Coming Out or Going In
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: From a fan prompt (Castle was lent out to Robbery temporarily to work cold cases while Demming is on suspension. Lead Detective Joy Park, a woman with a big secret causes friction between our couple. COMPLETELY AU, Some Scenes and events used to enhance the story,
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take MANY liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events from other Canon episodes to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Chapter 31
Wallingford Dr,
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Saturday, 11:30 PM
/_/
Kate had waited for Rick to exit his room, hoping to talk more, but the door remained closed. She heard soft music, and then from time to time the clicking of a keyboard almost as if he were writing. She retreated back to her room, for the fourth time, thinking about what she should do.
She remembered on one occasion Rick had said something when they were working on a case, she had a different opinion then, but now, well her heart wanted what she wanted and that was Rick. She recalled every word she had said, and the look on his face, his eyes when he uttered his final argument for his position.
Flashback to The Murder in Maddie's Restaurant. (Food to Die For)
(FROM DUST JACKETS DOT COM)
CASTLE: You ask me... she should've followed her heart- left David, gone with Wolf.
BECKETT: You know, I can see the virtue of staying. I mean, guys like Wolf, they come in, they upset the apple cart. Of course, he makes you feel alive, but eventually, you know he's just gonna let you down. So why risk it?
CASTLE: Because the heart wants what the heart wants.
She had gone through her sad song playlist four times, now working on the fifth, wondering what she should do. Hell, he was right across the hall, he was within yelling distance, she would never get this opportunity again, and he had made moves, disobeying her commands, even her wishes before. Hell, if she was going to lose him, she might as well go out with a fight rather than sleeking away like some defeated coward, not even caring enough to give it her all.
The song that broke her heart every time had just finished playing in her earbuds as her tears began to fall,
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
She thought, just as the song title, I Never Told Him, she had never told Rick, at least in person. she had stayed back, given him his space for a whole week. Had it been that long already, she felt like the progress they had made, well hadn't made was telling and she hadn't come this far to go down this way.
She gathered all the strength she had left, knowing this could be her last opportunity, her last chance to see Rick, to make him understand that she loved him. She had put it on paper, maybe now was the time for action. She walked sheepishly down the hall, his door was slightly ajar, and she could see him sitting, just looking out the window, soft sad music playing. She took a deep breath and knocked twice.
The door opened, Rick looking not looking happy, "What do you want Beckett?" as he stood there, looking hurt, defeated, ready to give up,
She rushed into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him, deeply and passionately. He struggled for just a moment until his tongue fought hers for entry and the make-out session was on.
"Rick, I love you, I've tried to tell you on paper, that hasn't worked, I'm afraid I'll screw it up if I try to tell you, but I can't leave without you hearing it, at least once. I only need you, you're all I need, all I want. Tell me, Rick, challenge me, what do I have to do to be with you? I know it will take time to forget and forgive, I'm not asking for that, not in one session, not one month, but Rick, let me show you how much I love you and only you.
"I've been here a week, and I've tried to give you space, not push, but damn it, you have to know, I'm sorry, so sorry for every time I've hurt you. Look we can go through item by item our history, or I can show you what I have wanted to, what I've dreamed of for years, please? As she removed the corner of her top and took his hand leading him to his bed.
"Kate, look, I want you, God I've wanted you, but I won't do this, not if you think it's going to make everything OK again, it won't. I love you, I truly do, and I want you"
Her lips crashed his, as they reached the bed, and she had her top off, showing him the lace bra, she had picked especially for this occasion, "I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm asking you to make love to me. I understand that this is going to take a long time. Rick, let me show you please, I know you're hurt, but Babe none of them were you.
Things quickly escalated from there, Rick not allowing her to pull him into her sweet spot until he had satisfied her twice, she thought the second time she was going to pass out from the intensity of her orgasm. Finally, he allowed her to guide him to where she wanted him, and he didn't disappoint, in any category. It was almost as if two singers were in perfect harmony in a song of love and devotion, and after three sessions, spent, exhausted, and in a state of euphoria, she never felt before she laid her head upon his chest.
She began to weep quietly, as Rick held her in silence, as Rick stared at the ceiling.
"Kate, are you OK, I mean are you sorry"
"Shut up Rick, no, never sorry, I'm happy, but I'm also scared out of my mind. I'm afraid that I have come so close to you and I may still lose you, Babe, I told you to challenge me, please Rick, tell me what were you thinking? I saw your eyes look away and stare at the ceiling. Are you telling me I'm too late? Babe, I want to, I have to know now."
He gently pulled her on top of him so he could look int her eyes,
"Kate, you're not too late, but we still have a lot of forgiving, and me trying to forget. I know I'm not your first, but the thoughts of some of those"
She kissed him again, deeply passionately, but sweetly. "Babe, I have to show you, prove to you that none of them were you, all you have to do is let me, please? I also have to accept that Joy shared a spot in your life and your bed that I would have died to do if only I hadn't been so stupid. I know Rick, Joy talked to me, she told me that the sex stopped the day my letter came. I'm sorry for so many things, but after making love, I'm most sorry that I didn't act on my urges two years ago and jump you then. God Rick, promise me, you'll never get bored of me, I mean others"
It was Rick's turn to silence her with a kiss, "Others can't compare to you. Kate, we have work to do, a lot of work to do, both of us. Will, there be days I'm going to be an ass and hurt you, or throw something in your face, I know I can tell you it won't happen, but I'm human. I've held so much inside, I guess I still can't believe that you took the time off of work and came out here, you came to me, you didn't wait, and tonight, well thank you, Babe. By the way, I love the pet name" as he kissed her sweetly
"Babe, I know forgiveness is one of your greatest gifts. I also know that even you can't just wipe the slate clean as you would a case on the murder board. You have emotional scars from wounds I inflicted, and I know you would never hurt me deliberately. BUT I also know you're human and some days, some memories will trigger that hurt, until I can overcome it with my love for you. Until that day, I promise, I may walk away to cry, but I will never run away if you let me be near you." She whispered into his mouth as she stayed locked on his eyes,
"How do you want to do that Kate, I mean you have your job, your friends, everything in New York, I can't ask you to leave that, it's too much," he said as her eyes fell in sadness, "But you have two more weeks, can I ask you that after one week of trial here, and by here, I mean"
He didn't finish his statement, she locked his lips pouring out her love for him, tears flowing, but for once they were happy tears. When they broke for air, he kissed her eyes, wiping away her tears, she finally got out,
"Rick, I already told Boyle to be looking for my replacement, if you wouldn't take me, I planned on leaving New York. I can't bear the smell of coffee without breaking down and crying like some fool. I missed you so damn much, without you I don't think anything I could do would ever make me happy. I knew New York, well I understand why you moved, and I'm so sorry Rick. I know the hurt I felt, and it was my fault, God, please forgive me." She cried as he held her,
"You told Boyle you might not be back, how did that go over, I mean if you care to share?" Rick asked as she slid to his side wrapped tightly by his arm pulling her close, her kissing his cheek gently,
"Babe, he said something about well, if you can land that fish, do it, God knows my little girl tried for three years, and just when we thought she had him, he was on Kyra's line." I have no idea of what he was talking about, and didn't ask, I didn't have that right." She said softly,
"Well, if we're being honest, and putting our cards out there, you knew about Kyra, of course, you did, we worked her bridesmaid case. He noticed as Kate shivered, and frowned, "Hey, it was only a kiss, it didn't mean anything"
"I'm sorry Rick, it's just I wanted to be with you so badly, and I was such a coward, it's on me. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry I got upset"
"Upset?" He asked,
"OK, you want me to say it I will, I was jealous, green-eyed monster jealous, OK, I love you damn it, those kisses are mine, or I hope they are," she said, as she captured his lips once again, "Now explain about what Boyle said, please?" she teased his lip capturing the bottom one in a gentle bite before she kissed him again.
"Well, I dated, we dated Erin and me through High School, before I met Kyra, and well, the Boyles are a great family. I guess, Erin and I were pretty serious, well for 18-year-old kids, I even went to the college she was attending to be near her, but she fell for the quarterback, Don Lampkin, probably why I hate football today. One day we were on the fast track, then the next she was wearing a varsity jacket, and his ring, so I didn't need a telegraph to tell me where I stood.
"I transferred to Columbia where I met Kyra, and well the rest is old news," Rick said,
"Not so fast, when I was in deep trouble, Roy admitted that you played the daddy-daughter card with Boyle, I knew you were close, but I never could figure out how at least until now. I'm still confused as to why Erin would do you a favor, especially after the way you two ended things," Kate said softly,
"Well, I never told anyone but I guess she did, she called and wanted to get back together, even on the side. I never have cheated and I never will, I told her it was out of the question, and why was she so desperate to get back to the good old days. I guess she was pregnant and really just needed a friend, so I met her at the train station, and went with her when she broke the news to her parents" Rick said looking out over the distance,
"Wow, I bet that went over like a lead balloon, how did they react, I mean Mr. and Mrs. Boyle?" Kate asked softly,
"At first Mrs. Boyle cried, and I thought Frank was going to throw a chair through the window, then they started talking about Erin and I getting married, I guess they just assumed because I came with her, I was the father to be. That went on for almost an hour, I didn't know what to say or do until Erin finally stood up and told the truth. I thought Frank was going to kill me right there, instead, he asked me what the hell I was doing with his daughter and did I know she was pregnant.
"I told him, yes, and I was there because she needed a friend, she was afraid to come home alone, and begged me to come with her. I couldn't say no. He just looked at me, then he cried. He regained his composure and told me, I was welcome to come to their home anytime, and he was sorry for calling me the names, I left those out, it was how any dad would react, and he knew how much I much cared about Erin to face him like that.
"Erin and I stayed friends, exchanging holiday and birthday cards, Alexis is only 5 months younger than Nicky, her second child. Sadly, she lost the first one only a few weeks after I went with her to her parent's home. Nicky's dad left when she was 11 months so we did things as a family when it came to the girls," he said sadly,
"Rick, please tell me the truth, did you ever have the urge, especially since you were single and so was she to rekindle the old times?" Kate asked slowly,
"No, I think she crossed a line in our relationship that couldn't be uncrossed, and well, I love her dearly as a friend, I could never forgive or forget that," He said softly,
"Rick, have I crossed that line, please tell me now Babe, I don't think I can wonder about when or if I will lose you anymore, not after today. I asked for a chance to show you that I loved you, I think you know that now, but from what you just said, is that enough for us?" Kate asked softly, as tears fell on his chest, she was holding her breath until she felt him pull her into him tighter,
"It's enough for now Kate, I mean we've hurt each other, that can't be just kissed and put away, we have two weeks, to decide, for now, it's enough," he said softly, as he turned her face to his and kissed her gently, sweetly.
"Why did you do it, Rick, why did you go so far out on a limb to help me? I mean everyone else I know, male or female would have walked away from the train wreck in front of them, but you didn't, why? She prodded, as her hand found his and intertwined their fingers.
"You know why, but since I forced you to say it about Kyra, it was because I loved you, Kate, I've loved you for years. No matter what had happened between us, I couldn't sit back and let you lose everything you had worked your entire adult life for.
"What kind of a friend, a partner would I have been? I held out hope that someday, somehow, we could be like this, lying talking, and loving each other. I just never thought it would take this long or hurt so badly to get here" he said sadly, and tears began to fall from Kate's eyes. The magnitude of his hurt was now being shown to her, not in a vengeful manner, but in such a way it only made her love him deeper. His kindness knew no bounds, even when he was hurting so badly, he sought therapy for himself.
He held her as she finally composed herself, "Rick, earlier you asked me how I wanted to handle the next week, or two weeks, well, I have a suggestion, I mean"
"Kate, please don't hold back, I'm here, lying naked with you, I'm not going to get up and run out of the door, this is what we need to do every day. Talk about something from the past that has hurt us, openly, honestly, own our mistakes, but do it in this environment. This is where I feel safest with you, and by your reaction, I think that is true for you as well, am I wrong?" He asked and had just completed his sentence when she was on top of him again,
"Yes, Babe, I always felt safe when I knew you were with me, even just the touch of your hand on my back when you held a chair, it sent shivers up my spine. If I understand our proposal, we meet here daily, to discuss, to own, and to take steps to prevent us to never hurt the other in such a manner again. We seal it with lovemaking, and Babe, that means you can't walk away when you are hurt.
"You have to let me love that hurt away, make love to you the way you have to me. I saw that little boy look on your face so many times, I just wanted to run to you, to jump into your arms and yell make love to me, I need you, I want you, and Richard Castle, if you haven't figured it out, or I haven't said it loud enough, I'm in love with you, and I will be, ALWAYS" She initiated the session this time, and proved to Rick that walking away was one solution, but not the best, he would take this therapy over that any day.
Neither had realized the time, the sun broke free from behind the mountain, and Kate exclaimed,
"Is it morning already? Have we made love and talked all night?" she snuggled into him once again, afraid of what the day would bring.
"I guess it is, but Babe, why don't we take a shower, then I'll make us some breakfast, then I'd like to talk about us some more after you soak in the hot tub. I'm sure you're going to need it, you are an animal sometimes Kate Beckett, and I love it." He laughed, her laugh for the first time in over a year,
"Rick, you know we haven't gotten to some of the bad stuff yet, are you sure you're OK Babe? I mean I never want to hurt you, or will I let anyone else ever hurt you," She sniffled,
"If you're talking about Royce, I'm over that, you proved to me where you want to be, and I knew you were out there only for a few hours before you flew home, I saw you in the airport that day.
"I wasn't spying, but I was flying to Portland for a signing and I saw you, sitting in departing flights for New York the same day you arrived, so we're good on that Babe. I'm sure there will be other journal entries that will require your therapy, if not I will fake it just to make love to you" he smiled,
She turned his face to hers, kissed him with a passionate kiss that almost started another session, "Babe, we never need an excuse, or reason to make love, I want it as badly as you do, but only with you" she kissed him again, and he smiled,
"If I don't move now, it will be another hour and I just heard your stomach rumble Kate," he laughed and she kissed him,
"I love you, Rick, thank you for giving me this chance, please let's not let anything destroy it, please?
"I love you Kate Beckett, and we won't. We both know we will have our moments, maybe even our days, but they will be OUR days, OUR moments, to deal with together, I promise"
Kate smiled, for the first time, she felt that taking the chance on love, coming out here, and even tonight instigating this discussion had led her to what she had been searching for all her life. Ironically when she picked her iPad up the song The Search is Over was playing, she smiled and thought to herself, it sure as hell is.
TBC
A/N Here it is, the part many were waiting for, life isn't scripted in 53-minute segments, so I tried to make this real life. We have made it to get these two together, now just to tie up the loose ends, so Thanks to all for your encouragement, likes, follows, and comments, they mean the world to me, Thanks, Tim