A/N: Hi all!

I want to start by saying a HUGE thank you goes out to my friend Christine, who really helped me get into these characters, fueled my passion for writing this story, and was always there to answer questions or provide encouragement. I couldn't have done it without her.

This is my first Linstead fic, and it's pretty angsty, put I PROMISE there's a happy ending coming!

I'll update every week on Sunday. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Much love,
Kae

Chapter 1: It Was Different

Another shot of whiskey slid down her throat.

She lost her father today.

He told them he didn't think there were three shooters keeping the hostages. . . and he couldn't've been more wrong.

She'd fought him on it - god, she'd fought him on it - but he'd gone in alone and unarmed anyway, trying to get more information. What he and the twelve hostages actually got were bullets to their heads.

Her glass barely hit the counter and Bunny was right there again with a refill.

It was so fucked up. Her real parent who'd never given a damn about her was still here while her adoptive parent who had given her the world was gone.

She watched as the amber liquid flowed into the glass.

Her phone rang.

It was Jay - again.

She ignored it. Maybe he'd stop calling eventually.

"Got somewhere to stay tonight?" Bunny asked her.

"I have an apartment, Mom," she answered.

"And just how are you planning on getting there?" Bunny asked her with a patronizing look.

"There's cabs." There was also Nadia, but it was already way too late to call her.

"After the day you've had? Nuh uh. You're staying with me."

"No, I'll be -"

"It wasn't a suggestion, Erin. Times like this, you need to be around family."

She rolled her eyes, downing the shot in front of her. Nadia was family - more than Bunny had ever been. But the look on the older woman's face told her there was no point in arguing and honestly, at this point, she was too drunk to care. "Fine."

Bunny smiled and poured her another glass. "Good."

She didn't know how many more drinks she had that night. She just kept drinking, trying to wash the pain away, and Bunny kept refilling.

When she woke up the next day, it was way too bright.

She looked at the time.

Shit.

She was supposed to be at work four hours ago.

"You turned off the alarm on my phone," she accused, marching out into the kitchen where Bunny was cooking.

"I let you sleep in," Bunny replied innocently, walking over to her with a cup of coffee. "You know," Bunny said, changing the topic, "It was really nice last night, you talking to me about what's on your mind. What happened to Hank is truly terrible. I know how much he meant to you. If you want to talk about it, I am so here for you."

She exhaled sharply, rolling her eyes as she took a drink. "Whatever I said last night, chalk it up to the whiskey. This coffee is insane. Did you heat it with a flamethrower?"

Bunny gasped, looking at her as though she'd been offended. "You never complained about it before."

Before? Before when? "I guess my tastes have changed since middle school," Erin replied bitterly. Bunny had never truly been there, even before the Voights took her in. Besides, middle school Erin was too afraid to complain. With Bunny's excessive drug use, it was hard to know what state of mind she'd be in. Even the smallest complaint at the wrong time could send the older woman into a rampage.

Erin took the cup to the counter. She'd just have to get coffee at the precinct. "It's late. I gotta go," she said, and left without another word.

"There you are," Nadia said when Erin came up the stairs, leaping up to give her a hug. "You didn't come home last night. I was so worried."

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that," Erin replied dispassionately, lamely returning the hug. "Where is everyone?"

Nadia tried not to let Erin's indifference shake her. They were all hurting, but for Erin, it was different. "Olinsky took a personal day, said he was too close to the case to keep working it. Antonio is at the Ivory Tower. They want him to take Voight's spot. Ruzek and Halstead are out following a lead on the two shooters that got away. I don't know when they'll be -"

"Erin," Jay gasped, coming up the stairs behind them.

Erin turned to face him and Nadia stepped back to her desk, giving the two some space. Jay had called her multiple times last night asking if Erin was home yet. He couldn't reach her either.

Halstead pulled her into his arms. "You had me worried last night. You never picked up and when you didn't show up this morning -"

"Well I'm here now, aren't I?" she clipped, pushing out of his arms and turning toward her desk.

Surprised and hurt but mostly worried, he grabbed her arm, turning her back to face him. "Are you sure you wanna be here right now?" he asked quietly. "You could take the day, go home and sleep the day away. Al did that. Nobody would judge you if you followed suit."

She tried to glare at him, but her eyes betrayed how much pain she felt inside. Maybe not to everyone else, but he could see right through her. "I just wanna pretend like everything's normal, okay?" she said, her voice breaking. "I'm staying here and we're gonna catch these bastards. They killed one of our own and twelve innocents yesterday."

He pressed his lips together but nodded.

"What did you and Ruzek learn?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Well, as you know, the guys are trying to get revenge on a Greg Hastings and his company -"

"Because the pollution killed a bunch of people in their neighborhood and the 8-year-old girl. Yeah, I remember." She'd fed that information to Voight and he repeated it to two of the shooters, trying to use it for leverage. Then she'd listened as gunshots rang out and all chaos broke loose.

Antonio gave the order to breach and SWAT flooded into the building, CPD on their heels, but it was too late. By the time they got in the building, two of the shooters were in the wind and the third was dead, hit by a sniper right after Voight's lifeless body slumped to the ground.

Jay watched as Erin's eyes seemed to get further and further away. "Erin?" he said, trying to pull her out of whatever had her mind captive. She didn't budge, so he tried again, louder this time. "Erin!"

"Yeah, I'm here," she said, shaking off the onslaught of memories.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I really wish people would stop asking me that."

He opened his mouth to say something else, but Ruzek came bounding up the stairs.

"Guys! We just got a hit on the BOLO for our shooter's car. It's two blocks from Hastings' office. Antonio, Kim, and Roman are gonna meet us there."

"Let's move," Jay called.

When they got to the office building, they quickly split up. Two uniformed officers were stationed on the ground floor, watching the only two doors in or out of the building. Ruzek and Atwater started on the ground floor and worked their way up. Burgess and Roman took the elevator to the top floor and were to work their way down. Antonio (now officially Head of Intelligence) talked to the receptionist to find where Hastings was. He, Halstead, and Lindsay went to the conference room on the fifth floor to cover him and search out from there.

"Nothing on the ground floor," Atwater reported over the radio. "Moving to floor two."

"Top floor's clear," Burgess said. "Taking the stairs to seven."

Antonio stayed in the conference room, ushering everyone at the meeting into a large storage closet.

"Is this really necessary?" Hastings grumbled.

"If you want to come out of today alive, I suggest you follow my orders," Antonio said, his eyes never leaving the doors.

Hastings and his colleagues murmured about their disapproval some more, but did as Antonio asked.

Erin and Jay came to a divide in the corridor, wordlessly agreeing to split up.

She quietly creeped down the hallway, gun held steady in front of her. She came to a room across from a storage closet, quickly turning inside. It was clear.

When she stepped back out, however, she was met with the feeling of cool metal pressed to the back of her head.

"Not a word," a man said behind her.

"Six is clear. Antonio, we're coming to you," Burgess reported.

"Copy that," the sergeant replied. "Atwater?"

"So far nothing on thr- wait," he said.

Antonio stood silently, waiting for the detective to report more.

A minute later, the radio chirped to life again. "One suspect in custody," Ruzek advised. "We're still looking for the younger one."

"Good," Antonio said. "Burgess, Roman, skip five, go down to four."

"Copy that," Burgess replied. "Heading to four."

"Halstead, Lindsay?"

"Nothing yet," Halstead said. "Erin?"

There was no response.

"Lindsay?" Antonio repeated the younger detective's question. The two must have split up.

Jay froze where he was in the hallway. Erin not responding could only mean one thing. "Damnit," he cursed to himself, spinning on his heel and going to look for his partner.

"Nick, you tested negative for gunshot residue," Erin said gently, looking past the barrel of the gun to meet the young man's eyes. She had dropped her gun and turned to face him. Now she just had to talk him into dropping his without getting her head blown off. "That means that you never pulled the trigger. You're not a murderer, Nick."

"There's only one way this ends," Nick gritted, unwavering. He had a duty to fulfill.

"No, there's not," Erin encouraged him. She could hear the others over the radio. They knew she wasn't responding. They'd be coming for her soon. "You heard the radio. My colleagues have your uncle in custody, but you can still walk out of here. Now listen, they'll be looking for me, and if they find us like this, you with your gun to my head, I can't promise I can keep them from shooting you. Nick, if you put the gun down and come quietly with me, you can walk out of here. You'll still do some time, but you can -"

"No!" he interrupted her. "No! Hastings has to die. He killed my little cousin. She was just a kid! She never did anything to deserve to die. He has to pay."

Erin could see the uncertainty in the young man's eyes. He wasn't a killer, she reminded herself. She swallowed hard, deciding on a different tactic. "Well, if you really want to get to Hastings, you're gonna have to shoot me first," she said, looking him dead in the eye. "Go ahead, do it."

"I'm not afraid."

"Then do it already," she dared him. "Go on! Get it over with!"

He started to tremble and the gun started to lower, but then something behind her grabbed his attention. "Don't move!" he yelled, the barrel again aimed at her forehead.

Erin glanced behind her. Antonio and Jay stood in the corridor, guns drawn.

"No, guys!" she cried. "Don't shoot him."

They traded an uncertain glance but followed her order. Neither of them had a clean shot anyway.

"Come on, Nick," Erin said, turning back to the man in front of her, daring him again. "Shoot me."

Jay's head went into overdrive. What the hell was she thinking? He held his gun firm, aiming right at Nick's head, ready to shoot, but the more Erin got in the boy's face, the more the pistol aimed at her face started shaking.

After a few loaded moments, Nick finally let his arms drop and handed his gun to Erin. Antonio rushed him, getting hold of him and putting on the handcuffs.

Erin rolled to the side, leaning against the wall for support.

"Erin," Jay started, reaching to place a hand on her back.

She just shook her head, handed off Nick's pistol and pushed past him. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"Erin!" he called after her, but she was gone.

Jay was waiting for her when she came out of the bathroom.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, his brows pinched together with concern. "Do you have a death wish?"

She sighed. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have. "I'm fine, Jay."

"Fine?! Erin, you were practically begging that guy to shoot you!"

"He wasn't gonna do it. Relax."

"You don't know that," he argued.

"Are you talking as my partner right now or are you trying to pull the worried boyfriend card?" she snapped. "Because, if I remember correctly, you lost the rights to the latter option two weeks ago when you broke up with me because you were too worried about Voight."

"What? I can't be worried about my partner?" he asked defensively.

"I'm fine," she said shortly, then spun on her heel and stalked away.