Coming Out or Going In
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: From a fan prompt (Castle was lent out to Robbery temporarily to work cold cases while Demming is on suspension. Lead Detective Joy Park, a woman with a big secret causes friction between our couple. COMPLETELY AU, Some Scenes and events used to enhance the story,
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take MANY liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events from other Canon episodes to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Chapter 28
Wallingford Dr,
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
/_/
Jenny looked at her with a sympathetic look, as Kevin and Joy disappeared for their planning sessions. She could tell that Kate needed a distraction until Rick got home in three hours or so, so she decided to try something.
"Kate have you worked yourself back into your running routine, if so go get changed and I'll be back after I change, we can run on the inside track downstairs," Jenny said,
"Sure Jenny, I'll meet you back here in about five minutes" as she left for her room to change.
A few minutes later they were walking into the downstairs gymnasium, past the bowling alleys, tennis courts, and Olympic pool, to the inside track. Kate's hadn't been able to close her mouth in astonishment since they entered with Jenny's key card, obviously, Rick trusted her and Kevin a great deal.
"This is pretty cool Kate", as she approached what was a sophisticated treadmill, as she hit some buttons the screen above the machine lit up and Kate was outside her apartment, in New York, complete with the current weather conditions, which was a light rain this morning.
"What the hell? How?" Kate started to say,
"Rick has the GPS hooked up to the satellite he has mounted on the other side of the guest home, it's cool when you want to run like at home, just dial in the start and stop addresses or landmarks, the computer does the rest. It measures your heartbeat; oxygen levels and adjusts speed and incline based on the actual geographic area.
"We can run the old school way on the track if you prefer" as she pointed to the running lanes above them midway between floors. Jenny said,
"I think I'll try New York," Kate said, as Jenny helped her dial in her ending landmark, well it was actually the Java Hut one block past Castle's loft,
As she approached Castle's old building on the treadmill the speakers came on and announced "one-quarter mile to your destination, one half mile walk down, then the route will be reversed" It was all Kate could do to keep her balance, she was so shocked.
Jenny was running on the machine next to her, started to laugh, "I forgot to warn you, poor Kevin got so spooked the first time he stopped and the treadmill dumped him on his butt" she laughed,
"Yeah, you think, I almost did the same thing. What doesn't Rick have out here, my God, he never has to leave the house for anything." Kate said in amazement,
"Yeah, but he bikes three times a week up the canyon, he had a little scare with his heart, and well, I shouldn't tell you but he's OK now," Jenny said, looking sheepish, almost sad that she had let something slip.
"His heart? What was a little scare, Jenny? Come on you let the cat out of the bag, and I won't snitch on you, but I have to know, what happened?"
"Well, Joy was with him about three weeks after they moved in, I guess they were working on a case, when he just said he didn't feel well and wanted to lie down, Joy called 9-1-1 once he got out of earshot, and they took him to the hospital, he was experiencing difficulty breathing and an ache in his arm.
"He had suffered a mild heart attack, but swore her to secrecy, I guess they did an angioplasty to remove a blockage, placed a stint, and cut him off of a lot of the greasy foods that he loves. In fact, they were referring to it as a Remy when we visited for the first two or three times. Kevin saw some paperwork when he was working with Joy and she leveled with him, then told Rick." Jenny said softly,
"I bet that went over well, I mean Rick isn't private about a lot of things, but I can see him blowing a gasket over news like that leaking out," Kate said,
As they finished their walk down period, the remainder of the conversation was delayed until she completed her run back to her apartment, or at least the simulated version on the screen. Jenny had worked herself back into shape and looked every bit as good as she did before pregnancy. Once they finished the walk down, the conversation picked back up,
"Well, you would think Rick would have hit the ceiling, but him and Joy, I don't know, he started to get upset, she just said RICK, and he backed down. Kevin was worried about him until he found out he had already been cleared for his bike rides, he worked really hard, and Kate, he's not the same man he was in New York, physically or emotionally. Just a heads up", then she looked up and the clock was at 9:20 AM,
"Well I have to get a shower, I mean I can't greet him smelling and all sweaty, so thanks Jenny, tell Kevin thanks as well, I know you guys have been in my corner," Kate said softly,
"Kate, we love you, we do, but if you hurt Rick, I swear"
"I know Jenny, I won't get out of the house, much less out of the state. They would never find my body, and for what's it's worth, thanks for loving him enough to take care of him" Kate said as she wiped off with a towel before placing it in the hamper and started to walk to her room.
"Kate, use the elevator and press one, you'll know where you are once the doors open" Jenny laughed,
Kate turned and walked to the elevator and disappeared from the gym area, headed for another hot shower and to get ready to meet Rick, well here it comes she thought as she pressed the button as Jenny told her.
XxX
45 Minutes Later
Kate emerged from her room, dressed in a different pair of shorts, and a top that was a little sexier than the one she had come to breakfast with. She had worked on her makeup longer than she ever had the entire time she worked with him. God, she looked closely, the hours and stress were taking their toll on the wrinkles, finally a spritz of the perfume that she knew he loved, and she walked out of her door to the sitting area. She didn't notice someone was there at first, so lost in her thoughts until she heard that voice, and she jumped.
"Hi Kate, I see you got my letter, but I admit, I was expecting a call, not a visit," he said softly, as he watched her reaction, did he like what he was seeing? Hard to tell, he wasn't giving anything away.
"I'm sorry Rick, but I need to show you something, something I couldn't do by phone, and I didn't want to wait until you were back in New York, I know you are so busy then." She said softly, then added, "Look if I'm in the way, I can get out of here" her eyes taking him in. He had lost a good 30 pounds, was tanned, and wearing his hair a little longer. Damn, he looked good.
"You're not in the way, I'm glad you came, I just never expected you to come to California, I mean you have to be busy at the precinct. How many days did you take off?" He asked, once again, looking for her eyes, she was afraid to meet his, or she would melt and just attack him and beg him to forgive her.
"Well, actually three weeks," She said as her eyes found the spot on the floor again, "I re-read your letter and there is so much I need to make right, I knew I couldn't rush this, I didn't want to rush it. I want you to read this when you have time, I mean if you have the time" as she handed her journal to him with shaking hands
"Why Kate? Why write all this when you're here for three weeks?" Rick asked softly,
"Because every time I try to tell you what you mean to me, I screw it up, I push you farther away, and Rick, if you can read the journal, some days were bad, and I apologized for that, but I hope I can show you the new Kate, not the bitch you left in the hotel in New York.
"How did you get three weeks off of work? You never took more than three days and that was when you came out here to work, well a case" he stopped knowing she had taken three days to visit Mike Royce before he had come back to New York, what he didn't know was she only stayed less than a day and flew back to New York.
"Rick, you don't have to be so kind, we both know what case that was, it wasn't a case but I explained somethings I know you didn't know, please read the journal. If I try to explain it, I'll just fuck it up, I can't do that Rick, I just can't." as tears pooled in her eyes.
"OK Kate, I'll read it, not in one sitting, but I'll read it, I promise." He said softly with kindness in his voice, he couldn't be cruel no matter how much she had hurt him.
"That'll be fine Rick, whenever you can, I mean, I do want to talk to you, but I knew the telephone wasn't going to work, even if I shipped you the journal, I wanted to be here to answer any questions you had. No one knows how badly I fucked up more than me, I truly do. I'm not going to grovel, not yet, I just want you to read it and see if there's room in your heart that will let us work toward something." She got out before a tear fell,
"Well, Kate, this is a surprise, and well I"
"Rick, I know how strange this seems, I mean I just show up at your doorstep asking you for forgiveness, when Joy has been so sweet, really sweet to me. I'm sorry for just showing up, please don't be angry with Joy, I mean"
"Kate, (then louder to talk over her) KATE, I'm not angry with Joy. She told me yesterday on the phone you were here and how you got here. There is something you need to understand about the dynamics in my life, I mean Alexis, Joy, Gina, and Paula, they will always be in my life so"
"How much does Alexis hate me Rick, please tell me the truth. I know how much she loves you, and it took therapy for me to understand that when you hurt, so did she, and I was the cause. I want, no I need to make things right with her. She acted more like an adult than I did, and I'm so sorry." Tears fall, as Rick silently handed her his handkerchief, it had his cologne on it, and she found comfort in that little touch,
Rick looked at her for a moment, then said softly, "She doesn't hate you, Kate, well not anymore. Joy talked to her, and she understands how things were, I mean I shouldn't have pushed it, you had boyfriends, so what should I have expected. It's not ALL your fault, so I'm sorry for pushing, for wanting something so badly I acted badly." He said softly,
"Rick, you should never have apologized, you nailed me. It's all in the journal, I know I can't tell you, not yet, but if you want to discuss anything in it, please, ask, that's my only request. I understand about Joy, all about Joy, and she and I are good. Something else, not your fault, that was me, if I"
"Kate, please let me read the journal then maybe we can go somewhere quiet and talk about anything I have questions, OK? Joy told me you talked, she also told me for the first time since she heard your name, she actually liked you and agreed you have changed. Let me get through this, we have three weeks, I mean if"
"No Rick, I mean I don't have anything planned, are you sure it's OK if I stay here, I mean?"
"If Joy hadn't approved you wouldn't be here, Kate, so yes, I'm sure. Now I need to shower and go over some things, I know Jenny is always looking for something or someone to do it with, I'll see you in a little while, OK?" Rick asked for the first time a flash of the old smile came out,
"Sure, I'm not going anywhere, I'll find Jenny, maybe we'll put the pool to use or bowl a few games. This is truly a mansion Rick, Congratulations" she said shyly,
"Thanks, maybe I'll get a chance to tell you the story of how I purchased it before you head back, right now, I have to meet some deadlines, make yourself at home," He said softly and was gone,
XxX
She wasn't aware but Jenny had come back after her shower and change of clothes in time to catch Rick's parting few words. She turned and Jenny made a noise to let her know she was there, but Kate had been a cop too long to think she had just arrived.
"How much of that did you hear Jenny?" Kate asked softly,
"Well the last part, where he wanted to read the journal then maybe go somewhere quiet to talk, and for you to hang out with me, I'm sorry Kate, I didn't mean to snoop," She said,
"Oh you weren't snooping Jenny, it's good you heard, so what do you normally do when Kevin and Joy are working, I mean this is a mansion, but do you ever bust out and just go somewhere outside of the home?" Kate asked,
"Yes, I do, Rick keeps cars ready for his guests and there's a great spot just outside the main city to grab some great bargains, but you know how it is when you go shopping, it's no fun when you do it by yourself." She smiled,
"Yeah, I know, but I haven't been shopping, well it's been a while," she said, as her thoughts went back to Lanie and her searching for the right dress for the launch party for Heatwave, just memories now.
"That sounds great, then we can hit the pool tomorrow after our workout, although I would get dirty on purpose to use that shower again, gosh does it feel good." She smiled,
"Kate, I know Rick has deadlines to meet for Gina, he's making the final touches on the book, and he's always so particular, it might be good we get you added to the security list, to get the gate codes in case you need them.
"Kevin and I will be leaving Saturday, so we still have a few days, we try to use the alone time for us. I'm sure he will want to do something to catch up with you at least one day, but you may want to do something by yourself, just don't rush it, Kate, it will come, I know it will" Jenny hugged her gently,
"God, I hope so, but you're right, I can't rush him, he needs time to digest a whole lot of the real Kate, so maybe you're right, I could go for a drive, or take in a museum if you and Kevin are going to be off on your own soon. Shopping with you today sounds like a great idea, do I need to change?" Kate asked,
"No, we're both fine, just let me let Kev know where we're going and have Joy approve the codes to be given to you," Jenny said as she texted Kevin. A few minutes late, her phone pinged,
"Sweetie you know we're on a budget, so enjoy but don't buy the stores out again. Joy said she called, Kate should have her codes ready for her when you leave the development. Love you, see you tonight for dinner," and he had sent a bunch of heart and kissy-face emojis.
Jenny smiled, "We're good to go, Kate, the codes have been approved for you, I'll show you how they work as we get out of here." She laughed; Kate followed her to the elevator down to the parking garage. She saw a gentleman standing by a Corvette convertible as they walked closer to the car.
"Hello Miss Jenny, and you must be Miss Kate, these are for you" as he held out the key fob to the car and a pack of instructions and what looked like a sophisticated garage door opener. It had three color-coded buttons on it, red, white, and blue, one button for each of the three gates she had to pass through to get back to Rick's house. The GPS was set up that all she had to do was hit the home icon and directions to get back to the Castle would instantly appear on the GPS.
"Thanks, Gerald, I appreciate it. Will this be Kate's car, in the future for visits?" Jenny asked,
"Yes Mam, unless she would prefer something different, Mr. Castle suggested the Corvette, but said to make sure she was happy," he smiled,
Kate stood with her mouth open, "You mean Rick has a designated car for his regular visitors, I mean, I"
"Easy Kate, mine is the red Mustang over there, Kevin opted for the Lexus, so the answer is yes. Paula gets too nervous driving, so she uses the car service when she comes, and Gina, well the Lamborghini over there is hers." Jenny said, and watched as Kate almost fainted,
"Look I know it's a lot to take in, but Kate, you need to understand Rick's lifestyle if you hope to be part of it. He's a hell of a lot more than just some writer with a bunch of bestsellers, he's invested in a number of business, including Rental Management such as MAR Management Inc. just for an example" Jenny said,
"How much do you know about MAR Management Jenny?" Kate asked,
"Are you asking if I know that Rick had his company buy the building your apartment is in because it was out of your reach after the bombing, yes I know about it? Do you have any idea why his real estate management company is named MAR?" Jenny asked turning the tables on Kate as they walked toward the silver corvette, the engine already purring as Gerald assisted each into the car.
"I guess I never thought, so no Jenny, I have no idea, why did he name it that?" Kate asked,
"It stands for Martha Ann Rogers, a tribute to his mother, it funds her lavish vacations and huge credit card expenses. Don't feel bad, even Martha has no idea how complex Rick's holdings are, she just knows she has an allowance and usually pushes it to the limit, often over but Rick just approves the bills.
"He wants his Mom to be happy, and well now that she's slowing down it's good, she lived life when she could. He told Kevin during one meeting to never hold back for those you love, you never knew how long you would have them, and it's better to be able to say I'm GLAD I DID, rather than I WISH I HAD" Jenny said sadly,
Kate fought a tear from falling, even though they had formed in her eyes as they roared the engine and headed out for a day shopping.
XxX
Rick had met with Joy and Kevin for about two hours, then retired to his office, under the guise of completing the finishing touches to the Heat series. In reality, he had finished those the night Joy had moved to the other side of the house, he couldn't sleep so he worked all night, he just hadn't submitted them to Gina yet.
He found his hand on her journal, wanting so badly to know what it contained in one way, and so afraid to re-open that wound, it had taken so long to finally begin to heal. He finally opened the pages to find her letter written on the flight out,
"Dear Rick,
I'm writing to you from somewhere over Arizona, 43,000 feet altitude on my way to perhaps the biggest embarrassment of my life, or if I'm lucky the best day, it is yet to be determined. I have tried to tell you so many times before, I failed every time and pushed us even further apart.
"This is my attempt to tell you, to show you, to prove to you that the Kate Beckett you last saw is gone. I don't want to risk screwing this up, so if you will be so kind, please read this journal. It describes my feelings daily, well sometimes more but hopefully you can see the change in me by the writings each day.
The first thing that struck Rick was there was not one I'm sorry BUT it wasn't my fault, or you don't understand, she had simply laid out her request to read her writings over the last several months, and witness the change.
She had appeared differently when he saw her, God, he still wanted her so badly, but common sense made him wait, don't get hurt again. Get the facts, Rick, then talk, don't let one moment of passion overrule the many nights of heartache you have felt.
His eyes read, "I'll ask your forgiveness now, I never thought you would ever see what I wrote, so it may be raw in some pages, it may even anger you, and please I just ask you to keep reading. As Dr. Burke said, the change was and is a marathon, not a sprint, so there were days I did regress.
WHAT? Kate Beckett admitting to her screwing up and falling back on past norms? That was new, something she never would have done, as he continued, I love you Rick, more than I ever thought possible. I know this is difficult for you, something I never gave you any sign of, and that's my biggest regret, I never said a word as you gave up on me, on us.
She admitted it again, she loved him and took ownership of their squandered opportunities to build upon it, oh If Only. He wanted to believe her, her writing certainly had changed, but deep inside he kept hearing the barbs, the hurtful comments, no matter how hard he tried to shake them from his memory they were there. One thing for sure, this was not going to be a kiss and make up all is well now, it would require work, from them both, if she was willing.
Just as he had concluded that thought, and allowed his eyes to read farther, he saw it, "I hope this will make up for that at least in some small part, it's a start and, well at least allow us to begin to start over. Test me, Rick, tell me what I need to do to be with you in any capacity, just test me, please? You said that one letter, one meeting wouldn't, couldn't erase the past, you're right, but tell me what you need from me, Please?
Kate Beckett never begged anyone, this was as close as she had ever come, at least in his recollection. Test her? How? Tell her to quit the force, give up her mother's case? Then what if it didn't work out? Sure, her bank account from the royalties from the Heat series would ensure she would never need a job, but what would she do for the rest of her life? Hell, what would he do?
His eyes traveled farther, "I can't undo the past, some parts, hell most of my past with you if I'm honest, I am not very proud of, but I won't ask about yours, I have and never had any right to do so. That's just another inequality Doctor Burke called me on, he made me see that I indeed as you described in your letter of the double standards, I held for us. I understand it now Rick, I honestly do, and once again, please forgive me.
"I'm willing to put in the work on us, yes Rick US, I can only hope you find it in your heart some of the love you and all of New York except me witnessed and acknowledged. I saw it, Rick, I just didn't acknowledge it, please forgive me. They just announced our flight would be landing in twenty minutes, God, I am so afraid you will send me away, if you do, then I'll go, but never forget I love you, Rick,
Always
Kate, "
PS. A song that means so much, You Are the Reason, if you can please listen to it.
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
Tears were in his eyes when he finished reading the opening pages, hell he was this emotional by just reading the letter she had written on her way out to see him. Another thing Kate Beckett would have never done, she would never have approached him, she was laying it on the line, her soul open and bare for him to see.
He reached over and pressed play, she never knew it but You are The Reason had been one of his go-to songs for years, was it the Universe finally bringing them together in perfect alignment? Stop Rick, give it time, you need to read the journal, that was just a letter he chided himself.
He wanted to believe her, just as he had written, but was still finally having trouble accepting this version as the truth. Every moment of joy he felt was wiped out almost immediately with a bad memory. He knew that wasn't fair, and he tried to stop, but it wasn't as easy as willing his mind to do so. Hell, she was here, right here, something he had dreamed of for years, but somehow the hurt overruled the joy.
He took a few deep breaths and started the journal in earnest, something he knew would bring back a great deal of pain, but he had to hear her out, she had taken the first step, but he knew, it was still a huge distance between the Kate he had dreamed of, and the Kate of his reality. This wasn't going to be easy, or something he could resolve quickly. He continued to read, making notes on a separate pad as he read, wiped his eyes, then read on. Like he said this wasn't going to be easy.
TBC