NOTE: This is AU from the 2009 film, which means it's VERY AU from TOS and its various spinoff series predating the 2009 film. Please don't complain that I'm writing a race/species differently than the original.
FURTHER NOTE: This started speaking to me again after I posted Man of Iron. Apparently, my Muse needed a busman's holiday, and I indulged her. I'm hoping to get more of this story soon, and will post when I do.
"What lion?" Tony asked as he followed Kirk from Medbay.
"The ambassadors," Kirk replied. "We were eight at the table - a little large for a diplomatic event, but it's a big negotiation. The question is whether to allow Coridan membership in the Federation."
"So who's the opposing side?" Tony asked.
"Different Federation worlds, of course," Kirk said as he led Tony back toward the lift they'd taken to get to Medbay. "Some of them have been arguing that we shouldn't let Coridan in."
"Why?" Tony asked. "Or maybe, what does each side have to gain? What does the Federation gain by having Coridan as a member, and what do the other worlds have to gain by it not becoming a member?"
"Dilithium. It's a power source for starships, among other things," Kirk said by way of explanation.
The lift doors slid open and Tony followed him inside. As the lift began to move - sideways - Kirk tapped a button on the console.
"Kirk to Bridge."
"Bridge, Spock here," came the immediate answer.
"Tell Lieutenant Uhura we're ready for her in the mess," Kirk said.
"Aye, Captain. Spock out."
"Who's Lieutenant Uhura and why are we ready for her?" Tony asked as the lift came to a stop.
Kirk led him out of the lift and down another corridor. "Communications officer and linguist. She'll be fitting you with a universal translator."
"But - you speak English?"
"It's the dominant language of the Federation," Kirk said as they turned into a room that reminded Tony of an officers' mess aboard an aircraft carrier. "Even if it's not the major language on Earth, it's the second language for just about everybody. When Earth and Vulcan founded the Federation, it was decided that its flexibility and adaptability made it the better choice for interstellar relations. Then we got the universal translator, and English became less important as a common language."
"The Latin of the stars," Tony murmured.
"Good analogy." The female voice made him turn to see a dark-skinned woman with long hair held in a high ponytail - and it said something about his mental state that it was only now that he noticed she was wearing a mini-skirt and what reminded him of go-go boots from the 70s.
"But," she continued in a stern, though somewhat affectionate tone, "Andoria and Tellar are also founding members of the Federation."
"Fair enough," Kirk said. "Even though they contribute proportionally less to the Federation than Earth and Vulcan - and yes, that's adjusted for population. Lieutenant Uhura, our investigator, Agent DiNozzo."
"Tony, please," he said automatically.
She had a small box in her hand, he realized as she offered him a brief, polite smile.
"Agent DiNozzo," she said. "Normally, universal translators are subdermal, but as you're only with us temporarily, I've adapted one to be worn in your ear - unless you have any objection?"
"No," Tony said. "I wear earbuds to listen to music, and earwigs in the field." He paused. "Your device is like those, isn't it?"
"I'm not entirely sure," she said, "because I don't recognize either of those words. But take a look."
She opened the box and held it toward him. He looked in and breathed a silent sigh when he saw the tiny object inside.
"It looks like an earwig," he said. "Designed to fit into the ear and be difficult to see."
Uhura looked like she wanted to continue a discussion, but she clearly stifled the urge. "Take it, and we'll see how it fits."
"It's not going to take over my brain, is it?" Tony joked - though the question was sincere. He took the device - the universal translator - and slipped it into his right ear, grimacing as he felt it adjusting to fit snugly.
"Of course not," Uhura said, then gave him a considering look. "Do you want a technical explanation?"
"Not right now," Tony said - and only then realized that she hadn't asked the question in English. Instead, he'd heard it in English a split second after she spoke.
"Huh," he said. "That's pretty cool. What language did you use?"
"Old High Vulcan," she said. "It's one of the three standard calibration languages." She spoke again, and now that he was paying attention, Tony recognized that she was actually speaking in harsh, guttural sounds. "Klingon is the second calibration language. As you may have concluded, it's difficult for many humans to speak."
"Sounds like," Tony replied. Now that he was paying attention, he realized he didn't hear his words in Klingon, just English. Presumably, she heard them in Klingon, too…but how would the translator know to use Klingon, when she - at least, as far as he knew - wasn't?
"And finally," she said, "Deltan, which is far more tonal than other languages, similar to Ancient Chinese on Earth."
"Read you five by five," Tony said. "In English, all three languages."
"Good," Uhura - and was that her first or last name? Did her people even have more than one name? - said, in English. "Now, shake your head really fast, and tilt it to the side - just to confirm the fit."
Half expecting to see the device go flying across the room, Tony did so - and was only mildly surprised when it stayed firmly in place.
Uhura nodded. "Excellent. He's good to go, Captain."
"Thanks, Uhura," Kirk said, and Tony resolutely did not watch her walk away. Kirk, though, grinned at him as the door slid shut behind her. "Beautiful, but very taken."
"Even if she weren't," Tony said, "I don't really belong here. So - what now?"
"You're in the captain's dining room," Kirk said. "This is where the negotiations took place. And where Ambassador Gav died."
"No cameras or other recording equipment?" Tony asked.
"Normally, yes, but not during negotiations. Those are confidential."
"Right." Tony studied the room in more detail.
A round table, similar to ones he'd seen at many a formal dinner, occupied the center of the room. Eight chairs surrounded it.
"This ambassador - Gav, you said?" Tony didn't wait for Kirk's confirmation. "Died by poisoning?"
"Yes," Kirk replied. "Bones - Dr. McCoy - identified it as an extract from vermicula, a type of plankton found on Antede III."
Tony blinked. It was too concise an explanation - probably fine if you knew the players, but Tony didn't. Which brought another stark truth to the front of his mind.
"I'll need something to make notes on," Tony said, "and a briefing about the people and the races involved."
"Sure." Kirk pulled out that same flip-phone device. "Kirk to bridge."
"Bridge, Spock here," came through the speaker.
"Ask Yeoman Rand to bring a basic PADD to the captain's dining hall."
"Acknowledged. Spock out."
Tony figured he'd find out what that was soon enough, so he returned to his survey of the room. "Very…basic. I expected more decoration in a formal space."
"The Ithenites insisted," Kirk replied. "They insisted any décor, even the UFP logo or the ship's insignia, would influence the delegates one way or another."
"Okay," Tony said, wondering who or what the hell Ithenites were. "I'll need a list of everyone who was at the table when the ambassador died, as well as background information on their worlds and their positions in the negotiations."
Kirk pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I'll load the background onto the PADD when it gets here. As for who was here and their positions - I wasn't involved directly, but Ambassador Sarek should be able to answer your questions."
"Who's Ambassador Sarek and why would you put him right in the middle of my investigation?" Tony asked as neutrally as he could manage.
"Vulcan's ambassador to the Federation, and Spock's father," Kirk replied. "He was at the table when it happened."
"Conflict of interest, much?" Tony didn't bother to hold back the sarcasm.
"If it were anyone but a Vulcan, I'd agree with you," Kirk said. "But Vulcans embrace logic and reason and, as a rule, have eidetic memories. He's as impartial a witness as you can find."
Tony doubted that, but for now he'd let it go. "All right if I use this room as my base?"
"Of course," Kirk said as the door slid open.
Their visitor this time - Yeoman Rand, Tony assumed - was a slender blonde woman in a red dress similar to what Lieutenant Uhura had worn. Given that Kirk wore a yellow shirt and Spock and Dr. McCoy wore blue shirts, Tony suspected each color represented a different assignment on board. What those assignments might be, though, he had no idea.
"The PADD you requested, Captain," the blonde said as she offered Kirk a device about the same length and width as a tablet computer but two or three times as thick. She barely waited for his acknowledgment before she left the room once again, barely acknowledging Tony's presence.
Kirk fiddled with the PADD for a moment before offering it to Tony. "Here you go."
Tony took it and, yes, it was a lot like a tablet computer. A screen took up the top two-thirds of the display with a keyboard filling the bottom third - a keyboard unlike anything he'd seen before.
"What's this?" he asked, turning the PADD so Kirk could see what he was pointing at.
"I thought you used keyboards back then?" Kirk asked, his expression puzzled.
"We do - but the top row begins with QWERTY, not punctuation symbols."
Kirk's expression cleared. "Oh! QWERTY, I can fix that."
Kirk took the PADD from him and made an adjustment. When he handed it back, Tony was relieved to see the familiar keyboard layout.
"Sorry about that," Kirk said. "QWERTY lost popularity as a layout in the mid-twenty-first century."
Tony stopped himself from asking why because it wasn't relevant. Instead, he did what he did with any new piece of technology - he fiddled with it. After a few minutes, he felt he was comfortable enough with it to get the basics, note-taking and looking up the history of the current conflict.
Before he could ask any further questions, the door slid open once more and a man of average height wearing what looked like thick robes of some kind strode in. Tony blinked and confirmed that, yes, this man had pointed ears like Spock did. They were of the same race, maybe?
"I understand you requested my presence, Captain," he said and, yes, he had the same slight accent that Spock did.
"Thank you for coming, Ambassador," Kirk replied. "Meet our investigator, Agent Anthony DiNozzo. Agent DiNozzo, Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan."
"Pleasure to meet you." Tony offered his hand, only for Sarek to stare at it. Kirk cleared his throat.
"Vulcans don't shake hands," he said. "My apologies, Ambassador, Agent. I didn't mean to offend."
"Not a problem," Tony answered easily, and then gestured his outstretched hand. "We can sit down while we talk. Assuming Vulcans sit down, that is."
Years of working with Leroy Jethro Gibbs had made Tony an expert in micro-expressions. That was the only reason he knew the ambassador was amused, because his demeanor didn't otherwise change.
"We do," the ambassador said, and suited action to words. Tony chose a seat a couple of chairs away from him so they could face each other without their positions being directly confrontational. "How may I be of assistance, Agent DiNozzo?"
"Captain Kirk said you're as impartial a witness as I'm likely to find," Tony said. "I will, of course, be interviewing everyone who was here that night, but his recommendation led me to begin with you."
"I shall endeavor to answer your questions as completely and accurately as possible," the ambassador said. "Where do you wish to begin?"