A/N: This one-shot is a gift of thanks to MissMelysse. Her Crush series of stories and oneshots which tell the story of Data and OFC Zoe's romance is an epic work of wonder, sorrow and joy. Her characterisation and detail is magnificent and offers an intriguing, patient character study of Data while also highlighting other nuances of character and plot. Thank you MissMelysse for your dedication and passion for this world.

Data strode across Ten forward with measured steps and a straight back. He slid into the bar stool opposite Guinan without pause.

The Listeners do not have eyebrows but Guinan is a chameleon who mimics the body language of those around her with ease. One could hardly be a time travelling tourist if you were not adaptable.

Guinan cocked her eyebrow muscle and leaned forward across the bar to study the android Commander. Even to one as old and experienced as Guinan, Data was an intriguing being. The Universe vibrated and echoed around him in interesting ways.

"You have the bearing of a man on a mission Commander. Here to try a new beverage again; to study the crews' social interactions; or to ask for more advice about Jenna?"

Data, if possible, straightens further in his seat but his face remains blankly neutral. Cocking his head slightly to the left, as though in thought, he illuminated Guinan.

"You are partially correct. After my relationship with Lieutenant Yar ended, Commander Riker mentioned the human ritual of 'drowning one's sorrows' and 'drinking away' a broken heart. While I am unable to have a broken heart, I wish to attempt to fulfil this human tradition with the ending of my relationship with Lieutenant junior grade D'Sora."

Guinan's other brow muscle followed the first to rise in quiet surprise before scrunching forward again, "I am sorry to hear about you and Jenna, but Data, you are unable to get drunk. I fear you will find this human tradition rather lacking for you."

Data's brows furrow in mild consternation and confusion, "Thank you for your condolences Guinan. You are correct that as an android I am unable to become intoxicated, but considering the widespread use of synthehol in the Federation I believe the intoxication part of the ritual is, in the modern era, secondary to the act of drinking, sharing commiserations with the dispenser of beverages and the ritual act of deciding to move on the morning after."

Guinan smiles bemusedly at Data's logical reduction of the human ritual to its component parts, minus all the emotional heartache and woes of course.

Slapping the bar in a gesture that would make any other customer jump, but merely makes Data rise a quizzical brow of his own, Guinan declares, "Alright then. To do this ritual correctly I recommend Whiskey - by the bottle."

Guinan pulls a glass bottle filled with dark amber liquid from beneath the bar and a square glass.

Data smiles and waits patiently as Guinan pours the first glass of Whiskey.

"The whole bottle Guinan?" Data asks curiously as his eyes flicker as though reviewing information on whether Guinan's advice correlates with his cultural records.

Guinan pushes the glass and bottle towards the android, "To do the ritual right I recommend the bottle. If you wanted real authenticity you would sleep in your uniform, not shave or shower in the morning and turn up slightly late to your shift smelling of booze."

Data frowns, "I think the bottle of whiskey, accepting commiserations and deleting the dating subroutine for Lieutenant junior grade D'Sora will be enough."

Data throws back the first glass of whiskey without pause or any discernible reaction and proceeds to efficiently pour a second.

Guinan sighs mournfully, "If only it was as easy as deleting a subroutine for the rest of us Data. Yet, I think that one day soon Commander Data, love will sink its hooks into you more surely than even you expect."

Data opened his mouth to enquire about that rather oblique prophecy but was cut off as Guinan held up a hand and glided to his right further down the bar to take the order of one of the young security officers.

Light laughter has Data cocking his head to the entrance to Ten Forward as he sees Zoe Harris and a group of his Maths tutorial students weave through the tables to sit at a table by the transparent aluminium view port. They quickly reach for the menu pads and easy chatter flows between them.

Data momentarily stares at his bottle of whiskey and contemplates if he should leave. It does not set a good example for his students to see him drinking to excess, even if he is unable to become intoxicated.

Data's quandary is interrupted by a new voice distracting him.

Data didn't mean to overhear the trainee engineer cadets' conversation, but having enhanced hearing and a positronic brain do not lend themselves to being unobservant.

He will later rationalise that he paid such close attention because the trainee cadets are new and his records indicate that such young humans, fresh from the academy, are often boisterous and high spirited. Since they are serving in Geordie's department it is only right that he be aware of any brewing issues. Data had reviewed the crew records for this group of trainees this morning. They were part of a group that were here as part of a six-week trial run for trainees to have part of their education occur on an actual star ship.

"There are some seriously hot chicks on this ship," Cadet Wilcox comments as he sips from a bottle of synthehol beer.

Cadet Jameson nods while he eyes the table that is now being occupied by Data's maths group, "Who are the two hotties by the window?"

Ensign Braun, a small, ginger haired engineer who seemed to be acting as a chaperone for the group glances back at the table, "Zoe and Dana. Dana's family live in the cabin opposite my room."

Cadet Jameson nods again and hums before shiftily looking around, "They jailbait?"

Cadet Wilcox leans forward while Ensign Braun, instead of shutting down the inappropriate question, merely frowns briefly and then seems to crumble before the peer pressure of the young men who are but two years younger than him.

Ensign Braun drops down in Data's estimation as soon as he speaks, "Yeah, at least for another couple months at least, or unless we are doing shore leave on a planet that has a consent age lower than 17. Since we are going to be nice and safe in Federation space while you guys are onboard, I doubt that will be a possibility."

Data would be impressed by Ensign Braun's finding of a legal loophole if it wasn't for such an ethically dubious reason. He drops again in Data's estimation and Data makes a note to watch him more carefully while he serves on the Enterprise.

Cadet Wilcox and Jameson sigh simultaneously.

"Damn it. Ah well, maybe I'll introduce myself one day before our rotation is over. If I lay some groundwork now it may leave me in good stead to score if I ever rotate back here," Cadet Wilcox smugly declares.

The two cadets tap beers and laugh.

Ensign Braun sips his own drink and smiles over his beer bottle with a rueful look. "I wouldn't hold your breath fellas. Dana doesn't seem the wild type and from what she says, Zoe has a crush on the tin man over there."

Data fights an unnatural urge to freeze as he realises Ensign Braun is talking about him. The nickname is one he has heard before. The reference to the Wizard of Oz is one of the more often used slurs that Terran's use to identify him. Data has been aware of Zoe's uncontrollable biological urges. Being a teenager, drowned with hormones must be a confusing time for humans: very confusing indeed considering Zoe has developed a crush on him. Like the other crushes Data has endured, he is sure this one will run its course and burn out swiftly. However, Data hopes the unique friendship he feels developing between himself and Zoe will not be the collateral damage of her crush ending.

The cadets splutter. Data wishes he could turn around to measure their expressions, but he merely drinks another glass of whiskey and fixes his eyes on the bottle.

"Damn! If she is turned on by the robot she must be a real freak," Jameson sputters in morbid fascination.

"It's a machine, it can't feel. It would be like fucking a vibrator that walks and talks," Cadet Wilcox jokes.

Some part of Data's mind is cataloguing how predictable this conversation has become. Calling Data Tin man, then a robot, a machine, 'it' and finally speculating on his likeness to a mechanical sexual aid. While Data prefers to be known by his name and by the pronouns 'him' and 'he,' he is not hurt by the cadet's words, merely concerned by their level of seeming prejudice. Such behaviour is beneath a Starfleet Officer and he is sure the Academy still has lessons on interspecies cultural sensitivity.

Cadet Jameson laughs, "Yeah, if I ever rotate back here, she would be gagging for a real man to teach her some moves."

Ensign Braun laughs, "Oh yeah I bet any woman would be just dying for your clumsy, sixty second thrust and flop. At least the Tin Man would have some stamina, no need to change his batteries or anything."

Cadet Jameson sneers, "Oh please, I would take care of her, not hammer her like some 20th century jackhammer which is all the machine could manage. Probably break the poor thing."

A ringing sound of breaking glass pierces Ten Forward and for a brief moment silence descends before the hum of conversation resumes.

Data looks at the broken glass in his hand with absolute confusion. He runs a system diagnostic but finds no issues. Perhaps he has a fault in his pressure sensors or in the gyros of his fingers. He hasn't ever broken a glass that he can recollect.

Guinan hustles over with a cloth and begins carefully picking up the broken glass from the bar. "Are you alright Data? What happened?" she asks.

Data shakes his hand and with deft movements lifts the shards into the cloth.

"My apologies Guinan. I was distracted running a theoretical change to the shield harmonics while simultaneously reviewing my data gathered on romantic relationships. I must have a fault with my pressure sensors. I think I will retire to engineering to have my servos and systems checked," Data replied.

Guinan watches him carefully, "Of course Data. I will keep the rest of the bottle of Whiskey for the next time you encounter romantic issues."

Data nods distractedly, knowing that questioning Guinan about what romantic issues she thinks he would likely encounter in the future is pointless.

"My thanks Guinan. Good evening," Data intones as he slips from his seat and marches to the exit. Data passes the rambunctious table of cadets and Ensign Braun without missing a step or casting them a glance.

While in engineering, if Data suggests a more efficient work schedule for the cadets which would limit their possible contact time with Zoe Harris, then that is merely coincidental, an efficient use of time and a decision made merely to protect a minor and ensure harmonious interpersonal interactions on the ship.