"Blood, ash, pain! Blood, ash, pain!" The crowd of pirates chanted in a dozen languages as they made their way to the castle.
"All this..." said a trembling guard, "For one man?!"
Hans rolled his eyes and walked away, "Whatever. I'm out of here. I don't care. I don't."
Another cannonball exploded, burying the stairway with stone and ash. Hans cringed. Well, he wasn't planning to use that anyways. There were ropes outside of his cell that led to the roof, or, with any luck, the ground.
He had no reason to stick around. This wasn't his fight. Besides... he was afraid. He had finally gotten out of this blasted business, and had no reason to return, right?
Right?!
Hans found himself not moving. Crap. This again. His stupid, pointless conscience was making itself known. After he had buried it years previous. There was no time for regret, or sorrow. People died, horrible. And he survived because he didn't care enough to... to do anything about it.
Hans growled as he returned to his cell. After securing the knife in his belt, he tried climbing up, but found that pirates were using the ropes to descend from the roof.
"OH!" He yelped, descending.
His feet hit the wall as he lowered his body.
"Happa Hans! Happa Hans!" The crowd below cheered. They had him trapped. Men flooded his cell, cheering, "Happa Hans, Happa Hans!"
Hans had no desire to be taken alive. He took out his knife, and leapt from the building. If Westerguard blood would be spilt tonight, it would be in a river with his enemies. That's Southern Isles thinking.
"Whoop, whoop, whoop!"
Hans shut his eyes in frustration as he collided with the sled, "You're late," He groaned after taking a minute to recover.
"Svren roren't rive ree rhis rorraot!" Kristoff chewed out past his carrot. Hans rolled his eyes.
"Where's the lamp!?" He screeched.
"Anna broke it!"
Hans' eyes lit up, "That was an heirloom!"
"Good thing she didn't check where it was from before using it on the wolves!"
"You know, someday we're going to have a talk about your girlfriend," Hans spit out. He popped open the bottom of Kristoff's torch, withdrawing a sword, "Glad to see you're up to your old tricks."
"Let's see if you're still up to yours," Kristoff grit out as the sled rammed through another crowd of pirates.
Hans started chopping. They made their way to the wharf. Heads rolled as Hans alternated left and right, severing limbs and drawing blood.
"Get me to the ship. We'll turn the canons on them!"
"I hate to ask, but is that really a good idea?!" Kristoff hollered over the roar of the wind and dying men.
"Oh!" Screamed Hans as he wrestled with an Asian foe, "And using me as eye-candy/bait for your psycho girlfriend?!"
"It's true love!" Spit Kristoff, swinging his pick with deadly accuracy.
"Stalker!"
"Psycho!"
"You kiss Anna with that mouth?"
"Well you didn't!"
A cannonball exploded in front of the sled, knocking its occupants onto their sides. Kristoff managed to keep a hand on the reigns, and Hans, a hand on Kristoff.
"I didn't kiss her because it was your crazy plan to send her off into the woods!"
"Well," Huffed Kristoff, "Is this really necessary right now?!"
The two men hurtled down the street.
"Sven, zig-zag!"
"You don't tell Sven to zig-zag, I-!"
"Yeah, yeah!" Hans felt another explosion of rock and dust hit him. This was a horrible day of pain and dread. Another one to add to the list of days he never wanted to live through again.
"And what was with the whole 'no one loves you' thing?" Kristoff demanded, hoisting himself back onto his reindeer's back.
"It was the only way to get you to make a move!" Said Hans. They reached the ship, two hundred pirates behind them, cannons pointed in front of them, and streaks of fire to their sides.
"Hey! I was going to talk to her once you... disappeared," Kristoff put this in air-quotes, "But killing Elsa?"
"Doing your job for you!" Huffed out Hans as he started running alongside Sven, "You were sent here to spy, and overthrow. NOW LOOK AT YOU!"
Kristoff jerked on the reigns. Hans stopped.
"Will this get Anna back?"
Hans shrugged. Kristoff punched him in the face, knocking his little brother out, "Happa Hans! Happa Hans!"
The crowd of pirates cheered. Hans groaned loudly. This... unfortunately, was the Westerguard way of life; make a plan, have that plan fall apart, make another plan, go back to the first plan, then hop to a third, then just go balls-deep, so to speak.
Well, that and the whole 'river of blood thing.'
"Bring him aboard, the Black Spot hisself wants to chat!"
Kristoff nodded, hefting Hans over his shoulder, "Sorry about this..."