-Past-
"I'm sorry, sir. She's in a meeting. I can let her know you stopped by," the snarky girl behind the desk answers, barely glancing up. She's only delt with the man a few times, but it was enough to know she wouldn't like him.
"She's my wife. Tell her I need to speak with her. Right now, goddammit," William demands, slamming his fist on the counter dramatically.
"Sir, I'm sorry, she–"
"Oh, hello Will," Anne greets pleasantly, returning from her lunch. "You here to see Delphine?"
"Yes," he sighs, not bothering to look at her. "Why else would I be here?"
"I don't know," she leans on the desk next to him. "To purchase something?"
"Just call her, please," William ignores the woman and watches the secretary dial. He never got along with Anne. She would show up at some of his work functions as a guest, hanging off the arm of one of his least favorite producers. He always figured that's how she got a job with Delphine, and it always pissed him off that Delphine would associate with her at all.
"Pretty sure she's in a board meeting," Anne comments, still standing right next to him. She's well aware he doesn't like her, and it only makes it more entertaining to irritate him.
"William, what are you doing?" Delphine's whisper-yell catches everyone's attention.
"Where have you been? It starts in less than an hour. You said you were coming," he bites back, moving to stand in front of Delphine, attempting to tower over her.
"I said I would try," she corrects. "I'm busy, though. You'll manage without me," she rolls her eyes.
"I'm not going there alone, Delphine," he warns.
"Well then how about you find a pretty young artist to take with you?" Delphine snaps back.
"Don't talk to me like that–"
"Everything alright in here?" A deep voice comes from the entrance. They turn their heads to see one of the building's security officers peeking in.
"I'm having a discussion with my wife. Give us a minute," William orders. The officer senses the man's importance and gives them a nod before leaving. "You two get out of here for a sec," he glares at the other two women in the room, one paralyzed in distress, the other looking like she needs a bowl of popcorn.
"They are not your employees, William. You can't boss them around," for the first time since he arrived, Delphine raises her voice. "You are the one who needs to leave," she sneers, uncrossing her arms and turning back.
"I'm not finished," William grabs her wrist before she can get anywhere, tugging her back. Everyone in the room can physically sense and almost see the white-hot glow in her eyes. She stands still for one moment, eyeing him dangerously, and then pushes back on the hand still gripping her wrist. It's not enough force to actually move him, but he does let go and take a step back. He knows he's gone too far for the public eye.
"Well, uh," Anne mumbles from behind them. "Happy anniversary, you guys," she says quietly, avoiding eye-contact and walking around them toward her office. "You're at what now – five years? Something like that?" she comments before scurrying down the hall.
"Our anniversary, I forgot. Is that why you're mad at me? That's why you're doing all of this?" William asks, calmed down a bit. Delphine exhales heavily and crosses her arms again. "Hey, I'm sorry," he tries to reach for her tenderly, but she dodges it.
"Leave, Will," she says, turning around and quickly leaving the lobby. She has no idea how Anne remembered that. In truth, she didn't remember it was their anniversary either.
Present
"Hey, it's okay. Really," Cosima assures her quietly from the passenger seat. They've only been driving for a few minutes, but Delphine has been silent since they left her office. Her eyes trained on the road but not actually seeing what's in front of her.
"It's not," she shakes her head.
"Delphine, calm down. It's not the first time I've been thrown out," Delphine's white knuckles on the steering wheel catch her attention.
"They had no reason".
"I mean, I was there after hours, I didn't have a visitor's pass or name tag thing, and I was a stranger they'd never seen before," she shrugs.
"It's just…the security seems to be very picky about what they'll intervene in". Cosima can tell she doesn't want to be asked about it.
"Let's go back to my place and just chill for a little bit," she suggests.
Delphine sighs and nods. They continue driving, both in silence – Cosima, just to let Delphine cool off. Delphine can't help chastising herself for her reaction to the situation. She was so much more hostile than necessary. But that wasn't even the biggest issue. She knows Cosima is right. The real problem is that, at most, she was irritated about the man trying to kick Cosima out. The real problem is that she was infuriated that someone else was trying to take her. Touch her. Her Cosima.
But Cosima isn't hers. She has no right to be jealous or possessive. She has no right to be angry if she sees her flirting with someone else, kissing someone else, if she sleeps with someone else. The same as Cosima can't tell her to stop seeing her husband. And the worst of this problem is that she shouldn't wish it to be otherwise at all. She shouldn't have a problem with those boundaries, but she does. She shouldn't be jealous or possessive, but she is. She shouldn't want to have Cosima and shouldn't feel warm at the thought of belonging to her, too.
It's a dangerous notion and only another sign that things are going too far. It's out of hand and beyond her control, but she doesn't know how to stop it. This must be what it's like to be addicted to drugs, she thinks.
"You want a drink?" Cosima offers once they've entered her apartment.
"I still have to drive you to your show and drive myself home," she answers tiredly.
"Something non-alcoholic, then?" Cosima shrugs. Delphine can't seem to respond. "Water it is".
"Merci," she takes the glass from Cosima and sits at the counter.
"De nada," she smiles and sits beside Delphine.
The blonde gives her a side-glance and a miniscule grin. "I hope you weren't trying to respond in French".
"No, no. I don't know French," Cosima smirks and moves closer. "That was Japanese. I'm fluent".
She doesn't know why, but the comment makes her laugh. It's no guffaw, but it's more than a giggle. Maybe it was just a small break from the tension. She turns in her seat to face Cosima, a smile now on her face. "That's impressive. Say something to me in Japanese".
Cosima scoffs, "Okay. Uh, grazie auf wiedersehen, uh, dos tres, buongiorno…uh…cul".
Delphine bites her lip to keep another snicker from escaping. "And what does that translate to".
"I don't think you'd understand the translation. It's pretty complex and your English is…not so great".
"Oh?"
"Yeah," Cosima moves closer until she's trapped Delphine between the counter and herself, hands propped against the edge on either side of the blonde. "Like, when you said you still have to drive yourself home tonight – I think you meant that you really want to stay here tonight".
"That is a pretty substantial discrepancy. I should probably re-learn the whole language," she plays along.
"Not to worry. I'll teach you," Cosima cocks her head with a grin. "We'll start with some simple vocab. Do you know what 'kiss' means?"
"Well, I thought I did. But if I'm learning the whole language over again, then…" Delphine shrugs and smirks at Cosima who wastes no time in demonstrating the new vocabulary. Delphine is amazed at how just the taste of Cosima makes her feel. It's dizzying.
"So, that's what kissing is," Cosima explains, pulling back only a few centimeters and licking her lips. "Then, uh, there's also this verb…'like'…and, uh, I'll try to use it in a sentence for you".
"Go ahead," Delphine notices the girl starting to look a bit hesitant and nervous.
"I…I really like you, Delphine. I really like you…a lot. And I really don't like that I can't actually be with you," Cosima drops her gaze to the floor.
The feelings swirling around in Delphine's body now are almost unidentifiable. She has no doubt that she feels the same way about her but admitting that would bring trouble for them both. She'd be verbalizing something that shouldn't be true at all. She would be giving Cosima the impression that this could actually happen. That a relationship is plausible. These feelings are powerful, but they can't possibly justify all the chaos they'd cause if acted on.
"You gonna get that?" She hears Cosima ask, nodding her head toward Delphine's jacket pocket where she's just now hearing her phone ringing from. However, Delphine can't seem to respond at all, frozen in place. Cosima sighs and digs around for the woman's phone. "Mrs. Cormier's phone," she answers. "Benjamin?" Delphine's ears perk at the name and she steals her phone back.
"Benjamin, hi," her voice greets weakly. "No, I haven't looked at my texts today. What's wrong?"
Cosima backs away, giving her some privacy. She can't believe she actually said that. It's been a while since she's genuinely had feelings for someone, and she has no idea how it ended up being this mysterious woman who broke the pattern. She's gorgeous, she's ridiculously blunt, she makes Cosima feel so uneasy but in such a secure way. She hasn't even been hooking up with women anymore. She's changed, she's not the player she once was. All of her energy and attention is completely devoted to this woman she can't have. But she still has the feeling that Delphine wants her, too. Although, she could never be able to tell since the woman is so impenetrable. And it doesn't even bother Cosima that much. She'd be willing to spend the rest of her life trying to figure her out. If Delphine ends up divorcing her husband, it wouldn't be so hard to convince her to stay. She could tell Delphine not to go and there wouldn't be some other person waiting for her on the other side, someone important enough for Delphine to say she can't stay.
"I have to go," Delphine interrupts Cosima's rambling thoughts.
"What, why? What's wrong?"
"C'mon, I'll give you a ride," Delphine dismisses her for now, waiting by the door. Cosima sighs but follows.
"I can't decide if I'd rather your mood change be because of what I said or because of what Benji said," Cosima comments after they've started driving.
"A little of both but mostly Ben," she answers, seeming to have calmed down a bit. "He told me that he can't help me anymore".
"I thought you were the one helping him?"
"I don't know," Delphine exhales and runs her fingers through her hair. "He said he'd do his job the best he can, and if I want, I can go to the police. Which I don't plan on doing".
"Why not?"
"I'd just feel…I don't know. They have bigger issues to deal with anyways".
"What are you going to do then?"
Delphine just shakes her head. A sparkle in her eye appears but doesn't quite reach the status of a tear. "Nothing, I guess".
"Are you still going to divorce him?" Cosima asks with desperate hope.
Delphine pulls up in front of Martell and parks outside the front entrance. "I don't know," her answer comes in barely a whisper. She looks drained of all life. "Have a, euh, good show".
"I don't want to leave you," Cosima admits, hoping the double meaning isn't so obvious this time.
"I'll be fine. I think I should just go home," Delphine tries to smile, just to give Cosima a little ease. She's not sure it's effective.
"Are you alright to drive and everything?"
"Yes, Cosima. I'm stressed, not drunk," she assures.
"Okay, okay. But I'm going to call you after the show and make sure you're not, like, dead or something," Cosima warns, hesitantly unlocking the door.
"And if I'm asleep?"
Cosima looks at her thoughtfully for a moment, then stretches over to kiss her gently, hoping it's not too invasive. Delphine accepts, leaning her head back on head rest once Cosima pulls away. She closes the door after stepping out and turns around to the open window. "Then wake up and tell me you're not dead," she smiles and turns away to enter the club.
Delphine takes a few deep breaths and closes her eyes. She doesn't want to go home quite yet, and she knows exactly what she wants to do with her free time. She pulls back into traffic and heads for the nearest store that sells cigarettes.
Cosima's bandmates barely acknowledge her when she joins them, even Madi. It's not completely unusual, but it's not the norm. "What's with the weird vibe?" She breaks the silence.
"I don't know. What's with the constantly blowing us off?" Jack answers for them.
"What are you talking about? I'm here…the show hasn't started…what?" Cosima starts setting up her little station.
"I sent you, like, ten texts, Cos," Madi says, avoiding eye-contact.
"Oh, I didn't see them. Is everything okay?"
"Great, actually," Jack takes over as the representative again. "We got a call back right away from the label. They were impressed with our demo and want to work out a contract".
"That is great," Cosima tries to sound excited, but her friends are making it hard with their cold shoulders. And something is off with Delphine. She can't put her finger on it, but something is different. Something felt different in that soft kiss.
"Yeah, we went out to dinner to celebrate. Guess you were busy," Jeremy comments and shrugs.
"Guys, I'm sorry. I just haven't looked at my phone all day. It's great news, though, really," she feels awkward defending herself.
"You don't need to convince us. Just kind of wish you'd make some effort at being a part of this group," Jack pushes past her and hops off the back of the stage.
"Can we all just chill for a sec, please?" Cosima tries to do some peace making. "I am honestly sorry for missing the big news, but I'm here now and I just want to do the show".
Her bandmates agree silently, and they continue setting up until their show starts.
…
…
…
Delphine stomps the remains of her cigarette on the sidewalk, thinking about having another. She's glad she never got the chance to respond to Cosima's confession. She's not sure how everything is going to go with William. The audit might still find evidence that comes back on him and his coworkers. She still doesn't know why Will felt the need to involve himself in that business anyways. He makes good enough money. He doesn't need to steal.
She doesn't want to drag Cosima through a whole mess of upper-class war. And if her suspicion is right and the record label that approached Cosima's band is indeed her husband's, he really could easily tamper with her future. Then, not only would the band resent her and Cosima, but Cosima might resent her as well. She couldn't care less about what Cosima's stupid friends think of her, but she wouldn't be able to stand leaving Cosima in such a position. Cosima is innocent, she doesn't have her fingers in shady deals, she doesn't have enemies with ties to powerful people, she doesn't have obligations and certain behavioral standards and restraints. William could tear her life apart with the snap of his fingers. Then he'd target Delphine.
Delphine sees her phone light up from inside the car. It's Alex. It's Alex, and as much as she doesn't want to answer, she needs to.
"Hello?"
"Delphine. Where are you? I want to talk".
Delphine gives her the address of the empty parking lot she's claimed for smoking. It's already a shit night, there's not much Alex could say to make it worse. She tosses her phone onto the windshield behind her, not caring if the screen or the window are damaged from the force.
The woman arrives in about half an hour, pulls up next to Delphine's car and parks. Delphine has already finished her second cigarette and is trying her very best to restrain herself from a third. The evening is chilly, but she takes a seat next to Delphine on the hood of her car.
"I didn't see you at Martell tonight," is what Alex decides to lead with.
"Because I wasn't there," Delphine responds tiredly.
"But I did see you dropping her off, kissing her".
"Also true," she sighs, not caring where the conversation goes anymore.
"I thought I told you to end it, Del".
"I was planning to tonight," she lies.
"I don't believe you," Alex sneers. The blonde only shrugs. "My patience has run out. I'm not keeping this from my brother. At this point, it's a matter of who will tell him. Me or you".
"Alex, I told you I was going to end it tonight," Delphine snaps. "She's going to call later. I'll do it then".
"When is later?" Alex rolls her eyes. Before Delphine can come up with a reply, her phone starts ringing on the glass behind her. They both turn and see the selfie Cosima took and saved on Delphine's phone, giving the camera the finger. "That's her?"
"Yes," Delphine confirms hesitantly.
"Do it now, then. If you do it now and I hear it straight from your lips, I'll let this go," Alex orders.
Delphine bites at her lip, unable to move in any direction. Her sister-in-law observes this and picks the phone up for her, swiping the green button to answer, and handing it to Delphine after hitting the speakerphone button. She takes it but can't make any noise. Not until they hear Cosima's voice on the other side calling her name. "Yes, hello, I'm here".
"Are you home? How are you feeling?"
"Fine," she tries to muster up the courage to be a bitch, to break Cosima's heart. It's better for Cosima to feel heartbroken for a couple weeks than to have her entire life destroyed by her dictating husband. It's best she ends this for both their sakes'. And it's best she ends this convincingly. She can't have Cosima thinking – knowing – that she's only doing this out of necessity, that she doesn't want to leave her. She also doesn't doubt that Alex would feel the need to seek out Cosima personally and make sure nothing is going on. Delphine has learned how to pass the Alexandra polygraph, but Cosima has always been easy to read. She needs to make her angry, to make Cosima hate her.
"You sure? You sound weird," Cosima notices. Delphine hopes it just helps to make this more convincing.
"I'm fine, thank you. Please stop calling me," she adds a little huffy exhale. She can feel her own heart starting to crack.
"Like…" Cosima pauses, confused. It takes her a while to even think of an ending to the sentence. "…tonight?"
"No. From now on," Alex watches her speak with a maternal glare. A threatening glare. "Do not contact me anymore".
"I, uh…what? What happened? Did I do something?" Delphine can still only hear confusion in her voice, no anger yet.
"I'm just done with this. You can go on hooking up with countless girls or whatever it is that you do," she can practically hear the two pieces of her heart breaking away from each other, and the lump in her throat is becoming more and more painful.
"Is…is this because of what I said? That I like you?"
"Partly. I don't want you getting the wrong idea about what this was".
"And exactly what is that?" Delphine can hear anger now, which crushes her, but it also means it's almost over.
"You were simply a new toy, a plaything. And now I'm done playing," a lump grows and the aching spreads to her chest.
"What the fuck? That doesn't make sense. What are you talking about?"
"You've always said I was evasive and mysterious. Well, this is the secret. Mystery solved. I'm a bitch".
"Jesus Christ, Delphine. Was this whole thing just a game? A bet to see if you could make me fall for you?" Cosima is yelling now. She can hardly stand it.
"I guess you could put it that way. It's more of a hobby. I'm quite good at it, really".
"I thought you said you'd never done this before…" she can hear it - the crack in Cosima's voice, the toxic mixture of rage and heartbreak.
"Well, lying is a part of the game, I suppose. Anyways, good night. This has been entertaining".
"Delphine, wait–" Delphine hangs up before she can get another word in.
"Happy?" she looks at her sister-in-law, who looks bored.
"For now. Don't think I won't check in about this, though. And I won't hesitate to go directly to this girl either. Do you understand?" The woman takes the phone, finding Cosima's name in her contacts and deleting it.
"Goodnight, Alex," Delphine ignores the demeaning tone.
Alex gives her one last warning glance before getting in her car and pulling away into the dark streets. Delphine calmly returns to her driver's seat, locks the doors, and let's out every tear that had been held captive through that torturous conversation. Her first instinct is to call right back and explain. But that can't be an option, it shouldn't be.
It's better this way, she tells herself. It's better that Cosima be angry with her instead of sad, left with the idea that it was all real. It's easier to get over someone who turns out to be so awful. And she was awful. She doesn't really know how she got through it, how she conjured up such nasty things to say.
Delphine cries on and off for the better part of an hour before finally taking a few hundred deep breaths and driving home to her husband.
…
…
…
"You need a ride?" Madi's voice infiltrates the reverie Cosima finds herself in after Delphine hangs up. When Cosima doesn't answer, she steps further into their makeshift backstage room. "Hey. You hear me?"
"I think…I just got, like…dumped," she replies.
"I thought you guys were just friends," the drummer rolls her eyes and shifts from one leg to the other tiredly.
"She just told me that the whole thing was basically a big trick. Like, she just wanted to get me to like her. I was a 'plaything' and now she's done with me".
"I wish I could say I feel for you, Cos, but this is what the rest of us have thought for the last month or two. You got involved in something you should've stayed away from. Everyone warned you. This is on you," is the last thing Madi says before shuffling back out, leaving Cosima to sniffle on the couch.