When she wakes, Delphine is relieved to be the only one in her bed. She takes her time getting ready for work, already enjoying the sneak-peek at freedom. Although, it's a bit stifled by the errant thoughts of how much nicer it would be waking up next to Cosima. She can't think that now, though.
On her way downstairs, she can hear a deafening snore coming from the living room. She pokes her head in and sees Will passed out on the couch, a few cans of beer on the floor and an open bottle of whiskey next to a glass they got a set of as a wedding present from his parents. She rolls her eyes, questioning how she stayed married to him for so long. It didn't seem unusual or worthy of criticism until she met Cosima.
At work, she feels a bit more cheerful than usual. Where she usually offers a simple nod, she adds a polite smile. She leaves her office door open and tries to catch up on everything she's been putting off. She's surprised no one has addressed her regarding the uncharacteristic inefficiency. By the time noon rolls around, however, she's starting to regret the overly welcoming attitude. Her office has been occupied with person after person since she arrived. Even when she was gone for two weeks, grounded from seeing Cosima essentially, she was allowed a few moments rest between requests upon her return. At least she's keeping busy. The singular distraction in her life has a harder time breaking through her concentration. Though, she can't help thinking about how much more focused she felt when Cosima was there with her - conscious or not.
The end of the workday comes around 4:45 PM for everyone else. Delphine knows she won't be leaving until the streetlights start turning on, but it beats going home to an unpredictable disaster. William's coworkers must be on edge. A quiet knock brings her attention to the fact that she's been staring out her window for the last ten minutes.
"You okay?" Anne pops her head in with a sympathetic smile. Delphine's not sure what she's so sympathetic about.
"I'm tired," she shakes the fatigue out of her head and exhales slowly.
"I hear we're using live music," Anne steps inside, speaking cautiously. "I'll need a payee before Friday, and their group name and members eventually for records".
Delphine sighs, annoyed the white lie made it all the way to the head of their finance department. She's tempted to realize the fib and force complication back into her life. It would only cause trouble and concocting a scheme just to be able to see the brunette again is clearly unhealthy. What would even happen? Best case scenario, Cosima would show up, perform, and leave without saying a word to her. Worst case, Cosima would show up, make a scene, and get thrown out for disorderly conduct. She can't imagine Cosima would want to see her by now - not after the whirlwind of emotions Delphine has put them both through. It's a bad idea.
"Their group name is SES," she hears herself say irresponsibly. "Make the check out to Madeline Liu," she can tell Madi is probably the one in charge of technical tasks. She seems like the mother of the bunch sometimes. It's also a good way to avoid Anne learning why they're hiring this specific band. She writes the info down on a sticky note and Anne takes it. "I'll get you the list of members later". At some point, Delphine's worst-case scenario turned into Cosima not showing up at all. Even if she comes and throws a fit in front of everyone, she'll be there.
"So, uh…I heard that you called about perhaps filing for a divorce…"
Delphine gives her a look, unsure if she wants to keep the whole ordeal to herself or not. "You two must be close if she tells you about all her encounters of the day," she hints, also unsure if she cares the information was just handed out.
"Oh, not every single one," Anne smiles. "A few interesting ones here and there at dinner".
"You had dinner with her?"
"Almost every night for the last few years, yes," she crosses her legs, waiting for Delphine to catch up.
The woman nods, trying to not seem so surprised. "I suppose that's why she was so willing to fit me in when I mentioned you had recommended her". Anne nods and waits for Delphine to expand on the original prompt. "I talked with her yesterday at her office, but I haven't filed anything yet".
"Still having second thoughts?"
"No, no. I already told William about it actually. He was a lot more cooperative than I was expecting," she shrugs, leaning back in her chair.
"So, it's mutual? You can start divvying up your things and get on with an actual life?"
"More or less. He agreed on the condition he gets everything. It didn't take much consideration on my part," she holds up her hand, and wiggles her undecorated fingers, one in particular only showing a slight tan line from where the curse of a ring used to live.
"Oh wow, that has to feel weird after so many years. What does everything mean?"
"It means I need to start looking for a place to live and a new car. Hopefully not a new wardrobe," she realizes she's never been so independent. Her parents helped with her first apartment and she met Will not long after that.
"Oh, everything. Well…let me know if you need help with anything. I mean it," Anne gets up, noticing the time. Delphine nods and thanks her and is soon left in her office alone. Her phone vibrates on the desk beside her keyboard.
Will: did you go through my safe?
She rolls her eyes, wanting to ignore it.
Delphine: Mr. Owens and some other men came over Monday to go through things again.
Will: how'd they get into my safe?
His apparent anxiety makes her hopeful something incriminating had been locked up in there. She flips her phone over, content enough putting off whatever rant he surely has in store for her until she gets home. It's odd that William is home so early now that she thinks about it. Maybe he skipped work to make himself sick with booze at home.
...
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...
"I kind of forgot about this, but you know what he did?" Cosima stares drunkenly at her sweet manager. Even in her intoxicated state, she knows she's being a nuisance.
"What?"
"He, like, legitimately hit her. Just slapped her across the face," she nods to herself, remembering the event more dramatically in her stupor. "But she slapped him right back, man".
"She seems like a tough woman," Hayes crunches a few chips from the bag Cosima brought him. His favorite. The price for his attention.
"Right?" Cosima takes a painful swig of her beverage. "Why is vodka so disgusting?"
"Why are you drinking it?" he chuckles at her.
"I dunno," she sighs. "Do you need anything else done?"
"Not while you're drunk, my dear," he pats her leg and takes the glass from her. "Why don't you go home?"
"Did you know about the art show? Like why Martell was chosen?" she ignores his hints.
"I was told we had the right atmosphere. Why? Do you know something different?"
"You know it's her company," she starts pacing around his office.
"Whose?"
"The chick I've been complaining about for the last hour. She was the one who met with what's-her-face. She's the president of the whole thing and she was the one who picked this place out".
"Ah, so once again you've been responsible for bringing in the entertainment. Should I hire you as an entertainment manager?" He asks with a smile, hoping to ease some of the tension in the room.
"Huh. Maybe if it gets me out of being a shitty DJ for the rest of my life," Cosima rolls her eyes. "Or at least just the next three years".
"Got yourself a contract?"
"I don't know. We, like, negotiated some things, but it was mostly Madi talking. They said it was done and ready, they just needed to get approval or a magic thumbs-up or something first. We haven't signed anything yet," she admits. She didn't go to Delphine's office to ask about their contract, it was an excuse, but that doesn't mean she isn't legitimately worried. It wouldn't be the worst thing for her if it didn't work out, but her bandmates would be livid and probably blame her.
"You know, it would be very gracious of you to find me a replacement group for Fridays. The least you could do for leaving me penniless. Your girlfriend's fancy show is the only thing really keeping us afloat right now". He crosses his arms and leans back in his rickety office chair, prepared to collapse at any moment.
"She's not my girlfriend," she points and glares, scolding him playfully. "And knowing her, she probably found out how you were doing financially and that's the real reason she chose this place. No offense".
"Oh, I don't know about that. Seems a bit generous for someone of her stature".
"Yeah, well she's full of surprises and it seems like there are just no coincidences with her, you know?"
The man nods, observing the somber look on her face. "Do you miss her?"
She doesn't respond for a moment, only stares at the floor. Eventually she shrugs. She knows exactly what the answer to that question is, but acknowledging it verbally isn't something she's up for yet.
...
...
...
"Why didn't you answer my text?" William greets Delphine when she closes the front door behind her.
She disregards him completely, loving the blissful feeling of not having to pay attention to him.
"Delphine, answer me. How did they get into my safe?" he follows her upstairs.
"Same way they got into the house," she explains, sighing when he follows her into the bedroom.
"What? How?" His confusion makes her think he's drunk, but he seems completely sober in every other way.
"I opened the door for them," she shrugs, kicking off her shoes and changing for a shower.
"Just to spite me?"
"Aren't you supposed to be cooperative with them?"
"I've been suspended, Delphine. You think this is funny? You think this is just a big game?" He gawks at her audacity to simply pretend he's not there. "Delphine, knock it off".
"How long are you suspended for, darling?" She asks in a sweet voice, passing him in nothing but a towel toward the bathroom.
"Indefinitely," he seethes. "And enough with the attitude. I'm getting enough shit at work, I don't need you being a bitch at home, too".
She closes the bathroom door loudly and locks it. Despite what her imagination offered hope for, Cosima is not waiting patiently in the shower with nothing but a smile.
...
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...
Halfway through the week already, Delphine finds herself disengaging from the immediate world, thinking about what Cosima may be doing while she's scrolling through emails. She's aware that curiosity isn't what's keeping her attention so focused on one person, but any other motivation outside of curiosity would be obsessive. She can't be obsessive.
Since Delphine is decidedly divorcing William, her surrogate for Cosima has no longer been available. She feels like some lustful youth, now, after not being intimate for such a short amount of time and still feeling deprived as though it's been years. It has been two and a half weeks, maybe three. She didn't realize how frequently William was used as a replacement body. It's not like she had such a desperate need before everything happened. It was Cosima that sparked it in her, and even though she's not around, the spark still is.
"Ma'am?" she hears someone call gently from her office door. She looks up at the woman and waits for whatever request she knows is coming. Her cheerful office demeaner didn't last long. "Do you have the contact information for the group playing on Friday? Do they have an agent?"
She thinks for a moment, realizing she hasn't even asked if they'd play. There's a chance Cosima would say no, but the rest of the group might be more willing if they're getting paid. "Let me contact their label and work a few things out. I'll stop by your office later today".
A nod with a smile and she's out the door. Delphine isn't too confident she knows where the office is.
The woman sighs and takes out her cellphone, scrolling through contacts to find the man she speaks with most at William's work. Even if William weren't suspended and the subject of her divorce, she'd probably still call someone other than her husband.
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...
"I'm just saying, I don't know how the hell we're supposed to pay our bills," Madi shrugs. "If you hadn't gotten involved, there never would've been an argument and he wouldn't have come back all crazy and gotten himself arrested. After this week, we'll be all out of gigs".
"And if I hadn't gotten involved, that same man never would've showed up and offered us a contract," Cosima points out with a sneer.
"I think 'us' is too broad a term," Jack chimes in, not even looking in their direction. Madi's house is a lot larger than Cosima's apartment, so everyone spreads out, particularly away from Cosima at the moment.
"Fine," Cosima exhales dramatically. "You guys. He never would've showed up and offered you guys a contract. I totally forgot that I was never fucking involved in this band, my bad," she rolls her eyes, gets up, and walks out of the house. She so badly wants to just be angry at Delphine, but she knows the woman isn't the source of her anger, only her sadness. She wants to stop by Delphine's office, talk about how shitty her friends are treating her, see the blonde smile maybe. Seeing those calm eyes makes her social life take the back burner and makes her see herself as more than the dead weight of a band she's liking less and less. The way Delphine looks at her like she's the most beautiful and most interesting thing in the room, it gives her the strength to not care about asshole Jack, asshole Jeremy, and asshole Madi.
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...
"Sorry, it looks like they're already booked for Friday," he sighs. Delphine can hear pages flipping through the phone.
"Can't you replace them? I'll offer more than their current booking," she says in one exasperated breath.
"Look, I'm not even in charge of these guys. This is Will's thing, and I know he's suspended, but I'm probably not far behind him. I can't guarantee I'll be able to see it through".
"Can I hire them independently? Just pay them directly?" Delphine asks with a bit more desperation than intended.
"Uhm, in most cases, no," he exhales, pausing to think. "But I don't think they've been assigned a manager yet. No agent. William has been the one booking them gigs as far as I know. His usual start-ups".
"Could you work it out somehow? Price isn't an issue. Whatever fees or charges that may come up from cancellations or anything, just add it to my bill," she pleads.
"I'll see what I can do, but I can't make any promises. I mean, they still have to agree, too. Can I get a ballpark estimate of what you'll offer? The gig they have now is a couple hundred".
"Offer them eight thousand, total. Two grand each," she says without hesitation. She can't take the chance they'll refuse. At this point, Delphine is set on using own money. She can't make the company pay for her own personal demands.
"Are you sure? It's just for a couple hours, right?"
"Yes. And…if you could just not mention who contacted you about them…I wouldn't want it going to their heads".
"Sure, yeah. Not a problem," she hears him rustling around between words. "I'll, uh, I'll let you know what I come up with".
...
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...
Cosima turns her cellphone over, tired of constant calls from Madi. She doesn't want to hear an apology right now. She just wants space. Madi probably won't even apologize. She'll say she's sorry for the offense, but it was deserved. Everything bad that happens, Cosima deserves. That's how Madi seems to see it.
After a joint, a slice of pizza, and a four-hour nap, Cosima finally checks her phone. Seven calls from Madi, two texts, and no voicemail. Madi hates leaving messages. The texts are short and vague.
Madi: new guy called from pcr. Switching venues for Friday. Pays a lot more.
Madi: I'll still pick you up. just be ready at 4ish
Maybe this whole experience will give her that depressed artist vibe that Jeremy is so good with. She shrugs her shoulders at her cellphone in her empty apartment as though it should explain itself.
Cos: K
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...
The end of the week arrives slowly. Cosima feels no different, still unaware of the specific venue change. She never bothered to ask. It wouldn't make a difference, she's still going to show up and do the same things. Whatever extra money they can make will aid in getting everyone off her back about being the bad luck charm of the group. No one seems to acknowledge the good luck she's brought anyways. These days, Cosima just traipses along behind everyone waiting for the next jab at her existence.
Delphine, on the other hand, is a trembling mess of nerves. She hasn't heard from Cosima, which isn't unexpected considering their last two or three encounters, and she's terrified the band won't show up at all. They have their typical backup playlists on-hand, but that's not the biggest issue. She's tested Cosima's patience more than enough this last month, and just the sight of Delphine could make her lose it. Potentially ruin the show, put her in the spotlight. If things are going poorly with the band, an argument could break out. Any number of things could go wrong. Throughout the week, Delphine has convinced herself that the worst case scenario would be not seeing Cosima at all, but now that she's on her way to Martell, just minutes away from whatever may happen, she's rethinking her concerns. She'd rather Cosima not show up than come make a mess of things.
She takes a breath, regretting now never learning some type of meditation technique to keep her calm, or acquiring a drug to do it for her. She changes into the more formal dress she left in her car when she arrives at Martell – nothing flashy, just a fitted charcoal dress – and stashes the rest of her things in the booth she reserved for herself and the CEO, if she decides to show up. The woman does seem to attempt to make it to every showing, but often skips the type their having tonight. No tickets, no entrance fee. Just the artists, their pieces, and a donation jar. Paid galleries are much nicer – usually in a rented studio, tickets, and a dress-code. But Delphine has always preferred this kind. The newer artists have more energy, and she finds delight in seeing the wonder on their faces when someone actually pays money for something they've made. Delphine's never been an artist herself, but she figures it must be quite validating.
"Wait, you're not kidding?" Delphine hears a familiar angry little voice entering the building.
"No, I said I wasn't. You just don't listen," Madi replies, leading the group to their original stage. "What's the big deal? It's not like we've never played here before".
"Ugh, fuck. No, but the event thing…it's…"
"It's art, Cos. What's the goddamn issue? We're getting two thousand dollars. I'd play background music at an orgy for that. Can't you just shut up and be thankful we're not being screwed over?"
"Never fucking mind," Cosima growls. Delphine notices the very evident agitation within the group. The two boys haven't even looked back to comment and Madi is typically a bit more level-headed. She's normally more sarcastic, not aggressive.
Cosima looks around the room for half a second before spotting the woman staring at her. Neither of the women do anything besides stare, and eventually Cosima looks away. Delphine looks to the floor and swallows tensely. It will be a very long night.
…
…
…
Delphine watches the band as inconspicuously as she can throughout the evening. Fortunately, Cosima is in her usual spot and has her back facing the better part of the club. She can't put her finger on it, but they sound different. Almost as if their bad attitudes have seeped into the music. They don't chat with each other between songs, and it seems like everyone is trying their best to ignore Cosima. It's strange to see.
Near the end of the night, Cosima and Madi take a break, leaving the boys to play some soft instrumentals. Delphine's seen it before. Usually the two go backstage or just chat at the bar. Tonight, Madi disappears somewhere and Cosima decides to get a drink.
Delphine looks at her glass of wine, considering chugging it and returning to the bar for another as a way to run into the girl. The glass is too full, though, and she doesn't even want a buzz tonight. She has to drive, and she has to handle herself professionally since she's technically working. She could dump it out somewhere or just leave the glass at her table, but it would be too overtly pathetic. Even if no one sees, she'd know how pitiful the whole thing would be. So, she observes the brunette as she orders her drink. To her surprise, a White Russian is set in front of her. For a fraction of a second, Delphine thinks Cosima must be buying it for her and somehow there's no longer any bad blood between them and everything is just as it used to be. But Cosima takes a generous gulp and turns back to the stage. Delphine can't think of any reason why the brunette would willingly drink something she hates so much. She can't watch. She turns to the nearest painting and pretends she can see the mix of watery colors through her mind's projection of a sad girl drinking vodka.
Cosima turns back to the crowd and searches for the blonde. If she saw what Cosima ordered, she'd know how pathetic her life has gotten. Cosima didn't think about it until after the glass was in front of her, though. Delphine is facing a different direction when she spots her. It doesn't guarantee her secret is safe, but she can hope. Why she's decided to torture herself with a drink she can't stand that reminds her of a woman who broke her heart on multiple occasions, she doesn't know. It doesn't feel cathartic. It doesn't even feel like self-punishment anymore. If she's honest, the taste is starting to bother her less and less anyways.
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...
They start off as little things, Delphine notices. The way everyone is treating Cosima. Passive aggressive bumps, pretending she's not even there, keeping a decent amount of physical distance. It's absolutely painful to watch. She can't help but feel responsible for it.
"Hey there, Mrs. Cormier, right?" A man's voice catches her attention, and she turns toward the speaker.
"You must be Mr. Hayes. I'm sorry we never got the chance to meet before," she offers her hand.
"No, no. You must be a very busy woman. I'm just flattered you chose Martell," he nods with a large cartoonish smile. "Actually, I was wondering what made you choose our little joint…"
"You have the perfect combination of quality and grunge. I hope you don't mind me saying that".
"Oh, no. I get it," he nods again, but with less of a smile this time. "There are plenty of places in the city with this same kind of atmosphere and theme – certainly, better parking. What was special about us?" She can tell he's trying to fish out a specific answer. Perhaps something to do with Cosima. The two of them are close, as far as she can remember. Did Cosima ask him to come over and try to get her to admit the biggest reason she chose Martell was her? Maybe he suspects it all on his own. Either way, she can't have people knowing the decision was influenced largely by her personal motivations and emotions. It would be unprofessional, and it would make her too vulnerable.
"Well, we were trying to decide on a venue and couldn't choose. When I heard Martell wasn't doing as well after your Friday entertainment left, I suppose I felt a bit guilty. My husband was the one to steal them away. So, it only made sense to try and compensate," she smiles. It's not a complete lie. "Plus I would hate for anything to happen to this place. It's one of my favorites".
"That's very kind of you," he smiles back, but seems surprised. As she suspected, he must have been expecting the answer to do with Cosima. "You know, Cosima speaks well of you," he mentions for no apparent reason.
"Forgive me if I doubt that," she chuckles with self-deprecation, though she feels guilty saying it. The man is just trying to make conversation and she is making it harder. Maybe he's attempting to flatter her since she is being generous in his eyes. Choosing Martell over some other location wasn't a huge risk. This is just business, not charity.
"Maybe not all the time," he admits. "But even when she's upset, I can hear in her voice how much she knows she doesn't mean it. And that girl is no stranger to whining about the smallest things, trust me," he giggles to himself. "Ah, she's much nicer with you, though. I can see why. You seem quite lovely".
"That's sweet of you to say," she smiles sincerely. The man is so endearing, she can't imagine him ever having one bad intention in his life.
"But anyways, I'll let you get back to it. Just great to put a face to the name," he shakes her hand again.
"Of course. Wonderful to meet you," she nods politely. The man gives her a brief wave as he ambles back to his office. When her gaze returns to the stage, she sees the band finishing up a song. Cosima looks just barely conscious. Her weariness doesn't even look like the result of alcohol. It looks like the result of torment.
Delphine tries to ignore it for now, for her own sanity, settling for a quick smoke break. She discreetly checks the donation jar on her way out. Not bad. Her car is parked where it's usually parked, and she feels the sprinkle of light rain on her walk to the side lot to fetch her cigarettes. The cool night breeze is more appealing than her stuffy car, even with the rain, so she leans against the rough exterior of the building to light up.
With the first inhale, the entirety of all the sections of numbness in her brain flicker for a moment – every part she's been holding back throughout the night to keep from breaking down or freaking out, keep her from expressing the anger she feels towards that band, the defensiveness she feels over Cosima who looks like she's being dragged around by the collar wherever she goes – and with her exhale, she cries. It's a miserable whimper with a few hot tears burning her eyes, but she doesn't see it coming, so the forces holding it all back aren't present or strong enough to stop her from continuing to sob. She decides it's not worth the trouble to try stopping it. The rain isn't loud, but the city makes enough noise to drown her out.
By the time her cigarette is completely burnt up, she's moved onto idle staring. She only took the one drag, the rest of the cigarette burnt on its own between her fingers. She tries to steal one more breath from it, but it's no use. She throws the butt into the trash bin on the sidewalk, then looks back at the parking lot. The back door that leads to behind the stage is barely visible past the little corner it hides behind. It always reminds her of when she first started talking to Cosima, the night she sat in her car and overheard the girl talking to Madi, but it's especially resonant tonight.
While staring at the half of the door she can see, she stands in the rain and remembers how simple things used to be. She thinks about when Cosima first approached her, the bit about buying her a drink, the little comments that always used to shock Cosima. She remembers Cosima touching her leg, the butterflies it produced, and returning the gesture the night she pretended to help on stage. Teasing and toying with the brunette, hoping, praying that she would just kiss her. Their first kiss. Torturing both herself and Cosima, rolling around on her apartment floor, trying to get her to break. All the stupid texting. The brief handholding. Her silly smile, her eye-roll, her scoff, her laugh, what she looks like without her glasses.
"Mrs. Cormier," the blonde barely registers the voice calling to her from the front door. She snaps out of her daze and turns. "We're wrapping up. The band finished and we've just got a few stragglers and people here just for drinks".
"Okay, I'll be right there," she calls, knowing it means the band is ready to be paid. When she glances back at the stage door, it doesn't feel the same. The mirage is gone. The rain is back.
It took ages to convince Anne to let her pay for the band personally. It wasn't until she admitted why she chose them that Anne relented. The bar seems much warmer now compared to outside. Her table is exactly how she left it when she first arrived. She uses her coat to dry her face and arms, and then digs around for her checkbook. It's not every day she writes a check for eight thousand dollars, but she's so caught up in her attempts to induce some kind of dissociation for the eventual delivery of the check that it doesn't faze her.
She rips out the little piece of paper and then gathers her belongings. She knows that seeing Cosima so close will only poke at her fragile mental state, so the plan is to hand the check over, and then immediately escape the building and go home. The sensible thing to do would be to have someone else deliver the check, but she can't bring herself to ask anyone. The bartender nods his head toward the backstage room when she asks the whereabouts of the group. She recognizes him from when she used to come more frequently. He seems to recognize her, too. She wonders if he's aware of all the drama.
She feels like such an unwelcome intruder walking down the hall, but she maintains her air of superiority as best she can. It's the only way to stay above her emotions. Though, every step makes her feel smaller and smaller. When she gets close enough to the door, she can hear bickering, and Cosima's broken voice weakly protesting. She sounds completely exhausted.
"You can't blame me for accepting a gig with more money at a place we're used to performing at – if you would've picked up your fucking phone and said something, maybe it would've been different," Madi scolds condescendingly.
"Yeah, I'm sure that if I mentioned she would be here you would all just dive in for a group hug and deny two grand. That totally sounds like a thing," Cosima retorts.
"I don't know how many times we have to tell you," Jack's voice chimes in now. "You were warned, you didn't listen, and you don't get to ask for sympathy. Poor Cosima, got to screw a rich hot French blonde".
"FYI asshole – never screwed her. And shouldn't you guys be grateful or something? If I listened to your stupid fucking warnings, Mr. Black probably wouldn't have shown up to listen to anything".
"Yeah, but if it weren't for you not listening to our warnings, maybe we'd still have the guy around. You went and fucked up his marriage. I'd throw a bottle, too".
"Stop fucking blaming someone else's temper on me," Cosima chokes out. "I didn't throw it".
"Cosima, the man is suspended because he was so angry that he freaked out in front of everyone. And why did he freak out? Because of a situation you caused," Jack shouts.
Delphine is paralyzed until she hears a quiet sniffle. Not sadness, not passion, not defensiveness, but full-blown rage takes over the woman and she feels her body stiffen as she appears in the doorway. It's not completely conscious, but she can tell what her face must look like. She walks in the room and slaps the check down on their makeshift coffee table. Everyone is silent, staring at her, including a teary Cosima leaning against the wall.
She turns to face the rest of the group, huddled on the couch. "Mr. Black is suspended from work because he steals money from young artists like you. Not because he broke a bottle of wine," she says in the calmest voice she can possibly attain. It's not calm. Now everyone else is paralyzed. "And the reason you all made two thousand dollars tonight is not because of your talent. It's because of Cosima".
Her not-calm calm starts to break down when she hears another muffled sniffle from the brunette against the wall. The actions of her body no longer under her control, she observes herself grab Cosima's wrist and pull her out of the room, leaving the other three to themselves. Cosima's body is limp and seems to just obey due to lack of physical capacity to resist. Delphine finds the nearest escape, which just so happens to be the backstage door she had been staring at longingly earlier. She shoves it open and pulls the two of them through.
"I'm sorry," Delphine pants, gathering the girl up in her arms. "I'm sorry". She repeats the apology again and again until she feels Cosima wrap her arms around her waist and rest her head on her shoulder. Delphine can't hear the cries, but she can feel Cosima restraining them inside her chest. "They don't know what they're talking about. And I'm glad you didn't listen to warnings," she walks them back against the building for some shelter from the rain. "I miss you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for them, I'm sorry for everything," she takes Cosima's sullen face in her hands and kisses her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, her chin. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused, I'm sorry for ruining so much".
"You didn't. And I – I'm sorry, too," Cosima chokes out, resting her head back against the wall.
Delphine shakes her head, "Non, non. Don't, you have nothing to apologize for, ma chérie". She leans in and kisses her gently, resting their foreheads together for a moment. Wiping away a combination of rain and tears from Cosima's cheeks, she looks into her watery eyes. "You don't need to say anything now, but I hope you can forgive me".
It takes only a moment of delayed comprehension before Cosima reclaims the blonde's lips, forgiveness already granted.
...
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...
Cosima's apartment door slams shut with the owner being pushed back against it. Delphine's dress is the first to come off – by far the easiest since it unzips nearly all the way to the hem. Cosima's shirt is more difficult with the dampness that keeps it clinging to her skin. Shoes are left by the door, kicked off haphazardly. A trail of drenched clothing follows them to the only real piece of furniture in the place.
"Why am I the reason everyone got paid so much?" Cosima asks between kisses down the blonde's neck, their conversation never really ending, but never really picking up a pace.
"I wanted to make sure the offer would be appealing enough to override potential…protests," she answers the best she can.
Cosima hums, the noise vibrating against Delphine's skin. "I don't want to push it, but…what made you…change your mind, I guess?"
"Ehm…my feelings never changed. I suppose the part of my mind telling me to stay at a comfortable emotional distance just…it was overruled. I thought I could…" she pants, not understanding what she's trying to express. Cosima's mouth trailing down her sternum isn't helping. "There are so many memories at that place – I just wasn't able to block it out as sufficiently. Then when I heard them…" she scoffs, a small bit of residue from the fury still sticking to her.
"I've never seen them so speechless," Cosima chuckles, the air hitting Delphine's stomach.
"I could pay you all two thousand dollars daily in the name of Cosima if you'd like?"
Cosima chuckles, again sending chills across the blonde's midsection. "I think they'd just resent me more. Probably wouldn't take it".
"The girl said she'd play at an orgy for two thousand dollars. I think they'd take it".
"Madi's got her principles, though".
"I doubt that if they were each given a check with their name on it for two thousand dollars, they'd find the will to reject it," she exhales with unintended force when Cosima's hands explore further down, running up and down her legs, her inner thigh.
"If you quadruple the rate like that, no, probably not".
"That was the rate for tonight. Two thousand for all of you," she clarifies, now noticing just how much her entire body has heated up since they arrived at the apartment.
"Two thousand split between four people is five hundred, though".
"Two thousand is the amount for each of you after it's been split".
Cosima freezes, and then snaps up into a sitting position, giving the blonde a skeptical look, "Each?" She asks, receiving a nod in return. "Like…eight grand total?" Another nod. "Holy fucking hell, Delphine".
"What?"
"What do you mean 'what'? That's a shit ton of money. Why?"
"I told you why. I needed to offer something irresistible".
"And all that money just so that I show up? How am I supposed to pay that back, huh?" Cosima settles her arms across her chest and glares at the blonde, whose legs are wrapped around her waist.
Delphine shakes her head with an exhale and pulls Cosima back down, eventually rolling them over, stealing away the dominance while she can. "Must we talk about money the entire night?"
Even if Cosima wanted to answer, Delphine is too quick to occupy her lips. Her left hand holds Cosima's wrists above her head while her right slithers down her stomach, sliding the last piece of covering the girl still possesses down her legs and off with the flick of her feet. Cosima frees a hand and reaches around to unclasp the blonde's bra. And finally, the very last item of clothing between the two of them is pushed down Delphine's legs and onto the floor.
The feeling doesn't even seem familiar to Cosima anymore. She's been avoiding most romantic encounters, but even if she had been going home with someone every night, she can't say this is reminiscent of any past experience. Even with Madi all those years ago it never felt so harmonious. She's had more passionate partners, but Delphine offers a completely different genre of passion. It doesn't feel like a desperate need for sex, it feels like a desperate need for Cosima. Moreover, she feels like she's earned this prize by working hard rather than charming someone for a superficial night. And they're all such foreign feelings.
For Delphine, it's almost the opposite. She feels like she's been waiting for this her entire life, as though she's always expected to meet Cosima. And the pure inevitability of it has made her into an entitled brat waiting for her treasure. She doesn't know exactly what it's supposed to feel like, but she knows it will be better than anything she's had before. And it is.