Hello there! This is just a little something I wrote a while ago and never really did anything with, until now that is! Also WARNING: Morbid humor ahead!
Rated M for safety.
Jaune Arc was bored, just as bored as he had been yesterday, and just as bored as he would ever be, that was what his existence was all about really, just plain and pure boredom.
With a sigh he got up from the floor, not even using his hands to do so, he was just lazy like that. The wooden door in front of him was run down, almost falling apart, he opened it with another sigh, and went towards the kitchen, from when his mom had called out to him. As he walked down the stairs he paused to look at Jade's body, his twin could really be a pain sometimes, I mean everyone was lazy but really? Her corpse was just in the way at this point, he would ask her to move it to her room, but she just seemed to like having it there, actually, now that he thought of it the only one to actually have her corpse on their room was Crystal, and boy did she kept it nice, everyone's was a good ol' skeleton by now, but Crystal's was more like a mummy, he supposed it came with being the youngest of the family, that and having a gigantic hole in the roof of her room.
He looked down at Jade's body, shrugged and kicked it just too see if he could annoy her, thinking that it could be entertaining enough to get him happier. He took off with a 'whoops' and continued his way down. His mom, Violet Arc, was leaning against the window, or well her body, her head was just lying at her side and was turned into his direction. As soon as he came into the kitchen she half smiled and picked herself up, waving a hand lazily while doing so.
"Hey Jaune," she said in a deadly bored tone.
"Hello mom," he said in an equally dead voice. "Need me for something?"
"Help me with the boredom, it's killing me."
"I'm bored to the grave too mom, can't do anything when I'm doing just as badly."
"Oh don't worry I got it covered, just stand there sweetie," she said in the tone of a loving mother with a slight hint of excitement before taking her head off and throwing it at his chest like a ball, with her giggling as she phased harmlessly through him.
One of the advantages of being decapitated he supposed.
"Why?" He asked with morbid curiosity. "It's not like you can do anything other than pass through me."
"It's just fun to be thrown around, gets boring when it's just me and the walls though," she said in a more lively tone as her head floated back towards her, this time placing itself where it should be. "What do you even do anyways? You spent half a year locked in your room."
"Stare at the sealing and think about the endless boredom and emptiness of my undead state," Violet Arc raised an eyebrow and lowered her head as in saying 'really?' It wasn't his fault that being a ghost was so boring, well yeah, the first couple of days of looking at his decaying body were fun, sometimes he even possessed it but it got old very quickly. "Well, just so you know, I've just kicked Jade's body, see if I can trigger her," he leaned forward, casually placing his elbows on a practically nonexistent table. "If this works it could be worth a fortune, heck, might make it a hobby!" said in excitement.
"Oh I'm not gonna miss that one!" she gave a spin on the air. "Jade's always been hot headed. She's gonna kill you though."
"Mom, I've been 20 years dead, there's nothing left that can scare me."
"JAUNE ARC!"
"Talk about the devil…" Violet said.
Jaune chuckled morbidly. Oh he was gonna have fun with this one.
"Hey there Jade! Looking for something?" he flashed his best lady-killer grin and made as if he was adjusting a nonexistent jacket. "Or someone?"
"Your head on a pike! You kicked my corpse! Now I have another broken rib!" 'Oh yeah, she's angry… And I'm lovin' it!'
"Oh my sister! Do you seriously believe me capable of performing such atrocity? What kind of world do we live in in which one can't trust their own twin? OH HUMANITY!" Jaune spoke with a voice that someone used when they wanted to get punched.
"That's it! You're dead!"
Jaune started to float around the house at max speed, with his twin on his heels. He couldn't help but wonder if he could piss her off even more, she was already screaming at the top of her nonexistent lungs, he didn't thought that it could be possible to-
"Oi sis!" his voice made her slow down a bit. He turned around without stopping, spreading his arms as wide as he could with a shit eating grin and accelerating just a bit more. "U can't touch this."
"You… YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!" Her face was suddenly a lot angrier than before, her spiritual form turning red of rage. Oh yeah… that did the trick. Jaune turned around and continued to run away while singing the song from Mc Hammer, also going at least 30 times on each room and making some sick dance moves while at it, making Jade even more angry. He gave a last lap around the house before she caught him in the very room where all started, albeit with a Violet Arc laughing to death and the rest of his sisters watching with amused smiles. Oh and he finally stopping with the singing and dancing.
Jaune stopped in front of his corpse, the skeletal remains still clung to Crocea Mors, he phased into the ancestral blade and shield, possessing them and making them float in the air in a sort of guard. "Come at me bro!"
"I'M A WOMAN DAMNIT!" Jade charged at him with her arms outstretched.
"I don't care!" Jaune answered in the douchiest voice he could while raising the shield, preparing for impact.
"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN JAUNE ARC!" Jade collided with the floating shield, bringing it down and also making Jaune loose focus on the sword, which clattered on the ground. Jade took the opportunity and possessed the blade, immediately getting into the task of smashing it against the shield. After a few moments of nonstop bashing, Jaune's spectral form was expulsed out of the shield, leaving Jade the chance to stab him, which she immediately took.
"AGHH! BLOOD! PAIN! AH THE PAIN! SOMEBODY STOP TEH PAIN!" Jaune continued to do overly dramatic moves and sounds, eventually finishing with a 'blegh.'
The rest of the spectral Arc family applauded with expressions ranging from amused smiles to hysterical laughter.
Jade pinched the bridge of her nose, taking deep breaths. "You set me up for this damnit…"
Jaune laughed and got up. "Of course I did, how else I could've killed the boredom?"
Elizabeth, one of his numerous sisters, managed to get a hold of her laughter. "Oh, oh my, I haven't laughed like this in years!"
Evie took deep breaths as she calmed herself, much like her older sister. "Oh yes! Premium quality entertainment right there…"
"Was it really though?" Eleanor asked. She, although younger than the others (except for Crystal), had always been more skeptical of things, not really a fun one in Jaune's opinion.
"Hey, it's been almost a decade since we've had any form of entertainment, anything's better than nothing, amirite?" Saffron Arc asked, looking at everyone.
Everyone nodded in agreement, even Jade who had long since stopped glowing red.
"Well!" Violet clapped her hands. "Now that everyone's here, why don't we talk about stuff? Feels like years since we last saw each other."
"I'll go first!" Abigail, Evie's twin, raised her hand, or lowered it? It was hard to tell when she floated upside down like that. "I've been killing rats around the house, and I'm proud to say that my corpse is now covered in a warm and fluffy blanket made of rat skins!"
"Which I helped to sew together, and it is a very fine piece of fur if I do say so myself." Evie added with a smile and held up her hand to her twin, which she gave a high five, or low five? Damn, it was confusing.
"Oh that's nice!" Violet smiled and clapped her hands, leaving the head they were holding floating in place "Anyone else?"
"I'm next!" and so it began, every arc telling of what they did to try and kill the boredom, some with better success than others, like Crystal, who had taken the task of killing anything that tried and get cozy with their corpses, though she said it got boring again once the scavengers simply stopped coming, damn shame, he could have used that.
He sighed as his turn came. "I was counting stars, though I lost count at ten thousand."
"Really? Damn… that's rough buddy," Saffron said as she patted his nonexistent shoulder.
"Yeah…" he sighed and began to float towards the door. "I'm gonna go outside, see if anything's changed, see if a traveler passes by or something, be back in a few days!"
With that, he left the old and mostly burnt house. He didn't actually think anyone would pass by, after a decade or so people started to avoid the place like the plague because they thought it was haunted, if they only knew how right they were. But anyways, going outside was a good change of scenery, even though the only thing around the old house were trees, more trees and the occasional grimm but even then, the creatures just didn't seem aware that he was there, shame, running circles around a beowolf would have been fun.
He sighed again, jeez, there really wasn't much to look at, a squirrel, a tree, some dead leaves, a small carriage passing by, nothing fun at all.
Wait, what?!
His head snapped towards the carriage as a devilish smile formed on his lips, he laughed like a maniac.
This was going to be fun!
/-/
Arthur Watts was bored. This whole ordeal wouldn't take so long if Salem just let him use a car or even a bike, but no, too loud she said, easy to track, she said. Maybe it was true but he was Arthur Watts! No mere bandit could defeat him, and besides, he always took the most deserted paths, so there was no way anyone could track him that easily.
For what felt like the billionth time in the day, he sighed and decided to check the cargo. Wine check, salted meat check, dust check, crack (for Tyrian of course) check. As the list went on, he stopped at one particular object, a small golden ring decorated with an elegant silver thorn embossing and a small purple gemstone he couldn't quite recognize, what made this object so interesting however, was the power that emanated from it. At first he didn't think much of the small trinket, that was until he tried to wear it.
For a lack of a better term, the ring rejected him, the mere act of trying to slide it into his finger was like trying to unite two polar opposite magnets, it was impossible. When he felt the seemingly locked power inside he just knew Salem would want to see it.
As he kept his mind occupied, he was startled as the horses stopped on their tracks, panicking but not running away. A dark laughter filled the air as the lanterns on the carriage turned off and the wood began to creak as the goods inside rattled around by their own will. It was then and there that Arthur Watts, with a sigh, set the ring aside and got off the carriage.
"Nope." He turned around and began to walk the way he came from, he'd just tell Salem he got robbed.
A change of pants was also needed.
/-/
Jaune groaned as the man walked away. "Oh come on! I didn't even get to the good part, man what a killjoy." He turned around and got closer to the horses. "Welp, he just left you here like that huh? I don't suppose you mind me rummaging around in the back? No? Good!" He whistled to himself as he looked at the abandoned goods.
"Eh, nothing interesting, back to my room I guess," he said with a sigh as he floated back to the house. Before he could go far though, he felt a sort of tug, when he turned around he could see and feel what it was, a ring.
Without thinking, he got closer, and without thinking he let the small thing slide into his spectral finger.
For a moment, he could feel his soul compress before expanding violently and he closed his eyes at the sharp pang of pain, the real surprise was when he opened them.
"Am I on drugs?" He was standing there, in the flesh, wearing nothing but the ring which was slowly adjusting to his finger size. He took a moment to touch his skin, it was real, he had a body, for once in 20 years. "I'M ALIVE!" he thought he'd be a dead man forever, but now? This changed everything!
Jaune had once made a list of what he'd do if he had a body, it was a long time ago, but he could remember it very well.
His hands went lower, grasping it in a firm hold.
"My friend… how I've missed you." A single, manly tear of joy rolled down his cheek. Today was a good day.
Good? Bad? Meh? Do let me know. Also I may continue this if people like it, but until then? Oneshot!