A/N: Um, just about everybody makes an appearance in this chap. I hope everyone can follow along.
Chapter Twenty
Dear Goodbye
"I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I didn't hear you." Saku stared at the woman before her incredulously. Her eyes were wide with shock and her mouth was slightly agape.
"I said I'd like you to come over for tea. Say tomorrow at 11 o'clock?"
Saku continued to stare at Uchiha Mikoto as if she had just said that Sasuke secretly loved kittens and pink. The woman had never, ever offered to sit and have tea with her before much less have anything to do with her. This fact was what drove her to ask her next question.
"I'm sorry if this seems terribly rude, but why would you want to have tea with me?"
The pleasant look that Uchiha Mikoto had been sporting slipped. Saku fought back a smirk, realizing that the truth of the matter was about to be revealed.
"We need to talk about my son." Saku inwardly cursed Uchiha Itachi and his parents. Must everything be a theatrical production?
"There's no need. Shisui delivered the Uchiha message to me already. In fact, he gave me the whole back-off-or-else spiel. "
Mikoto's eyes narrowed as she said sharply, "I have not said I needed to speak to you on behalf of the clan. I said I needed to speak with you about my son. You will come for tea tomorrow at 11 o'clock." With those imperious words Uchiha Mikoto departed quickly. For a brief moment, Saku began to get upset at the woman's audacity until she realized that it wasn't her that Mikoto wanted to speak to. It was her double. So she'd be sure to pass the message along and not let it bother her in the least. So she brushed the encounter off like it was dirt on her shoulder but she did, however, feel a brief moment of pity for Sakura.
Saku maneuvered her way through the streets of Konoha, headed home when she bumped into the person she least expected to see.
Uchiha Itachi.
"May I speak with you for a moment?" Itachi looked down at her with a slight frown on his face. His shoulders were stiff and full of tension.
"Of course." Saku said, more out of habit than anything, Saku linked her arm in Itachi's and allowed him to guide her along. She remained quiet, waiting for him to tell her his problem. Because it had to be a problem for him to search her out. It was natural instinct for people to avoid their ex.
"In the span of our relationship did you feel that I was controlling?" It seemed to be a day where the Uchihas were shocking her one after the other. Saku's eyes slowly closed contemplatively, trusting Itachi to guide her and not let any harm come to her. It was almost laughable. It was his job to cause harm and yet he was one of the most trusted persons in her life. When she finally opened her mouth no words were forthcoming. She was glad that his gaze was focused ahead of him instead of on her because she truly didn't know how to answer that question tactfully. "You may be honest." He chuckled, sensing her hesitation.
"It's not a question of honesty, Itachi. I wouldn't lie to you. I just--"
"You will not hurt my feelings. Just tell the truth."
"Itachi, you're very organized. For you everything has always needed to be 'just so'. It's not a bad trait."
"But?" There always seemed to be 'a but' with Saku. It usually preceded a painful but necessary blow.
"There is no 'but'. At that time in my life you were what I needed. You were what I wanted. I needed you to be who you are."
"Which is controlling."
"Why are you putting words in my mouth?" Sakura said sharply, sensing a much deeper reason for this little chat. "What's going on Itachi?"
"Were you ever coerced into being with me?"
Saku stopped walking and pulled her arm away from him. She turned to face Itachi and looked into his eyes searchingly. "What are you talking about? Of course not! I was with you because that was where I wanted to be."
"And now you want Hatake? Why is that? Did--"
"Where is all this coming from?" Itachi didn't reply. His solemn and sad eyes surveyed her with a cutting precision. Saku knew he would not answer a single of her questions until his were finished. "Itachi--" Saku sighed. "I never would have called you controlling while I was with you. Now on the other hand…."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I'm being subjected to an inquisition. I'm not sure I like it too much." He started to turn and leave when Saku stopped him. If she didn't get him to talk now he would let it fester inside of him and eventually he would do something that would irritate her. "No. Don't go. Talk to me."
"There are things I cannot tell you."
"Tell me what you can." Saku said, giving him an encouraging smile.
"The Hokage indulged in matchmaking in order to get us together." Saku looked at him blankly, not seeing the problem. "She had reasons for doing it. Reasons that were less than innocent." This didn't seem to faze the pink haired girl. "Why is this not bothering you?"
"That's Shishou," Saku said with a shrug. "She does stuff like that. You either get used to it or you go insane. She always has my best interests at heart. I just keep that in mind."
"Did you ever really care for me?"
Saku stared at Itachi, not believing that he had asked such a ridiculous question. This must have been bothering him big time to make him so curious to her reactions. She knew then that this was indeed much deeper than she had thought.
"Does it matter, Itachi?"
Itachi paused and stared at her contemplatively. "I think it does. I need to understand why you came to me and why you left." He was leaving something out and she knew it, but Uchiha Itachi was really no longer her concern. In all honesty it would probably be best if they went back to being mere acquaintances, but she decided to answer the question anyway. She wouldn't be long in this world and it would be best to tie up any loose ends before she left.
"I loved you, Itachi. I loved you very much. You were a rock when I was in a dark place. I needed you because I was too emotionally weak to stand on my own. I guess, now that I think about it, I used you. I apologize for that, but now I've reached a point in my life where I have to stand on my own two feet. I can't lean on you or Sasuke or Kakashi. I have to be me. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. Me loving Kakashi is a main reason for me leaving you. I cannot marry a man who does not have my complete heart, but that's not the only reason. You took care of me. You are a care taker. You give and give and never ask for anything else, but I never did that for you. You have too much responsibility on your shoulders to not have a woman at your side that you can lean on. I'm not her, Ita." Saku cracked a smile in order to lighten the atmosphere. "Besides, your family is a little too out there for me."
Itachi felt a smirk appear on his lips. Saku felt her heart warm at his expression. "Friends?" Saku asked questioningly. Itachi just nodded.
"Sakura doesn't want you to leave in her place." Itachi stated.
"Why? I thought--"
"She's worried about you and Hatake. Perhaps you should speak to her before making any final decisions." At that Itachi took his leave of his former fiancé.
Saku made to leave as well before she realized that she meant to tell Itachi that he needed to tell his family that there were two Sakuras and not one. She was really getting tired of being mistaken for someone else.
:::
:::
Saku found herself in a dilemma. Itachi had told her that she needed to go speak with Sakura and she had every intention of doing so. It was just that she realized as she stood outside of Sakura's residence with her hand poised to knock that it was also Kakashi's place. How could such important information have slipped her mind? Was he in there? She couldn't sense his presence. However, that really didn't mean much. How often had they hid thier presence from each other just to avoid the inevitable confrontation? Yet she couldn't take the coward's way out this time. Sakura was in there and they needed to talk about her decision. Saku knocked on the door and waited expectantly for a familiar masked face to appear.
She was rather disappointed when the door was not opened by him. Actually, it wasn't opened by Sakura either. The door swung open with a force that startled Saku, making her step back quickly. Dark eyes filled with frustration greeted her.
"Saku! I'm glad you're here. Maybe you can talk some sense into her." Sasuke reached out and grabbed her arm, dragging her into Kakashi's home. Her eyes did a quick scan, revealing to her that Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. Saku bit back a sigh of disappointment. He was probably out somewhere with Kurenai.
"What's going on?" Saku asked quizzically, but had no chance to receive an answer before she was shoved into Sakura's bedroom with Sasuke stepping in behind her, firmly shutting the door.
"Tell her that Itachi's only pushing her away because he thinks that is what is best for her."
Saku took in Sakura staring out the window. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she appeared to be ignoring the young Uchiha. Her shoulders were stiff as if she were on the edge of losing her self control.
"What happened?"
Sakura turned then and Saku could see the hurt that decorated her face. Saku inwardly sighed. So this was why Itachi seemed so off earlier.
"I was dumped before I was even dated," Sakura said with a twinge of bitterness.
"What?" Saku immediately walked across the room towards Sakura. "That doesn't make any sense."
"It doesn't matter." Sakura said waving the subject off.
"It does matter." Sasuke interjected. He began to pace, and Saku could see the worry etched on his face. It seemed he was destined to be a caregiver, just as his brother before him.
"I'm done talking about it, Sasuke." Sakura's firm voice closing the subject. Her hurt eyes turned to Saku. "Did Sasuke call you here?"
"No, I came on my own." Saku decided that she wouldn't mention the part where Itachi had sent her to Sakura.
Sakura laid down on her bed and gave Sasuke a dark look, clearly demanding that he leave. Apparently Sasuke had an anti-SCRAM shield up, for he merely stopped pacing and flopped down beside his new friend.
"I actually came to tell you that I've decided to go back to your world in your stead."
"What?!" Sasuke and Sakura screeched at once. Saku bit back a smile at the girly sound that came out of Sasuke's mouth then sighed.
"You both know it's the most logical choice. I wanted to stay so that I could make amends with Kakashi, but he's with Kurenai now so…." Her voice trailed off and she shrugged a bit.
"And you honestly think that wasn't just an attempt to make you jealous?" Sakura demanded. "Come on now."
"Why would he try to make me jealous? He can't stand my presence. He looks down on me with his superior attitude and--"
Sasuke cleared his throat, drawing the attention of both women. "You saw Kakashi and Kurenai together?"
"We both did," The Sakuras answered.
"I think you're both making too much of this."
"And why is that?" They questioned.
Sasuke pinched bridge of his nose, becoming slightly annoyed at their harmonious questions and replies. "Because you're women and therefore you think like women." He would have said more but he realized immediately that his words had provoked an unwanted reaction out of both girls. Sasuke mentally began a countdown. Three, two, on-
"Uchiha Sasuke! What the hell is--"
"That supposed to mean? Just because we're women--"
"Doesn't mean we come up with anything--"
"Less than a logical conclusion. You weren't there. You didn't see--"
"The way he kissed her hand…" Saku felt tears spring to her eyes and turned her back on the room to immediately wipe them away. The room fell silent and Sasuke moved to pull Saku into his chest. He held her tightly as she sobbed, and Sasuke shared a tense glance with Sakura. She turned with a small sigh exiting her room and left the two friends to their privacy.
:::
:::
Kakashi entered his home to sense a rather familiar chakra signature, or was it signatures? Kakashi shook his head to clear it. He would have turned around and left if the figure seated on his sofa hadn't crooked her little finger at him, beckoning him to come join her. He mentally sighed and wondered at the wisdom of simply ignoring her, but something about the look in her eye told him that she would hunt him down to the furthest corner of the earth if he tried to escape her now. It was probably just best to let her say whatever it was that she wished.
Kakashi slunk over to her and sat at her side, pulling out his trusty reading material. He did nothing to initiate conversation, which he knew irritated Sakura. He inwardly chuckled while he could because he was certain she had some things to say that would only serve to irritate him.
"What's going on with you and Kurenai?"
Kakashi glanced away from his book and looked at her with a raised brow. He could have said that it wasn't any of her business, but she knew that and it hadn't stopped her from asking the question in the first place. So he didn't reply and blocked Sakura's hand that was aimed for his head.
"I am not your Kakashi. It would be best if you remembered that."
Sakura tilted her head to the side. "You're right. You're nothing like my Kakashi if you can hurt people like that. My Kakashi taught me the meaning of loyalty and friendship. I wonder if you have any concept of it." Kakashi's grip tightened on his book and he made an attempt to rise to his feet but Sakura grabbed his arm, effectively stopping him. "I'm sorry. That was unnecessary. I'm going through some things right now and I think I just took that out on you."
Kakashi looked at her quizzically but didn't ask any questions. Questions would lead to concern and perhaps friendship and he didn't want to solidify any bonds with a Sakura. He was simply waiting for the time when she would get a place of her own or move in with the Uchiha--whichever happened first. So he sat back down and the two reveled in silence for a while the only sounds being heard was the sound of a page turning and soft breathing.
"Are you going to let her leave?" Sakura finally asked, unable to bear the silence any longer. He was surprised that she had lasted in the silence as long as she had. He could tell that she was itching to put him through an inquisition.
"I can't control what she decides to do. If that is what she wants then--"
"And what if that's not what she wants?"
"Then she shouldn't do it," Kakashi said with a shrug of his shoulders. Sakura let out an aggravated sound that made Kakashi chuckle. She cast an irritated glance at him.
"Aren't you going to at least talk to her and try to stop her?" Sakura threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. Kakashi lowered his book, closing it softly. He turned to face her, pinning her with his gaze.
"Why should I? She's her own woman and she makes her own decisions."
Sakura opened her mouth and closed it, seeming to think on her words first. Kakashi watched as a myriad of emotions washed over her face. Her lips settled on a bittersweet smile and her eyes were glazed over with dulled pain. This was a pain he'd seen before. It spoke of broken dreams and wounded hearts. He knew it so well because it had been his constant companion for quite some time.
"When I was twelve years old I was madly in love with Uchiha Sasuke. He was everything a girl dreamed of. Smart. Handsome. Strong."
"I remember Saku having a similar obsession." He was surprised that he was able to say that without a trace of bitterness. At that particular time he did not have any sort of feelings for Saku, but just the thought of her being able to bestow her affections on everyone but him was disconcerting.
Sakura chuckled softly. "The difference is that my Sasuke chose to leave the village. He chose to walk another path in order to satisfy his desire for revenge. I knew what he was planning. To this day I still don't understand how I knew, but I did. I also knew that I stood very little chance of stopping him, yet I had no choice but to go. To try and stop him, to tell him how I felt. I poured out my heart to him and in the end he rejected me."
"A pointless endeavor."
"I wouldn't say that. Sure, at that point I didn't have the physical strength to even dream of stopping him and so I had to beg him to stay, but I know if I hadn't tried it would be a regret that would have stayed with me for the rest of my life. I put my pride aside because I loved him enough to realize that he was worth it."
:::
:::
"Are you okay?" Sasuke murmured softly pulling away from Saku and looking down into her eyes that glistened with her droplets of sorrow.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just being silly is all. I'm sorry. I know how much you hate tears…."
"Hn."
"Don't go all monosyllabic on me." Saku said with a watery smile. Sasuke smirked back. Very few people got him to speak in full sentences. Saku was one of those few.
"He's out there, you know."
Saku looked at the door that separated her from Kakashi with a bit of despair. She moved away from it as if she could truly put more distance between the two. "I know, but what can I do? Jump out the window and run? That's pathetic." Even after her admission she eyed the window speculatively, causing Sasuke to shake his head.
"You Haruno women are a piece of work." He groaned, running his hands through his already unruly hair. Saku pursed her lips, unsure whether or not she should be offended. "Go talk to him, Saku."
"About what Sasuke? I've already made several attempts, but he won't listen."
"Then try again and again and again until he listens. You're good at bugging people. With a little effort he'll eventually cave."
Saku was annoyed by his statement but she could admit to herself there was truth in his words. "Fine."
"Good." Sasuke opened the door and gestured for her to exit before him. She did, with her shoulders stiff and back straight.
:::
:::
Sakura and Kakashi turned towards the door as it opened suddenly. Kakashi pulled out his book as soon as he heard the door creak, studiously ignoring the occupants of his home. Yet he couldn't get Sakura's words out of his mind. They whirled round and round in an endless circle, plaguing him constantly. She had begged her Sasuke to stay by her side.
It had to have taken courage to put your heart on the line like that not knowing the response that you would receive in the end. He felt grudging respect for the woman at his side. She had said that she didn't have the strength to stop her Sasuke and yet her actions spoke of a strength that he found admirable.
He never had the opportunity to tell Saku how he felt and while he was certain she knew of his feelings, he regretted not telling her face to face. Maybe if he had, things would be different between them now. That was the past, though. He shouldn't dwell on it and yet he inwardly knew that was something he had always done.
Unbeknownst to him Kakashi raised his head, his eye going directly to the woman who once held his heart in the palm of her hand and crushed it thoughtlessly. She was staring directly at him. A familiar ache went through his chest but he was able to ignore it because Sasuke walked into the room, distracting him.
"Sakura, we have a conversation to finish."
"No. We do not." Sakura said, giving Sasuke a look that held none of the fondness that he heard in her voice when she was speaking of her Sasuke. Kakashi wondered at that. People generally tended to love that particular Uchiha within minutes of meeting him, yet Sakura seemed ready to bite his head off.
"Sakura?" Saku said, speaking up and distracting her attention from Sasuke. Sakura's expression completely changed as she turned to look at her counterpart.
"Yes?"
"I have something I need to tell you."
They had his full attention by then. Saku's voice didn't sound exactly pleased. Something was going on. He wondered briefly, with a frown, if this had anything to do with Saku's impending departure.
"Go ahead." Sakura said, sounding confused by the seriousness in Saku's voice.
"I ran into Uchiha Mikoto today. You're having tea with her tomorrow at 11 o' clock."
Sakura turned and looked directly at Sasuke. "You're behind this, aren't you?"
"Tch. As if anyone could control my mother."
Sakura opened her mouth to reply, but Saku's voice stopped her. "Sakura? Sasuke? Can you guys excuse me? I need to talk to Kakashi."
The duo exchanged a glance and Kakashi almost laughed at the speed at which Sakura and Sasuke left his apartment. He quickly sobered when he realized he was alone with her. This was something that he had been trying to avoid for some time now. He suddenly became hyper aware of her. Her sweet scent filled the air intoxicatingly. Her eyes gazed at him steadily filled with hope and quite a bit of fear. A small part of him wanted to alleviate that fear, but found that he could not. He didn't know what to say to her and even if he did, he wasn't sure if he could actually let the words escape him.
"Kakashi." She seemed to be struggling with her words, as if she had so much to say but could not quite part with the words. Her hands were clasped together, close to her chest. "I--" Saku paused and he waited, wondering what she would say this time. "I don't want to leave with us on these terms. I--"
"So you're definitely leaving, then." Saku's eyes widened, surprised that he had actually spoken to her. She had expected him to brush her words off as if they were a grain of salt and then toss her out on her ear.
"What other option is there?"
Kakashi didn't reply because he didn't have an answer. One of them had to go back. It was as simple as that. And so silence reigned. Saku stood staring at Kakashi, who in turn looked back at her.
"I'm not angry at you, Saku." Kakashi said finally, but Saku didn't believe him. There had been so much animosity between them for so long that it just wasn't probable that it had all vanished. Saku still held a little bitterness for their past misunderstandings, but she had pushed it aside because she felt that rebuilding their relationship was more important. Forgiveness was essential in a relationship because no person was perfect.
Kakashi took in Saku's skeptical look and realized she knew he was lying through his teeth. Which was puzzling because he was normally rather good at lying--when he wasn't telling lies about his tardiness, that is. She couldn't possibly know him well enough to discover his untruths. If she had she would have guessed long ago that he was in love with her.
"There's no need to hide the truth, Kakashi. How you feel is written all over you."
Kakashi sighed and ran his hand over his masked face. "That obvious?" Saku just nodded. "Well, then let's just agree to let the past go. There's nothing we can do to change it now." Saku nodded once more the crossed the room until she stood right in front of Kakashi. She held her hand out for him to take it.
"Friends?" Saku asked hesitatingly.
Kakashi looked at her hand for a moment then shook his head. "I can't be your friend Saku." Kakashi ignored her flinch and continued speaking. "There are no hard feelings." He said softly, having no desire to truly hurt her. However, his words didn't have the desired effect. Saku dropped her hand back to her side and avoided eye contact. She didn't want him to see how badly he had hurt her. Sure, she could deal with his previous anger but a complete dismissal just hurt. It was like they had never been friends to begin with.
"I suppose that's more than what I expected. For what it's worth Kakashi-- I'm sorry." She left then, not hearing his softly spoken words.
"Me, too."
A/N: My thanks to BlueArticWolf for looking over this for me.
In November I've heard that a lot of authors are doing that nanowhosawhatsit. I actually think the whole concept is a very good idea, but I won't be participating in it. In actuality the beginning of Novemeber is going to be rather busy for me at work because I have this big inspection thing going on (I hate Novembers) so I've been working my assets off trying to prepare for it. I think everyone gets what I'm trying to say here.
However, (and I've just noticed I use that word a lot) at the end of November I have a week off and I will use this time to get you guys some more chapters on Reflection or another story I'm working on. We'll see which one gets the update.