Chapter 5
"Ja'far! Ja'far!"
He woke with a start, levering up with such force he would have toppled back in his chair had a set of strong hands not been there to keep him upright.
"Hey take it easy!" It was Sharrkan standing over him, brow furrowed. He looked equal parts concerned and confused. "You were screaming bloody murder in here! I head it all the way from the Silver Tower,"
Ja'far felt nauseous, bloody, so bloody, He couldn't help it, he scrabbled beneath his desk for the waste can and vomited. Sharrkan frowned and awkwardly pat his back until he finished. "What was that all about?"
Ja'far wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Just a nightmare," He panted.
"Just a nightmare? Well that aside, you look awful. Whiter than a sheet,"
Ja'far nodded, knowing he probably looked no better than he felt. He was a wet rag wrung too tightly, an empty storehouse, a beaten carpet. This is getting out of hand. It's almost as if the dream took hold and dragged me under. He thought, rubbing his scalp where it had struck the desk. A fleshy egg was growing up to meet his fingers. He looked at Sharrkan, indecision gnawing his resolve.
Should I tell him the truth? Ja'far tried to form a sensible sentence that would explain the strange dream-visions or the phantom chain in his chest, but he felt the words catching before they even formed. No, I can't tell Sharrkan, he'll think I'm crazy. Hell, I think I'm crazy!
"How's Sin?" He offered instead.
Sharrkan frowned deeper and glared down at his sandals, "The medics are still with him and they haven't been out yet, so I've got not clue,"
"Shit," Ja'far said, unable to think of anything more proper to say. He was still too tired for all of this, but he perked when his study door opened briskly, admitting another.
"Is everything alright in here?" It was none other than Yamuraiha. Her cheeks were pink from exertion. "I heard yelling, so I ran-" She trailed off as she realized there was nothing amiss and when she spotted Sharrkan, she huffed, looking flustered. She straightened the hat on her head and pulled her robe back into place over her shoulder brusquely.
Sharrkan seemed to equally stiffen at the site of his rival.
Ja'far thought they looked like puffed up birds whose feathers had been ruffled the wrong way, but he didn't much care to acknowledge their tension. Standing made him dizzy, but he shook off the static and rounded his desk to approach the magician. He descended on her like a bird of prey. "Yam you're here! You were with Sin! How is he? Tell me, everything, is he alright?!"
Memories of the dying embers and tide of rising blood flooded his mind. Had he let the fire extinguish? The thought filled him with fear, but he derailed his thinking -That was only a nightmare! It's irrelevant!
"Ja'far, I've only just left the medical bay, please. I had planned on resting a bit before calling a meeting..." She clearly didn't want to talk, Ja'far could see that, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. The dread from his dream was easily paralleled to real life and it coiled his stomach into knots.
"Please, Yam. I need to know now. I won't wait," Ja'far said. It was half a plea, half a demand.
She gave him a stern look but there must have been something in Ja'far's expression to convince her, because she eventually sighed and nodded. "Look, we've got Sinbad stable, but he's lost a lot of blood and his magoi is dangerously low. He's still unconscious,"
Ja'far swallowed hard. "It's bad then?"
"It's definitely not good." She scowled, "I trust Drakon told you all that happened in Magnostadt?"
"He did," Shaarkan answered. Ja'far had nearly forgotten the swordsman was still in the room. "He said King Sinbad has magoi depletion from the battle, but no one can figure out why he's not rebounding."
Yam gave the tan skinned man a sideways glance, but she nodded, confirming Drakon's words. She looked tired from carrying the weight of that truth. "The power he used to defend Magnosdtat was unimaginable and not without toll. I'm honestly not sure how he even survived,"
The cord in Ja'far's chest gave a little tug as if in response to her words. It made his skin prickle. "But he did, and now that he's back in Sindria we're going to figure out what's the problem and fix it,"
Yam gave Ja'far a sad look and shook her head. "We're trying everything we can, but it's difficult. Neither the medics or myself have ever seen anything like this. We've started some research but so far we've found no helpful clues. It doesn't seem that this problem has ever been documented. We're tackling it blind,"
"You have to have some idea," Ja'far said desperately.
"If I knew how to artificially produce magoi and administer it, I'd be rich and immortal," Yam said bitterly but she backpedal at the sight of Ja'far and Sharrkan's stricken expressions. "-but that doesn't mean we'll stop searching for an answer,"
"Well then don't sound so hopeless! You need to stop focusing on the hurdles and start figuring out how to jump them," Sharrkan said heatedly waving his hand in an agitated manner. He was obviously worried about Sinbad as well.
"That's precisely what I've been doing for the past five hours, you tactless moron!" Yam said angrily.
Five hours? Ja'far thought, drowning out their bickering, Is that really how long I've been asleep? It felt like just a few minutes, It made Ja'far feel even more worried about the dreams, hearing that such a span of time was able to pass without his knowledge. How was he supposed to be there for Sin if he slept through the ordeal?
"Can you tell us what you've figured out so far? You must have some idea as to what's keeping Sin from getting better," Ja'far said, trying to find sanity through the storm. Sharrkan and Yam's insult trade had turned juvenile at best, something about swords and magic, Ja'far didn't follow, but he was glad when they stopped to regard him.
"Well, the medics and I have our theories..." Yamuraiha bit her lip and knit her arms tightly over her chest.
"You're the one always calling yourself a genius. I'm sure you're onto something," Sharrkan said. It was undoubtably meant to sound sarcastic but the words were too genuine to be taken as an insult. Yam reddened at the half-compliment and twisted at her hair.
Ja'far nodded, encouraging her to go on.
"You won't like what I have to say," She warned.
"Just tell us," Sharrkan said.
"Fine," Yamuraiha paused to collect her words. She'd clearly put a large amount of thought into the hypothesis and would not deliver it lightly. Ja'far clenched and unclenched his fists as he waited.
"I'm concerned Sinbad may have crossed a line. Like I told you, his magoi was so depleted after what he did, it was practically undetectable. It shouldn't have been compatible with life. You see, you need magoi to live and you need magoi to produce magoi. That's why the dead can never come back. Once your magoi's gone, that's it. Though Sinbad was somehow able to initially survive, I think his reserves dropped so low, he's not got enough magoi left to make the amount he needs to rebound. What little he gains is instantly used up. It's a vicious cycle and he's barely treading water,"
Ja'far's mind reeled, "But if Sin can't generate enough magoi to overcome the initial tax of his body, won't he be on a loop forever? What you're describing is a downward spiral. He'll die if this continues!"
The theory made far too much sense. Ja'far wanted to shake the magician for being too damn accurate but he maintained restraint, keeping his trembling hands at this sides. The cords around his wrist tightened and pinched as he tugged at them restlessly.
"I-It's true. If we can't solve it soon, he'll die. That much is certain," Yam said, rubbing at her arm as if to provide herself with a touch of comfort.
"No, there's no way," Sharrkan said, otherwise stunned into silence.
Yam kept her gaze averted. "The medics think that if Sinbad's magoi is able to replenish past a certain point, it will snowball and resolve itself, but it's unclear how we'd get over that hump, and I'm not so sure that's even the case. There's something strange about the magoi he's producing, like its bubbling up from nowhere.."
She finally looked up and into Ja'far's eyes with regret and glanced over to Sharrkan as well. "I'm sorry, that's as far as we've gotten,"
Ja'far formed his hand into a fist and pounded it lightly into his other palm. "Damnit Sin," He said below his breath. He took a few seconds to calm himself before speaking, "If he's stable, I'm going to visit him. I'll fight anyone who tries to stop me,"
"Mmh" Yam nodded, her lips pressed tightly together. It was a strange way to respond, but Ja'far understood when he realized how viciously she was suddenly working to hold back tears. Her exhaustion became painfully apparent as Ja'far took a moment to study her more closely. It looked like she hadn't slept in days, probably since Sin had fallen ill, or maybe even before then. Drakon hadn't neglected to share the tragic fate of her adoptive father either. She was bearing so many burdens at once.
Ja'far felt bad for making her talk, though he still didn't regret it.
Sharrkan exchanged a floundering look with ex-assassin, clearly mortified when he realized Yam was about to cry. The magician must have been truly overwhelmed to allow herself to break in front of her rival.
"Hey, we'll get through this somehow," Ja'far tried, placing a hand on Yam's shoulder. He wanted to comfort her further, especially when the first tears began spilling down her cheeks, but the sight of her weakness suddenly kindled his own emotional turmoil.
To his surprise, he felt hot tears of his own forming. He let his hand fall from her as if scalded and stepped back, eyes wide and then blindly, he fled from the study.
Ja'far knew he was a terrible, terrible person for leaving Yam to cry, but he hadn't known what else to do. He'd been backed into a corner with no place to hide, so the only thing left to do had been to run.
She has Sharrkan, Ja'far told himself, as he strode briskly down the lower corridors. The thought didn't make his guilt fade. He was virtually positive the swordsman's company would only serve to make matters worse, but he shoved that problem aside.
I'm going to see Sin, dammit, no matter what, He thought, though he feared he might loose control of his composure any moment. His head-state was dismal, but he had a duty to his king. Ja'far chanted curse words under his breath for the remainder of his walk to the medical ward. It helped ground him and keep anger and frustration closer to the surface than grief. Those emotions felt safer, and didn't hurt quite as much.
By the time he reached the entrance to the medical room holding Sin, he was short of breath from his hurried pace. The guards at the door didn't protest as he went to enter, though a part of him wished they would. He set his jaw and forced himself to push forward through the doors.
The medical room was modest for a king, but it was tidy and decorated in good taste. Bright natural light illuminated the room from the massive picture window overlooking the ocean. A gentle breeze wafted in from the open port and stirred forth a smell of spices, saltwater and florals. Ja'far took a breath through his nose and felt an inch of calmness return.
The scent and atmosphere was oddly reassuring, perhaps because it was so reminiscent of the Sin himself.
There was a medic tending to the medicine cabinet in the corner but when she saw the Chief Advisor, she gave him a polite bow and made to leave, only asking Ja'far alert the staff should anything change before she left. After that, Ja'far was alone to approach the king cautiously.
He found Sinbad laying neatly in the center of the bed, metal vessels and royal attire stripped. He had been dressed in a simple white robe in their place. The blankets were drawn crisply to his breastbone. Ja'far sighed in relief. Yam hadn't given herself of the medical staff enough credit for their work. They'd certainly done something helpful for Sin's condition because his skin was no longer gray or bloodstained. He was pale, but he didn't look quite as terrible as Ja'far had expected.
He found a nearby chair and pulled it forward, settling down beside the bed.
Sin didn't stir at his presence and remained unconscious even when Ja'far built up the courage to grasp his hand which rested atop the blankets. It shattered the fantasy that Sin was merely sleeping, but at least he looked peaceful.
Ja'far studied the slope of Sin's nose, his windswept bangs, the curved swell of his lips, and the way his chest rose and fell gently with each breath. Sin was perfect, Ja'far thought, and it was far too easy to believe him invincible.
It made it all the more painful to be faced with Sin's mortality. The fact that he could die seemed impossible. Truly, Sin. What would I do without you? You've got to come out of this alive.
Ja'far placed his other hand over his heart and let his eyes fall shut, exploring the feeling of the invisible cord. It was still squirming and pulling restlessly.
Ja'far would be lying to himself if he said the bond didn't scare him, but he also couldn't deny the odd sense of comfort he felt from its presence either. When he tried to imagine it disappearing, a tangible fear was stoked in his center. This bond is real. It's not a simple product of my own inappropriate feelings. It's too life-like, he thought. The cord pulsed in his chest as if to confirm his deduction. It made his heart skip a beat. The fluttering sensation almost took his breath.
I might not understand it's significance yet, but this bond is important-
The ex-assassin was startled from his train of thought as the hand in his grasp suddenly twitched. He released his grip as if he'd touched a spider.
"Sin?" Ja'far asked, shocked when he was answered by a soft groan, a furrowed brow, and finally a glimpse of amber.
Sin's eyes blinked open, hazy and heavy. Ja'far held his breath until the king's gaze found him.
"Ja'far," Sinbad said hoarsely.
"You're awake!" He couldn't think to say anything else. A surge of elation and apprehension filled Ja'far to the brim like water and oil. He shamefully tried to reel the emotions back as Sin chuckled at their blatant display.
"It seems that way, doesn't it?" Sin looked towards the window. It framed a sinking orange sun weighted by dusk. The shadows were long and stretched over the world outside. "Though, by the looks of it, I've been asleep for quite a while. It was just past noon when I arrived,"
"It's true. You haven't moved a muscle since you collapsed on the balcony," Ja'far met Sin's eye's as they settled back on him. The half-lidded amber orbs were striking, even framed by purple shadows and a milky complexion. Ja'far suddenly felt jumpy under Sin's gaze. He stood hastily, the chair legs squealing as they grated across the floor. "I-I'll go inform the medics that you've woken, they'll be wanting to see you,"
Ja'far turned to leave, but Sin caught his wrist before he could go.
"Hold on Ja'far, the medics can wait. Can't I have a moment of respite before I'm prodded with needles and medicine? Besides, I haven't seen you in over a month," Sin's tone was pleading but hopeful.
How can I argue? Ja'far sighed in frustration and lowered himself gingerly back into place. Sin gave him a warm smile.
"How are you feeling?" Ja'far asked wearily.
"How I'm feeling doesn't really matter. Just the fact that I'm alive is something to celebrate as far as I'm concerned," Sin said, looking genuinely content despite his sunken appearance. His expression mismatched his state so severely, it was almost comical, however, Ja'far did not feel like laughing. In fact, Sin's almost blithe demeanor stirred a crop of annoyance in him.
"Yes, you're alive but from what I've heard, you're lucky for that,"
"Lucky indeed," Sinbad agreed, giving Ja'far the same stormy look he had earlier that day. It contained such electricity, the hairs on Ja'far's arms rose and his heart sped up beneath his ribcage.
Ja'far cleared his throat and looked away. "Sin, listen, you don't understand. You've still got magoi depletion and the medics are drawing blanks. They don't know how to fix you. You're still in danger,"
Sin hardly reacted to the news. He simply stared up at the ceiling and nodded, so calm, Ja'far wondered if he fully grasped the situation.
"I'm telling you your life's still on the line. You get that, don't you? This is a big deal," The king just gave him a knowing look and nodded some more. Ja'far clenched his teeth, an urge to strangle the man growing with his temper.
"What were you thinking using so much magoi, anyway? Were you trying to throw your life away?" Ja'far finally asked, anger seeping into his words.
Sin frowned at him, "I told you not to be furious with me, Ja'far. It wasn't like that at all. I didn't have a choice,"
"You expect me to believe that? There's always a choice, Sin! You understand you could have died, right- that you still could die!? Stop acting like this is nothing! You can't make light of this situation. There are too many people who depend on you! You've got a country to run! All the generals are worried sick-"
Sinbad sufficiently halted Ja'far's rant by grasping his hand. With both men awake, the gesture seemed foreign and made Ja'far's throat go dry.
"Ja'far, I'm sorry. Truly I am. I wasn't making light of what I've done," Sin said. "And I'm well aware of my condition. Painfully so. It feels like my chest has been scraped hallow and I've been run through with a stake, but the fact that I lived to make it back to Sindria is more than I could have hoped,"
Ja'far ground his teeth, feeling unsettled by the way Sin spoke of his life as if it were a prize he'd won in a gamble.
"I knew the consequences of my actions would be severe but I made the choice to proceed despite the fact. You weren't there, Ja'far. You didn't see the dark medium or feel it's power. If I hadn't acted as I did, thousands of innocent people would have died. What kind of person would I be if I'd stood idle and let that happen?" He released his grip on Ja'far's hand as he spoke, "No, that wasn't an option. Besides, a willingness to die for the people is a quality a king should have,"
"Maybe you're right, but a dead king isn't much help to anyone," Ja'far said, unthinking. He regretted the words as soon as he'd said them. Hurt flashed across Sin's expression for a moment, but then he nodded and chuckled darkly.
"You're right there. A dead king isn't much help. And I almost was a dead king, believe me,"
Ja'far's anger instantly drained as Sin looked at him with the most forlorn expression he'd ever seen. Those eyes took the air out of his lungs like a punch to the gut. Ja'far was left feeling deflated and ragged.
He was so tired.
"I'm sorry Sin, I'm being too hard on you. I shouldn't have said any of that -it's just that.. -I just.." But Sin shook his head to silence Ja'far. The Advisor consented obediently, feeling abashed for wearing his volatile emotions so plainly on his sleeve. He did that far too often.
"It's okay, Ja'far, but will you promise me now? Don't be furious with me?"
"I-I promise," Ja'far said, however reluctantly.
"Listen, I'm glad it was you waiting for me when I woke. I have something I've been meaning to tell you. For a long time, in fact. I guess I just needed to face death's door before realizing it's best to get it off my chest," He seemed to mutter the last part to himself mostly.
"What did you want to tell me?" Ja'far asked, weary again.
Sin looked him over as if to make sure all traces of anger had truly fled before starting. "Ja'far, do you remember when we first met in Valefor's dungeon all those years ago? You nearly didn't make it out alive. That damn magician tried to turn you into a demon and she almost succeeded. You were inches away from depravity, but I reached into your heart and saved you from falling -I think I grasped your very soul with my fingers. I saw all of your memories in the blink of an eye. I felt like I'd known you forever after just those few moments...it was the strangest thing,"
"How could I forget?" It was both a terrible memory and a wonderful one. He'd faced his most miserable past and found a home all at once.
"I think that's when I knew. It seems crazy because we'd only just met and we were so young, but I had this feeling. A pull if you will,"
"Knew what?"
Sin continued as if Ja'far hadn't spoken a word.
"But if I didn't know then, I certainly figured it out after what you went through to save me from my time in enslavement. Only fierce loyalty will drive a man to go to the lengths you did in breaking my chains, and it's more than I deserved for how reckless I was. I'll never forget the way you beat me to a pulp for my stupidity and set my head back on straight afterward. I didn't tell a soul but I was dead certain after that,"
"Certain of what?" Ja'far was getting tired of this game and he was already wrung to thinly to keep the impatience from his tone. He knew Sin could hear it too because he gave Ja'far the look an instructor might give a pupil who's interrupted a lecture.
"I'm trying to get there, Ja'far. This isn't exactly an easy subject to approach. I know I'm doing this in a roundabout sort of way..." He sighed heavily. "Maybe you're right and I should just spit it out,"
Sin took a deep breath. "Remember your promise. Don't be angry,"
Ja'far swallowed, curiosity and nerves churning together inside him. What in the world had Sin kept hidden that he believed would make him so angry? He nodded once, a prudent tilt of his chin.
"When I was in Magnostadt I had to use every ounce of magoi in my body to defeat the dark medium. I had no doubt that I would die from it. Your life really does flash before your eyes when you're inches from death, you know. When that happened, I realized how many things I was leaving behind. All my ambitions, and incomplete tasks. All my regrets too. But most of all, I thought of you, Ja'far,"
"Your regrets?" Ja'far repeated, testing the word on his tongue. His heart went cold. "I'm one of them, then? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"Of course not! How could you even-" Sinbad looked more wounded by these words than any. He struggled a bit to prop himself onto an elbow, "No, that's not it at all. You've been a wonderful subordinate. I would never think such a thing,"
Ja'far scooted forward in his chair, concerned by the way Sin's pallor had worsened and his breathing labored from the small effort of sitting up. "Solomon help us, I've let this go too long. You're not well, Sin. Lie back down and we'll finish this conversation later,"
"Wait, Ja'far. Listen to me," Sin grasped his Advisor's wrist to keep him from going, though the grip was pitifully weak and Ja'far could have easily broken free if he desired.
"Sin, just say what you mean! You're not making any sense,"
"I'm trying to tell you that I love you," Sinbad said in frustration, but that emotion was instantly replaced by shock, as if he himself were surprised by the words. With his dangling jaw and wide eyes, he almost looked as stunned as Ja'far felt.
For a few breaths, both men just stared at each other, frozen, but Sin managed to snap out of it before too much time passed. He bulled forward while Ja'far remained speechless.
"I love you, Ja'far, and I've known for a long time. I never told you because I was afraid to drive you away, but I've realized that life is too short to be burdened with such a secret," Sin had to catch his breath after so many words. "I'm in love with you, okay! That's the truth!"
Sin watched Ja'far's reaction with the type of fear you might see in a hunted rabbit. After a moment, Ja'far spoke, his words choked. "You're such a fool,"
"I'm sorry," Sin said weakly, the wind going out of him like a sail.
Ja'far leaned forward and threw his arms around Sin in an awkward embrace, startling the man. Sin hesitantly hugged him back, movements full of doubt. "A fool for not telling me sooner. We've been hiding from each other this entire time. How can I say this?" He clutched Sin tighter and took a few breaths to calm himself before choosing the simplest words that sprung to mind.
"We've both been fools and cowards, Sin. I love you too,"
Sin's nervous burst of laughter was muffled by the folds of Ja'far's tunic. "You're kidding me!"
Ja'far pulled back, so he could look Sin in the eyes "Have you known me as someone who likes to joke?"
Sin studied him for the time it takes to blink twice before breaking into a mad grin. "You're lack of humor rivals that of our stoic Fanalis general,"
Ja'far rolled his eyes and grinned back, the type of smile that will make your cheeks sore if you hold it too long.
"Then you really love me!" Sin exclaimed in a bubble of laughter. "I can't believe it. I don't know if I should be elated, or madder than seven hells that I'm only learning this now!" Sin rubbed at his eye's and for a second, Ja'far thought he was crying, but the tears left on Sin's hand were not salt water.
"Sin, you're bleeding!" It wasn't a small trickle either. Fat tears had begun welling and rushing down Sin's face faster than he could wipe them away.
"We really do have damnable timing, you know that?" Sin muttered, grimacing at the blood on his sleeve.
Ja'far lept from his seat, panicked. "The medics! I'll go get the medics!"
"There's n-" Sin started to speak but fell into a fit of wracking coughs instead, blood spewing from his mouth. The fit didn't last long but it seemed to take all the energy he had. He collapsed back into the pillows, his hand all knotted up in the front of his robes. His eyes were going glassy.
Ja'far broke out in a cold sweat and grasped Sin's shoulders roughly. "Hey-don't die, you hear me!? It's your turn to promise! Promise me you're going to survive this!"
"I..ca.." Sin mumbled a few incomprehensible words but passed out before he could really respond.
"Shit!" Ja'far's whole body was shaking as he frantically ran for the door but his vision tilted and he stumbled before he could make it halfway. The ground lurched beneath him as the cord in his chest gave the most forceful jerk he'd ever felt. Ja'far clutched his front and cried out in pain, a strangled yelp like he'd been knocked in the ribs with a mallet. He knees buckled and he crashed to the floor.
These two are a mess, but at least they are a mess together!
Thanks for reading! Sorry the chapter was so dang long and for any spelling/grammar mistakes I missed! Reviews would make me very happy! :)
Until next time!