ZP-style review: Phineas and Ferb
Having come out at the tail end of Summer 2007, when I was growing out of watching cartoons, although still enjoying the odd Pokemon episode, it was safe to say I missed Phineas and Ferb back in its heyday. But after having caught it just as it was about to end, and marathoned it four times since, the one thing I can say about it is that I really find it ironic that a show centered around spending summer doing everything possible would debut on the day before the school year starts back up again.
One has to wonder what Dan Povenmire and Jeff Marsh, who calls himself Swampy for some reason, maybe because he once moved to a country where it rains so much it might as well be considered a wetland, were thinking when they pitched this to Disney. Sure, it took them sixteen years to get this on TV, but did you even think about scheduling in all that time. If you wanted to spread a message about not spending all summer playing video games, watching mind-numbing cartoons (really feeling the irony there), and in the case of adults watching this cartoon trying in vain to recapture their wasted childhood, writing fanfiction, then you really should've considered a summer time slot.
You're also mis-representing your target audience as well. Phineas and Ferb portrays all the kids in their part of the suburbs as the outdoors type, ready to engage in fun and whimsy on a moment's notice, when in reality, most elementary schoolers are anti-social shut-ins who waste their hours yelling profanities at a TV while playing Call of Duty multiplayer, or binge-watching Let's Play's on YouTube in the shared delusion that they too are playing along (maybe that bit's just me).
"But wait, what about the actual show?" I hear you say. Yes, yes, I'm getting to that. The cast is certainly colourful, much like the Reading Rainbow, although if you wanted us to use colour association to tell these characters apart, could you try something more realistic than what you gave Ferb? The others are fine, but what were you on when you gave Ferb hair greener than Suicide Squad's Joker? He's British, for crying out loud. I have never seen a British man with that hair colour who wasn't eventually arrested and given an ASBO.
Speaking of legal matters, another thing I've noticed when it comes to this show is that the police are generally pretty useless, in both stories of each episode, most of which follow a specific formula; Phineas and Ferb build something in their backyard, snobby older sister tries and fails to get them in trouble with their mum, Isabella also tries and fails to get into Phineas' shorts, all the while their pet platypus/secret agent beats up a middle-aged Bond villain reject in a lab coat and thwarts a plan so convoluted and doomed to failure that one has to wonder if he put any actual effort into it.
In both of these instances, whether it be operating heavy machinery and/or running business without a licence in the case of the boys, or actual public mischief in the case of Doof, the authorities continue their obliviousness only matched by Phineas' obliviousness to Isabella's advances, which can only be compared to that one scene from that one movie with Mrs. Robinson in it. There's also two other characters I need to cover as well; Buford and Baljeet. One's a gruff, no-nonsense bully who we're supposed to identify as the muscle of the group, although he never actually gives anyone any savage beatings (gotta keep up that G-rating) and the other's a number-crunching math wiz who's deathly afraid of contractions, and who prefers to spend his summer in a classroom, because he's always taking classes of some sort when it's relevant to the plot of any given episode. Yeah, three guesses who the bully's chosen victim is. But it's fine, their relationship is often downplayed as something I can only describe as 'so-totally-not-a-gay-relationship-they-swear'. Sure, we believe you, wink, wink.
While we're on the subject of relationships, I suppose I won't get any rest until I talk about Isabella and her pining for the triangle boy across the way. To the show's credit, Isabella's crush on Phineas isn't her sole character trait. She has a team of oompa-loompas at her beckoned call, and always drags them along to assist with the Big Idea for the day, or earning various patches that range from typical girl scout activities to objectives that are so bizarre, that it makes you wonder who exactly sets these ridiculous tasks, and whether or not they should be around little girls, since it's so obvious they must be on some illegal substance.
Another character I should give a passing mention to is Candace. Oh boy, where to start with this one. She's got one objective, bust the boys, and maybe obsess over this other boy her age in a creepy fashion that should ring alarm bells but no, Jeremy sees this as cute. Seriously?! She has made a board game centered on you, takes photos of you at work without your consent, and has a shrine to you in her room, and you don't find this the least bit concerning? Should I call somebody? The police? Oh right, they're useless. A mental health professional, perhaps? You should be turning around and running as fast as you can in the other direction, but we can't have realism in our escapist fantasies, can we?
Not that her other obsession with busting her brothers is much better. She watches them constantly through binoculars (another reason this girl needs locking up) and expends more effort and willpower than is healthily possible trying to get her mother on the scene, no matter what she's doing. Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher could be administering CPR to a heart attack victim or chasing after a mugger who's just robbed somebody because the police force is so useless, and Candace would still butt in and drag her away, knowing her efforts will always end in failure and humiliation, because that's what her entire character is written around. It's something she's even aware of as the show goes on, but she carries on regardless because she's expended the last of her brain cells bashing her head against a brick wall long enough that she cannot think of anything else to do with her life.
Finally, we have the B-plot of each episode, the platypus vs. pharmacist battles. While the boys and their friends are doing the impossible, their mute pet Perry wanders off to do his actual job of being a secret agent for an organization called O.W.C.A. For those that care, it stands for Organization Without a Cool Acronym, and its staff consists of one Major, one unpaid intern and the rest are animals. I would question the logic behind this supposedly government-backed group's recruitment process, but this came out when Bush was in power, so this isn't too out of the ordinary. Their enemy number one is Heinz Doofenshmirtz, an evil scientist who funds his schemes with alimony checks sent by his rich ex-wife, and what are these schemes, exactly? What horrible, devious plans does this great threat conjure up to take over the Tri-State Area? Let's see, make pigeons go number two on the mayor, steal a bunch of restaurant mascots, brainwash people into wanting peach cobbler to win a beachside cooking contest. That's it? Is this seriously the best you could come up with? And O.W.C.A. considers you their biggest threat?! Maybe you should reconsider the whole 'evil' thing or try workshopping your plans with some friends first.
But that can all be forgiven, because Doof as a character is so well balanced and creative, which makes me wonder why he isn't the main character? We get so much insight into his past living in some nowhere place, with parents that would easily win the award for 'World's Worst Douches' and a brother that they made no effort to conceal the fact that he was their favourite while shoving him outside, literally, in a gnome costume, yet we, as an audience, see this gem shoved to the side while two elementary schoolers hog the spotlight. Talk about injustice.
In short, Phineas and Ferb is a reminder of the Saturday morning cartoons of old, it was something you put on to distract your kids for 10 minutes and you moved on with your life, without having to worry about whether or not you're watching the episodes in order. Yes, Candace is the world's biggest stick in the mud, Isabella can be considered a tsundere, and Doof gets less screen time than he deserves, but it's ultimately a good watch if you want to shut your brain off for a bit. If only people would stop clamouring for more of it and give the spin-off starring Weird Al the attention it deserves.
Author's note: Witness a poor imitation of Yahtzee's review of Phineas and Ferb. I wondered if his style of reviewing video games could be translated into reviewing cartoons. This is also a birthday present/reconciliation gift for Galaxina the Seedrian, whom I fell out with at the start of the year, and that I miss every day. Regardless of whether you can forgive me or not, I want you to have this, as a reminder of the times we used to share together, when I made you laugh. I hope this finds its way to you somehow. The usual disclaimers, I own nothing. Dan, Swampy, and Disney own Phineas and Ferb. Enjoy.