A/N: I posted this on AO3 back in August, but decided to post it here as well. Takes place the summer between season 2 and season 3, AKA around the same time as "Can't Pretend". You don't have to read that one, but man, I sure would love it if you did!

You do make me hard,

but she makes me weak.

-The 1975, "Be My Mistake"

Rory was in Washington. Dean was at his grandmother's. And Jess was stuck in Stars Hallow, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do. After all, as far as he knows, Rory is still with Bag Boy.

He didn't like this feeling, not one bit. Jess had had his fair share of flings, but that's all they were. Flings. Not that he could say much more of his and Rory's relationship, or lack thereof.

The difference was, those flings had been purely passion. Jess could say that he hadliked the girls well enough, but he hadn't reallylikedthem. Not like he liked Rory. And, oh, God, now he felt pathetic. He was pining. Pining! He was definitely spending was too much time with Luke.

The first week went by, and Jess tried to not think about the lack of communication from Rory. Sure, he could have reached out, but consideringshehad been the one to grab him, tokisshim,shecould make the first move this time, too.

That's what Jess told himself. It was not because he was scared, because he definitely wasn't. No way.

-

Shane wasn't big on talking, which was fine with Jess. He didn't even think they'd had more than ten full, meaningful conversations the entire month of July. But it didn't really matter. Talking about superficial things, what they did between talking, was all Jess really had as a distraction. He could read, but had Rory read the book he had picked up at the book store? What would she think of it? Would she like it? Hate it? Tease him about it? Get into a long, meaningful...

No.

No more Rory. Rory wasn't there. She was off in D.C. She had Dean. Jess had Shane, whatever that meant. And yet, there was still this feeling in Jess's stomach. A pit that he had had since the second she turned away from him on the lawn of the Independence Inn. A pit that somehow had grown with each passing day, even when Jess was sure it couldn't possibly get bigger.

Thissucked.

So, no reading. Or not as much, anyway. Jess couldn't keep himself from books forever, so every once in a while he picked up something to read. But other than that, he was uncharacteristically helpful at the diner, and when he wasn't there, he was with Shane. Shane wasn't dumb, she had to know he wasn't exactly committed or anything. Luckily, though, Shane didn't seem all to attached to their relationship, either.

Fling.Again. This one was different though. There were feelings involved. So many feelings, things Jess had never felt before, things that he never really thought were meant for him to feel. It freaked him out, if he was going to be completely honest with himself.

-

Rory was coming home in three days. Jess felt dirty, and he really didn't have a reason to. He wasn't with Rory. They had kissed, once. He had every right to be in a relationship. Still, he was nervous.

He didn't have to think about how he would react when Rory got home. There really were only two options. Either he would tease her as if nothing had happened, or he would have to be defensive. Possibly both. It all depended on Rory, and how she acted when she returned.

At the moment, though, Jess was distracting himself by listening to Luke and Taylor fighting about some stupid summer fair thing. Jess could always count on the two of them to provide him free entertainment.

Eventually, with the diner being especially slow, and with Shane nowhere to be found, Jess headed up to the apartment and flung himself onto the couch. Running his hands over his face, he finally let himself think.

Thinking, actually thinking, was exhausting, but it wasn't like Jess had anywhere else to be. So he let his mind wander until it seemed to pick a specific place.

The bridge.

Jess couldn't tell when he started to like Rory- he suspected it was probably when her first met her, and she asked him if he liked to read, and she tried to convince him to stay for dinner. But the day at the bridge, that was when he was indeep. When he realized it wasn't like anything in New York. When he realized, for the first time in his life, helike likeda girl.

How very middle school.

Sure, Shane was alright, and it definitely couldn't be said that she wasn't easy on the eyes. Jess was sure she had depth, but she wasn't interested in sharing, and he wasn't interested in asking. She was nice to kiss. That was what Jess had gathered this summer. Kissing was all well and good, but it didn't make him feel anything. That was okay before, but then he had kissed Rory, and suddenly he actually felt something. Because he hadfeltsomething. Something bigger than him, something that made him weak in the knees at the time, something that made him grab Rory and bring her closer because holding her had grounded him he wasn't sure how long it would be until he could ever have her that close again, if at all.

"Good God," Jess grumbled, sitting up on the couch. This was why he wasn't a touchy feely guy. He'd much rather pretend Rory meant nothing to him than feel like this. It was easier.

Suddenly, Luke opened the door quickly, saying nothing but, "That Shane girl is here for you downstairs," and then left again. Jess let out a sigh and headed downstairs.