Author's note: It's an episode smorgasbord! I've got portions of "Mother Load", "Toby or Not Toby" (2x24), and "Little Boy Lost" (3x04) that I've rehashed and re-served to suit my craving for angst. Bon appétit!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"Hey, whatcha you two whispering about over here?"
Happy elbowed Toby in the ribs. "We were discussing what a pain in the ass you are," she replied before Walter could even open his mouth.
The shrink let his arms slide downward. "I was hoping he was convincing you to stay behind with Paige."
"If anyone should, it's you, numbnuts. You're a freaking doctor." Happy narrowed her eyes. "And why the hell do you think I should stay?" she challenged.
"Uh. . ." Toby was obviously at a loss for words, a rare occurrence for the psychiatrist. Walter could understand why. He was just as worried about a pregnant Happy possibly being exposed to radiation. "Well, you know. . ." the other man began, clearly choosing his words with care. "You're a woman. . . Paige is a woman. . . I, um, I just thought you could keep her company. You know. . . Maybe bond a little. Woman to woman."
"Listen up, jackass," the mechanic said, rolling her eyes. "Just because me and the waitress share the same plumbing, it doesn't mean we're ever going to be BFFs." Hefting the strap of her tool bag over her shoulder, she stated, "I'm going. And that's final." She shot both men a belligerent glance before heading out the door.
"Thanks for backing me up there, amigo," said Toby, firing his own disgruntled glare at Walter, who sighed.
"She doesn't listen to me either," he pointed out. "And we do need her there."
"We could just call the authorities and let them deal with it."
"We could," Walter conceded. "But we won't." He wanted Paige and the others out of danger sooner rather than later. Plus, the fewer people who knew about Veronica and her connections to the Slovaks, and the amount of money involved, the better.
"I knew you'd say that." Glancing over at the door, the shrink added, "You better hope nothing happens to her." Huffing out a breath, Toby adjusted his hat as he took off after Happy.
"Keep an eye on her."
Paige's voice startled Walter. He turned to face her. Oh, shit, did she know about the mechanic's condition? "Who? Happy?" he asked for clarification.
"No, my mom." She sighed wearily. "She doesn't care who get hurts. . .as long as she gets what she wants."
"We'll be careful," he replied.
"I've heard that before." She stroked her hand across her belly. "I'm. . .I'm sorry about last night. I. . ." With a shrug, she continued, "I shouldn't have stormed out like that. I should have stayed and had a rational conversation but. . . I guess I was incapable of doing even that."
"I, uh. . ." He didn't know what to say and was relieved when she cut him off.
"Just come back in one piece, okay? I love you." Sliding her arms around his neck, she kissed him on the lips.
"O-Okay," he replied as she pulled away. "Love you, too."
Paige watched as Walter and the others, including her mom, trooped out of the garage. Poor guy. His EQ had developed by leaps and bounds since she'd met him. But it was obvious he was in over his head, dealing with a hormonal pregnant woman whose estranged criminal mother had unexpectedly appeared out of nowhere. Hell, she was having trouble dealing with the emotional roller coaster her life was on right now.
Waddling into the kitchen, she opened the freezer, reaching behind bags of frozen vegetables which she figured none of the others would ever disturb, let alone eat. Triumph flowed through her as her fingers found the pint of salted caramel toffee ice cream she'd hidden away in case of an emergency.
Paige grabbed a spoon before sitting down at the table and opening the container. Not caring she was supposed to cut down on sodium, sugar, and fat, she savored the salty creamy sweetness as it melted on her tongue. Because if Walter and the rest of the team plus her mom disposing of a nuclear reactor wasn't an emergency, she didn't know what was.
ooooo
"I'm okay."
Toby reached Happy's side seconds before Walter did. And despite her reassurance to the contrary, she didn't look okay. She appeared pale and dazed. The shrink knelt down next to her, offering her his hand.
"I don't know," he began, "usually when you're lying flat on your back and moaning, I'm working my sexual magic on you."
She ignored his gesture of help. "Just the wind knocked out of me, you sick son of. . ." The mechanic interrupted herself with a groan as she tried to sit up. "Not good," she muttered, flopping back down onto the concrete floor and sliding her hands under her hips.
"What the hell happened?" Walter crouched beside her, taking in her pained expression. She tossed him a warning glance which he took to mean to keep quiet about her pregnancy. Although he didn't know why, Toby had already guessed.
"Dammit, 197, this is not the time for recriminations." Walter opened his mouth to rebut Toby's rebuke but the psychiatrist shot him a panicked look before gently placing his hands on Happy's belly. "Just tell the nice doctor where it hurts, sweetheart," he said.
"My lower back," the mechanic said. "I think I pulled something jumping onto Cabe."
Walter watched helplessly as Toby tried to examine Happy, who kept swatting at him. "We have six and a half minutes to hook the reactor up to the truck battery. Let me up, jackass," she grumbled.
"Walter and Sly can do it," he argued.
"No, they can't." She shook her head. "I know what I'm doing. They don't. One mistake and mushroom cloud." She waved her hands in the air while making explosion noises with her mouth.
With a defeated sigh, the shrink grabbed one of her arms while Walter got the other and together they lifted her to her feet. Wincing with every step, she hurried over to where Cabe and Sylvester were loading the reactor into the back of the truck. "Careful, you klutzes. Don't hit the coolant pipes. Hey, morons," she called out, waving her hand at Toby and Walter. "Get your asses over here and help."
The mechanic kept reeling off a list of instructions as everyone loaded and secured the reactor in the truck. She insisted she needed to ride in the back with it, so somehow Walter ended up driving with Veronica riding shotgun.
"This is what you guys do for a living?" She'd pitched in when they'd been stacking film canisters and binders under the jack while raising the reactor ten feet to the next floor. With her hair mussed and most of her makeup sweated away, Walter noticed how strongly Paige resembled the older woman.
He chuckled. "Our cases usually don't go this well," he explained as he gingerly turned a corner.
"You know, I like you," she said, squinting over at him. "I think you're a man my daughter can rely on."
"Uh. . .thanks?" It was hardly an endorsement, coming from a conwoman.
"But you're hiding something from her. I can tell," she added, no doubt reading the stunned disbelief he was feeling on his face. "And I know from experience she doesn't like people keeping secrets from her. You need to tell her before it blows up in your face."
"Uh, I, um. . . It's. . .It's not just my secret to keep," he explained, his gut twisting into knots. "And I do. . .I do plan to tell her. . . It's. . .just. . ."
"The sooner the better," Veronica said with a wise nod. "I'd be much happier knowing she'll be in safe hands before I leave."
"You're not staying in LA?" he asked. He was hardly surprised. She didn't seem like a person who remained in any one place for long. But still. . . "Paige is due in a little over six weeks. I'm sure she'd. . ."
"I'm sure she'd rather I didn't stick around," Veronica replied. "I'm not very fond of babies anyway. All that drool, and the diapers. . ." She shuddered before continuing, "I'd like to spend more time with Ralph though. He's one smart boy."
"Yes, he is," Walter said proudly, although he had nothing to do with Ralph's IQ. And even though his own EQ was lacking, he knew the boy genius's wasn't and he'd be hurt by his grandmother's departure. Taking the money and running, leaving Paige and Ralph and a new grandson behind without a second thought.
Veronica was right about one thing though. He needed to tell Paige. And he'd have to deal with the fallout as best he could. But for the moment, he needed to focus on preventing another type of fallout first. And he knew he was being hyperbolic (and not in a geometric way), but he wasn't sure which one would be worse.
ooooo
The loud creaking of the garage door woke Paige from her nap. Sitting up on the couch, she combed her fingers through her hair, wondering how long she'd been asleep. A quick glance at her watch confirmed it had been a couple of hours since the rest of the team had wrapped up their mission and gone off comms. But not before telling her they'd be back in half an hour. Where the hell had they been all this time?
As she struggled to her feet, a fussing Toby steered a perturbed Happy over to the sofa. The mechanic plopped down with a grimace. Had they taken her to the hospital because of her injury? Surely they would have said something. . .
"You stay right there," the shrink instructed. "I'll get you an ice bag." He took several steps backward before turning and heading toward the kitchen.
"I'll ice your bag all right," Happy muttered as she cautiously leaned against the cushions.
"Is your back still bothering you?"
The mechanic tipped her head in the psychiatrist's direction. "He's what's bothering me. I guess one pain in my ass isn't enough."
Paige had to press her lips together to keep from grinning. But a smile grew on her face anyway as she spotted Walter walking through the door, followed by Sylvester and Cabe. He was dirty and sweaty and exhausted, like a conquering hero fresh from the fight. And it was all she could do to stop herself from dragging him upstairs. She settled instead for putting her arms around him and kissing his stubbly cheek.
"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes darting toward the floor.
"Sorry about what?" The mission had been successful. They'd deposited the reactor at the bottom of the ocean, neutralizing the threat and saving the greater Los Angeles area from becoming a nuclear waste land. Why would he be sorry?
When he didn't answer, she glanced around, noticing for the first time not everyone had come back. She gasped. "My mom?" Placing her hand over her mouth, she sank down onto the couch next to Happy, who was now holding a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a dish towel against her back. "Oh, God. . ."
"Oh, no, not. . ." Walter was kneeling in front of her. "She's not. . ." He took a deep breath. "She took off with the truck after we unloaded the reactor. When we went back to the building to pick up Cabe's SUV, there was a gaping hole in the floor and. . .she was gone."
Paige's shoulders drooped. She didn't know why she was disappointed. Veronica was just being Veronica. Caring only about herself and the hell with everyone else. She'd gotten what she'd came for, and Paige was a fool for getting her hopes up her mother would actually act like a mother.
"Are you okay?" Walter asked, interrupting her mental grumblings
"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't be surprised." She held out her hand and he helped her to her feet. "She's good at disappearing. I'm just worried about Ralph."
"Uh, yeah." He raked his hand through his already messy curls. "Can we, um, can we go upstairs. . .?"
"You must have been reading my mind," she said, waggling her brows as they moved toward the ramp.
"Uh, no, not. . ." His face turned bright red, but under his blush, she noticed he also looked a little green, like he was ready to hurl. "N-No, to talk. I-I. . .I need to. . ."
Whatever he'd been about to say was drowned out by Happy's shouting, "Don't do it, jackass!"
Paige gasped as she watched Toby go down on one knee before the mechanic who was still icing her back on the sofa. "I promise I won't ask the question you think I'm going to ask."
"No, thank you." Happy crossed her arms over her chest.
"Toby, she said don't," Walter cautioned, an odd tone in his voice. Darting a quick glance at him, Paige saw he'd become even greener.
"Butt out, Big Brain." The shrink reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. "I said I wasn't going to ask it and I'm not." He grinned goofily at her. "I'm going to sing it."
Opening the box, he held it up to her as he began singing. Paige couldn't help but smile over how silly it was, but it was typical Toby. "I've loved you since I can't remember when, and I gonna love you 'til I forget how. Will you please marry me?" he finished, stretching out the 'e' in me for several bars.
Happy's reply surprised them all. "I can't."
Toby stumbled to his feet. "Why not? I love you, you love me." Paige almost giggled as the Barney theme song popped into her head. God, she hated that stupid purple dinosaur, but it had kept Ralph entertained for hours when he was a toddler.
"I'm married to someone else."
As if her first announcement hadn't been shocking enough, this one sent a flabbergasted hush over the building. Then Toby's voice broke the silence. "To who?"
"To whom."
The psychiatrist's head swiveled around so fast, Paige thought she was watching a scene from The Exorcist. His frustrated eyes met Sylvester's now panicked ones. "Put a cork in it, Grammar Police." He turned back to stare at Happy. "What he said."
The mechanic was focused on her boots as she drew deep breaths. She flicked her gaze upward for a second, then seemed to relax.
"To me." Walter stepped forward, facing the rest of the team with a grim expression. "She's married to me."
"You son of a bitch!" Toby practically flew across the room, hurdling over Sly's desk, knocking Walter to the floor. "I'm going to kill you!" the shrink screamed, his fists flying as Walter barely defended himself.
"Stop it!" The now thawed bag of peas smacked Toby in the back of the head. "It was six years ago," said Happy as Cabe pulled the still flailing behaviorist away from Walter. "He was a friend in need. His visa was up. He was going to be deported."
"There was nothing romantic about it," Walter confirmed, rubbing his jaw before lifting his head to stare at Paige, his eyes filled with fear. "But if we get divorced now, before I get my citizenship in two years, I'm still in danger of being deported."
"I'll deport your ass back to Ireland right now," Toby said hotly. "I need to marry her as soon as possible, not two years from now."
Happy stood up slowly and ambled up to where the Homeland agent was restraining the shrink. "Why? I'm not going anywhere, Doc."
"Well, because. . ." The anger seemed to have drained out of him, and a much less confident Toby appeared to squirm under her scrutiny.
"If it's because I'm pregnant, you can take that ring and shove it."