When Damon met Elena, he despised her.
It was like looking into the face of the woman who took his heart without her remembering who he was, or what he had sacrificed for her for over 145 years. Not only was the resemblance uncanny at best, but the truth of it not being Katherine was enough to make his heart harden toward her.
Well. For a minute it did.
It didn't take long to see just how different Elena and Katherine really were. Where Katherine had ruined him, ripped her long perfect nails into his chest to pull out his heart, Elena had managed to put it back and seal it shut with nothing more than a smile and a few words.
Katherine was deep, broiling lava, searing under his skin and burning him worse than sunlight ever could. She was cold, smug smiles and empty whispers under the light of the moon. She was cutting pain and hot kisses and perfect etiquette. Calm, courteous, vibrant and short-tempered, quick to get what she wanted no matter what (or who) it was. Calculating to the last second, wild and yet able to put on a facade as quickly as necessary. Everything about her was chaotic.
Elena was anything but.
Elena was cool running waterfalls and comforters during a winter night. She was brutally honest no matter what, about herself and the people around her, to the point of self destruction. She was soft, soothing reassurances and a loyal beating heart. She was beauty under pressure, fighting at every second to protect the people she cared for. She'd bite his head off when he messed up, and yet still be there for him when he needed her. Elena was the one who'd pull his head out of the fog when he started to bend and snap. She'd sacrifice herself without batting an eye if it meant saving just one other person, even though it pissed him off to no end. Just one look from her could melt him to his core and make him rethink whatever he was about to do.
Not to say they don't share similarities— the stubbornness, the faces, the temper, the ability to cut through him like a knife. But that was all there was. They couldn't be more opposite, and he couldn't be more glad for it.
He was so, so ready to hate her the way he hated Katherine, but Elena just wouldn't let him. Somehow, under his nose, she had wormed her way easily right through the cold clammy cage of his ribs to his heart. A heart so hardened by passage of time that he never thought he'd love another person again. A heart scorched so severely by his love of Katherine that he didn't want to remember what it was like to feel what he remembered as a pure, unadulterated love.
Katherine had ruined him inside and out, and he was prepared to live the rest of his days pining after her and despising his brother for what they had done.
It would always be Stefan, wouldn't it? That's what they always said— 'It will always be Stefan.'
Just the thought that his brother was allowed to have everything Damon ever desired was enough to send him on a murderous, bloodlusting rampage. He'd broken many objects in the way of his fierce betrayal, spent many nights thinking about revenge. Over a hundred years searching for a woman who loved someone else will turn you into a phantom.
That's why, when his feelings for Elena became much more vividly real to him, it scared him. For the first time since 1864, Damon felt genuine fear over what he was allowing himself to do. The urge to turn off that human side of him was potently strong to prevent himself from getting hurt. The distraction of other women helped for awhile, but in the end, he would always come back to her like a moth to flame. She was his weakness, and it became crystal clear that no matter what he did, there was no way to get rid of the growing intensity of his feelings.
He loved her so much.
God, it burned. The way his heart ached when she was with Stefan, the way just one glance into those gorgeous, startlingly shiny chocolate eyes was able to pin him in place. He'd watch his brother dearest kiss her and wish he could take his place for even a day. He'd see Stefan put her in harm's way and by God, he would do anything in the world to protect her. He'd cut Stefan down in an instant if it meant Elena would be his— but the hatred she'd feel for him wouldn't be worth it.
Her smiles, her laugh, the way she talked about her friends and family as if no one in the world mattered more, even the way she would talk to him as if there was still hope for him after he had long since stopped believing it. As if he deserved it.
Heh. He's not sure what she ever sees in him. Why she puts up with his sass, with his outbursts and his own mistreatment of her. He's fucked up many a time, from getting people she loves killed to endangering her himself, but there has never been a time where she has given up on him.
Even the night he lost it and kissed her, her sweet shell-shaped lips blazing against his even as she fought him, she still forgave him after. He knows for damn sure he didn't deserve it then either, but she's just so stupidly forgiving. Naive, yet brave, with a strength that Katherine could only dream of having.
He fell so hard for her that he was lost the very day he met her. Doomed from the start, really. He was doomed the very moment he laid eyes on her, to want to protect her, to sacrifice himself for her, to change because of her. And he did.
His hardened shell of a heart really did change because of her. It became softer, and sometimes, if she looks at him a certain way or he manages to get close enough to her to smell her sweet perfume, his heart beats in tandem with her own. He's never been much for romance since 1864, but her innocent nature was enough to bring back the nostalgia of his courting days.
Elena Gilbert. An anomaly. Constantly in trouble, constantly needing saving, constantly a pain in the ass. Breaking her heart to save someone like him, willing to put herself in danger for her own instincts. A woman who never gives up on anyone, who is always there for the people that need her, who effortlessly manages to break him down to his core and make him lose his cool. His perfect composure crumbles so easily because of her. His biting retorts get stuck in his throat, and every time he sees her cry he wants to fly into an unbridled rage at whoever caused her to suffer, especially if it's his own fault.
Damon was a playboy, a badass, and took pride in his ability not to care or worry about anyone but himself. And that, in itself, was torn from him by the pure vulnerability of his moments with her. HIs soul was bare to her even when he didn't want it to be, and no one else except Elena would ever be able to do that.
Elena may be a hothead, arrogant, stupid, but she stands toe to toe with him without blinking. She takes his shit and dishes it back to him in equal doses. She uses his shoulder to cry on and he responds the same every time. She hears him out, she believes in him, and she worries about him.
Elena Gilbert is a puzzle of a human, but…
...She is one hell of a woman.
A/N: Hi. New to the fandom, but love Delena with all my heart. I'm only mid season 3 at the time of writing this, but really wanted to dive into Damon's head because I imagine he loves deeper and harder than anyone else.
Thanks for reading.