This chapter had to be rewritten almost entirely, and took me a damn long time. Ugh... From now on it should be easier because this was the final chapter I wrote back in the day before the story went on a three year long hiatus.
I hope you'll enjoy reading it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.
For the heart I once had
Chapter 4
In the weeks that followed, Aalia focused most of her time on her diet and exercise plan. To her it was huge reward to see it pay off. Her strength grew with every day that passed, and once Sally gave the green light, Trowa took her to the gym for more serious workouts.
She enjoyed working out alongside him, listening to his quiet instructions and encouragements. More than once she found herself admiring his graceful movements, and the way his biceps bulged under the sleeves of his shirt as he lifted weights. She was acutely reminded of the fact that he no longer was the quiet boy she had been friends with. And whenever she realized that fact, warmth bloomed in her belly.
It was… oddly liberating to experience something as simple as attraction. In her years as Razouli's captive she'd been robbed of and denied so many experiences. She was determined to reclaim that. But she didn't dare to tell Trowa yet. Despite all her progress, the nightmares were persistent and she found herself rushing to his room every night. The safety of his arms, the calm that his nearness brought her, she didn't want to lose it. She feared that he wouldn't accept her feelings and turn her away.
It was silly, she would sometimes tell herself. Why would someone like Trowa hate her for feeling the way she felt? He was kind, considerate, caring. She knew he worried.
And so, when he suggested making an appointment with a therapist, she did so reluctantly.
He went with her to the first appointment, and sat in the waiting room while she talked to the therapist. Knowing that he was there strengthened her resolve to become stronger.
But as the therapy sessions progressed she discovered she still had a long way to go.
-x-x-x-
Trowa heard her scream and was jolted from sleep. It took a moment for him to regain his bearings, to calm his raging heartbeat, to remember he was in his own bed and that it was just Aalia having a nightmare. He heard her pounding footsteps as she came rushing to his room, her breath coming out in hysteric sobs.
She appeared in the doorway, eyes wide with panic, a little unfocused as if she was not yet awake. The terror was etched deep into her face. All the progress she made during daytime was cut short every night. But tonight is seemed worse than normal.
Trowa held out his arms and the next moment she was there, face buried in his chest as her shoulders heaved with her labored breathing.
"I've got you," he murmured soothingly, while running a hand over her hair. "Ssh…"
It took some time for her to calm down, for her heartbeat to slow and her breathing to even out. Trowa held her and murmured soothing words into her ear.
When she had finally regained her ability to speak, she pulled back to look at him. "This has to stop."
"It will," he assured her. "In time."
She swallowed thickly. "I… I can't go on like this."
"It might seem like it doesn't help, but you need the therapy."
"Why?" Tears sprang into her eyes and Trowa's heart tightened in his chest at the sight.
He caught the tear that escaped with his thump and gave her an encouraging look. "Because you have to work through everything that happened to you, give it a place."
"I don't like remembering." She shuddered in his arms.
"I know." He tucked her head under his chin, trying desperately to ignore the sweet scent that clung to her hair. Something floral, mixed with honey. "Just… give yourself some time. And don't give up."
"It's not easy."
"No, it's not. But you're strong and you will get through this."
"You have such faith in me." She pushed herself up on her elbows to look at him. Now that the initial terror was gone, she looked much calmer, and her lips were twitching into a hint of a smile.
He couldn't stop himself from touching her cheek.
"Of course," he said, noticing his voice had gone husky. "I believe you can do this."
"Thank you." She lowered her head onto his chest again. "It helps to know that. To be next to you."
His heart skipped a beat at her words, and he desperately tried to ignore it. He reminded himself once again that he had no business feeling this way about his best friend's sister. It got harder by the day. Even now, with her eyes red from crying she looked lovely, and the feeling of her body pressing into his made his gut ache with the first pinpricks of desire.
He was quick to steer his thoughts away from that direction. He was notgoing to go there. No way.
But when she shifted even closer it became almost impossible.
How was he supposed to deal with this? And what if he did act on his desire… he would feel like he was taking advantage of her. She was still so fragile, and not ready to deal with any advances on his part. Lord knew what Razouli had done to her. The thought alone made anger whirl in his stomach. Aalia didn't talk about her time as Razouli's captive with him. She simply refused whenever he tried to bring it up. But her nightmares were bad enough for Trowa to guess at what horrors she had faced.
He couldn't. And he definitely shouldn't.
He realized a tad late that her breathing had evened out, and sighed. But that didn't help matters any as he got a whiff of her scent. Definitely something floral. And now that she was asleep, he couldn't stop himself from burying his nose in her hair.
He tightened his grip on her when she murmured something in her sleep.
Fragile, he reminded himself. But she had the heart of a lioness.
He willfully relaxed and drifted off into a light slumber.
-x-x-x-
"So you have no idea why you came to live with Dunya?"
Aalia shook her head. "No… I was hoping you'd found something."
Quatre gave her a smile through the VID-phone screen. "I'm working on it."
"She always spoke highly of our family and told me I'd get to meet all of you one day." Aalia wrapped her hands around her cup and sipped her tea. "I don't think she kidnapped me."
"If that were the case, surely Father would have searched all over the Earth Sphere for you."
Hearing those words made her feel warm and secure. She loved her weekly VID-phone calls with Quatre. Over the past few weeks she'd gotten to know him rather well and she found that they had much in common. She liked him and it often felt as if she had recovered some missing part of herself whenever she talked to him.
Quatre had known their father and always spoke highly of him. It felt good to know that her father would have searched for her if he'd known about her predicament.
"Heero has been digging into the Barton foundation," Quatre said. "Even if the culprits are long gone, I'd still like to know who was responsible for ordering Dunya's death."
"I… I'd like to know too," Aalia replied softly. "She didn't deserve to die in the way she did. She was a good woman."
Quatre gave her a reassuring smile. "We'll find out."
"Yeah."
"So how is the course coming along?"
"It's fine… It's a lot of material to grasp at once though."
A week ago Aalia had enrolled into an online course to obtain her high school diploma. She wanted to study and feel useful. Now that she was gaining strength, she didn't need to rest as much anymore and often found her mind wandering. Usually towards Trowa and her feelings for him, but it also happened often that her memories came to haunt her.
The schoolwork provided a good distraction and she was better able to compartmentalize. Her therapist has also noticed the change and encouraged her to find a routine that was comfortable for her. Although it was slow, she felt like she was making some progress.
"I can imagine," Quatre said. "But I'm sure you'll do just fine. You've got a good brain on you."
She chuckled. "Thanks."
"So… Tell me what you want to do after you finish the course."
"Well… A lot."
Quatre grinned and pretended to check his watch. "I've got time."
"Alright then…"
It was a lot later when she finally hung up.
-x-x-x-
An additional three weeks later, Trowa was thoroughly cursing the situation. It seemed Aalia only managed to sleep peacefully whenever she slept next to him, and now that the Razouli case neared its court date, he needed to sleep through the night undisturbed. He had reluctantly suggested that she slept in his bed for the time being.
He felt more rested during the days and Aalia seemed much calmer, but it didn't ease the raging desire he felt for her. It got worse by the day and more difficult to ignore it.
He didn't want to get involved.
But did he really?
He was glad his work was demanding absolute focus. He, Duo, and Heero worked their asses off to gather all the evidence they had accumulated against Razouli, making sure the case was tight. Aalia had to take a couple of hearings, and Trowa had felt anxious at the prospect.
But she pulled herself through with admirable determination, and Trowa realized that the therapy helped her to rely her experiences in a way that didn't trigger her trauma. But what he read in the reports that Duo wrote up on the hearings made his blood boil.
Razouli had been intend on making her beg for mercy. She had been beaten, starved, and beaten again. And endless pattern, and she had been left in the dark basement for weeks on end. Trowa's biggest fear had been that Razouli had assaulted her in other ways as well. But Razouli was proud of his control it seemed. He had been determined to torture Aalia in such a way that she would have come to him out of her own free will to stop him from hurting her more.
"It's a little odd, right?" Duo questioned him over coffee during a Friday afternoon. "This man is a monster, but he is more into mind games."
"Emotional abuse," Trowa said. "He gets his high from that."
"He used it on you too, making you believe she was dead and all…"
"Yeah…" Trowa begrudgingly agreed. "Guess he did."
But was he to blame? He'd been a fourteen year old kid.
Duo's lips twitched into a grin, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "So… planning to snatch her up yet?"
Trowa's eyes narrowed. "What?"
"Come on, man," Duo said with a laugh. "I see the way you look at her."
"Doesn't mean I should act on it," Trowa muttered under his breath, annoyed at the direction the conversation was taking.
"Why? Because she's Quatre's sister?" Duo sounded incredulous. "If you like her, you shouldn't let that stop you."
"And what would that make me?" Trowa demanded while shoving back his chair and getting up. "I'd be no better than Razouli, taking advantage of her like that."
He stormed out of the cafeteria and back to his office. Duo sought him out a bit later, giving him some time to calm down.
"I'm sorry," Duo said. "I didn't mean to anger you. But you know… she looks at you in the same way."
Trowa sighed. "You're not helping."
Duo grinned. "What? You don't want to be happy?"
"Stop pestering Barton."
Trowa raised an eyebrow at the familiar voice that sounded behind Duo, and the next moment Duo let out a yelp as Wufei yanked him out of the door opening by his braid. "I have need of you, Maxwell."
"Ow! Hands off the hair, 'Fei!"
"I might if you ask nicely."
Trowa let out a snort and got up to shut the door. Once he was seated behind his desk again, he allowed his mind to wander.
Did Aalia really look at him the same way? Was that possible? He'd have to find out, wouldn't he?
-x-x-x-
A phone rang in a small, dark and dank bedroom. A hand reached out and snatched the phone of the hook. The voice was rough with sleep as it answered the phone.
"Hello?"
The man's eyes widened when he heard the name of the person who was calling him, all traces of sleep leaving him at once. Instead, his heart started to beat faster with anticipation. "Yes? What can I do for you?"
He listened intently to what the person had to say and a smirk came to play over his scarred face as he listened to the demands. His body was already thrumming, the need to kill making him thirsty for blood. It was like a drug to him, a thing he needed to survive. "That's going to cost you money. What's the girl's name?"
He grabbed a notebook and a pen and started writing. Aalia Winner. "How do you want me to take care of her?"
He grinned as he heard how the girl was supposed to die. "I'll see to it."
-x-x-x-
When Aalia came home that afternoon she felt like she had bought another brand new wardrobe on her shopping spree with Relena Darlian. Relena and her had become good friends in the span of a few weeks. The moment Relena had heard that Quatre had a sister, she had showed up on Trowa's doorstep, demanding to meet her. Aalia couldn't be more grateful. As much as she liked Trowa, she could tell from that first trip to the mall that he hated shopping, so it was nice to now have someone that she could plan such outings with.
Heero had trailed after them in silence as Relena had dragged her along the streets that housed the more exclusive stores of Brussels. She had been a little bit too enthusiastic about shopping and had gotten Aalia so far to try on many outfits.
Aalia had never had so much fun in her life before.
She found Trowa lounging on the couch. His eyes were closed and his posture relaxed, so she assumed he was asleep. She smiled to herself. He claimed his couch wasn't comfortable to sleep on, but he sure loved lazing away on it. She quietly walked into the hallway towards her room and decided to change in the new dress she had bought.
It was stylish and classy, with a floral pattern of exotic flowers. She had goggled at the price tag, even though she knew she had more than enough money to afford it. The moment she had tried it on, she was sold on it.
When she walked back into the living room, Trowa was awake. She met his gaze with a smile and showed her dress. "What do you think?"
"You look pretty," he said.
Her cheeks flamed at his compliment and she desperately hoped he wouldn't see it. "I bought a lot more. Relena is a bad influence."
A small smile spread on his face. "She is nice, huh?"
"Yes! She is a great friend."
Trowa thought she looked strikingly beautiful in that dress. It brought out her eyes, making them seem more blue an mysterious. He noticed she was wearing some make-up, probably Relena's doing as well. She looked happy, and the excitement brought a rosy color to her cheeks. To see it made his gut tighten.
Duo had said she had looked at him in the same way.
But he found himself not ready to act on his feelings yet. He would wait a little while longer. When the time was right…
-x-x-x-
Dust kicked up from the tires of the old jeep as the assassin drove over a deserted road. He would reach the airport in two hours. He hardly made it out of his hiding place, only for the high paid jobs and this one was going to pay him more than enough.
It seemed his client was desperate for the target to die.
He had collected all the info he could get his hands on, but there wasn't much to be found. Just scraps of intel. His client had told him the target was under the protection of a Preventer agent. He'd go to Brussels and find that man. From there on he could trace the girl.
It was just a matter of time before Aalia Winner was history…
- End chapter 4 -