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Chapter Fifty Nine: The Sounds of Tearing Apart
The drive back to La Push was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Sitting beside Jake, we could talk for hours or while away the time watching the tall trees whizz by in a blur. It was simple, easy, like breathing, and as naturally so. He knew when to fill my mind with mindless chatter about school and Billy and cars. He knew when silence was the best cure for us, so just to enjoy one another's company, and forget about anything else that may press upon us. He knew me, us, and how it worked. It made my long forgotten heart beat hollowly in the cavity it had shrivelled within and forced a small smile upon my lips.
I could feel the car slowing as we reached the Reservation's borders, delaying our departure, and to avoid being caught by the cops who regularly patrolled the long, speed tempting stretches of road. Fidgeting my cold fingers together, I wondered if it would be inappropriate to slip my hand into his to warm them once more. He was always so warm. I could feel the heat radiating off his body from my side of the car. It was as if he was embodying my metaphor for him; my warm sunlight on a cloudy day.
Eventually, we reached my house, glowing, golden light spilling from the windows of the quaint wooden building. Assorted tools and building parts were strewn on the porch with a stray car part dotted here and there. It looked a little ram-shackled and thrown together, but it was home. Sam and I had spent so much time turning it into something more than an abandoned cottage and Emily added finishing touches to make it a family home and a Pack home base. If you were to look through the windows, you would see a mismatch of furniture and some arrangement of food left out for anyone who thought to stop by, with more than the assigned occupants inside enjoying the company of those who knew how complicated their lives were. I sighed as I worked up the energy to rejoin that complicated world I had briefly escaped to do something relatively normal with my not yet complicated best friend.
"Thanks Jake." Reaching for the door handle, I paused when he didn't immediately respond back. I turned around towards him and noticed his large, tanned hand was tightly fisted on his thigh, "Jacob?"
"I'm fine, Bells, have a good night." He muttered, dismissing my unspoken concerns, suddenly very unlike himself.
"What's wrong, Jake?" I reached my hand towards him and he flinched, and I drew back reflexively, trying to ignore the hurt it caused me.
"I don't know." Jacob said quietly, "I gotta go."
"Please, Jake, tell me what's wrong?" I implored, feeling helplessly lost at what to do, "What can I do?"
"I need to go home." The fist on his leg began to shake violently and I felt my heart pick up a few beats.
"Jake...Jake, I-"
"Please, Bella, go inside." There was a tense tremor to his voice now and my hand rested on the door handle reluctantly, "Now, Bella." His voice was a command and I felt myself responding without conscious thought.
"Stay here Jake." I quickly found my wits once more, and threw the stern demand over my shoulder at him, before lunging hurriedly out of the car and towards the house, "Sam!" I called frantically, running up the porch steps, "Sam! Sam!"
"Bella?" Sam had opened the door before I even had my hands raised ready to pound upon the thick wood, "What's wrong?" His eyes were dark and his nostrils flared as he searched for danger with his enhanced senses.
"It's Jake-He-I think-Jake's going to-" A car door slamming abruptly cut my stammering short and I whirled back to see Jake's beloved car abandoned and Jacob nowhere to be seen. Sam swore viciously and barrelled past me.
"Stay here!" Sam barked the order, knowing I was one step towards following him, as he broke through the tree line and I heard the distinct sound of his shorts tearing away as he shifted into his wolf form.
"What's going on?" Emily appeared in the doorway, clutching her bathrobe to herself, her hair dripping soap suds onto the porch step.
"It's Jake...he's shifting." I bit my lip nervously. Was everything about to change? Even though he had sworn to stand by me only a hour ago, no matter how broken I am, would he now change his mind because I was a 'leech lover'? There was a new pain in my chest and my stomach twisted at the thought.
"Come on, Bella, I'll make you some tea." Emily placed a gentle arm around me and ushered me inside.
As she closed the door, I stared back at it worriedly. Jacob was out there, in the woods, probably terrified he was going mad, as he lost himself to his genetic predisposition. Even the new voices in his head would only feed his fear that he was losing his mind. He may have grown up on the stories of Cold Ones, Taha Aki, and shape shifting ancestors, but it was all fantastical none sense dismissed by the current generation. Now he would find himself trapped in our Tribe's historical legacy. Like all the boys in the Pack, he would be disoriented for days, grieving the loss of everything he had built his world on, only to reshape it around the mythological world of werewolves. I did not envy him his transformation, but I ached to be out there with him to smooth the transition from human to our secret.
Emily pressed a warm cup into my cold hands and led me over to the sofa, as we settled in to await the return of Sam and our newest Pack member. My stomach creased with worry of how he would adjust to his new role in life and, selfishly, how he would receive the news that I had not only caused his genetic awakening, but I had fraternised with the enemy. But all I could do was wait until he returned and then I would reap the consequences, until then, I would hold my warm mug until it turned cold and watch for movement in the dark night.