Love Each Other Through It
The glass of wine is cool against my forehead as I try and fail to work on the reports from today's shift. The last several days have a whirlwind and honestly the only thing I want to do is sleep. Just as I'm about to wrap this up for the night I hear a knock at the door. It's not exceptionally late, only 8:30pm, but it's still late for most visitors. I walk to the door and open it to find Casey. I'm slightly surprised to see him although after everything that has happened the last few days I really shouldn't be.
"Hi" I say softly. He dives right in, wasting no time with pleasantries.
"You rush out at Molly's and then avoid me all shift. Talk to me Sylvie. Did I do something wrong?"
I can see the concern in his eyes. Of course, Matt Casey would be worried that he did something wrong.
"No." I say, my voice still soft. It's not fair for him to think my behavior these last few days has been his fault. I set him straight. "I was avoiding you."
The concern in his eyes mixes with a hit of hurt and confusion. Maybe it's the wine giving me courage or the accumulation of everything that has happened this week, but before I know what I'm doing I tell him "So I wouldn't end up doing this." and then I'm kissing him. It's hesitant and short. Just enough to show him what I want.
We pull apart and I look at him hesitantly. He looks back at me with those warm blue eyes, a hint of surprise in them and dare I say relief? Before I can try and analyze this look, he's pushing me back into my apartment his lips moving over mine. Matt Casey is KISSING me. Like really kissing me and it's more than I ever could have imagined.
I push the coat off his shoulders as we make our way farther into the living area. I run my hands through his hair, and it is as soft as I thought it would be. I reach for my sweater just as he does but I shrug it off and let out a little laugh at the fumble. It doesn't deter us though. The next instant he's kissing me again and It's so good. His lips move across mine like they have been starving for months and can't get enough. Maybe he does feel the same about me that I do about him.
His hands glide across my ass and hook under my legs as he picks me up. I instantly wrap my legs around him and god It feels so good to finally be this close to him. He hugs me close as I devour his lips as he slowly lowers me down to the couch. The very couch we were on not even a week ago laughing at our silly game. I wanted to kiss him so badly that night and now I finally am.
When my back hits the couch we pull apart. He stairs into my eyes with those piercing blue pools and then he's kissing me again. My hands frame his face as we continue to kiss. But then my brain reminds me of the one thing I have to know before diving into this with him. He goes in for another kiss, but I pull back slightly, breathing heavy,
"Sorry" I say. desperately trying to catch my breath. "I just….."
He looks at me and says, "You want to slow down?" Oh, Matt Casey ever the gentlemen. I let out a small laugh that mixes in with my heavy breath.
"No, it's not that. I've wanted this for a really long time." My eyes wander as I say this, too scared to look directly at him.
He finds my eyes and says, "Me too." There's that surprise in his eyes again. Surprise that this would be something I want. There's been something there and I think we could both feel it but there's nothing like hearing the other person say exactly what you've been wanting to hear.
I smile as he leans down covering my lips with his. There's a sense of relief in this kiss a sense of letting go and taking what we want. His lips move across my cheek and down to my neck distracting me from why I stopped us in the first place.
"No." I say breathlessly "I have to ask you a question first."
His lips come off of my neck and he raises himself enough to look at me.
"What?" He says. So softly and so attentively. God, I love this man. Even in the heat of the moment he will stop to hear what I need to say.
"The reason I've been so scared of this happening, um the thing I need to know…" He's so attentive to my words. Like he's captivated by every word. "If Gabby came back to Chicago right now, tonight, and asked you to leave with her, would you go?"
He looks taken aback by the question and doesn't answer right away. I lower my gaze and mentally kick myself for initiating this. Of course, he was still in love with Gabby.
"Sylvie" he says softly. "Sylvie look at me." His hand glides my chin up so that I'm looking straight into those beautiful blue eyes. I could look into his eyes forever. His hand adjusts so that he is cupping the back of my neck and my cheek.
"No." He says passionately once my gaze locks on his. "No, I would not go with Gabby if she asked. My life is here. I won't lie to you, a part of me will always love Gabby. She was a huge part of my life for a really long time. But I'm not IN love with her anymore. Gabby and I had so many issues before Puerto Rico. Our goals and what we wanted from a relationship and from life didn't line up and it wasn't sustainable. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with it but the life I had with Gabby is not the life I want anymore."
I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. I know it has been almost two years since she left but part of me has been terrified that he would just up and go back to her the second she came back.
"So" I say hesitantly "If what you had with Gabby isn't what you want, what do you want?"
He smiles yet his eyes stay serious. "You Sylvie, I just want you."
I feel tears pricking my eyes as his hand returns to cup my face, brushing a few stray hairs off of my forehead. "I…" I begin to say. Being vulnerable Is good right? So, I continue. "I'm so in love you Matt Casey." I say as I stroke his face with my hands. God it feels good to finally say that. A grin covers my face and his eyes bore into mine, the rest of the world disappearing.
"I'm in love with you too. Have been for a long time." And then he's kissing me again. His tongue slips into my mouth and everything is right in the world. My body relaxes into his and we stay like this, just reveling in each other. His hands slip under my shirt and I shiver at his touch. He starts to slide my shirt up but stops suddenly when I pull away, wiping at my eyes.
"Sylvie?" He asks concerned. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
I grasp the sides of his face and look up at him. "No. No. God Matt I'm so sorry." A few more tears slip out from my eyes and I angrily brush them away. My whole body just drains of energy. All of the stress from Hallock, the crash, and all of this tension with Matt had left me so tense and on edge I didn't even realize it. Finally giving into this must have been just enough for my body to let go. "I'm just so tired."
He sighs in relief and lets out a breathy laugh. "Well" he says, brushing the tears from my face. Ugh why can't I stop crying? "You've had quite the eventful week." he says playfully.
"That's the understatement of the century" I state back.
"Look" He starts "Why don't you get to bed, rest up, and I'll come back in the morning with breakfast. A proper date."
I smile at this. A date with Matt. I'm dating Matt Casey. Holy Crap. He sits up and I follow, like our bodies are two magnets. He leans in and kisses my lips and rests his forehead against mine for a beat. Then he lifts his head and kisses my forehead. He starts to get up but before he can get too far, I grab his hand.
"Wait." I say. He looks down at me from where he's standing, his had still intertwined in mine. "Stay with me?" I ask hesitantly.
"Sylvie, sweetheart, you need rest." He says softly.
"I know. Just to sleep. After everything that's happened, I don't want to be alone."
His face softens. "Of course. Let's get you to bed."
He pulls me up off the couch and we walk hand in hand to my bedroom. Once inside, we stand face to face as he pulls my shirt up and over my head. I do the same for him. We walk to opposite sides of the bed, remove our pants and climb under the covers. I instantly move closer to him, entangling my legs with his. I look into his eyes and get lost there, my body winning in my battle to stay awake.
"Hey Matt?" I say sleepily.
"Yeah?"
"Promise me on thing?" I ask, my eyes beginning to droop.
"What?" He says softly. That same attention he gave the last time I asked him a question.
"No more jumping out of moving fire trucks."
He laughs and pulls me closer to him. I settle into his chest, my eyes closed.
"Only if you promise to not be in ambulances that drive off embankments." His tone is light, but I can feel something more behind his words. I force my eyes open and see worry etched across his features.
"Matt…" I start
He looks at me, stroking my face "I really thought I lost you Sylvie." He says seriously "Gallo was right, I was a man possessed. The only thing running though my head was that I had to get to you. No matter what stood in my way."
I run my fingers though his hair doing my best to fight off sleep just a little longer. "We both have very risky and dangerous jobs. We never know if a call is going to be our last." I nod and he continues. "What I can promise you is that no matter what happens I will be here to love you though it. Anything life throws at us we can handle it because we already have."
He's right. We've already handled so many obstacles and curve balls and we got through them because we went through them together. We leaned on each other and supported each other.
I look up at him with the last amount of energy I have. "Love each other through it. That sounds pretty good to me." My head falls back to his chest and my eyes close again. "I love you, Matt."
I feel his lips against my hair and as I drift off finally giving into my body's need for sleep, I hear him whisper "I love you, too beautiful."