an argument she was going to win. Beckett knew to pick her battles wisely.

As she exited the captain's office, she realized her coffee mug was dangerously empty and made for the break room for a refill. Bumping into Ryan hitting on one of Castle's bimbos wasn't a part of her plan, but teasing the boys did always raise her spirits a bit.

"Hey Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that?" Esposito asked, looking her up and down.

She levelled him with a glare as she answered, "Because I don't want to get paid in singles."

Their friendly banter was interrupted by the arrival of the last person she wanted to talk to.

The boys disappeared quickly leaving her alone with the author who was pretending to apologize for bringing this whole mess to her precinct. Right, like the mayor would have planned for Castle to be used like a stripper's pole in the middle of a police station, distracting everyone trying to catch murderers. How stupid did Castle think she was?

"What did i do wrong?" he asked, trailing her back to her desk. He really was hard to get rid of, but her patience was wearing thin and he needed to go. He knew damn well what he'd done and that he was no longer one of them, if he'd ever been one to begin with.

Hoping that the reporter of all people would save her from Castle, she tried to begin the interview again when Ryan and Esposito reappeared from wherever they had gone to hide.

A body. That was a great distraction. It would get her out of the precinct and away from the press tour for the book. And most importantly, it would get her away from Castle.

"Sorry, we're going to have to reschedule." she told the reporter reaching for the jacket on the back of her chair.

"Oh? A chance to see Castle in action?" she squealed excitedly causing Beckett, who had already turned towards the elevator, to whip back around.

"Excuse me?!" she intoned incredulously.

Whatever the journalist was going to say was cut off by a voice from behind Beckett.

"Well now, we wouldn't want to disappoint your readers now would we?" Captain Montgomery asked with a pointed look at Beckett. Clearly it wasn't a suggestion that she take Castle and the reporter along with her.

Beckett grimaced but conceded defeat once again. "No. Of course not." she answered for the benefit of those around them. "Esposito will text you the address." she addressed Castle, looking at his chest instead of into what was sure to be the smug expression on his face.

Without another word, she made for the stairs. Not wanting to be stuck in the elevator with either Castle nor the reporter he'd brought with him who was responsible for this newest punishment.

She drove to the crime scene in angry silence, scenes from the past flashing through her mind. She remembered how he'd finally won her trust and she'd allowed him to see what kept their team so close. It wasn't something that was offered lightly. Hell, even Lanie hadn't known until after she and Esposito had started dating.

She remembered how seamlessly he'd fit in both in and out of the bedroom. Ryan and Esposito were both good in bed but Castle was something else. A small part of her even regretted that she'd never have the opportunity to experience his talents again. But then came the memories of that day. The day that he had broken everything they had built. The day he had told her that he'd shoved his nose where it didn't belong and torn open wounds that had just begun to heal.

The pain of his betrayal physically hurt. Even now, several months later.

Let's get this over with, she thought as she pulled up to the crime scene where several beat cops and the medical examiner's van were already parked.

The boys pulled up as she was exiting her cruiser, followed by the news van with the reporter and Castle.

"Hey! Can we talk about this please?" Castle asked, nearly sprinting to her side as she pulled on her gloves.

"There's nothing to talk about." she reminded him curtly, refusing to look in his direction.

"Well, at least let me know what I can do to make it up to you." he continued. Always pushing and prodding. The man didn't know when to leave well enough alone.

"You could leave me alone." she snarked back. That was all she really wanted from him now. They couldn't turn back time and nothing he could do would fix the wounds that he'd reopened nor the new ones his betrayal had caused.

"What do we got Lanie?" she asked the ME, cutting off whatever Castle was saying about a pony.

Before she could answer Castle broke in once again, "It's raining men." he quipped looking up at the victim tangled in the branches of a tree.

"Castle? What are you doing here?" she demanded. Beckett knew that Lanie would always have her back. And the boys too if push came to shove, although they were more willing to hear the author out than Beckett herself was.

"Don't worry, we're still mad at him." Beckett replied reminding everyone around them of exactly where the man in question stood.

After that it was all business as usual. The victim was easily identified by the ID in his wallet and the boys left to canvas the neighbors to see if anyone had seen or heard anything. Castle was busy showing off for the reporter while Lanie filled Beckett in on the cause of death.

Leaning past her, Castle continued to translate for the reporter. The sound of his smooth voice so close to her ear made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Unable to take any more time around the man, and having decided it was best not to add another murder to the boys' workload, she knew it was time for Castle and his tagalong to leave.

Beckett quickly made eye contact with Lanie as a warning that she was about to ask for a favor. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself and then suggested that Castle's talents were currently being wasted and that he'd be much better off helping Dr. Parish take the body to the morgue instead.

Castle began to speak but the glare she levelled on him stopped him in his tracks.

"Fine," he relented, "but I was serious about the pony." Then he turned to direct his next comment at the Cosmo reporter. "C'mon, I'll show you the, uh, morgue… mobile" he finished lamely.

The three detectives all smirked openly as he led her away, but Beckett also felt grateful that she'd be able to get back to her investigation in peace. Why would she want a pony anyways? All she really wanted was to go back in time to before he went poking into her mother's case, and that's something that no one could give her.

Easily identifying the victim by the ID in his wallet, the boys left to begin canvasing the neighbors for anyone who may have seen or heard anything. Beckett watched as Lanie finished her preliminary exam and then as her techs removed the body from the tree and placed it on a gurney for transport.

As the techs wheeled the body towards the van, Lanie stopped beside her friend.

"Don't worry girl, you do your thing and I'll deal with Writer Boy, but you owe me." The ME spoke into her ear. It didn't escape Beckett's notice that her friend's voice had a very different effect on her than that of the author she referred to.

The detective turned and gave her friend a grateful look before her eyes widened innocently, "Now what makes you think I wouldn't make this up to you Lanie?"

Lanie just stared at her, not buying her act for a moment as she waited for the punchline.

"You'll just have to wait until after the case is over for me to do so which means you had better get back to the morgue and perform that autopsy." she finished with a smirk on her lips and a glint in her eye.

While the other woman may not have the same visceral effect on her body as Castle did; from disgust she was sure, Beckett was still glad to have finally added her best friend to their little crime fighting group and would make good on her promise in due time.

"I'll hold you to it." Lanie warned as she made her way over to where the reporter and Castle were waiting for her next to the van.

Beckett watched long enough to see Lanie and Castle get into the back of the transport vehicle while the reporter opted to ride in her own van with her driver. Once they had pulled away, she turned to catch up with the boys and see if anything was being turned up by their canvas. The longer she could be away from Castle and the painful reminder of how much of a mistake she had made by letting him in so deep, the better off they would all be.