Summary: The Prankster is taunting Metropolis. The Daily Planet is his newest target. Will the Core Four be able to stop Metropolis' jokester or will the joke be on them? Set in S10 after Icarus. James Roday Rodriguez was cast in my mind as The Prankster.
Pairing: Clark/Lois;
Christmas Hijinks
The bullpen was abuzz with Christmas cheer as the holiday weekend was fast approaching. Lois Lane however was abuzz with caffeine as she was trying to meet all her deadlines. Her fingers tapped away at the keyboard and her eyes drifted from the screen to one finger in particular: her ring finger. A silly smile came upon her face when she saw the diamond glisten against the sunlight.
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" A voice boomed.
Lois looked up to see a man in a Santa suit carrying a bag over his shoulder walking down the stairs. Tess Mercer emerged from the elevator just when the jolly man was passing out gifts in the lobby. Curious, she left her story on the mysterious Prankster of Metropolis and went towards the doorway.
"Excuse me, sir, but I think you need to leave." Tess said.
"But it is Christmas, my dear! The time of giving and charity." He bellowed out from behind his beard.
Tess's façade as CEO took over as her employees watched from afar.
"I'm fully aware of what time of year it is Mister…."
"Kringle." The man offered.
Tess slightly rolled her eyes and replied, "Right, Mr. Kringle. The Daily Planet takes part in many charitable activities and I see you must have good intentions, but we also have work to do." Tess turned to her assistant and said, "See to it that Mr. Kringle is taken home safely in the company limo," She turned to the man, "My gift to you."
"I am so very gracious." The man then dug into his bag and handed Tess a box in red wrapping. "For you."
Lois watched the event, like all the other workers, and soon was standing behind Tess.
"What are you doing? He's probably just a harmless lonely man looking for a warm place." She whispered.
"I'm taking away a distraction in my place of work as nicely as I possibly can. My assistant will see to it that he is taken care of." Tess whispered back out of the side of her mouth.
"Ah, I see I must have missed this lovely lady. Here you are." He said handing Lois a box in red wrapping paper.
"Merry Christmas to all!" He called out.
Before anyone saw it coming there was a flash of light and smoke filled the small entryway. Everyone started coughing and swatting in front of them. When the smoke started to dissipate Santa was nowhere to be found.
"You were saying, Lois?" Tess asked with a raised eyebrow.
Both women eyed the boxes that had been handed to them. Like magic, the boxes disintegrated into a red powder. The powder was all over the Daily Planet basement and mixing with the smoke. It was traveling through the ducts and reaching every floor.
Papers suddenly were thrown into the air. Giggles were heard at every corner. Chairs were rolling haphazardly in every direction.
Tess and Lois looked at each other with wide eyes.
"Bet I can beat you to my office!" Tess said with a bright smile and darted off.
"Hey! You didn't say Go!" Lois screamed as she trailed behind her.
*/*
"So, what did you get Lois for Christmas?" Oliver asked as he and Clark walked to the Daily Planet.
Oliver was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible in dark sunglasses, a hat, and heavy coat. His body double was somewhere else in the city and he hoped the paparazzi was having fun chasing him. All he had wanted to do was have a nice lunch with one of his good friends, which of course had been interrupted as both men scurried off to stop a bank robbery. So, the two of them figured dinner would suffice at the farm and were heading to the Daily Planet to pick up Lois early.
"I've been mulling over that for weeks. I did find something, but she's not the easiest to shop for."
It was true. Whenever Clark walked into a store and tried to find something for Lois he felt that the items wouldn't be enough. They weren't special enough. Not that he wanted to get her something to try and top every year, but he wanted to get her something with meaning. The day before he had finally figured out what that special gift was, but he wasn't going to tell Oliver. Oliver had been interrogated before in horrible situations and not cracked, yet he felt that even he wouldn't last against Lois.
Ollie saw the pensive look on Clark's face and had to chuckle. "Tell me about it, which is why I figured out a solution to those problems a long time ago."
"What's that?"
"Cash." Oliver smiled brightly.
Clark rolled his eyes and opened the door to the basement. As he and Oliver descended the stairs they both halted at the scene before them.
The newsroom was a playground. Sharpened pencils adorned the ceiling, paper snowflakes covered the floor, and people were bowling in the hallway and playing table football across desks. They had never seen anything like it.
"Move! Move! Move!"
Clark and Oliver moved out of the way as two of Clark's co-workers, Jeff and Mike, raced each other up the steps.
"What the hell is going on?" Oliver asked.
"Cinderella, dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss the fella!" They heard someone sing at the bottom.
The voice sounded familiar to the both of them and Clark's eyes widened as he gasped, "Tess?"
Tess Mercer, in her work clothes, was jumping roping by Lois's desk and singing.
"Wow, well, that's certainly something I'd never thought I'd see." Oliver commented as they both traveled further down the stairs.
Cat Grant suddenly came into view and started tugging at the rope Tess was holding.
"I want to play with it now. You said I could play when you were done."
"Well, we aren't done yet." Lois replied as she crossed her arms.
"She's not even using it now!" Cat exclaimed.
"She's holding it! Which means she's still using it!" Lois replied, getting louder.
Cat grabbed the rope and Tess tried to hang on, but chose to let go. That sent Cat crashing to the ground. Cat then tried to get up and run off with the rope, but Lois stopped her in her tracks.
"Oh, I don't think so." Lois said as she grabbed the rope and pulled it back toward Tess.
"Hey!"
"Give it!"
"No!"
"Give it back!"
"Help!" Cat cried out.
Oliver and Clark couldn't watch from the sidelines anymore and stormed in. Oliver took a hold of Cat, while Clark got his hands on Lois.
"Lois, what's going on? Why is everyone acting this way?"
She smiled up at him, played with his tie, then his hair and shrugged. "I don't know."
"Lois, think! What happened?" He pressed.
"Santa came!" Tess said happily. Clark and Oliver looked at each other confused. They were confused over the comment and even more confused by Tess's temperament.
Lois smiled, "Yeah, he did! He gave us gifts."
"Gifts? What gifts?" Oliver asked as he finally let a struggling Cat go.
She stomped on his foot and he cried out in pain and he jumped to try and shake off the pain. Lois and Tess giggled.
"Not funny, girls." Oliver hissed.
"Lois, focus." Clark said, turning her back around. "What did he give you?"
"This!" she said she picked up a handful of red powder on her desk and blew it into his face with a laugh.
Tess followed suit and threw a whole bunch of the powder at Oliver.
Clark's mouth formed into a smirk as he looked down at Lois. He felt incredible. Not a care in the world.
Lois was happy to see Clark finally mellow out. Now, more fun could happen. She ripped off his tie and held in the air.
"Let's play Capture the Flag! I'm on Clark's team!" She exclaimed.
"Hey! That's not fair!" Oliver pouted as he shook off his coat and threw his hat and glasses to the ground.
Tess wore a sad face as well, stating, "I want to be Lois's partner."
Clark pulled the tie from Lois's hand.
"I have a better idea." Clark climbed on top of the desk and placed his fists on his hips with his chin up and chest puffed out. "Let's play King of the Hill!"
"Let's not and say we did, Smallville."
"We can play Crack the Whip! We get in a line and the person who's the leader steers up through the Daily Planet and we have to hang on to each other as we follow." Tess suggested.
"I'm the leader!" Oliver called out.
"I wanted to be the leader!" Clark said, jumping down.
Lois rolled her eyes. "Everybody get in a circle.
They listened to her and all stood together. She pointed as each of them as she sang,
"Skunk in the barnyard. P.U! Somebody did it. That's you." She landed on Tess.
"Tess that means you step out from the circle."
Lois continued and she ended up the one being out. She pointed and sang again between Oliver and Clark. When she got to "you" her finger had landed on Clark.
"Sorry, Smallville. Oliver's the leader."
"Yes!" Oliver shouted in excitement, his fist flying in the air. "Everyone behind me."
Tess jumped behind Oliver and Lois ran behind Tess. Clark stood behind Lois and placed his hand on her hips. He smiled shyly and felt his cheeks redden as he did so.
"Everyone ready?" Oliver asked.
"Ready!" They said in unison.
"And away we go!" Oliver yelled as he began to run.
They made through the hallways, around a throng of coworkers, and up a few flights of stairs before Oliver stopped. Clark grinned knowing now was his chance.
"Now it's my turn!"
Clark ran up to the front of the line and pulled Lois so she was behind him.
"I would hold on tight if I were you guys…"
Whoosh!
*/*
An hour, and numerous piggyback rides later, the boys and girls had broken off into their own separate groups. Tess and Lois had spied on what Cat Grant was doing and formulated a plan to get her back for trying to take the jump rope.
"She's over there." Lois whispered from behind the door and pointed down the hall.
"Okay." Tess nodded. She stood up and walked halfway down the hall.
"Hey, Cat! Lois and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out with us."
"Really!?" She squealed and clapped with delight.
"Yeah, Lois and I were getting some supplies," she pointed to the open door to the supply closet, "in there. Wanna help?"
"Sure!"
Cat skipped into the closet and Lois shut the door. Tess placed a chair under the knob. The girls giggled and high-fived each other.
Meanwhile, the boys traveled up to the fifth floor where the lights were out and candles were burning on the floor by a set of desks. In a circle was a group of people and it sounded as if they were chanting. Both boys shrugged as they walked closer. There was a girl lying down on her back while four people surrounded her, their fingers underneath her.
"It didn't work!" The brunette cried.
"What'cha guys doing?" Clark asked.
The group turned to look at them.
"We're playing Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board." The blonde girl responded.
"Can we join?" Oliver asked.
The group sat up and moved. "Sure. Who's going to go?"
A mischievous grin came upon Clark's face. "Me!"
Clark voluntarily lied down on the ground and looked up at all their faces. They had no idea what they were in for.
"Now, you need to stay relaxed and still or it won't work." The brunette said.
Clark rolled his eyes. Oliver knelt down by Clark's side while the rest of the group arranged themselves in other positions around Clark. When he saw Clark's smile he knew he had a plan up his sleeve and he couldn't wait to find out what it was.
"Now, place two fingers from both your hands under the edge of his body." The blonde commanded. "Close your eyes, chant twenty times, then we'll lift together on three."
The room was silent for a second before everyone started to say "light as a feather, stiff as a board." They repeated this until a relaxed, soothing atmosphere was reached, about twenty chants later.
"One."
"Two."
"Three."
They lifted their fingers and to their amazement Clark really was light as a feather. The group then reflexively tore their fingers away and Clark was still in the air. There was panic and some screaming, before the group dispersed, running in every direction, leaving only Oliver and a floating Clark.
Clark opened his eyes and started laughing hysterically.
"That was cruel, Clark…cruel and awesome!"
Clark maneuvered in the air until his feet touched the ground.
"I couldn't help it." He said with a shrug. "What next?"
"Let's go see what the girls are up to!"
"Okay." Clark smiled.
*/*
In Tess's office both girls were sitting on the couch, ribbon and string all over the floor. Lois was sitting on her legs behind Tess and braiding her hair in a French braid, while Tess was finishing up the bracelet she was making.
"Tess," Lois said, chewing her gum, "We're going to be best friends forever."
Tess turned around, the braid that Lois had been preparing unwound. "Do you mean it?" She asked, her blue eyes glistening from some of the moisture accumulating in them.
"Yeah." Lois blew a bubble then had the gum back in her mouth when it popped. "You had my back with Cat. And, oh my god, how annoying is she?"
"So annoying." Tess said turning back around.
Lois resumed braiding Tess's hair. "All done."
Tess smiled and handed her the bracelet she had just tied. "I finished this for you."
Lois smiled, "Thanks, Tess! Now, let's switch!"
Tess nodded and the girls switched places. Tess began to braid Lois's hair while Lois started making Tess's bracelet. Just as they were done the boys raced in on rolling chairs, slamming into the desk.
"You used superspeed, you cheater!" Oliver accused.
"Hey, you didn't say I couldn't!" Clark retorted.
Oliver rolled his eyes. "It was sort of a given!"
"Hey, girls." Clark waved and tried to hide the blush creeping on his face.
"Hey, Clark!" Lois smiled.
Every time he was around Lois he couldn't help but feel his cheeks heat up. It was annoying him.
"And done!" Tess said climbing off the couch.
"Me, too. Here," she said handing the bracelet over. "I even put BFF on it for you, so you can always remember. Merry Christmas, Tess."
"Thanks, Lois." She said taking it as if it were the most precious thing she owned. She quickly placed it on her wrist and gazed at it. It was perfect.
"You guys want to play Hide and Go Seek?" Lois asked and sent Tess a knowing look.
"Not me." Tess replied.
"Ye—." But before Oliver could finish Tess said, "Oliver doesn't either."
"I'll play." Clark said, eagerly.
"Okay. I'll go hide and you come find me." Lois said, running out of the office. "And no X-ray vision, Clark!" She called out.
Clark walked over to the elevators and rolled his eyes before cupping his large hands over them. He counted in his head up to ten.
'She said no x-ray vision, nothing about superhearing.'
He picked up Lois's giggles on a floor below and supersped down the flight of stairs. When he reached the room he slowly walked across the threshold.
"I can hear you, Lois." He sang.
Once he made it through the doorway he heard something click. When he looked up a pale of water was rushing down on him. When the cold water hit him it was almost as if something inside him had snapped awake. It sobered him up.
Shaking his head to get the excess water off he realized where he was and hazily recalled the last few hours.
Lois snorted when she heard the water come down. She knew he'd use his powers to find her. Served him right. She jumped out from behind the desk and pointed at him, "Ahahahaha. I got you!"
She was still acting like a kid and Clark paused as he looked up at the ceiling. If water had sobered him up then maybe it would sober everyone else as well. That was when he spotted them. Using his heat-vision he focused on sprinklers and set them off. He super-sped to each level of the building setting off the sprinklers until he came back and stood in the exact same spot and stared at Lois.
"Smallville, what the hell happened?" She asked.
*/*
As Clark, Lois, and Oliver all stood drenched in Tess's office, Tess came back in and threw a towel to each of them. It was nice to know the samples for the new hotel LuthorCorp was building had come in handy.
Lois started to dry off her hair, while Clark and Oliver patted at their clothes. They were all uncomfortable and terribly confused.
"Okay, so for a few hours this place was a jungle gym. What gives?" Lois asked.
Tess bent down under the couch and pulled out her laptop bag. She walked over to her desk and dried the top of it off.
"I'm thinking it has to do with that Santa that had been here." She said glancing at Lois.
"So, he wasn't harmless, sue me." She rolled her eyes.
"What we need to find is a name." Clark announced.
"Which, I doubt will be easy." Oliver said.
"No, but maybe he's done something like this before." Clark explained.
"Sorry, Clark. I haven't heard of any other office buildings turning into Pee Wee's Playhouse." Tess commented as her laptop booted up on her desk.
"Maybe, that's not what he means." Everyone turned to look at Lois. "Maybe, it's not about turning us into kids, but playing a joke on us."
Oliver quirked an eyebrow and questioned, "A joke?"
It dawned on Clark the lines that Lois was drawing.
"A prank. The story you've been working on." Clark said and Lois nodded.
"This guy has annoyed half the city. Exploding pens in the stationary store, fake parking tickets all over town, all the candy in the candy store was somehow phony, just to name a few. The latest I had just heard, before turning into a Rugrats characters, was the connection between a string of bank robberies I had also been following. At three banks he threw money at the bank tellers before finally trying to steal it today by tasering them."
"That was the robbery we stumbled onto today." Oliver commented.
"Maybe if we can get the surveillance footage we can narrow down the search."
Tess started tapping away on her laptop. "I may not have Watchtower right now but I think I can still hack into the video feed from here."
Tess focused on breaking through the firewalls and smiled as her skills proved victorious. "I've got something."
Clark, Oliver, and Lois all moved around the desk and spotted the still image she was referring to. It wasn't the clearest of pictures but Clark used his microvision and zoomed in on the photo himself. When he did that he spotted something in the man's hand, a joy buzzer. Examining it closer he saw it had writing on it.
"Looney Looms?" He asked.
"Looney Looms? Where do you see that?" Oliver asked as he squinted his eyes and tried to get close to the screen.
Tess typed in the title and the screen popped up with an address of a prank store in Metropolis.
"Looney Looms owned and operated by Oswald "Oz" Loomis." Lois read out loud.
A picture then sprang up of Oswald.
"Look familiar to you guys?" Tess asked.
Oswald's image matched the profile of the man in the surveillance photo.
"I don't know about you Clark, but I'm ready to find this joker and teach him a few new tricks." Oliver said.
Clark nodded, "Let's go."
*/*
After Clark used his x-ray vision to indicate that someone was in the store's basement, he and Oliver stormed into the bottom level to find Loomis's laboratory. There were all kinds of devices, like various joy buzzers, whoopee cushions, and little tiny robot looking things.
A figure came out of the dark corner of the room.
"What's red and green and screaming all over?" It asked.
Oliver lifted up his crossbow and pointed it at the figure.
"Not in the mood, funny man."
"But you didn't answer…that will cost you."
Suddenly, a sonic boom of uncontrollable laughter filled the room. Clark and Oliver fell to the floor covering their ears. Some of the whoopee cushions exploded and created a fog of smoke in the room. Oliver coughed through the smoke and Clark took a deep breath, sucking it all in and blowing it back toward Loomis, shattering the windows behind him and letting the fresh air in.
When the room was cleared, Clark looked up and spotted Loomis trying to escape. Using his superspeed he sent the jokester careening into the wall, knocking him out. He then discovered the ultrasonic device and used his heat vision on it, causing it to explode. The laughter ceased and Clark helped Oliver up.
They walked toward an unconscious Loomis and stood over him.
"Joke's on you now." Clark said as the sirens rang in the distance.
*/*
After changing into some dry clothes, both Lois and Tess were still in her office. There was an uncomfortable silence between the two women. The sound of the police scanner then filled the room, indicating that The Prankster, as Lois dubbed him, had been apprehended.
"Looks like another win for the good guys." Tess said as she closed her laptop.
She glanced quickly at Lois then set to putting her things away. She was already embarrassed about how she had acted while under the influence of the Prankster's dust. She didn't want Lane to give any commentary on it, so she rushed to get everything together.
Lois, however, mulled over seeing Tess in a different manner and decided to take a step forward in their relationship, since they were both on the same team and all. Sure, they had both done some awkward things in the past few hours, but maybe something was there that she hadn't seen until she had seen it through rose powdered glasses.
Lois spoke up, "You know, Tess, ever since we met we sort of got off on the wrong foot."
"Sort of?" Tess asked.
"Yeah, well, you have that whole Watchtower gig going on now and you help Clark and Oliver, so…"
"So…?" Tess pressed, curious to see where this was going.
"You've been there for Clark, and you had my back with Cat today, so I just wanted to say… thanks."
"You're welcome, Lois."
"And, if, you know, after work if you ever want to get a brew, it's on me…for keeping my fiancé alive and all."
Tess smirked at Lois's attempt to extend an olive branch.
"That would be nice."
"Great."
"See you tomorrow Lois, bright and early." Tess said, trying to keep her boss attitude in check.
"Right, bright and early." Lois glanced at Tess's wrist, then her own, and smiled, "Merry Christmas."
Lois turned and walked away from her. Tess thumbed at the friendship bracelet she had made with Lois hours earlier. A small smile crept upon her face thinking that maybe, just maybe, this was the start of a friendship she'd always dreamed of having.
*/*
Clark stared out onto the city from the rooftop. He heard the door open and could hear her footsteps coming closer. He smiled at how he could tell and how she made him feel, under the influence or not.
She admired the way he could save the city one second then come back to his job as a reporter in the next. He was incredible, but the look on his face told her that he was contemplating something. Though after the day they had she could understand him trying to sort through it all and try to make sense of it.
"Got your note. Penny for your thoughts?" She asked.
A slight grin formed on his lips. He turned around to face her, she looked like she were glowing in the bits of sunlight as the sun set behind the high-rise buildings. She was gorgeous.
"I don't know what to think about today."
"Yeah," she shrugged, twiddling her thumbs, "me either. Turns out after questioning Loomis the reason behind all his pranks lately was the fact he couldn't keep his store any longer due to money issues. He blamed the construction of a new hotel funded by LuthorCorp."
"And what better way to try and steal money and then attack a LuthorCorp owned building."
Lois nodded and walked closer to him. "Can I ask you something?"
Clark sighed. Like she even had to ask that. "Of course, Lois."
"Were you such a cheat as a kid?"
Clark chuckled and said, "No. I wasn't."
"Of course not, you're a born boy scout." She smirked.
"It felt nice to feel that way though, like a kid. No worries, just playing. I didn't have much of that growing up, I mean where I used my powers openly like that with my friends. "
He had enjoyed that, but when he had sobered up the worry of someone finding his secret came rushing to the surface. Luckily, no one seemed to remember what happened. It was a haze to the whole building and being chalked up to holiday madness.
Lois nodded, "But being an adult has its perks, too."
"And I don't think I could forgo my responsibilities."
She shook her head. "You probably couldn't. Although…"
"Although, what?" He asked curiously.
"Who says we still can't play?" She asked as her eyebrow rose and she bit her lip.
"You're right." He agreed.
Clark took a deep breath and blew cold air into the sky. Suddenly, snowflakes started to fall.
Lois felt the air grow colder and nip at her skin. Clark pulled her closer to warm her up as she felt something wet fall down on them.
Lois smiled, "It's snowing!"
"You like it?" She nodded her response to his question.
She stood on her tippy toes so their lips were at the same height. "I love it and I love you."
"I love you, too."
He dipped his neck a bit and swooped in to catch her lips. It had been a crazy day, but for it to end like this was fine by the both of them.
Lois pulled from him a bit and asked, "So what did you get me for Christmas, Smallville?"
"I guess you'll just have to wait and see, Miss Lane." He said and kissed her again.
Suddenly, a thought came across Lois's mind and she gasped.
"What?" Clark asked, alarmed.
She bit her nail and said, "I think Cat is still locked in the supply closet."