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Song Suggestion: Human, Christina Perri.
Chapter Twenty Three: Lost.
Fifteen minutes after I ended the phone call to Billy, Jacob drove up in Billy's truck, with Billy on a cell phone at the passenger side. Despite the bad weather conditions beating on our windscreens, he sped past, did a squealing U-turn, and parked facing me. Their grave expressions squeezed my heart, reminding me off my loss.
Hopping out of the truck, he pulled back the tarp to retrieve Billy's wheelchair. Yanking it into position, Jake wheeled it to the passenger side of the truck, and opened Billy's door. Heaving himself out of truck, Billy eased himself into his wheelchair on the sidewalk. Once Billy was seated, Jacob hurried to open my door, letting in the icy rain.
"Bells? Bells?" Jake shook my shoulder and I unattractively sniffed back another sob in response, "Bella, come on, say something."
"Jake…" I rested a quivering hand on his to stop his worried shaking. Swallowing hard, I whispered helplessly to him, "He's dead, isn't he? He's not come back…and I was too scared to-to go back in there…" He pulled me into his arms and I continued to sniffle into his chest. My heart beat too fast and too heavy in my chest, gruesome images haunting me every time I blinked away my tears hopelessly.
"Oh, Honey." Rubbing my back, he murmured reassurances that I ignored. I couldn't be comforted when I knew I was too cowardly to save my brother, and he was mauled to death in the forest. Blood freezing before it hit the ground.
"Bella, it's going to be alright." Billy's deep voice rumbled as another truck pulled up nearby. His natural instinct at take on a leadership role as the Chief gave his tone authority I naturally responded to as a Tribe member.
"There was something in the forest, Billy, a-a…monster." To admit my wild imagination felt ridiculous, but I didn't know how else to explain the fear in my gut. Jacob glanced at Billy warily and hugged me tighter to his chest.
"There are no monsters in the forest, Bella; you know there are no monsters." He explained slowly, as if I was a child or a mental patient in danger of responding explosively without warning, "But we need to find Sam. Where did he go? Bella? We need to find Sam now; we need to make sure he's safe."
"In the forest, over there." Gesturing blindly, I scrubbed my tears into Jake's shirt, "He ran off. I think he was ill. He had a really bad fever and…it can create delusions, right? I think…I don't know…I just…He's dead, isn't he? And it's my fault; I shouldn't have left him in there. I should have stayed to find him, but…I was so scared…"
"Bella?" Harry Clearwater strode up to our little gathering by Sam's truck. I assumed Billy had called all the Tribal Elders to inform them of this terrible tragedy, as was custom when something happened to one of the Tribe members.
"It's all my fault he's dead!" I choked on a sob and Jacob rubbed large, warm hands up and down my arms.
Billy and Harry spoke in hushed tones, too low for Jacob or me to hear despite being only a few feet away. I didn't want to hear what they were saying anyway, discussing how to retrieve Sam's mauled and mutilated corpse from the woods. I felt faint at the thought of seeing his frosted skin and ravaged flesh. Shoving away from Jacob, I heaved into a roadside grid, emptying the meagre amount of yet-be-digested lunch from my stomach. Jacob held my hair and patted between my shoulder blades.
"I think it's best if you take Bella back to ours, Jake." Billy suggested solemnly when I finished retching.
"Okay." Jake's usual upbeat tone was missing from his gentle voice as he helped me stand, "I'll take our truck."
"What-what about Sam's?" I protested. I had left Sam to die; to leave his truck too seemed too much. The strangest feeling of abandonment feeling my stomach and I forced the rising bile back down my throat.
"Okay." He repeated, "Come on Bells." Ushering me back into Sam's truck, he slid into the driving seat and turned the key.
"Since when can you drive?" I mumbled as Jacob slowly pulled away from the curb. Harry and Billy disappeared in the rear view mirror, as I glanced behind us, watching us leave with worried expressions.
"Dad can't anymore, and someone had to help him around the Rez." He shrugged, "Just tell me if you see a cop." Typical Jacob, always trying to cheer me up, but I couldn't manage to smile back. Grimacing, I curled in on myself in the passenger seat, and let my remaining tears silently run down my cold cheeks.
I barely registered the car journey back to the Blacks' house in La Push; I could only recall that it was a shorter car ride than a speed limit would have required it to be, taking less time than the bus journey I took every day for my job, and Jacob didn't even turn on the radio, which was odd as he normally switched it on loud when I'd been travelling with him in the past. The red barnlike house loomed before the truck as Jacob parked close to the porch and I shivered as the engine killed the heater when Jacob turned it off. Sam and I had only been here two weeks ago for dinner, now I was here alone, without Sam. It felt wrong.
"Jake…" Wiping my tears away, I turned to him, and gazed seriously at him, "Do you think he's really dead?"
He looked at me sadly, before pulling me into his side. Snuggling me into his chest, he didn't say anything, only help me tightly. But that seemed like the only answer I needed before I began sobbing again. I knew there was nothing to say. What could he say? Nothing would be the same again now Sam was gone.