The four walked for a while, but eventually found a dive in the middle of town. The bar was run down and a bit messy as they looked inside.

"The El Sleazo Cafe," Kylie read the sign above the awning.

"Sounds like foreign food," Lucy pointed out, herself being a native Spanish speaker. "I like Salvadoran food, so I might go for this."

"...Well, a frog's gotta eat," Kermit sighed.

"And a human, too," Kylie took the lead in front of him.

But no sooner had they opened the door than a man flew out of the front door. He landed face first near the dumpster and took a while to stand up and look at the group. "Don't go into there," the man warned. "That's the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest hole on the face of the Earth."

"So why not complain to the owner?" Kermit wondered.

"I am the owner," the man grunted.

"Well, alright," Lucy trembled a bit. "I'm...not much for fighting. Should we...continue?"

Kermit walked in already, but the other girls were still talking among themselves.

"I think we should," Jeanette showed the least hesitation. "Maybe we could meet someone who could drive us to Hollywood." She walked right in behind the frog. Lucy just shrugged as she and Kylie followed. But both were sure to keep their wits about them.

-

Walking in, the El Sleazo was a madhouse. All around there were patrons arguing, arm wrestling, and some dancing on stage. Kermit looked around to see what the waiters were serving, and cringed to find out the main course for one table was frog legs.

"I'll follow Kermit to the bar," Lucy told her friends. "You two stay here and wait for me. We can talk things over. Remember, don't talk to strangers and don't raise any unwanted company." Jeanette gave the "Okay" sign as Lucy walked on.

Kermit sat near the bar with Lucy, who moved in nearby. "So, do you want a drink?" Kermit asked.

"I don't drink alcohol," Lucy admitted. "But I am looking to see what's on the menu."

A bald man moved in nearby, and began to make the moves on Lucy. "Hey, beautiful. What you doing with that frog?"

"He's just my friend," Lucy insisted. "I'm helping him."

"Oh, sure, you're 'helping'," the man sneered. "Well, don't get too close, or you'll get warts."

"I beg your pardon," Lucy was a bit angry now.

"I got this, Lucy," Kermit turned to her. Talking to the man, he stated, "That's a myth. Warts are caused by a virus, not by frogs."

"A myth? Is she yours?" The man seemed to have misheard.

"No, myth. MYTH!"

A lady walked to Kermit's side. "Yes?"

Kermit and Lucy both looked at each other, shook their heads, and shrugged. It seemed like the makings of a "running gag" were in place. So they just decided to roll with it.

Just then, the piano player at the front of the bar was awakened by his alarm. He sat up like a dart, sprang to position, and put a sign on his instrument saying "Don't Shoot the Piano Player." "Showtime," he shouted out to all the patrons. "Showtime at the El Sleazo."

"Oh, a show," Lucy smiled as she turned her chair to the stage. "This should be good."

"Yeah," Kermit turned with her. "Another person in showbiz. Should be just what we need now."

The piano man introduced the new act onstage. "And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleazo Dancing Girls, the funny, furry, fabulous...Fozzie Bear!" He played a piano lick to introduce the new act. Only Lucy and a few other claps, of which she assumed Jeanette and Kylie participated also, heralded Fozzie's arrival.

Marching onstage was an orange bear in a brown derby, clad with comically large sunglasses and a fake mustache, holding a clown horn in one hand and a rubber chicken in another. He danced aboard with energy and vigor, making funny noises as he passed. "Wakka Wakka Wakka. You're a great crowd. Thank you, thank you, and thank you!" He pointed at Lucy with the last "Thank you!" Amidst the chorus of boos, Lucy gave a faint cheer Fozzie's way, feeling a sense of foreign embarrassment for the poor bear.

"Here I am, Fozzie Bear. To tell you jokes both old and rare! Wakka Wakka Wakka!" He took off his glasses and honked his horn. The boos got even louder, but Lucy heard Jeanette laugh a little. "Let's start things off with a bang!" A man pulled a gun on Fozzie, who ducked as the gun fired. "Thank you, sir!" Fozzie tried to play it as a joke.

Lucy turned over to Kermit. "This guy is terrified. We should help him out."

"Not now," Kermit beckoned her down. "We need to see where he goes first."

Kylie moved over to the bar and shared Lucy's sentiment. "Oh, brother. This guy's lost."

"Maybe he should try Hare Krishna," Lucy tried to make the joke she'd heard Kylie's uncle make earlier. Both of them laughed, leaving Kermit confused in the middle.

Back onstage, Fozzie tried for a joke. "There was this sailor who was so fat..."

A sailor (who was quite fat) stood up in back. "How fat was he?" He smashed a bottle on the table.

Fozzie panicked and could not bring himself to the punchline. "...So fat that everybody liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all."

Most of the crowd booed as Lucy and Kylie just hid their faces in shame. One bar patron called up to the stage. "Hey, Funny Bear, I have a joke for you. What smells rotten and puts you to sleep?"

"Noxious Gas?" Fozzie stammered.

"No, your act!" Everyone in the bar cheered at this comeback. Fozzie kept honking his horn, but it stopped squeaking in time. "This is not my night."

Then, salvation came. Jeanette of all people moved to the center of the room, looking right at Fozzie. As projectiles began to be thrown at him, Jeanette called out to him. "Hey Fozzie. Do you know any dancing tunes?"

"Well, do you?" Fozzie croaked.

Jeanette turned to the piano man. "Play something snappy." Then, she waved to her friends. "Lucy, Kylie, Kermit. Let's go! We can dance onstage." And all three of them joined Jeanette.

"Good thinking, Jeanette," Lucy whispered as they climbed upward. "They did say there were supposed to be dancing girls. So let's deliver."

"Not that," Jeanette responded. "We can use this as a distraction to get out of here and send Kermit to Hollywood."

Jeanette took the stage as a Scott Joplin rag came from the piano. "Now, dance," Jeanette ordered. One by one, they all began tapping their feet and dancing to the beat. Lucy got quite into it, making a few lively moves. Kylie tapped her feet around, but wasn't really good at it. Jeanette clapped her hands and swayed side to side. As for the two Muppets, they both stomped around and followed Kylie, lifting their legs as best they could. It was a goofy, silly sight. But the bar patrons seemed to like this more than the failed attempts at comedy.

"We sure make up for the dancing girls," Lucy joked. "The crowd was getting ugly."

"You think this is ugly?" Fozzie responded. "You should see the real Dancing Girls!" All of them laughed as they kept dancing.

They kept the routine, as Lucy called out the steps. "Two three four," she whispered as Kermit and Fozzie kept time. The tune ended, and they all struck a flashy pose, smiling and waving.

The crowd was not amused. They stormed the stand as they tried to face Kermit and Fozzie. "No," Lucy called out as they were grabbed by the old men. "Don't hurt them. They didn't do anything wrong."

First, they threw Kermit. One man swung him around like a wet towel, and then tossed him onto a ceiling fan. Kermit spun around wildly and eventually fell off the fan into the open piano. A dizzy Kermit moved up, and called out to Lucy. "I hope you appreciate I'm doing my own stunts."

Fozzie was thrown right at the bartender. When he came up, he was wearing the bartender's mustache and beard. "Free drinks on the house!" As soon as he said that, all the patrons rushed up to the rooftop. Many of them took his "on the house" line too literally. And were expecting there to be a whole chest of drinks up on the roof. As the confusion went upwards, Fozzie took off his disguise and laughed. "Works every time."

-

As Kylie fished Kermit out of the piano, Lucy and Jeanette went to meet their new friend. "That was great how you danced back there," Lucy shook his hand. "You are pretty funny. It's just a tough crowd."

"I know," Fozzie huffed. "These guys are ruthless."

"I'm Lucy, by the way."

"And I'm Jeanette," the redhead added.

"I'm Kermit," their amphibian friend came over to their side. "And this is Kylie. We're going to Hollywood."

"Hollywood?!" Fozzie's face lit up.

"You can come too," Kylie smiled. "The more, the merrier, I always say."

"Of course," Fozzie cheered. "Big-time show biz has always been my dream."

"They're holding auditions for frogs next week," Kermit explained.

"If they're holding auditions for frogs, they must need bears too!"

Kermit hung his head. "But...we kind of need a driver. Any ideas where we can get one?"

"My car's outside," Fozzie rushed outside.

Outdoors, the five of them looked at Fozzie's clunker of a car. It was a 1940's Studebaker, rusted out and floorless. Its front bumper was missing and the front plate was askew. "Well, if it drives, we can manage." Lucy jumped into the back seat. Jeanette and Kylie moved in with her. Kermit jumped in front and sat next to Fozzie in the driver's seat.

The car started and drove away from the El Sleazo. "So, where did you get this car?" Kermit asked as they drove off.

"My uncle left it to me," Fozzie informed.

"Oh, is he dead?"

"No, just hibernating."