AN: Thank you my loyal readers and thank you particularly to my reviewers; April-Showers82 and Anony. I love when my reviewers speculate and share their views, it brightens my day and helps me planning (while I know the general storyline, ideas get slotted in as I write along). Thank you to everyone sticking with this fanfic. I know I'm ridiculous for update, I hate that I can't consistently update too, but unfortunately life gets in the way. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the next instalment.
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Chapter Forty: Coming Down.
Through the trees, I glimpsed our house nestled in its small clearing and I couldn't help but hope that Sam would be waiting for me on the front porch, with a ridiculous excuse that he'd forgotten something or wasn't feeling well and came home. But the porch was empty and the house was untouched. Despite knowing I should never hope for a miracle, my heart felt wretched at the sight of the empty house. I knew when I entered that house I would want to scream all over again in frustration and fear.
"Jake, I'm okay. You don't need to walk me to the door." I tried to insist, attempting to spare him witnessing another of my nervous breakdowns.
"Bells, I found you in the forest with alcohol. I am escorting you home and making sure you don't choke on your own vomit." Jake replied simply, as we reached the front porch.
"I'm not drunk, Jake." My glare was aimed at the back of his head, as he took the key from the eave and unlocked the door.
"You know, you have a ridiculous lack of security and self-preservation, anyone could wander in here." Jake stated, "Seriously, why do you keep the key there?"
"I've always kept the key there." I shrugged, "It's where Dad used to keep it."
"Aren't you coming in?" Jacob looked back at me in confusion. He probably thought I had completely lost my sanity this time, as I stood in the doorframe, with no intention of stepping over the threshold.
The house seemed to be screaming memories at me, bombarding my mind's eye with terrible images. Tripping over the threshold on the first night I spent in this house without Sam, tears blinding my eyes and my heart dragging my feet. Sitting curled over on the couch, waiting for Sam to return, during that first week of his disappearance. Maps scrawled over and scattered across the coffee table and trailing onto the living room rug, while I paced across the mess and grew more and more frustrated with every step, until my mind broke and I kicked the coffee table over and screamed until my body crumbled into a hopeless heap in the middle of chaos. Jake finding me distraught in the middle of the room, as rain crawled across the floor from the open doorway. I didn't want to enter this house and face all of those memories, I didn't want to relive all of my emotions, and I didn't want to admit I had lost him again. I stared aimlessly into the house and felt a tear escape at the corner of my eye.
"Jake-" I whimpered pathetically and he rushed over to catch me as I sniffled into his shoulder.
"Its okay, Bells. Everything is going to okay." He murmured into my leaf strewn hair, as his hands trailed comfortingly up and down my back, "I'll make sure it is."
"He's gone again." Rubbing my wet face into his shirt, I clutched my harbour in my storm.
"He'll come back, he always does." Jake assured me. Suddenly, he dipped against me and the floor disappeared from under my feet. Panicked, I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck and cling to him, as he swing the door shut and carried me to the couch.
He sat on the old couch and held me tightly, smoothing my hair and back, while whispering soothing words of encouragement and reassurance. I let my tears soak his shirt and I kicked off my shoes, so I could curl closer into his warmth. I always felt so cold these days. For many minutes, we sat together on the couch, until I calmed myself enough to face him.
"I'm sorry." I stammered pitifully.
"There's no need to apologise, Bells, it's what I'm here for." He replied simply, "I'm your best friend; I'll always here for you." I felt him press his lips to the top of my head and I sighed quietly into his chest. Jacob always knew what I needed and what to say.
A crippling cramp of guilt creased my stomach and I felt my cheeks flush. I shouldn't be in the arms of another man, even my best friend. It was being dishonest to Edward. Uncurling my spine, I sat up in Jake's arms and he moved out of my way, sensing my change in mood. I had to tell him about Edward, I had to push him away. I knew Quileutes hated the Cullens, Jake would be repulsed by my relationship, but I had to be honest with him. He had to know.
"Jake, I-" The truth was on the tip of my tongue.
"Don't worry about it, Bella. You're just adding to your wrinkles." He slid out from under me and went into the kitchen area. Cheerfully, he began making drinks for the two of us. As if I hadn't just had a nervous breakdown on his lap. As if I had not been about to tell him the devastating truth. As if we could be just Jake and Bells, hanging out like we used to.
"But-I-" Then his words caught in my brain, "Wrinkles?" I jumped up from the couch and hurried over to the mirror. I smoothed a finger over the worry lines between my eyebrows, but they had been there for years.
"Jees, Bells. Calm down." Jake chuckled and placed the two mugs on the coffee table, "You're still a youthful thirty five years old."
"I thought I was thirty seven." I frowned at my reflection before turning back to him, falling into our old argument.
"You lost two years because you can't handle your liquor." He grinned and stretched himself along the couch.
"I don't drink, Jake." I slumped down next to him, "I can't lose two years for something I don't do."
"Sure, sure." He grinned at me, probably still under the illusion I was drunk tonight, "I'm still beating you."
"You're an idiot." Rolling my eyes at him, I sipped my drink carefully, before setting the hot liquid back down.
"Yeah, but you love me for it." Suddenly, Jake grabbed my waist and tickled the sensitive area. I shrieked with laughter, all of my heavy thoughts disappearing from my mind, as we teased and taunted and talked into the early hours of the next day.