I take him down to the couch and go get him a glass of water. Sitting down I start, "so bad dream huh?"

"Y...yeah,"

"Wanna talk about it?"

He hesitates. "I couldn't see anything and I heard crying and I fell really far..."

"That sounds scary. You know, I had a bad dream too.'

"Really? What was yours about."

I purse my lips. I can't tell him what actually happened in my nightmare. He'd never be able to sleep again. "I… dreamt I lost you,"

"You're a good big sister," Phineas yawns

That does it. "No I'm not," I object.

"What?"

"I'm not. I let you get hurt and and even before then all I ever did was try to ruin your fun when I could have just been spending time with you, you're my brother I'm supposed to protect you and I can't forgive myself for what I let happen!"

"That's not true,"

"What do you know you can't remember anything!" I snap.

Oh no. There they are again, the tears in his eyes. "Phineas, I'm sorry. I know it's hard. It is for me too. I just… I don't know. I spent two weeks watching you, waiting, worrying. Every day seeing you in that bed killed me. And then you woke up and, you… you weren't there."

"I just wanna remember," he cries, "I wish I even knew what normal was. I just want everything to go back to normal. I...I...I just, what's that look for?"

I don't even realize I'm making it. I'm just staring out into space vacantly. I am at a loss for words. I suck in my cheeks. "I... I don't think I want everything to go back to normal. I don't want you to get your memories back! I look at you and, and you don't know me and I hate it, but it's better than everything going back to normal!" A tear escapes me.

"Why?"

"Because, Phineas! Then what? You just go back to doing crazy stupid stuff everyday? What if you get hurt again. What if something happens to Ferb. What if you—"

"Candace, nothing bad is going to happen."

"YOU CAN'T KNOW THAT!"

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

I hear stirring upstairs. Four little feet come plodding down followed by two bigger ones. "No one could have predicted this," Ferb says. "Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. You have to keep going, keep living. Take the good with the bad. Fear is an important instinct but you can't let it control you. Nobody knows everything. People go about their lives pretending like they know what's going on, but no one really does. You can't go about thinking that there is this life inside you that you must live up to. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations, not even your own. There is no you that is set in stone, Phineas. You must create you for yourself."

"What's all the ruckus? Dad says rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses, "Kids what are you doing awake at this hour?"

"Phineas had a nightmare. We were just, reminding him how much we love him.

"Well that's very sweet," Mom said. "But it's 2 in the morning you really ought to go back to bed if you can."

"Right-o," dad intejects. "That way you can seize tomorrow by the reigns.

"I am pretty tired." Phineas says as mom picks him up.

Ferb follows them upstairs. I share an inquisitive look with dad. I start to get up. "Candace, wait." he says. "From the moment I met you to the moment I knew I wanted to be a part of this family, I knew you would make the perfect big sister for my Ferb. Phin will be alright, he just needs time. You have to be a bit kinder to yourself."

"Thanks, Dad," I say going upstairs. I lie in bed awake for the rest of the night.