Warning:OCs Used, OC Character Death, Slight Insanity, Torture, and slight gayness. The pairing is one-sides Destiel. I kinda wanna make this a real fic, but I'm not sure yet.
When God brought him back after the Apocalypse, he told him that he would have the strength of an Archangel, but the feelings of a human. He didn't exactly know what this meant at the time, simply going along with it for the sake of going back to Dean, and to his surprise, a living Sam and Bobby as well. He knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth (even though he probably should've, because his knew father was known for casting curses disguised as blessings), so he allowed himself to be happy that Sam wasn't in Hell, Dean was still alive (the thought of Dean dying made his heart clench in a pain he never felt before, so he tried to ignore the idea completely), and Bobby came back from the dead. They stopped the Apocalypse. They stopped the Apocalypse. It seemed so unreal in the moment, and the four allowed themselves to cheer so loud Heaven could hear them. They kept the world from dying, them! Castiel was sure that he never felt such a profound joy ever (he ignored the part of him that remembered seeing Dean for the first time, and the pleasant flutter that his heart did), and if a few tears escaped his eyes, then it was no one's business but his. The celebration didn't last forever, Bobby had to get back to his home in Sioux Falls, and to his phone, because hunters called him near 24/7, and he didn't want to leave someone hanging. That gave the trio the opening they needed to leave, and unfortunately, Castiel's good mood didn't last. He had fun drinking at the bar with Dean and Sam, but as soon as Dean began to flirt with a pretty red headed woman, he felt his happiness fade into a bitterness that made his mouth taste sour, and he found he couldn't even look in their direction. Sam noticed his solemness (he wished Dean would notice), and he raised an eyebrow in concern. "Hey man, are you okay? You should be happy, we saved the world!" He attempted to smile, but something told him it looked more like a grimace than anything else. "I am unsure. There is a gross taste in my mouth that I can't get rid of, and…" He turned to look at Dean and the woman, before quickly averting his gaze, seeing how his best friend (his heart clenched again) looked at the woman with such lust. Sam, once again, seemed to be able to tell what he was getting at, and gave him a sympathetic look. "I know how it feels, to be ditched by Dean, I mean. He pulled this all the time when I was a kid, you get used to it eventually." He seriously doubted that if the pain in his chest was anything to go by, but he didn't voice his concerns. Or the sudden dark turn his thoughts took. 'What right does she have?' Was the first whisper he heard. "What do you mean?" He asked back, and if he only knew what he'd done to himself by responding. 'I mean, why does she get all of his affection? She's done nothing for him, while we brought him back from Perdition.' The voice seethed, and he nodded along absentmindedly. 'Why do you let him do this to us? You have the power to control him completely.' He suddenly didn't like where this was going. "He has the power of free will, as we do. He should be able to do what he likes… Even if it hurts me in the end." The voice didn't like his rebuttal, it seemed. 'Then what if we just… Got rid of the competition? He would get to keep his free will, but he wouldn't give his attention to anyone else.' Castiel swallowed thickly and harshly placed his glass back on the bar, fishing a few American bills beside it before exiting the bar quickly, angry power humming in his veins. He didn't notice Sam watching him with a raised brow, nor Dean gazing after him with concerned green eyes, red head forgotten for the moment. Though both watched him leave, neither of them noticed the shady man follow after him. The newly appointed Archangel drunkenly stumbled through alleyways on his trip back to the motel room the brothers rented (and were currently driving to, thinking that Castiel was already there). "Why did I even bother to walk?" He grumbled in his head, hearing the voice there chuckle. 'There's someone following us. I want you to try something.' He shrugged, why not do what it asked of him? It seemed as though he forgot the conversation they just had, so maybe he was more drunk than he first thought. So he continued to walk, turning his phone on silent when Dean tried to call him (he was still upset, so sue him for being petty), and allowing the person tailing him to believe that he was oblivious to them. Finally, the man gained some courage. "Hello there!" He called out, grinning like a loon when the angel bothered to look. He didn't answer the man, who continued to chat his ear off (he believed the man's name was Aaron, but he wasn't paying much attention to the rambling). After many minutes of this, he grew frustrated and turned to tell the man off, when he noticed the gun pointed at his forehead. A very special gun. "He has the colt!" He froze in place, looking at the weapon that could quite possibly kill him. 'Not if you kill him first.' The voice whispered. 'Kill this filthy maggot.' He didn't bother to try to stop himself before he rammed his fist into the man's gut, then through the layers of skin and fat and tissue, until his arm was sticking through the other side. The man's eyes widened in both pain and fear, and then the color slowly faded, until they were looking at the sky blindly, and his body went slack, sliding off of Castiel and onto the dirty alley ground. Only when he heard the 'thump' of the body did he finally realise what he did, and he stumbled back a few steps, looking at his bloody appendage in fear. "What… What did I just do?" He whispered. 'You killed in self defense.' He jumped, the voice seeming to echo all around him. 'Congratulations, you now do as humans do. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? To be just like them so that you could have a chance with Dean? This whole thing was for his sake, after all.' He wanted the voice to shut up, that none of it was true, but deep down, he knew that the voice spoke only the truth. 'You don't even have to think of it as murder is that makes you so sick. Just think of them as stepping stones. With each one gone, you get closer to Dean. Doesn't that sound much more appealing.' It did, he admitted to himself. It sounded much, much better. He looked back at the dead human, and instead of the normal disgust and sadness that came from the very bottom of his Grace, the feelings of satisfaction and pride instead blossomed, oxytocin and dopamine racing through his body. He wanted to feel more. And lucky for him, he knew just the person. He stalked the red-head to her home (she wasn't that hard to find, although he was glad Dean wasn't there to witness this), and when she and her new partner let their guards down, he struck. He used his grace to hold them down, and summoned his angel blade. He gutted her nice and slow ('Like the pig she is' the voice mocked) while forcing the man to watch, and then when she was finally dead, which took far too long in his opinion, he moved onto the man. He didn't hold a grudge against him, but his Grace was flowing in his veins fiercely, as if urging him to tear the man apart. And he would never deprive himself of such pleasure. So, instead of gutting him, he simply stabbed his interntal organs. 'Do it without piercing the skin!' The voice gleefully advised, and so he didn't break skin. He went from least needed to most needed, enjoying the sight of him choking on his own blood after piercing the lungs before plunging the blade into his heart, happily staring into the man's eyes as the color faded to nothing, and he let himself grin, only just keeping down his giggles of joy. He enjoyed this far too much, he couldn't help but think, but at the same time, he couldn't care less. He was just so happy, because now he was three stepping stones closer to Dean, and at the moment, that was all he cared about. He looked at the clock on the bedside table (which was covered in a light sheen of red), and was taken aback by how long he spent at this girl's apartment. He heard knocking on the door, and quickly flew away, making sure he didn't leave anything behind. He appeared in the motel's bathroom, washing himself clean of blood quickly, making sure to leave only enough to make it clear that only the first murder was commited by him. Then he appeared in the middle of the room, holding onto the Colt. Dean was up in an instant, looking him over for wounds (it warmed his heart that Dean cared to check, even though it was obviously not his blood on his sleeve and hand) while Sam stood back, brows furrowed while he looked at his friend. "What the Hell happened Cas?" Dean demanded, worry and concern shining in his green eyes. 'Tell him you were attacked by the man holding the colt.' "I was followed by a man, so I felt it would be reckless to fly away, so I let him tail me. I turned to ask his business when he," he lifted the colt into the brothers's sight, "pulled out the Colt, and pointed it at my head." Dean seemed to be eating it up, sympathy joining the crowd of emotions showing on his face, while Sam looked doubtful of his story. 'Say you blacked out, that you don't remember what happened.' "I don't remember what happened next. I think my Grace may have acted without permission to protect me, because there was a bright light that even my gaze couldn't pierce, or maybe it didn't exist in the first place, but when it faded," He swallowed audibly, lip trembling, "he was… slumped on my arm. A-and when I moved, he fell off. I-I think I killed him." He looked down at Dean's boots, not wanting to see the disappointment he knew would be there. The voice snorted (how did it do that? It doesn't have a nose?) before saying, 'Just wait a second.' He was about to question it when Dean pulled him into a hug. He tensed in surprise before quickly relaxing into the hold, hands shaking from his joy. "He's hugging me! I can't believe that I lied to him, and he believed me, and is attempting to comfort me! He wouldn't have done this a year ago!" Castiel lost himself in the overwhelming happiness that he didn't realise that he had tears in his eyes, or that Sam obviously wasn't buying it. "What reason would he have to lie?" His mind asked, and he didn't know yet, but he would find out soon, he swore. Eventually Dean let him go, giving the angel a small smile. "Don't worry Cas, it was in self defense. Plus, you got us the Colt back. That makes up for it being a human." Castiel's heart skipped a beat, and he feared that it may stop completely if Dean continued to be this nice to him. He decided then, that he would do absolutely anything to make Dean love him, even if it meant killing a few humans along the way.