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Chapter Fifty Five: Cold Hands.
As the sun began to dip on the horizon, Jake suggested we head back, but I was reluctant to move. It felt so long since I was able to focus on something, other than my own thoughts, and I didn't want to leave and lose the little lucidity I had gained through Jake's easy persona. My pale fingers gripped onto his, trying to stop him leaving.
"Come on, Bells, you're going to get cold out here." He stood and tried to tug me up too, "You already feel cold." I was always cold no matter the environment these days, but I didn't correct him. I stared down at his feet and took several deep breaths, "Bella?"
"Can't we stay a little while longer?" I whispered to myself. I wasn't sure if I was talking to Jake or my thoughts. But Jake slipped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me against him.
"Let's go, before you get hypothermia." He pulled me up and I reluctantly let him lead us off the beach, "Sam might kill me if you freeze over." Chuckling, he held me close as the cold, early November breeze swept along the shore.
"Since when did you become the responsible one?" I teased quietly, trying not to show how much each step was mentally costing me.
"I'm older than you, of course I'm the responsible one." Jacob puffed out his chest at this remark, as if to prove his point.
"You are not older than me." Poking his hip, I glare at the floor.
"Are too." He argued, blocking my next poke, "I'm thirty eight."
"Since when?"
"Since you stopped coming to school. I gained a year for not bunking off like you." He paused to check the road in each direction before we crossed to the other side.
"I am no bunking off. I'm being home schooled. So I gain five years for taking responsibility for my own learning." I argued back.
"Five years? Not a chance. One year."
"Why only one?" Poking his hip again, I gain myself a sharp squeeze in rebuttal.
"Because you've only got a year to go." Jake reasoned.
"I'm having two years. Senior year is the hardest." Bartering back, I folded my arms around my waist to preserve warmth, as another wind blows through the trees lining the road back home.
"Fine. But I gain the same for my height." He agreed.
"And lose a year for the accompanying clumsiness." I told him, watching as he stumbles on a rock.
"You're one to talk about clumsiness! You're the biggest klutz I know!"
"Where does that leave us then?" I asked, unable to defend my notoriously uncoordinated trait.
"I'm forty. You're thirty six." He said, while impatiently pulling his long hair away from his face, but the wind only blew it back into his eyes again.
"I don't know where you pull those numbers from, but I'm sure they're not accurate. There's no way you're older than me." I grumbled.
"You're just disappointed that you're still younger than me." I could hear the smugness in his tone and I elbowed him, "Ow. You're getting a year deducted for that."
"Sure, sure." I rolled my eyes, as we turned into my driveway.
"Bella! There you are!" Emily gasped and I ducked my head. I hadn't realised how late it had become; Emily must have been frantic with worry to find me missing with no note of explanation.
"Hey, Emily." Jake greeted her cheerfully, "We were just down at the beach."
"Oh." She seemed taken aback by the simple explanation. I'm sure she had concocted a distressing scenario in her head of my wandering off being some kind of mental breakdown. A guilty flush burned my cheeks and I shrugged out from under Jacob's arm.
"Sorry, Emily." I murmured apologetically.
"No need to apologise. I was just wondering where you'd gone to." Emily tried to smooth over her overly concerned manner, trying to not alert an unaware Jacob as to how fragile my mind was, and how my movements were tracked as a result, "I was going to ask you to give me a hand with dinner, but if you want to hang out with Jacob, I can do it myself. It's nice to get some fresh air on a day like this." Although the temperature was in the low forties, the fact it hadn't rained today counted it as a 'good' weather day.
"It's okay, I was just heading back home. Dad will need help making dinner." Jake excused himself, "I'll see you around, Bella. Bye, Emily."
"Bye, Jake." I waved lowly, as he walked off, before following Emily into our home, "Sorry again, Emily."
"There's no need to apologise, Bella, you're free to go out." She assured me, pulling an assortment of pans from the kitchen cupboards. I pulled the chicken breasts from the fridge and began rinsing them in the sink, "Jacob's grown a lot recently." Casually remarking on Jake's recent growth spurt paused my actions. He was probably growing and filling out ready to phase.
My heart pounded at the thought of him going through what Sam and Jared and Paul have all gone through. I wondered how he would take it? How long it would take him to adjust? Would he forgive me for keeping such a big secret from him? My thoughts began to internally fret about the consequences of Jacob potentially phasing. Would he resent all vampires as the reason for his life being turned upside down? Would he resent me for wanting that future only a couple of months ago? Suddenly my chest constricted. What if I lost my best friend because of…? I could feel my lungs beginning to hyperventilate. After a day of peace, I could feel my mind slipping back into a place of depression and anxious thoughts. Jacob had giving me a brief respite, one I could only hope he could keep giving me, however selfish that thought was. But now I could lose him. I didn't know what I would do if Jake resented me, now that I knew he was capable of bring me a small amount of peace.