Impossible Love
Chapter Seven – Getting To Know You
It was the start of October in the Highlands of Scotland. This meant two things: it was already dark and it was drizzling. Lara paused at the first greenhouse. Using the light that illuminated the path and the glass of the building, she checked her reflection. Her hair was loose and hung down just past her shoulders. The damp weather had slightly darkened its appearance and a fine mist of rain clung to the top of her head. She brushed her fingers through her hair, smoothing the baby curls that gathered at her temples. In the low light, her hazel eyes appeared almost black, framed by lashes coated with her favourite waterproof Muggle mascara.
Tightening her cloak around her, Lara set off for the furthest greenhouse. She was thankful that she'd decided to head back to her room and pick up her cloak, otherwise she'd resemble a drowned rat by the time she arrived at the Herbology Professor's office. Admittedly, Lara had briefly considered getting changed out of her school uniform, but she figured it would just seem odd given that he'd seen her a few hours earlier. There was nothing to conceal anymore; she was a student and he was a teacher.
A warm glow emanated from the last greenhouse, and Lara hurried through the damp grounds to reach it.
Whereas her first visit seemed to take Neville by surprise, this time he was prepared. Waiting for her in the doorway, he smiled and waved, ushering her into his office. Neville performed a quick drying spell that lifted the cold from Lara's cloak and took her slightly by surprise.
"Come on through," said Neville cheerfully, leading the way through the greenhouse and the vast number of plants.
They had passed the desk, where they'd had their first official meeting, when Neville brushed aside a screen of creepers to reveal a cosy room in the centre of the greenhouse, entirely walled by plants. Conjured in the middle of the space were blue flames encased in a fire pit. Their warmth filled the air and created a magical glow of light throughout. Around the fire pit, there were a couple of mismatched armchairs, side tables and a sofa. Neville had walked over to a little kitchen space in one corner and started to pour Lara a cup of tea from a brown teapot.
"I never even realised this was here last time," said Lara in an impressed tone.
"Most people don't," replied Neville, "And that suits me fine."
Lara unfastened her cloak and draped it over the arm of the sofa. Choosing the tattered ink blue armchair, Lara sat down and gratefully accepted the tea-filled mug from Neville. Lara took a sip and felt the warmth course down her throat and into her stomach. She took another look around the hidden space, noticing there was a single-bed, covered with blankets, pushed against the wall of plants opposite her.
"Do you sleep here?" Lara blurted out before she could stop herself.
Neville followed her line of sight.
"Not if I can help it," he explained. "I have a room up at the castle where I normally sleep, shower etcetera. I've only used that once so far, when the snargaluffs were being particularly demanding. It's not the comfiest night's sleep I've ever had."
Lara could imagine. Neville's tall frame would have had to fold itself to fit onto the bed.
Taking a seat in the other armchair, Neville placed his mug on the table next to him and leaned back, resting his inter-linked hands on his stomach. He was visibly more at ease than last time.
"How's your first month as Head Girl gone?" he asked.
Lara smiled and looked down to the mug she was holding in both hands. The sassy version of herself from earlier in the day seemed to have gone AWOL.
"It's been really good," said Lara, looking up and nodding. "There are some extra duties compared to last year, and classes this year have definitely stepped up a notch, but I'm coping so far I think."
"That's good," replied Neville. "You don't seem like the type to get snowed under."
Lara laughed. He could say that now, but come exam period she would be revising all hours she could squeeze in. The thought of sitting her N.E.W.T.s made her inwardly shudder with the pressure. Historically, Lara had done well in exams, but she didn't take anything for granted.
"What about you? How did you find being a prefect and the workload?" said Lara quizzically.
Neville supressed a laugh and rubbed his forehead with his left hand.
"I wasn't a prefect, so I didn't have to worry about that," he said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't thi-"
"It's alright," he interrupted kindly. "When you're in the same year and House as Harry, Ron and Hermione, you don't stand a chance. Rightly so, of course. I … I wasn't the best at school, academically I mean."
Neville reached for his mug, taking a gulp of tea, and Lara felt like she'd put her foot in it.
"Well, you're a Hogwarts professor now, so you must have been pretty good," said Lara, trying to recover the conversation.
"Ahh I'm a Herbology Professor," said Neville, placing his mug back down on the table. "McGonagall isn't going to ask me to teach Transfiguration any time soon."
"Still, not many wizards can say they've worked here," said Lara, pushing the point.
"Fine. You win. I'm a genius," he said laughing once again.
Lara laughed too, and felt any nerves leave her. The easy connection that they'd had in their first encounter on the train seemed to be back. Truthfully, Lara felt like it was even easier as this time she wasn't pretending to be a professor.
"How are you settling in?" asked Lara. "I should have asked sooner."
"Me? Great. I've always loved Hogwarts, and it's good to be back," said Neville emphatically. "Things were different last time I was here, but Minerva has done such a good job rebuilding the school – it feels like it used to again."
Neville fell silent, and Lara didn't know how to respond. The dramas of her school years were nothing in comparison to Neville's. She might have been a Muggle-born, but Lara knew how the Battle of Hogwarts had impacted the school. When she'd started as a first year in 2000, some of the visible traces of the battle could still be seen around the castle. Plus, it wasn't lost on her how vital a role Neville had played in that final battle: killing Nagini allowed Harry Potter to face Voldemort for the final time. The Wizarding and the Muggle world owed a lot to the man sat across from her.
"Even in my seventh year, with the Carrows torturing students given half a chance, Hogwarts felt like a home to me."
Lara's eyes widened. The Carrows were infamously brutal, and she knew that Neville had led the resistance at Hogwarts before the final battle had even begun. His suffering must have been immense, and it surprised her that he could come back so easily. She thought back to what she'd been through at home when she was younger. It wasn't anywhere near the same kind of experience, but for her, Hogwarts was a refuge.
"It didn't taint the place for you? The pain and the memories?" she asked quietly.
Neville looked searchingly at her.
"No … it still feels like home."
Lara couldn't find a response. She hadn't planned on this conversation, and she regretted even asking him. Hestia rarely got her to open up about this section of her past, yet Neville's relaxed manner, the magical blue fire and the walls of plants had seemingly disarmed her. What happened to her wasn't a unique event, she wasn't alone in the experience, but it was grief – raw and unpredictable.
"Don't you feel safe here?" questioned Neville, leaning forward in concern.
"No, that's not what I …" said Lara before faltering into silence.
Glancing down at her hands, Lara noticed how tightly they were clenched around the mug. To avoid potentially shattering it, she reached to the side of the chair and placed it on the table. Neville waited for her to begin again.
"It's not Hogwarts that doesn't feel like a home," stated Lara simply.
Memories of the summer of 1996 came back to her. She was only 7 years old, and yet the loss was like a deep void in her life. The chasm seemed to expand and contract depending on innumerable circumstances since then, yet the constant was that it was always there, hidden under the surface. Nothing ever felt quite the same again.
Taking a deep breath in, Lara tried to explain.
"My dad was a policeman, and I was 7 when he was killed whilst on duty. They'd been called to reports of a disturbance in an old factory in town. They didn't think anything of it … kids were always breaking in and smashing windows and lighting fires … but they had to investigate to see if there was anyone still there.
"When they arrived, it was empty. My dad's partner, Dave, took the upper floor and my dad took the ground. There were some scorch marks along the floor and walls where the kids had lit a fire, but no sign of them.
"They'd just called in the all-clear on their radios," Lara paused to wipe the tears that were forming in her eyes.
"The police said the kids must have turned the gas on in the kitchen area and done a runner. They never found what sparked it though. The explosion blew up half the factory. They were killed as they were walking out of the building."
Lara let the tears fall. The story was so familiar to her now, she'd thought it through so many times, that it still surprised her how much it hurt to say it aloud.
"I only know all that from the inquest. My mum let me read it before I came to Hogwarts. I'd asked her to let me read it before, but she wouldn't let me when I was younger.
"I love my mum so much. It's not that I don't want to see her and go home. It's just sometimes it hurts to be there. The house is still filled with memories of him. Hogwarts is the escape from it all."
Lara turned away from Neville and stared at the wall of creepers she'd entered through, trying to regain her composure. She'd never admitted to her mum that she sometimes felt like this; she imagined her mum probably already knew though and shared some of her feelings.
"I'm sorry that happened to your family," said Neville, reaching for Lara's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze whilst running his thumb across the back of her hand. "I'd say it gets easier, but there's good days and bad."
Turning back to face Neville, Lara nodded in agreement. There wasn't much else Neville could say. She didn't want pity or reassurances that it'd all be fine when patently it couldn't be.
"I lived with my grandmother when I was younger, and whilst it's not the same situation, I felt similar about Hogwarts versus hers. Think that's probably one of the reasons why I was so eager to come back here despite the war."
Their eyes connected, and both Neville and Lara recognised the pain in them. It felt as if there was a string tightening in Lara's chest, drawing her closer to him.
This isn't a good idea.
Not wanting to pry into Neville's childhood or investigate whether Neville felt the same connection between them, Lara thought a subject change would probably be best.
"Plus, you're a good teacher."
Laughing, Neville said, "How would you know? You don't take Herbology … a disgraceful decision on your part."
"Nothing escapes me," she said jokingly, "And you're such a good teacher you've already sorted my work placement?"
Lara's voice rose in hope, and Neville suddenly remembered the reason why Lara was sat on a chair in his private office space. He visibly shook himself and stood up.
"Wait here a second, I've got something to show you."
Neville left the cosy space, leaving the creepers swaying behind him.
Lara ran one hand through her hair – this wasn't how she'd pictured this meeting going. Firstly, she expected Neville to keep it brief like he had the first one, especially considering he hadn't exactly seemed keen to arrange it. She didn't expect to talk to him about her dad either but didn't mind that she had done. Lastly, Lara definitely didn't expect there to be a bed in the same room. Now she was left alone, its presence was particularly distracting.
She closed her eyes and imagined lying down on the bed, with Neville's weight pressing down on her.
"Look at that," Neville dropped a copy of The Daily Prophet in her lap. "Oh, sorry…"
"I wasn't asleep," Lara said quickly.
She looked down at the front page. It was familiar to her, and she realised she'd seen it in Hogsmeade with Hestia. The headline read: "The Greatest Discovery of Our Time?" and there was the picture of a dark-haired man with fields behind him.
"Have you heard about this? It's a dig down in Glastonbury. They think they've found some ancient remains going back to medieval times."
"Actually, I think I do remember seeing something about this, but it was on the news back home. I've not exactly been keeping up with the Prophet recently," confessed Lara.
"Ahh well, course the Muggles found it first. It's got some nasty enchantments on it though, so the Ministry got wind of it and sent in their guys."
Neville leaned over, pointing at the man in the picture.
"That," he began, "Is Michael Corner – a friend from school – he's open to the idea of you doing your placement with him in Glastonbury this summer. Well I say 'open', he's not said no yet. Wants the usual application, interview, test your knowledge, that kind of thing, but I think he'll say yes."
Neville beamed at Lara, and she couldn't help grinning back at him. This would be perfect for her.
"Thanks, Neville … I mean, Professor."
Lara's mind was whirring, going through what she knew about historic wizarding settlements in Somerset, whether there would be any relevant books in the Library etc…
"That's quite alright Lara, and I don't mind you calling me Neville … in here at least."
Lara's eyes couldn't help but flick over to the bed and back to Neville once more.
"I should probably head back," she said with a sigh and a smile.
They both stood up, and Neville reached for her cloak. Gesturing with his head for her to turn around, Neville placed the cloak softly around Lara. His fingertips grazed her shoulders and lingered atop the fabric. It was like they were burning into her skin, even through the layers of uniform. It seemed as if time had slowed as Neville's right hand trembled up her shoulder and caressed the bare skin at base of her neck. His fingertips circled her skin, moving towards her collarbone. Leaning slightly into his touch, Lara's breath got heavier, and she allowed her eyes to close.
As quickly as it had happened, Neville's touch was gone, and he coughed awkwardly.
"Do you need me to walk you back up to the castle?" he said, avoiding looking at her.
Snapping her eyes open, Lara felt embarrassment flood her cheeks.
"No, it's fine."
Without a second glance backwards, Lara walked quickly through the creepers and the greenhouse. She burst into the darkness and allowed herself a painful breath in and out before making her way towards the illuminated castle.
I can't believe I was so stupid.