"Let's go back there tomorrow, alright?"
Susie's heart pounded in her chest as she quickly walked away, trying to avoid a call of attention to her friendliness from Kris. She pushed the doors open and felt the cool Autumn air seep into her scales; she absolutely hated it. But stronger than that was a feeling of warmth from inside. Her new friends, a whole team of goons on her side now. She laughed to herself as she began to walk towards home with her hands in her pockets. Home. The word instantly replaced the gentle warmth with a hot tingling through her chest, as if she could feel her happiness rot away.
"Oh, fuck, I'm so late." She thought to herself and looked towards the school, stopping in her tracks. "Dad is gonna be so pissed." She shook her head and turned around back towards the direction of home, almost missing when her dad-related problems could be solved with swinging an axe around with them. Lancer, Kris, and…him. Susie could feel the warmth returning, followed by a tightening of her mouth in frustration at so much emotional exertion. She found herself snarling at nothing but herself, worrying for the first time in her life that someone thought she was a jerk.
"Alright, feelings time is over!" She growled in her head, digging her signature shitty headphones out of her school bag and putting them on over her ear holes. She couldn't bring herself to look at the texts from her parents in her notification bar, because fuck it, it was time to rage. Rage is easy. She stepped over the police tape in front of her neighborhood entrance as music blared out around her, surrounding her in a near impenetrable shield of angst and guitar feedback. It was these times she felt truly strong, getting lost in her thoughts of power fantasies while listening to what she liked to call "That evil shit", but this time it was real. Her grin faded as her trio of pals entered her thoughts, wondering what they would think if they knew she thought like that. Or more specifically, what would Ralsei think? Lancer would probably think it was pretty cool, and she could withstand Kris's usual passive aggressive silence, but Ralsei was different.
"Different because he would call me out on my bullshit. He had the biggest...nope. He had the most guts out of any of those dweebs." She gave a cool grin, fronting her confidence in response to herself. She reached her street, and her house was in view. She cursed herself for walking so fast, and felt a knot in her stomach after seeing the car in her driveway. Her footsteps grew shorter and she packed away her headphones, knowing that enjoying something with an angry parent around was like wearing meat scented body spray in a wolf's den. Or in this case, the dragon's lair. She walked up to the doorstep, feeling herself begin to sweat. She clenched her fists tight, bared her teeth, and opened the door. She eased a bit, deciding she didn't have the energy for a big fight today. Susie was immediately met with the eyes of her parents, turning to look at her silently.
"Susie, where…" Her mother started, only to be interrupted by her father standing to his feet. Susie knew her father would never hit her, but his stature made her realize why Kris may have been so shy to speak with her.
"Jen, let me talk to her. Where the hell have you been?" His voice was already raised at her, making her go on the defense. But no words came out of her mouth. "Answer me! You have already disrespected me and your mother by not only skipping class, but ignoring our calls and texts!"
"I didn't see 'em." Her voice faltered, knowing if she looked anywhere but his forehead he would blow up.
"Bullshit. I bust my ass for you, and for everything we can have. You think I wouldn't have? Or do you just not care?" Her father's tail slapped against the ground, making her flinch. She once again kept her mouth shut, not knowing what she could even say. "You're helpless. You don't have a job, you don't know how to drive, you don't do any activities, and your grades are terrible!" Her mother looked up towards him, shifting her anger.
"That's not necessary at all, Al! Calm down, and stop yelling." She turned back towards her daughter. "Susie, go to your room for the rest of tonight." Her husband grumbled and walked off to the kitchen, passing Susie. She had locked up, feeling herself break.
"Don't cry. You better not fucking cry you piece of shit. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. You just have to get to your room, and then you can. Just get to your room." Her mind was stuck on repeat since her father began talking, quickly going up the creaking stairs to her room, the last door on the right. Just as she felt the dam was about to break, she turned her knob and opened it, the sight of dirty clothes and unvacuumed scent welcoming her with open arms. She locked the door behind her, sat onto her bed, and...nothing. As usual, nothing came out. The need to cry had left her, feeling instead the negative feelings stuck inside her body, eating away at her. She laid down onto her side, making the springs of her bed squeak from a combination of her weight and the age of the bed. They weren't poor, but dad hated spending money. Her face pressed into her pillow, feeling a stray tear leak out of her eye; that's all she could ever get most of the time.
"Can't even feel things right, huh." She stared blankly at the wall, feeling her eyes close halfway as her thoughts berated her. "Everyone has to go through the same shit, but you just can't take it. You're weak." Her fists clenched. Susie usually found relief in picturing violence as her catharsis, only just out of reach. Something that could possibly make her feel better. But after today, thinking about that only made her feel worse. She knew that even without consequences, that primal fury just left her empty inside. As much as she felt regret for it, it was the only thing she was good at. Kris was a virtuoso on the piano, and got surprisingly good grades. She had no talents, no skills, no real ambition to do anything with her life during or after high school.
She rolled onto her back, wiping her snout with her arm and looked up at the ceiling, a smile creeping onto her lips. She had friends now, real ones, and they were probably just as fucked up as she was. Despite being absolutely exhausted in every sense of the word, one thought remained central among everything.
"Worth it."