"You think that is crazy? I'll give you crazy. One time I was out at the Speedway during Grand Prix Monday, y'know? There I am sitting in my bright pink cruiser with my friends when a couple of these guys come up with their roadsters. It was so obvious they were trying to show off so they could hit on me and my friends. Now I'm not kidding when I say these were the most cliche, elitists I could imagine. They had the dark red paint, no decals or special rims. Just plain, boring roadsters. Anyways this one guy, wearing his brand new two-hundred jellybean sunglasses comes up." Cross pulled off a pair of imaginary glasses and tossed them to the side. "He rips them off and looks at me and smiles and calls me a cute little honey! Anyways me and my friends try and ignore him and I swear, I SWEAR, this guy pulls off his shirt and starts flexing his biceps." the crew burst out into laughter at Cross' horrible story. "Well Mr. Muscles didn't take to kindly when I told him that he was ugly and that his kart sucked. Him and his friends start harassing me and my friends. Calling us ugly and easy. Ironic much? Anyways, I stand up and I get right in the guys face and challenge him to a race. If he won I would go on a date with him? If I won? I got his roadster." Horsenado sat eagerly, listening to the yellow mouse's story. He had finally gotten to bed quite late last night. Him and Scurvy had stayed up for hours just talking about life and other small things. He was so excited to start the day he couldn't even feel how tired he was. "Anyways, we get to the last race. I knew that he cheated on the second track. No way someone gets three anvils in one lap. Even then I barely lost. Anyways, the last race it is absolutely dumping snow. The roads are icier than the Brrrgh. Things start off miserably. I hit two bananas, including one of my own somehow! I'm half a lap behind this tool going into the third lap. Anyways, guy starts getting cocky. He starts slowing down so he can taunt me. Starts talking about all these disgusting things he's going to "teach me" on our date and everything. I guess the universe or something was getting sick of him because I get two straight speed boosts. Idiot was so distracted he runs straight into a banana on a speed boost and a well-timed anvil and he's in sight. Now, I was feeling pretty good. He's cursing at me and calling me all these terrible names and I'm just laughing them off. We're about thirty seconds from the end and what does this cheap fool do? Without hitting an item box he manages to pull out an anvil. He slows down and lets me pass him up and wouldn't you know it that that scum bag drops it on me."
"That cheater!" Mariner yelled out angrily.
Cross nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I thought I was out of it. Well I start thinking of ways that I could sneak out without being seen, but I decide to keep going. There is one more item box before the end. I'm still a bit behind him so with a good item I can still win."
"I can't handle it any more! Tell us what happened!" Calypso was literally on the edge of the seat, only hanging on the very edge of the table. His eyes were wide open with anticipation at the end of the end of the story."
"Well anyways, the universe looked down on me one more time and handed me an anvil. I timed things just right and I hit him on the last speed boost right as he hit it. I blast right by him and cross the finish line right before he gets there. Now you should have seen this punk's face. With his leather jacket and slicked back hair, I've never seen an attempt at such a tough guy look go south so fast. He starts weeping like a baby, asking me not to take his car. This whole time all of his friends are there, laughing their butts off. Long story short, I won. I felt pretty bad, the guy ended up being super pathetic though, so I went easy on him."
Edmund shook his head. "You shouldn't have! The guy had it coming! I hate elite Toons!" visibly frustrated at the mouse's leniency, the brown dog stood up and started acting out how he would handle the situation.
"Oh no need to worry there, Ed boy. I still ended up taking his Roadster. I even made some modifications to it!" Cross pulled out a picture of her and her friends standing next to a bright pink Roadster. On it were decals of rainbows, unicorns, and flowers. "Yup. When he challenged me to another risk I probably could have taken ALL of his tickets. Instead I just took enough for this beauty. I even let him keep my cruiser!" this was enough to cause Calypso sailing back in his chair laughing. The rest of the group applauded and watched as Cross took a bow to the crowd. "Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!"
Horsenado finished applauding and looked to John and Scurvy who had silently enjoyed the story while eating their milky pineapple. "Hey, you guys haven't told us a story yet! Come on, give us something crazy that happened!"
"I think you'll have to handle this one, Captain. I don't really have a lot of excitement to share. Although you are probably chocked full of them!" John shoved a spoonful of food into his mouth and chewed through his words.
"Aye. I guess I can't be takin' all these lovely stories in and not be sharin'. I ain't sure what kind of story would be of interest to you youngins, but I'll give it me best shot." Scurvy stood up and bowed as the group burst into cheers.
"Hey Rainbow! Look, there's a cog building over there! I could really use this for my Lil Oldman task! Do you think we could do it really quick?" a young blue cat pointed to a towering, steel-gray abomination in the otherwise colorful Valentoonian street. "Please?"
"Oh Scurvy. You know I can't say no to those eyes!" the chubby pink cat smiled and jogged over to the Lawbot Building. Usually cogs didn't come all the way to Valentoonia. The flight to Toontown was much closer. When cogs did come here, they tended to stay here, as most Valentoons were very hesitant to fight. Scurvy had come to visit their best friend, Professor Rainbow. While Scurvy was a few years older, it had not stopped the two from becoming quite close. Usually helping each other with Toontasks, going shopping, or talking about their dreams. Rainbow had come from a very important family in Valentoonia, and getting away from her responsibilities was a nice stress-reliever. Especially when it meant busting some cogs.
Scurvy smiled at their friend and walked into the elevator. "Get used to it, Rainbow. I know your weakness now. I don't even need hypno-goggles. You are in my control!" the pair laughed as the doors shut in front of them. Cliche elevator music played as the two Toons hummed their own music to avoid getting the obnoxious sounds stuck in their head. When the doors finally opened there was a single level five Bottom Feeder.
"You'll find my talents are bottomless." the short, fat cog walked into the middle of the make-shift battle arena. He was just as aware as the Toons were that the cogs here generally went unchallenged. He had been promoted from a level one since he had come here to work in this office, usually going days uninterrupted without a challenge. Both challengers that had come through were a lowly twenty or thirty-something laff. These Toons though looked to be much more of a challenge, both well into their sixties in laff.
"Look Scurvy. He's so adorable. I kind of feel bad for what we're about to do!" nodding to her friend, Rainbow and Scurvy pulled out cream pies in tandem, launching a direct hit to the ill-fated purple robot. As the cog went into his death motions and finally exploded, the two cats high-fived and jumped onto the elevator, riding their way up to the second floor.
Scurvy scratched their head and watched the light slowly change from the first floor circle to the second. "Why don't Valentoons like to fight? I could probably take out this building by myself." true to their word, the two cats dispatched the cogs on the second and third floors in short order. Neither Toon had brought Toon-Up with them, usually saving room for more attacking gags. They had taken a few hits, but nothing concerning. Rainbow had been sitting at a cool thirty-six, while Scurvy was still at fifty laff heading to the top. After all there was only one floor left. As the duo of friends jumped in to ascend to the final floor, they joked about the weaklings that must be on top. Generally buildings did not occupy cogs of very high levels in Valentoonia. It was unusual for a cog higher than a level seven to be here, even in the highest level buildings. It was a surprise to the two when there were not one, but two cogs higher. A level ten Big Wig, and a level eight Backstabber.
"You're in big trouble." the Big Wig laced his fingers and outstretched his arms, twisting his hands around and cracking his knuckles. Rainbow gulped at the size of the cog. She had fought larger cogs and won before, but she was not expecting one to be here. She did not have any lure gags, and Scurvy had only just started training their lure.
"I'm going to try and lure. Let's take out the Big Wig first, the Backstabber won't be too difficult to handle." Scurvy spoke confidently. Pulling out a small magnet, Scurvy watched as Rainbow prepared a low level birthday cake. Reaching out, Scurvy sighed as the cogs failed to be dragged in with their weak attack. Rainbow, ever the accurate thrower, easily smacked the cocky purple cog, turning his damage indicator orange.
The Backstabber laughed, enjoying that the once confident enemy was showing some signs of anxiety. They hadn't had a chance to green a Toon in months. "I'm the best and I can back that up." the pointy-headed attacker chuckled before sending out a power trip. Neither Toon was able to avoid the attack, knocking the cats onto their stomachs. Rainbow was beginning to get a bit concerned as she was getting into a low tier of laff and no way of healing herself. Scurvy looked at their friend and screamed to watch out as the Big Wig sent a finger wag Rainbow's way. Rainbow did their best to jump out of the way, but the slick waxed floor had caused her to slid a bit, doing a split and getting knocked back. Breathing heavily, Rainbow realized she only had five laff points left.
"Rainbow, we need to get you out of here. They're going to green you at this rate!" Scurvy looked at their younger friend, concerned.
The pink cat was headstrong and refused to go down without a fight. "Use your lure again. I'm not letting these scumbags get away with this!" Rainbow pulled out another birthday cake and made an evil smile at the Big Wig who was suddenly the one feeling nervous. Scurvy said a small prayer and pulled out a one dollar bill. This had to work or Rainbow was likely going to go sad. Holding their friend's hand, the blue cat zipped out their fishing line. The Backstabber, amused at the Toon's audacity faked going for the money, before stepping back and laughing at the weak gag. This all but sealed Rainbow's fate without a miracle. The first step of the prayer was answered when the birthday cake landed true, smashing into the building's boss and sending him into a laughing fit, exploding and leaving just the lone Backstabber. All three knew what was coming. This cog was going to attack Rainbow. She was prepared. Or so she thought. The Backstabber narrowed his eyes and began a finger wag. Rainbow prepared for the attack quickly jumped to one side and laughed at the cog. Little did she know the cog had faked her out. Pulling back, the purple abomination of Toonkind pulled out a restraining order. Waiting for the large pink cat to land, he quickly launched his attack, hitting the unfortunate cat right at the bottom of her descent, tripping her as she slipped on the slippery paper and landing on her stomach.
"No!" Scurvy screamed out as their best friend waved at them and slowly sunk away into darkness. "That's it. You'll pay for this!" Scurvy was not messing around anymore. Clenching their first they pulled out a storm cloud. It was still a work in progress but it would be enough to severely weaken their opponent. The Backstabber ducked under their arms as their brand new suit was soaked with freezing cold rain. This was the last straw for the cog. They had saved up three months salary for this suit. Waiting for the cat to finish their fist shaking. The Backstabber did something even the cogs had banned. Assaulting a Toon through the cog's own means. While cogs were quite harsh in their hatred in Toons, even they felt that there was a limit. They wanted to overpower the Toons through superior knowledge and business tactics. Physical attacks such as biting or stabbing were seen as barbaric and unbecoming of a professional. Charging forward, the Backstabber ducked his head. Scurvy, caught off guard by the cog's attack was too shocked to do anything, standing perfectly still for the aggressor to land their attack. The sharp edge of the cog's cranium landed point-blank into Scurvy's left eye. Letting out a horrifying screamed pain, the young cat fell to their knees and began to wail in agony. The purple cog pulled back, shocked at that they had just did. Reaching up, they pulled the organic matter from their stabber and tossed it aside. Turning around to make a run for the elevator behind them, they realized they were trapped as the elevator was shut locked. The last elevator would not open to prevent Toons from getting in and gaining access to important cog information. "You're dead, cog!" was the last thing the Backstabber would ever hear. Standing up, Scurvy ignored the searing pain in their face. Pulling out cream pie after cream pie, Scurvy pelted the cog. Drowning in a sea of sugar, the cog was unable to break free from their prison of attacks. Once Scurvy had run out of pies, they had went for birthday cakes, then storm clouds, and anything else they could pull out. Two minutes later, they had emptied their entire arsenal of attacks onto the cog who was nothing but a pile of gears. The Backstabber had exploded but yet Scurvy had decided not to let up. Walking around, Scurvy's adrenaline wore off before they realized their eye was nowhere to be found. They needed to get to a hospital! Quickly grabbing the Lawbot's emblem. Scurvy scurried off to find help, basically leaping from the top of the elevator.
"That be the story of how me be losin' my eye. Ain't never got there in time for them to fix it. Gave me this patch. I be used to it now, but that and the leg both be somethin' awful to lose." As Scurvy continued to speak, Mariner pointed out to a medium size wooden boat that was cresting on the horizon.
"Hey look! There's another boat out here!" the crew stood up in awe, as the fast-moving ship became closer and closer. "I wonder if there are other Toons! Maybe they are out looking for Toontown? Maybe they know something about The Old World!" Mariner shouted with glee.
Scurvy ran to the bow and growled. "I be knowin' that ship anywhere. Those ain't no friendly mateys. They be the rowdiest, dirtiest Raiders on the sea. That be the "Clipper-On Tie." jumping down, Scurvy began barking out orders to the confused crew. "Edmund to the sails! Mariner, you and John get the cannons ready!"
"Wait, do we have cannons?" Calypso yelled out, confused.
"Arrrgh, ye be right. Well get some cream pies. These cogs ain't gettin' away from me this time. Think they can sink my ship a second time! Haha I'll be showin' them!"