Harry's heart, fulminating between his ears, was making it hard for him to concentrate on anything that anyone was saying around him since Professor Lupin described Sirius Black's animagus form as a large, black dog.
He shuddered remembering Ripper's teeth tearing through his trousers and skin after Marge had stuck the muscle-bound brute on him. Even the memory electrified the hair on the back of his neck.
Why does it have to be a gigantic dog?
He just wanted to get away—from the thought of the beast of a man who had broken out of an inescapable prison, from the gnashing teeth of a rabid dog, from the adults who were hovering around him wanting to know how he was taking this news.
How. The. Bloody. Hell. Do. They. Think. I'm. Taking. It?
He didn't want to think about it right now. He wanted to run and run and run. And not stop. Ever.
Get as far away from here as possible. Could I go live on Mei's island? Isn't it enough that my parents were murdered? That I had to live with the Dursleys? That I can't see a bloody thing?
They were now discussing just exactly what kind of hulking dog form Sirius—mum-and-dad-betraying—Black took when he transformed. Professor Lupin said it was Scottish Deerhound.
Whatever that is!
As Professor Lupin described the size, color, and shagginess of the Scottish Deerhound, it became apparent that it was very likely that the dog Besel had scared away in the alley was Sirius Black in his animagus form. And cool, unflappable Professor Lupin nearly lost it when he learned that Black had been so close to Harry.
Great! A dog I can't even see has already hunted me down! It's just luck that it didn't already rip my throat out. Well, at least it would be a quick death. There's that.
Harry's breaths were coming short and fast. The room was too small, too hot, filled with too many people. He wanted to get out.
"Harry," Healer Jordan spoke quietly to him, crouching down in front of him. "Breathe. In. Out. In. Out."
"No!" Harry gasped, struggling to stand up. "I don't want to. I want to get out."
"Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. I'm going to put my hands on your shoulders. There you go. Keep breathing. You can do it. You are safe here." Her warm hands on his shoulders pressed down and rather than making him feel trapped, he felt as if she'd brought him back to earth just as he was about to spiral off it.
Professor Lupin and Professor McGonagall had stopped talking about how Sirius had come to be an animagus. He was certain that they had stopped breathing, too, and were just staring at him.
I wish I knew a magic that would just open up a hole in the ground that could swallow me up. Ugh, no I don't! Blimey. Why was I born at all?
He reined in his panic… stuffed it back in the small hole in his sternum where he kept it when he had to pretend everything was okay.
"I'm fine," he said, slumping back against the chair, trying to get out from under Healer Jordan's warm hand on his shoulder that now was feeling confining.
"This is a lot to process, Harry. It'll take some time. It's okay to take the time. We will make sure that you are safe here," Healer Jordan said, letting go of him, but still kneeling in front of him.
"Why does it have to be a dog?" Harry said, his voice barely audible as he tried and, mostly succeeded, in stilling his trembling legs.
Professor Lupin let out a ragged sigh.
"Why indeed!" Professor McGonagall snapped, shattering the hush. "Listen, Harry. I must impress upon you how important it is that you remain at the Center while Black is at large. You might be tempted to go looking for him. Please, trust that the Ministry of Magic, as well as other entities, are doing everything within their power to apprehend him. He would think it is a great joke if you were to come looking for him."
"Me? Go looking for him?" Harry was confused.
What kind of an idiot do you think I am?
"Professor McGonagall, is this really necessary?" Healer Jordan interrupted.
"Yes, with all due respect, Healer Jordan, I believe I know Harry rather well. He is in my house, after all! How many times were you caught sneaking out of Gryffindor tower in the last two years? And those are the times you were caught. Only Morgana knows how many times you weren't caught."
"Can't you see that he's terrified?" Professor Lupin interjected.
"I'm not terrified," Harry said, straightening up.
"No, of course not," Professor Lupin said, patting him on his shoulder. Harry shook his hand off his shoulder and stood up, taking his staff out of his pocket.
"I'm going to go eat lunch," Harry announced, trying to use his least terrified voice.
"Oh, yes. You haven't eaten. I've asked Besel to check in with you. She'll meet you at the dining hall," Healer Jordan said.
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Harry, promise you won't leave the Center," Professor McGonagall insisted, her bony hand catching up his and squeezing.
"I promise," Harry said, a bit taken aback by her plea. "Now, may I go get something to eat?"
"Yes, of course. And I want you to drink this, too," Healer Jordan said as she placed a warm, heavy, and corked potion bottle into Harry's palm. "It refills, so just keep it in your staff for when you need it next."
Before the door closed behind him, their voices rose, spilling frothy emotions out into the corridor. Harry was glad when the door cut it off and the cool quiet of the deserted corridor engulfed him. It unnerved him that they were scared. He could smell the fear. His own stung his armpits and coated his palms. He swung his staff until it hit the wall, listening to the bright sound of the silvertip as it echoed off the corridor walls. His footsteps were a soft counter rhythm that soon became a mantra of calm.
He was surprised when the steady beat was interrupted by the noises of people gathered together funneled through the dining hall doors. He stopped short, swaying a bit on his feet as he stood outside of the dining hall. He didn't want to listen to the announcement about Sirius Black with the rest of the residents, but he did really want to talk to Gemma about what she'd seen in the alley. He wished he had a way he could signal her—let her know that he wanted to talk to her.
Harry heard the distinctive sound of Besel's chair. He knew that it couldn't be Mei. Mei who was stuck out on a South Sea Island until Black was apprehended. Mei whose wicked sense of humor would slice through all the fear and uncertainty, reducing it to bite-size chunks that they would then gobble down if saturated in enough soy sauce.
"Harry, have you had lunch yet?" Besel asked.
"Er. No. Not yet," Harry confessed.
"You're looking a bit wan."
"I'm not hungry," Harry said.
"Drink the nutrition potion that's in your hand. Here. Sit here," Besel said as she summoned a chair to settle next to Harry.
"I just wanted to talk to Gemma," Harry protested as he sat in the chair.
"I'll get Gemma while you drink the potion."
Harry listened to her glide away as he unstoppered the bottle. The aroma wafted up and tickled his nose, making his stomach grumble.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.
He pressed the vial against his lips and tilted his head back. The warm liquid filled his mouth with the taste of the first pumpkin pastie he had on the train to Hogwarts his first year.
How was it possible to bottle that… that feeling of being able to eat whatever I wanted?
Harry was licking the last little dribbles of the potion from the bottle when he heard Gemma approaching him. She settled a chair down next to him and sat down as he tried to hide a burp behind his hand.
He stoppered the bottle and stuck it into his staff as he greeted her.
"You okay?" Gemma asked. "What's wrong?"
"It's… it's… you know that dog you saw in the alley? The one that was watching us?" Harry paused as some people came out of the dining hall and passed them, talking and laughing.
He cast a privacy charm around them—the one that Healer Jordan had taught him.
"Yes?" Gemma's nodding hand under his cupped hands was impatient.
"Well, I guess it was Sirius Black in his animagus form—a gigantic, black, shaggy, and dangerous dog. He escaped from Azkaban and has hunted me down."
"Really?" Gemma said and he could feel the incredulity in her response.
Harry didn't know how to respond. He felt the same way and yet it stung to have managed to put it into words and not be believed. His shoulders sagged as he let out a puff of air.
Gemma made the sign for writing into his hands and, Harry, without really thinking about it summoned his writing tools out of his staff and handed them to her. He then leaned against the chair as he listened to the pencil scratching and dragging across the paper. He rolled his anagnóstis in his fingers while he waited, enjoying the weight of the instrument and its smooth surface with his fingertips. Finally, she tapped the back of his hand with the wire spiral of the notebook and guided his anagnóstis to the beginning.
"Harry, that dog in the alley was really big, black, and shaggy… but I don't know about dangerous. I believe you that it was an animagus because the expressions on his face were so… well, human. It looked heart-broken, lost, and sad, but not like it was hunting you down. It definitely was looking at you. Really looking at you. I don't think it wanted to hurt you. When Besel blasted it, it looked surprised and scared and it just tore out of there. I mean, if it was trying to get you, why did it just stand there staring at you? I've heard that people who spend any time in Azkaban, even just a little, go mad because of the Dementors. Like really mad. My dad says that you can't survive Azkaban… that even if you're released, it is like your soul died while you were in there. It is a cruel place. And maybe he was mad to begin with because that was the boy who was friends with your dad, right? In those photos in your photo album? It just doesn't make sense. Something's not right."
Gemma's warm, small hand was resting on his shoulder while he read her note. He trusted her insight though Professor Lupin, Professor McGonagall, and Healer Jordan's fear still lingered nearby. He felt confused… he just wanted to bury himself in his covers and sleep… to escape for a little bit.
He Tempus'd his staff. They'd be making the announcement soon. He wanted to get away from the dining hall. He wondered what it meant for his afternoon classes.
"Have you eaten lunch yet?" Gemma asked.
"No, Healer Jordan gave me a nutrition potion, though."
She pulled him out of his chair and vanished them after a couple of tries of waving her wand until there were a couple of pops, then linked her arm through his and started walking through the dining hall doors. He allowed himself to be tugged along, though reluctantly. There was something very Mrs. Weasley-ish about the way she was marching him to the buffet where apparently the kitchen staff had put together plates of food for the students who had missed lunch under warming charms.
When he got a whiff of the corned beef sandwich, though, he wasn't so reluctant. He was finishing it off with a couple of gulps of pumpkin juice when more people started filling the dining hall. He sent his plate back to the kitchen on one of the floating trays and left the dining hall as Healer Jordan was just trying to get everyone's attention.
He made his way to the library. He had braille with Madam Flamel next and he was looking forward to something normal and mundane… as normal and mundane as learning how to read with one's fingertips could be.
oO0OooO0OooO0OooO0Oo
As Madam Flamel was sending the braillers back to their spots on the shelf she asked Harry to stay while the other students filed out.
"Harry," she said, rolling the 'rs' in his name. "Tonight you're going to spend some time with Nicolas and me, yes?"
"Yes, after dinner."
"We would love to have you join us for dinner, are you available?"
"Er. Sure, I just don't know where to go," Harry said.
"I'll collect you at the dining hall, yes?"
"Okay, yeah, sure. It isn't too much trouble?"
"Ah, Ma Freya! Of course not! Nicolas has been wanting to meet you for ever so long and yes, Healer Jordan. She is very concerned about your safety. If Nicolas and I can't keep you safe, I don't know who can," Madam Flamel delivered this last bit of insight with a giggle that reminded Harry of Lavender Brown and was a bit jarring.
oO0OooO0OooO0OooO0Oo
Harry could hear someone pacing back and forth in front of the door to the O&M room.
"Aminah?" he asked as he neared.
"Hi, Harry."
"Why are you waiting out here instead of going through to Hogwarts?"
"All the Egresses are closed until they catch that escaped prisoner, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Huh. I wonder what that means for our lesson today."
"Me, too."
"Are you okay, Aminah?"
"What? Why?"
"You just seem nervous. Have you heard anything about your dad?"
"No, I haven't. My mum said she'd let me know as soon as there was any news. But it has been nearly a day and still nothing. It's really hard waiting. And now with the news that this guy has broken out of Azkaban… I mean, I don't really know why it is so upsetting… but… if they can't keep a dangerous murderer like Sirius Black in prison, how are they going to find the guy who has hurt my family so much? And keep him away from us?"
"Yeah. I know what you mean," Harry agreed, sinking onto a nearby bench and leaning his forehead against the smooth wood of his staff.
Rapid footsteps approached them and Harry cocked his ear toward the noise. Aminah stopped pacing and stepped over to stand near Harry.
"Aminah, Harry. Good, you're here," Professor Lupin greeted them in a rush as he approached. "We're going to conduct our lesson in the O&M room, though we're not going to travel through it to a new location. Rather, we'll stay here in the Center and practice our defensive spells. How does that sound?"
Just the sound of Professor Lupin's voice made Harry's heart rate ratchet up. He could feel the nervous energy radiating off of him even before he could smell his anxiety.
Harry had stood up and nodded in response. On the one hand, learning as many defensive lessons as he could right now was probably the wisest thing he could do and on the other hand, he was just so tired of all of this.
"Great," Professor Lupin said, though his voice lacked his usual enthusiasm. "Come on in here and we'll get started."
Closing his eyes against the bright light, Harry held up his staff and squeezed it to get a description of the room after they'd walked in… it was always a little disconcerting to walk through a door at the Center and not know what to expect since every time it was a different place. Apparently, they were in a classroom. His staff described a sparsely furnished room with rows of benches, a large desk, and a chalkboard on the back wall. In the corner farthest from him was a large globe on a pedestal. The wall to his left had huge windows and he could feel the breeze coming in one of them and it hung heavy with the heat of a mid-summer day—but the noises definitely weren't from Charing Cross Road. Wood floorboards creaked under his feet as he shifted and when Professor Lupin walked to the front of the room his footsteps echoed off a high ceiling.
"I thought we weren't going through an Egress," Aminah asked.
"We didn't. This room is in the Center… Oh, is it the windows to outside and the fresh country air? That's simulated… like the night sky in the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Just a bit of magic. Okay, come up here to the front of the classroom. There are benches to your left. We're going to talk today about Transformation and Animagi and how to work defensively against someone who can transform. You'll probably want to take notes… you both have Quick Quotes Quills, yes?"
Harry sighed as he summoned his writing supplies from his staff and set the Quill to take notes in braille on the desk that was angled in front of the bench. The wood was grooved and worn and he ran his fingers over the words generations of students had carved into the surface as he listened to Professor Lupin talk about the difficult process of becoming an Animagus while the staccato of both his and Aminah's quills punctuated Professor Lupin's words. Every time he or Aminah shifted on the bench, it rocked back and forth causing a squeaky bolt at the end of the bench to protest.
Harry propped his head up with the heel of his hand, elbow braced on the table, and tried to follow what Professor Lupin was saying… something about having to hold a mandrake leaf in one's mouth for a month as part of the process for completing the complex magic to become an animagus.
His thoughts wandered to the boisterous boy in his parent's photo album who always seemed to be running in and out of the frame. When he actually held still, he'd have an arm draped around his father's neck—he was even more affectionate than Ron and that was saying something. It was hard to imagine that boy, Sirius, sitting still long enough to perform the complex magic required to transform… but there must have been a darkness about him that wasn't captured in the photos. To feel his movements, he was almost a pure expression of joy and energy.
Perhaps I'm missing an expression in his face…
"Harry, are you with me?" Professor Lupin asked.
"Er, sorry, Professor. Yeah. I'm here," Harry said sitting up.
"Okay, well, good. Now that we've covered the theory we're going to work on defense against an animagus. The spell you're going to learn today is Reparifarge and it will restore a transfigured object or living creature back to its form of origin. We'll start with some inanimate objects and then work our way up to animals. Right! So let's get going on practicing the incantation—first without wands," Professor Lupin said as he stood up.
They practiced their inflection until Professor Lupin was satisfied and then he asked them to step up to the desk in the corner of the room where he had placed some objects.
"With this spell, you won't always know what the original form of the object is and it can be a bit tricky, too. Say, for instance, the original form is a cauldron, but if your intention is too strong, you can return it to the raw materials that formed the cauldron and, well, if they are in their molten state, that could be a poxy's nest."
"What, really? How do you know when your intention is too strong?" Aminah protested.
"We'll start with simple things… these were transfigured from natural materials—sticks and stones—and then we'll move on to more complex objects. You'll get the hang of it. Let's start with these tea spoons."
Professor Lupin stepped to the table and then pressed a spoon Harry's hand before he stepped over to Aminah.
"Go ahead and get a good sense of it, then place it back on the table and point your wand at it and say the incantation."
"How do you know if it has been transfigured or not? What if is just a spoon?" Harry asked as he ran his fingers over the cool, smooth surface.
"Then it should just remain a spoon, unless you've put too much force into the spell and it will return to the original materials before it was shaped into a spoon. Just try it and we'll see what happens."
Harry placed his spoon on the table and flicked out his wand. He tapped the spoon with it and said the incantation. He couldn't tell if anything happened, so he reached out and found the spoon again. It seemed unchanged.
"Nothing happened."
"Yeah, same here," Aminah said.
"Keep trying. Remember the intention behind the spell."
Harry tried again and heard Aminah's spoon shift on the wooden surface of the table. Professor Lupin exclaimed. When he felt his spoon, it hadn't changed, but Aminah's had.
"Oh, it's a stick!" Aminah exclaimed.
"Can I see?" Harry asked and held out his hand and then laughed a little as it took them a few seconds to find each other. It was a small twig with even thinner branches.
Harry returned to his spoon and finally, it was revealed to be a long goose feather.
By the end of the lesson, Harry's head throbbed from concentrating so hard. Professor Lupin thought that tomorrow they'd be able to work on restoring some beetles, spiders, and maybe even mice.
"Are all right, Harry?" Professor Lupin asked as they were leaving the classroom and Harry was rubbing his temple. Aminah had rushed off to see if an owl had arrived from her mum.
"Just a headache. It's been a long day."
"Yes, it has. Professor McGonagall and I visited the Ministry of Magic this afternoon—the Auror office—to tell them about Black and his animagus form."
"Er, that's good. Do you think that'll help them catch him?"
"I hope so. I'm… I… I should have gone to them earlier. Maybe he wouldn't have escaped if they had known. I apologize, Harry."
"Why are you apologizing to me?"
"I put you in danger… by withholding that information. It was a close call today… from what Healer Jordan says… when you were in the alley on the way back to the Center. I'm just glad that nothing happened."
"Gemma said she didn't think the dog was trying to get me."
"Oh? What did she say?"
"Just that it was looking at me. That it seemed sad, not murderous."
"Well, it's hard to tell what a dog's thinking by their expressions."
"Gemma notices things."
"I don't doubt that. But don't let your guard down. Black can really fool people. Before… before this happened, I was convinced that Sirius would rather die than betray your father. I would have bet my life on it… worthless though it is…" Professor Lupin said, breathing out the last words so that they were barely audible.
Harry didn't know what to say to that and just stood listening to Professor Lupin's labored breath until he heard the professor gasp slightly and run a hand down his face.
"Well, I suppose we should head to dinner. I hear we're having Pad Thai tonight."
"Oh, noodles," Harry said.
"You don't like noodles?"
"Naw. I like them a lot. They are just hard to eat gracefully. But I'm actually having dinner with the Flamel's tonight."