Impossible Love

Chapter 19 – A Betrayal

One thing always seemed to hold true during the years Lara had spent at Hogwarts: time flew. Since the Defence Against the Dark Arts presentations and the forbidden kiss she'd shared with Neville, the winter weeks passed quickly – a blur of lessons, homework by the fireside and Head Girl duties on candlelit corridors.

Initially, Lara was waiting to hear from Neville, convinced he'd instigate a conversation about what had happened. He'd pulled away from the kiss, but she couldn't believe he would pull away from their connection that easily. As the days passed, she had contemplated writing to him, asking to see him, explaining her feelings, but she soon realised she couldn't put anything meaningful down on paper – that would be too dangerous for them both. The silence continued. With the internship organised, Lara was left relying on catching him on the corridors, but she never did. If Hogwarts wasn't so vast to begin with, Lara would have sworn he was deliberately avoiding her. The question was whether he didn't trust himself to get close to her out of a continued attraction or out of fear. Lara felt the burden of uncertainty and she had yet to tell Hestia about the kiss. All she knew was that the memory of Neville's lips on hers, and his hands on her body, was seared into her mind, and she couldn't avoid that even if he could avoid her.

By the time the last Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas had arrived, Lara had decided to tell Hestia everything.

It was a cold, overcast day with heavy, grey clouds that threatened either a heavy downpour or snow. Hestia and Lara were both wrapped up against the elements and rosy-cheeked from a morning spent traipsing in and out of shops.

Lara had bags filled with the finest Honeydukes' chocolate for her family. They'd loved it so much the first year she'd bought it for them that they joked it was must be made by magic. Of course only her mum knew how true that was.

Lara and Hestia were currently squashed into a little gift shop called 'Sorcha's Treasure Trove', where every nook and cranny contained something whimsical or beautiful, and the owner was dressed in a flowing floral dress, with a heavy woollen cardigan layered on top and a tie-dye hair scarf knotted on top of her head.

After a perusal of the crammed store, Lara's eyes were drawn to a crystal bowl resting on a shelf. It contained an assortment of delicately wrought silver bookmarks that were haphazardly thrown in. Some were the standard shape with intricate patterns inlaid, but there were also bookmarks in various animal shapes with small gemstone eyes. Sifting through the bowl, Lara was drawn to an undulating silver snake with patterned scales and glittering black eyes that seemed to wink in the light.

"How perfect would this be for Jamie?" she said, holding it up to show Hestia.

Hestia was inspecting a twirling jewellery stand filled with necklaces, each chain with different species of flowers forming realistic pendants.

"Thought you'd already bought him something?" said Hestia looking up.

Lara had bought him a book – some famous Beater's autobiography – and she hadn't even discussed with him whether they were exchanging gifts, meaning Hestia's point about her going overboard was definitely valid.

"Yeah, I have … but I have to buy this for my favourite snake. Plus, it goes well with the book gift and it's not that expensive. And now I'm rambling and overthinking. I'll just get it."

Making her way to pay, Lara noticed what Hestia was holding: a delicate thin chain with an enamel violet pendant.

"That's cute," said Lara.

Hestia's eyes shot up.

"I was thinking of getting it for Akari."

Lara smiled, pleased at how happy her friend seemed.

"She'll love it."

"Fingers crossed," said Hestia hopefully.

Paying for their goods, the owner, Sorcha, thanked Lara and Hestia for their custom and the girls made their way back into the bracing cold.

"Shall we get a drink to warm us up?" Hestia suggested, eyeing up Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop.

Lara nodded eagerly and they made their way into quaint café – the bell tinkling overhead to announce their entrance. Choosing a table by the fire, Hestia caught the attention of the young witch wearing a frilly gingham apron and ordered them both a hot chocolate with all the trimmings.

They sipped in silence, luxuriating in the rich chocolatey warmth.

Lara felt the weight of the secret kiss with Neville.

I have to tell her. She'll know how to interpret what happened and his silence since then.

As if reading her mind, Hestia brought up the subject of Professor Longbottom.

"So …" she said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "Are you getting anything for Professor Longbottom for Christmas? A knitted cardigan perhaps? A potted plant? Yourself wrapped in a bow under the tree?"

Hestia was doing a bad job of keeping a straight face, and Lara almost snorted her hot chocolate at the last suggestion. Lara had seriously considered the first two as possible gifts before deciding that a gift was the last thing she should do. She felt she'd managed to salvage some semblance of dignity following his rejection and left with her head held high, buying an unreciprocated gift for him after what had happened screamed of desperation and borderline obsession. Neither of which were Lara's style.

"I erm … I actually need to speak to you about Neville," Lara began hesitantly.

Hestia's brows furrowed in concern, but she remained silent.

"When I left Defence Against the Dark Arts …" she paused briefly, remembering the pain of that moment. "I ran down to the greenhouses. I'm not 100 percent certain if I went there intentionally, or if my subconscious just picked it, but Neville found me crying on the floor."

Lara looked around to see if anyone appeared to be eavesdropping and lowered her voice, "He comforted me and … well, I kissed him … or we kissed … I think I started it -"

"- What?! You kissed him?"

"-Shush." Lara urged in a whisper, checking whether Hestia's outburst had attracted any unwanted stares.

"A professor?" she whispered with disbelief evident in her tone. "I was only joking about the gift. What were you thinking?"

Lara thought Hestia would be excited for her – she wasn't.

"I wasn't really thinking, I guess. In the moment it felt right … like it was exactly what we were meant to be doing."

Hestia scoffed and raised her eyebrows.

"Merlin, don't be so romantic, Lara."

"Wait, what?" Lara challenged - her voice rising slightly.

She didn't know how to react to being chastised by her best friend over a kiss. However, Lara did cast a swift Muffliato charm to preserve their privacy.

"Seriously, he's a teacher. You could both get in so much trouble for this."

Annoyance quickly arose in Lara at Hestia's lack of support. She couldn't understand her sudden disapproval.

"You never said as much before? You practically pushed me into his arms at the Halloween Ball."

"Because I thought it was just a harmless crush! Not that you were both going to act on it."

Lara distinctly recalled Hestia being the one to engineer the slow dance and found her assessment deeply unfair. After an uncomfortable pause, Hestia broke the silence.

"Has this happened before?"

The question hung in the air. Lara recalled her first dream in which they'd kissed as well as the close moments where they both seemed a breath away from giving in to the desire that sparked the air between them.

"No, the kiss was that one time."

"I'm so angry at him – " Hestia blurted out.

"- At him?" interrupted Lara hastily, preparing to defend Neville.

"Yes, at him," Hestia said with her stare burning into Lara. "He's a teacher, your mentor. He's in a position of trust and exploited that when you were at your most vulnerable." Hestia's tone softened on the last point, concerned for the suffering and grief Lara had faced without her.

"He didn't exploit me," said Lara vehemently. "I kissed him. It just happened, and I don't regret it."

"I get why you want to think that, but it's just a little naïve," said Hestia with a pitying glance. "Has he been in touch since?"

Lara glanced at her lap as unbidden tears filled her eyes. The knowledge that he'd not only pushed her away in the greenhouse but seemed to be pushing her further away with each day that passed, consumed her.

"No, he hasn't. I wanted to ask you about that."

Before Lara had a chance to explain, Hestia uncharacteristically ignored her and passed judgement.

"That's good. At least he's come to his senses about getting involved with a kid."

"I'm nearly eighteen!" burst Lara loudly.

Hestia's eyes flashed warningly as she checked whether Lara's Muffliato charm had served its purpose.

"You are, but he's still a teacher. To the governors and McGonagall, you're still a child. He was thinking with his dick rather than his brain or morals."

"It wasn't like that," Lara retorted indignantly. "You're turning it into something sordid."

"I guarantee he's shitting himself right now about this mistake."

"I'm a mistake?" Lara said – the tension radiating off her.

"You know what I mean," said Hestia, uncrossing her folded arms and picking up her china teacup.

"I'm not sure I do."

Lara felt shame bubbling through her. Hestia had always supported her, and Lara had never judged her over her past mistakes. Lara didn't doubt her good intentions, but the fact remained that, in the space of a few minutes, Hestia had made Lara feel like both a dirty unwanted secret and a stupid lust-struck fool. Neither was a pleasant comparison. What stung most of all was how alone Lara felt. The secret and uncertainty had undoubtedly weighed her down, and rather than feeling the burden lifted, Lara felt as if the walls of the tea shop were closing in on her.

Standing and gathering her bags, Lara threw some coins on the table to cover her half of the bill.

"I'm going back to the castle. I don't need to listen to this."

Lara heard Hestia sigh as she weaved through the tables and out of the door. She was glad that Hestia knew better than to follow her. I need to cool off and sort my head out.

Lara trudged up the path that led back to school with her head down. Hurrying past meandering groups of her peers, the last thing she wanted was to get dragged into a conversation. She felt like she was one polite 'are you ok?' away from tears and she couldn't stand it. It felt so weak to be affected by an argument, but Lara had never loved conflict and her friendship with Hestia had always been a constant for her.

As the castle came into view, its lights shining against the darkening sky, the heavens opened, and fat splodges of rain soaked her.

"Great," she mumbled, continuing her pace up to the entrance.

There was no point in running – she was already pushing the drenched hair out of her face and wiping droplets from her eyelashes. Cursing her own stupidity for not digging out her wand and casting an umbrella charm, Lara dripped as she stepped into the Entrance Hall and left a trail of wet footprints behind her as she made her way through the empty corridors.

Turning a corner, her eyes brightened involuntarily at the sight of Neville walking down the corridor. With his back to her, Lara drank in the sight of his broad shoulders in a navy cable knit jumper.

"Neville," she called out instinctively.

She couldn't wait patiently anymore. She needed to see if Hestia was right. She had to know if he'd taken her words of goodbye seriously or if he recognised the self-preservation that forced her words. "Please just forget it and let me go" haunted her. It was the last thing she had wanted to say and the last thing she had wanted him to do. She'd stuck the knife in before he had a chance. However, what she couldn't forget was that Neville had asked her to wait and held her arm back before she'd sliced their connection. This was her chance to see if there was a possibility of repairing the damage.

Lara's call carried easily down the empty corridor. Pausing, Neville dropped his chin to his chest, half turning his head towards her, yet he didn't turn to face her.

Before Lara could call out again or close the distance between them, Neville walked away – his large strides effortlessly taking him out of reach. Watching him leave hurt more than she had expected, and she already knew how painful it was to walk away.

Tears once again brimmed in Lara's troubled hazel eyes, but she made no effort to wipe them away. If anyone noticed, she'd say they were raindrops.

Lara arrived at the door to her and Jamie's common room, barely registering anything since Neville had left. Her mind swirled with the betraying echoes of Hestia's hurtful words.

'At least he's come to his senses … this mistake … this mistake.'