I don't own Hellsing or Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money from this.
The thing about being home for the summer was that Connie received and wrote a great number of letters so that she could keep track of all of her friends. It was a normal enough thing to do... at first.
Connie, I had no idea how difficult it would be to readjust to 'normal' things after school. I'd gotten so used to being able to use spells for everything that it almost felt like I'd had an arm chopped off when I got home! But I suppose that's the sort of thing a person must get used to. How were your grades by the way? I got all O's of course, except for Potions. Snape gave me an E. An E, Connie! Oh goodness, I was so distraught when I saw it. The boys would probably say I'm just being silly about it, but it's so frustrating.
Anyway, do you have any plans for the summer? My parents and I may be going to Paris. I've always wanted to visit the museums there...
Oh, tea's ready so I've got to go. Write back soon! -Hermione.
Honestly, Hermione, I don't think an E is that big of a deal. Certainly not worth crying over, anyway. Snape has me writing essays every week, and he took ten points away because I skipped a decimal place while working those figures on the potions in his logic puzzle. I didn't know teachers could take points away while school was out! Now my dad is making me take extra math lessons to make sure it doesn't happen again... ugh. It's awful.
You're going to love Paris. There's so much culture and history there. Mihnea's brother-in-law is French, so we've been several times. I don't believe we have anything exciting planned for this summer though. My parents are always working, so it can be hard to arrange things like that. Perhaps a dinner party or two I may have to attend, but that's about it.
I have a four foot scroll due tomorrow afternoon, so I really need to go work on it. Hoping you are well. -Connie
Bloody hell, Connie, ten points? Honestly, and you say you like the greasy git? I think you're about as mental as Hermione sometimes. -Ron
P.S. Please don't tell her I said that.
Hey Connie! Heard about Snape making you write essays for him all summer. If you want to save some time, I think I've got a few of my old ones put back if you want to copy them. -George
Don't listen to Georgie. He only copies after me. But if you want to borrow my essays, you can have at them. Shame about the math too. But don't muggles have those calumater things? -Fred
Okay, boys? From now on, just send things back with Archimedes when he comes, alright? Your bloody owl nearly broke one of the windows in the living room by crashing into it. Are you sure he's okay? He flies around like he's been force-fed brandy or something.
Now to business: Ron, neither I nor Hermione are mental, and yes, I like Snape. He's an excellent teacher, even if he does find stupid reasons to take points away.
Fred and George, no I would not like to copy your old essays. I can do the work for myself, thank you. Though I do appreciate the offer.
And it's called a 'calculator'. I'm not allowed to use them. -Connie
Errol force-fed brandy? What a smashing idea! - F and G
Copy their essays! The twins offered to let you copy their essays? Surely they're smart enough to realize Snape probably keeps records to make sure students don't do that.
By the way, have you gotten anything from Harry? I've written no less than four times, and I've not heard back from him. I'm starting to get worried... -Hermione
I'm sure they were just trying to help. And I was wondering about Harry myself. You don't think he's off traveling with his family or something, do you? -Connie
Traveling with his aunt and uncle? Have you gone daft? They made him sleep in a cupboard under a staircase for years! Those people are the worst sort of muggles there's ever been. Four weeks with no word... They've probably chopped him up and cooked him in a stew by now! For all we know, they could be cannabis. -Ron
It's 'cannibals', Ron. Cannabis is something muggles smoke in pipes to get them high. -Connie
Is that what that stuff is for? Wicked! -F and G
Oh, for the love of God! Please don't go out and try that awful stuff! It does nothing but make people stupid! -Connie
Where on earth did the twins hear about marijuana? And have you heard about this scheme they've cooked up now? Apparently, Mr Weasley has a car enchanted to fly and they're going to take it to Surrey to check on Harry. If they go through with it, I just hope they don't get caught. Can you imagine what would happen if people saw a car flying around with two teenaged boys in it? -Hermione
I was trying to explain the difference between 'cannibal' and 'cannabis'. Ron seems to be laboring under the impression that Harry's Aunt and Uncle have eaten him. Fred and George must have intercepted the letter. -Connie
Do what! He doesn't really believe that, does he? That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard! Good gracious, and now they're going to run off and cause God knows how much trouble because of some crazy, hair-brained idea... -Hermione
Granger has her knickers in a twist over nothing. We went all the way to Surrey and back and never got caught. Mom didn't even know we'd left the house, and that's saying something. She has a funny way of finding out about everything.
Harry's got us worried though. Looks right awful, like he hasn't eaten in a week or two. Me and Fred saw the muggles putting bars on his window. We could have hexed them on the spot and gotten him out right there if it weren't for the damn trace. Do you happen to have any lock picks, by the way? Granger's too straight laced to have any and Fred says the poltergeist has hidden his. That's his way of saying he's lost them again. - George
I'll have you know I never lose anything. The poltergeist did take my lock picks. It moves everything around all the time. - Fred
Nope. He's lost them. - George
Guys! If owls keep showing up at my house every five minutes, I'm going to get in trouble! Now, I don't have any lock picks myself, but I know someone who does. Give me a minute, and I'll ask if you can borrow them. -Connie
Weasleys, I want it known that the only reason I'm letting you use these is because Constance asked me to. My uncle gave these to me when I was seven and if even one of them gets lost, I'll take it out of both of your hides. - Mihnea
"Honestly, Mihnea, do you have to be so mean about it?" Constance asked as he folded up the letter he just wrote.
He shot her a look. "I like my lock picks."
That was all well and good, but a set of lock picks could be replaced. One of her friends was locked up like an animal and they had to do something to get him out. Mihnea put his lock picks into a small velvet bag and tied it to one of Archimedes' legs. He then passed off his letter to her.
"Alright, baby." she cooed to the bird. "I know I've been making you work a lot lately, but the second you get back home, I'll have a fresh mouse for you, okay?"
Archimedes' large yellow eyes blinked at her like he knew exactly what she was saying. He hopped from his perch onto her arm and took the letter into his beak. Connie pushed open her bedroom window.
"You should know where you're going by now." she told him. "Take these to Fred and George Weasley at the Burrow."
Her owl gave her a nod of understanding, then spread his wings and flew off into the afternoon sky. As they watched his small form disappear, Mihnea glanced down at her.
"Where do you intend to get a fresh mouse?" he asked.
Connie winced. "Um... I was kind of thinking Pixie could hunt one down?"
Her cousin rolled his eyes. "I think she's scared off all the mice and rats living around here." he told her. "She's more likely to catch a rabbit than a mouse."
The girl thought about that. Rabbits were cute and cuddly creatures, but Archimedes needed to eat. Being a large owl, a rabbit would be a feast for him. With as much flying about as she'd had him doing lately, he deserved that. She cleared her throat.
"Could you get her to catch one for me?" she asked. "Please?"
She knew full well she had already pushed her luck by asking him to let the twins borrow his precious lock picks. But having his cat hunt down a rabbit was a small thing... Mihnea looked up at the ceiling.
"Fine." he said with a deep sigh. "She likes killing things for fun anyway." He turned and crouched to pick Pixie up off the floor. "Do you want to go hunting, girl?"
The cat's golden eyes lit up like he'd said the most wonderful thing in the world. She let out a loud purr in response and began rubbing her head against his shoulder. Mihnea scratched between her ears, then pointed at Constance.
"Connie wants a rabbit for Archimedes." he told her. "Go find a big, fat, juicy one and maybe she'll let you have a couple of legs."
Pixie meowed, then scuttled down out of his arms to run from the room.
"And don't get blood everywhere!" he called after her. "Aunt Integra will skin me alive if you mess up her carpet!"
"No, Sir Riley, there's no need to come up with an elaborate cover story." Integra said into the phone balanced on her shoulder. "Just tell the newspapers to report it was a gas explosion."
Connie's plan for taking care of the vampire the other night hadn't gone unnoticed. The warehouse had been an abandoned building that wasn't actively used for anything anymore aside from being a place where teenagers could hang out and throw parties, but an explosion drew attention no matter where it was. Now one of the Round Table knights was calling in the middle of supper to complain about Hellsing making his job more difficult. The knight listened carefully to what was said by the man on the other end of the line.
"I realize that, Sir Riley, but gas leaks happen every day." she told him. "It's not beyond imagining that a line under the building broke and some randy teenager left behind a lit cigarette that caused it to ignite. Now, I have more important things to do with my time than come up with cover stories for you, sir. I believe that's the job to which you were assigned." she listened for another moment. "I'm pleased to see we understand each other. Good day, Sir Riley."
When the knight finally hung up the phone, Edmund looked over at her. "It's odd that they're getting upset about one warehouse explosion." he commented.
Integra just waved a hand. "With as quiet as things have been lately, I believe they're just looking for things to be angry about." she pulled her cigar tin out of her pocket. "Speaking of things being quiet lately..." she glanced at her daughter. "Where's your owl?"
Connie played with the pasta on her plate by absentmindedly twirling it around on her fork. "I don't know..."
"You don't know?" Her father asked, arching a brow.
No, she didn't know and she was starting to get concerned about it. She'd sent Archimedes to the Burrow yesterday afternoon and he still hadn't come back. It was unusual for him to stay gone for so long.
"He hasn't come back from the Burrow yet." she reported. "I sent him out there yesterday to deliver something..." she paused. "Maybe he's just waiting around to bring something back from the boys. I told them not to send things by Errol anymore since he always crashes into windows."
"I'm telling you, they lost my lock picks." Mihnea muttered. "They're probably making him stay there until they find them."
Aunt Syn blinked. "Lock picks?" she looked back and forth between the two of them. "Why do they have your lock picks?"
"Ask her." the boy said, pointing at Constance.
Her parents and her aunt all looked at her expectantly, and Connie sat back a bit in her chair.
"Um... Fred and George needed to borrow them... for a rescue mission."
Her mother took her cigar from her mouth. "A rescue mission?"
It was going to sound incredibly strange no matter how she put it, so Constance figured she might as well just come out and say everything.
"No one's heard anything from Harry all summer and we were worried about him." she told them. "So the twins took their dad's flying car out to Surrey to check on him and they said his aunt and uncle weren't feeding him and put bars on his window to keep him from getting out of the house. The poltergeist at the Burrow likes to steal things and hide them, so I sent Mihnea's lock picks so they could break Harry out." When everyone just kept staring at her, she went on. "We couldn't just sit back and let him stay there! Those are the worst sort of people you can think of!"
They were probably staring at her more for the mention of a flying car and a poltergeist than assisting in the rescue of one of her friends from his house. Her dad cleared his throat.
"I have to say, Connie, you've put together the oddest collection of boyfriends I've ever heard of."
Her eyes went wide. "They're not my boyfriends!" she exclaimed.
Edmund shot her a playful grin. "They're your friends and they're boys aren't they?"
Good grief, her father had the annoying ability to come up with the most embarrassing sounding things imaginable. She was about to say something in response, when she heard tapping on the window. Her owl was sitting on the ledge outside with his beak full of letters. She jumped up and ran over to let him in.
"Archimedes!" she said, happy to see him. She held out her arm to give him a perch. "Where on earth have you been? I've been worried sick!"
The bird gave her an apologetic look and dropped the letters into her free hand. She noticed he had a black velvet bag tied to his foot. Fred and George had returned Mihnea's lock picks. She went back to the dinner table, untied the bag, then tossed it to her cousin.
"I told you they'd give them back." she said.
Mihnea just sniffed and opened the bag to check that everything was there. Archimedes jumped up onto her shoulder, careful not to dig his talons in too deep, and she began ripping open the first letter.
"They're all here." the boy announced, then looked over at the stack of envelopes. "Well? Did Potter get eaten or not?"
"He's fine." she replied, reading. "Mr. and Mrs. Weasley said he could stay with them for the rest of the summer."
There was the letter from the Weasley boys detailing all the events of their 'mission' and another from Harry just to prove that he was alive and well. It said that the whole reason he'd been locked up was due to a house elf mysteriously showing up to demand that he not return to Hogwarts this year. When Harry refused, the creature, who said it's name was Dobby, had used its magic to dump a cake onto the head of some important person who was visiting his uncle. It looked like they all had sent something to Hermione as well so she would know. That was one crisis taken care of, she thought. As she was sticking the pieces of parchment back into their envelopes for safekeeping, Archimedes leaned down and bit at her fingers.
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "No biting!"
Her owl pecked at her again, then gave her an expectant look. Oh, right, she remembered. She promised him a meal when he got back.
"I'm really sorry, Archimedes, but I couldn't get you a mouse." she told him. The bird narrowed his eyes and actually looked upset for a moment until she went on. "But I think Pixie got a rabbit for you."
Archimedes blinked, then cooed, ruffling his feather like he approved of the change. Across the table, her mother shot her a look over of the top of her glasses.
"A rabbit?" she questioned, then glanced at Mihnea. "Pixie has been killing the rabbits?"
The boy shrank back a bit. "The gardeners always complain about them chewing up all the plants, so I didn't think anyone would care." he explained. "And I swear she doesn't drip blood anywhere."
The knight's eye narrowed further. "She brings them into the house?"
"Um..." he swallowed. "Yes?"
His mother whirled on him. "Where on earth do you keep them? They're too big for her to eat all at once."
"You'd be surprised." he told her. "And I usually put the leftovers in bags and stick them in the blood fridge in my room."
Aunt Syn studied him, then sat back and held her head in her hands. "Dear God in heaven, my son is keeping pieces of dead animals in his refrigerator..."
Connie's dad looked like he was about to start laughing. "Syn, you do realize that's the first sign of becoming a serial killer, right?"
Her head shot up. "Shut your fucking mouth, Edmund!"
It was a bit weird she were so concerned about the perception of keeping dead animals in a refrigerator when Mihnea had gone out not long ago and killed a whole group of ghouls and vampires... But that was aunt Syn for you. Mihnea looked back and forth between them.
"Hey! Mom keeps dried up pieces of people in her office, so what's the difference?" he questioned.
"That is different!" The redhead exclaimed. "That's..." she faltered. "That's... well... goddamn it, Mihnea, you're getting as bad as your father!"
The boy blinked. "I'm just saying..."
Aunt Syn pointed at the door. "Just go get the rabbit for the damn bird before it decides to start pecking someone's eyes out."
Neither of the children had to be told twice. With the way she was acting, they probably needed to get out of there before she started shooting at something.
"God." Constance said once they got out into the hallway. "Aunt Syn is in a temper today... did she and Alucard get in a fight or something?"
"I have no idea." Mihnea replied, glancing back at the doorway. He leaned over to whisper in her ear. "I think she just has PMS."
"I heard that young man!" Aunt Syn called out from the dining room.
Her cousin's eyes went wide. "Oh shit. Let's get out of here before she gets worse."
"And watch your fucking language!"
A.N: I realize that the books say that the creature living in the Burrow's attic is a ghoul. However, seeing as how the Harry Potter and Hellsing universes are being combined, I figured that a ghoul wouldn't be a very pleasant thing to have inhabiting any part of the Weasley house. Therefore, the ghoul is now a poltergeist.
And I imagine giving poor Errol some brandy might actually help him fly better. There's nothing in the world that could make him fly any worse, that's for sure.
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