...

"Fine with me," Cosima smiles and rests her head against the door frame. She hasn't felt this happy in a long time. It's probably just relief. She'll take it, though. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about how I shouldn't invite you in…but also about how I can't find the motivation to close the door on you either," Delphine closes her eyes and runs her fingers through her hair.

"Would it be better if I just forced my way in so that you don't have to take credit for my presence?"

"That would be preferable," she nods and exhales, eyes still closed. Cosima smiles and takes a step back, letting the door slam shut between them. She hears Delphine's laugh from the other side, "I knew you were going to do that".

Cosima knocks again, "Mrs. Cormier, it's me, Cosima," she replies in a sing-song voice.

"What do you want Miss Cosima?" Delphine plays along with a relaxed smile.

"Answer your door or I'll leave," she threatens.

"I don't believe you".

"Alright. Your choice," Cosima starts walking back the way she came, making sure her heels clack loudly enough for Delphine to hear clearly. When she gets to the end of the hallway, she slips the shoes off and shuffles back to Delphine's room and leans against the wall just outside the view of her door's peephole.

Delphine lasts a lot longer than Cosima predicted she would, but regardless, her door cracks open slowly after a few minutes of silence go by. Cosima is perplexed for a moment when she doesn't see anyone peeking out at her. However, she glances down and sees Delphine still leaning against the wall, only now she's sitting on the floor looking drowsy, her arm anchored above her head on the door handle.

Cosima saunters to the door and squats down to Delphine's current height. "Hey buddy," she tries to tame her smile but the most she can do is simply hold in her laughter. "You're on the floor now".

Delphine hums and nods, "I had a few drinks earlier and I think I'm starting to get a little sleepy". Cosima just looks at her, entertained. Her eyelids are drooping, and she looks so calm. "Cosima," she locks her gaze with Cosima's.

"Yes?"

"Would you come in? Please?" Delphine asks softly.

"Thought you'd never ask," Cosima stands up, holding out her hand to help Delphine get to her feet.

They lay next to each other facing the ceiling on top of the comforter, shoes kicked off by the door. Cosima feels herself getting tired, too, but she can't find a reason for it – it's not even ten o'clock. There's a sense of finality and resolution, but also one of uncertainty and a fear of the consequences that await both of them outside the room. It's a completely different kind of fatigue than that from alcohol or insomnia.

"So…what all did you hear?"

"The first thing I heard was Mr. Black…William…saying, like, 'do you have anything to say 'or something. Then everything after that until you went outside to smoke,".

"Okay, so…everything," Delphine sighs and shakes her head. "I really want to be mad at you. By eavesdropping, you ruined the whole thing. It was all for nothing now…but…I don't feel very mad".

"Fuck you, I'm mad at you," Cosima swats her arm.

"I know," she nods and tries to glance over at her company but can't find the strength yet.

"You're welcome to apologize and beg for my forgiveness," Cosima turns on her side to stare at her daringly.

"Hm, I don't want to," she grins.

"Uh, why not?" Cosima tries to examine her relaxed face but can't seem to find anything useful.

"I'm still trying desperately to convince myself that this is all a dream. That you stayed put and heard nothing, that Alex didn't see you follow me, that your band didn't get themselves involved with my husband…"

"If I were you, I'd hope it was my husband that was only a dream," she comments. "You know, you can't take it back. I won't let you. Everything you said…it's not a dream and I know the truth now".

"Maybe I was lying to William back there and you still don't know the truth," Delphine challenges back, finally turning her head to see those dark brown eyes staring at her.

"You are trying desperately, aren't you?" Cosima chuckles at her. Delphine groans and covers her face. "Wait, is that the reason Will, uh…well, what exactly happened?"

"You'll have to be more specific".

"Like, the whole thing…"

Delphine exhales heavily. She knows this question was bound to come up, but she's been avoiding thinking about it since it happened. "That night my husband came to pick me up at Martell–"

"You mean the night you stole my virginity?" Cosima chimes in.

Delphine rolls her eyes and hums, "That's the one. Apparently, Alex saw me kiss you. She told me to stop seeing you and I didn't exactly listen to her. Then that night I dropped you off at Martell and went home…and earlier in the day you showed me–"

"The day I told you that I liked you and then hours later you told me to never talk to you again?" Cosima suggests bitterly.

The blonde looks down at her fidgeting hands, feeling the intense guilt all over again. She wonders how heavily Cosima will hold this over her. She's not wrong to. "Euh, yes," Delphine finally stutters. She pauses again, sensing the distinct build-up of moisture in her eyes, but she's determined not to cry. The tears she's shed have, so far, been kept to herself, and she doesn't plan on changing that. A mere sniffle would be too much. However, repressing the feelings only makes her feel like she's drowning in them. Closing her eyes, she attempts some composure. She knew she was unprepared for the conversation, but she didn't think about how difficult it would be. Until just a short time ago, she didn't expect to have this talk at all.

"I…" once again, she can't find words. Delphine sits up, sliding to the end of the bed and standing idly. She alternates between shrugging and shaking her head at the ground, a million things passing through her mind and none of them understandable. She does the only thing she can think of, grabbing her clutch and stepping out onto the small balcony, she lights a cigarette.

"Hey," Cosima steps out next to her, leaning against the railing. "Sorry, I was kind of harsh…"

"You don't need to apologize, Cosima," Delphine exhales a cloud of smoke, visible only by the intermittent streetlights and neon signs. "You're right to feel the way you do. I'm surprised you haven't snapped and attacked me already".

"Well, I do like to bite," Cosima smiles at her warmly, hoping it cheers her up. "But, uh, anyways…you were explaining…"

"I, ehm, I might need a little more time to…just…" her statement falls short again. The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes how unready she is. She's not just unprepared to talk, she's still stuck in the false world of her lie, a much less complicated world. She's been pretending Cosima meant nothing to her, that she was a temporary distraction, that Alex never threatened her, that she never kept any secrets, that it was all her idea to destroy what she had with the brunette. Nothing else was supposed to exist. "I've been trying to not think about it and…I just don't know how to put it into words…it's not complex, but I…"

"Well, what did you say to Anne? Just explain it to me like you explained it to her afterwards".

"I asked Anne to not bring you up anymore, is all. I couldn't tell anyone". She scoffs, "Alex is – was – my only friend and she was sitting right next to me when…I wouldn't want to talk to her anyways. I haven't said anything to anyone. I just kept living as I normally would. It was as if nothing ever happened".

"Really?"

Delphine nods and flicks a clump of ash into the air, "It was weird to see no one's world change but mine".

Cosima reluctantly starts to recognize now how difficult it must have been for Delphine. Madi wasn't very supportive, but she was still there to talk to and drink with. There was no sympathy, but there was an ear to listen to her rant and wallow. She can't imagine not saying a word to anyone about such a major event in her life.

Cosima doesn't even want to imagine what kind of toll it must've taken on Delphine. She wants to be mad at her, not feel bad for her. The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes how alone she was from the very beginning. Aside from her coworker, Delphine had absolutely nobody to talk to. Her relationship with Cosima existed on some separate plane of her life. Cosima was at least able to be open with everyone about what was happening, healthy or not, moral or not. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Delphine".

"Every consequence I've faced has been from my own actions. I deserve no sympathy for their occurrences. It was my own doing". Delphine stubs her cigarette out on the ledge only halfway through and ambles back to the bed to lay down.

Cosima follows, sitting next to her. "It still couldn't have been easy".

Delphine stares at the ceiling and nods. "You know…Cosima, I've moved to a foreign country thousands of miles away from home, cut ties with everyone I knew there, helped start and run a business in a difficult market and remained loyal through its least…profitable days, fired employees I was close with, endured marriage to an awful man for years, cleaned up the messes from his affairs, pretended to be madly in love with William so his coworkers were impressed with him and think I'm a shallow trophy wife, endure his judgmental family…"

"So…maybe not so difficult then…" Cosima knots her fingers together and stares at her feet.

"On the contrary," she closes her eyes, once again. She regrets all the alcohol now. "Taking your call was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do".

"That can't be true," her eyes dart to Delphine's face, evaluating her sincerity.

"People typically don't like to hurt other people. I certainly don't," she starts, opening her eyes and locking her gaze with the brunette's. "And it was you".

"Yeah, that's always been the part that confuses me," Cosima shakes her head and searches for some kind of a caffeine source. A small, single-serve coffee maker calls to her from the desk.

"It shouldn't. I care very much about you. Why would it be easy to intentionally cause you pain?"

"Not what I meant," Cosima starts the machine and saunters back to Delphine with a skeptical look, eyebrow raised. "You really are drunk, aren't you? You realize you just said you care about me, right?"

"I'm very tired, very stressed, and just a little bit drunk…" she smiles, peeking at the girl through cracked eyes.

"Well, coffee is on the way, so," Cosima shrugs and Delphine nods. She doesn't want to be so tired right now. She wants to be alive enough to enjoy being here with Cosima again. There's no saying when she'll leave and how their relationship will evolve afterwards.

"You told me you liked me, then I got a call from Benjamin saying we couldn't work together any longer, then had a meeting with Alex. She saw me dropping you off at the lounge. You called while we were talking and she said if she heard me end things, she'd agree to keep it from Will. I said as many awful things as I could think of and hung up before you started asking questions for which I had no answers. I had to make sure you were convinced, or at least irate enough to hate me. Alex would see right through any lie from your mouth". She watches Cosima pour the cheap liquid into a cheap cup and squint at it suspiciously.

"But not your lies?" Cosima sips on her hot coffee, disgruntled about the lack of sweet and creamy things available to disguise the taste.

"I can fool her most of the time, but I usually just tell half-truths and vague answers so that I don't have to. I don't like lying and I'm really not that great at it despite what you may think".

"Somehow that's hard to believe," she shrugs. "Tell me something: If Alex would've told Will, what would have happened?"

"She did. Need I remind you of the whole reason we're locked away in a hotel room instead of mingling downstairs?"

"Yeah, but I mean, like, if you hadn't already…you know…if we were still up to our shenanigans".

"Same answer. He doesn't really believe that I ceased the shenanigans or that it was anything more than an idle hobby".

"So…you're saying it was more than an idle hobby?" Cosima smirks.

"Ugh," Delphine groans and covers her face with her hands. "I should not be allowed to talk right now".

"Drunk Delphine is always a bit more informational," she sets her coffee on the nightstand and lays on her side facing the blonde. "Do you have feelings for me? Tell me the truth. The whole drunk truth".

"Anne basically told me that I wasn't pursuing a divorce because of the audit situation, but because of you," she looks at the beige comforter between them. "I won't say she's completely correct, but…I've been coming up empty handed looking for reasons for her to be wrong".

"Uh-huh, a simple 'yep' would suffice".

"It's more complicated than that…"

"No, the answer is a yes or no question. Whatever you decide to do about it is complicated," Cosima points out. "What, uh…what are you doing about it?"

Delphine turns on her side to face Cosima, examining her features. "Can we talk about something else?" She knows the subject should be discussed, but she's already emotionally drained from the last ten minutes of confessions, and feelings aren't her area of expertise.

"I have feelings for you," Cosima ignores her and her eyes fall back to the covers. "Tell me you have feelings for me".

"I don't usually – I'm not used to being so open about anything. It's not…easy". She feels the lump in her throat again, and she doesn't know why. Maybe she's afraid of what Cosima might do with the information, what she might pressure Delphine into doing. She can't fully commit to whatever her feelings lead to.

"True. For someone who doesn't like to lie, you're really secretive. I heard more truth from you by eavesdropping on one argument with your husband than I ever have from all your non-lies".

"Well, if this is how it feels to be completely honest, I'd rather not continue," Delphine closes her eyes and returns to laying on her back. She deserves it, she knows, but it just feels like another jab at her character.

"It's…uncomfortable sometimes to be vulnerable, like you're exposed, but it's how you connect with people. Aren't you lonely, Delphine? You have all this power over people, you're in charge all the time, but you're constantly guarded. You let no one in".

"Being exposed and unguarded aren't traits I want to have," she responds with frustration, her temper building for reasons she doesn't yet understand. "That's how people take advantage of you. I wouldn't have the position I do if I were like that. I wouldn't have made it so far in my marriage".

"Those shouldn't be traits, they should be behaviors, situationally. And yeah, people can take advantage of you, but not everyone does. Your career isn't the only thing that matters in your life and how can you even be proud that you made it this far in your marriage? You didn't even…just…you fucking endured it. Jesus, news flash, Delphine, your husband was taking advantage of you anyways – you didn't even have to be vulnerable. Your successes are what people strive for, but the rest of your life is…is, like, textbook don't do this".

"See, the great thing about not being vulnerable is that I don't have to listen or care about anything you say," Delphine sneers, sitting up and attempting to leave. Cosima pulls her back, pushes her down and climbs on top of her, holding her hands above her head. Under different circumstances, Cosima would've been quite pleased with their position.

"No, knock it off. The great thing about not being vulnerable is that you get to pretend like I'm not telling the truth. You get to block out anything that you don't like and tell yourself that I'm not right. Do you think it's admirable that you look the other way while your husband cheats on you? Do you think that makes you strong and untouchable? You're somehow above caring? Like you're showing him how much you don't give a shit? You're not better than everyone else, Delphine, and you can't put yourself on some higher level just to look down on everyone around you. And ignoring the feelings you don't like isn't brave, it's just sad".

"Well, it's good to know how pathetic you think I am".

"I do think you're pathetic," Cosima admits, unable to locate where she's getting the energy to continue her angry lecture. "Really, how have you made it so far in life but still manage to be emotionally stunted?"

"Emotionally stunted?" Delphine scoffs.

"Tell me how you feel about me," she loosens her grip on Delphine's wrists, but doesn't let go yet. "C'mon, it's not like I don't already know. I heard what you said. You told him without hesitation that I wasn't a midlife-crisis or a fling or an experiment. You didn't deny him when he said you had feelings for me. And we can't forget that you apparently thought of me every time you two screwed".

"That was no secret. You knew that already," she shrugs.

"And you ended things so that I could be safe. Not because I was a plaything you were done with," Cosima recalls the phone call, feeling a twinge of the same mixture of devestation and fury she did then. "Oh, and what was that last thing you said…you ruined a relationship with the first person you've…then you stopped. I'll stop harassing you about this if you just finish that sentence right now".

"Men are so much easier to satiate. Why is that?" Delphine tries to deflect.

"Would you rather just give me a blowjob and never talk about this again?" Cosima offers with a sneer.

Delphine squeezes her eyes shut, trying to stay calm. Fortunately, her fatigue makes it pretty easy. "Cosima, can you please just leave me alone?"

"Why should I? Your husband's a dick, but you're not really the victim in this situation. I didn't do anything wrong. Everything wrong that happened was pretty much your fault".

A volatile concoction of rage and misery provide enough drive for Delphine to overpower the brunette on top of her, flipping her on her back and claiming Cosima's position. It's a familiar movement. "Yes, I've already said that, I know" she clenches her jaw. "I was the one who chose to keep coming to the bar, I was the one who basically asked for your advances and never rejected them, I was the one who voluntarily involved myself with you, I was the one who lied to my husband, I was the one to screw up my life, I purposely hurt you, I acted immature when I saw you with someone else, I didn't stay away from you when I was supposed to, and I asked you to come into my hotel room. I get it. I know this whole thing is my fault, my problem, no one else's. So, please just leave. It obviously has nothing to do with you," Delphine lets go of her and quickly makes her way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. The last thing she wants right now is for Cosima to see her cry.