Spectre: You thought I was going to give up on this fic? But I, Spectre, who never give up on it! Anyway, most voted for 22 Jump Street, and here it is!
Inspiration: 22 Jump Street
Chapter 17: Awkward Lunch
"Are Jaune and Ren dead?", Nora worriedly asked on the two's fates due to the Aegis exploding.
"Nope, survived miraculously at some point but we'll get to the details soon enough. But for now, we'll get to the next", Flit told them as he pushed a button of his remote while the Beacon students sighed in relief.
"So we'll get to see more fighting robots later?", Roman asked, having adored the theme.
"In time, Mr. Torchwick. But for now, let us go to the next one", Aeralyn told him.
"So what is this about?" Ironwood asked curiously.
"This about the meeting between the two under cover police agents which is Jaune and Cardin, and the Mr. Xiao-Long is the Captain of the 22 jump street as the people from that universe nickname him Captain for short."
"What is this 22 Jump Street?" Winter asked surprisingly to the audience. "Is some kind of an organization for the police? Because the sounds too childish to me."
"A Jump Street is a program for an undercover police agents who looked young enough to infiltrate mainly school or university and such for illegal drugs or other things. The number is a unit"
"So Jaune and Cardin are an undercover agents?", Nora questioned as the Observers nodded.
The screen showed three people in the glass room what seems like an office. In that room there were Jaune, who is fidgeting around his seat with Cardin and their Captain, Taiyang Xiao-Long, who kept glaring at Jaune for a reason in that room while having a gun in hand.
"Wait...I'm friends with Cardin?", Jaune asked in surprise.
"Yeah, but he was your bully during your high school years but the two of you practically found a common ground during your academy years at the police force. And since then you two become partners in several drug-related cases.", Flit explained to him.
"Sounds like a dynamic duo to me!", Nora remarked with a grin.
"I'm not sure if I'm going to put the word dynamic on that one", Velvet told her, skeptical to the idea of Jaune and Cardin being partners, especially in the police force.
"Captain, We have something really, really important to tell about." Cardin said as he was interrupted by the sound of velcro ripping form Jaune who seems to be adjusting his vest.
Cardin looked at him in confusion trying to say something but couldn't. "Captain?" he asked Taiyang who crossed his arms on his chest, holding his pistol glaring at Jaune as Cardin and looked back to his partner. "Are you wearing Kevlar?"
"What did he do exactly?", Roman asked in curiosity.
"Flashback time!", Aeralyn said before the screen went black with captions saying: Earlier.
Jaune is walking through the college campus he suddenly get an unwelcome surprise from his parents. "Hey!" Elena Arc called out to her son
"Look at you!", Jonathan Arc seconded. "What are you guys doing here?", Jaune asked his parents.
"What, are you kidding? It's parents weekend.", Elena said as she hugs Jaune as they walked through the campus.
"That's wonderful. You're dating someone.", Elena proudly said to her son.
"Thanks, Mom.", Jaune replied to her. "Listen, we're undercover", he said not before they saw Yang is getting a ticket for something
"Thank you.", she told the attendant and she looks up to see Jaune with his parents. "Jaune!", she called out to him.
"Yang! Hey. These are my parents.", Jaune gestured to Jonathan and Elena Arc.
"Oh, so this is the girl?", Elena excitedly asked before turning her attention go Yang. "Hi, I'm Elena. I'm your new mother in-law."
"Mom!", Jaune called out to his mother, embarassed to what she said. "I wouldn't think twice about saying that if you do get a girlfriend, Jauney", she told him.
"I'm dating Vomit Boy? Nice!", Yang remarked as Phyrra's eye twitched.
"Oh.", Yang dejected as Elena laughed as she goes to hug a confused looking Yang while Jaune looks embarrassed. "Nice to meet you."
Yang then turned towards her attention to Jonathan who greeted one another and they shake hands. "Well, my parents are here too!", Yang excitedly told them as a man came out of the door to call her.
"Yang? Hurry up! Mom's found a table she want-", Captain Taiyang Xiao-long interjected before he stopped to look at Jaune, who became stunned and shocked at the sight of his superior and for a while, the world slowed down upon him.
"Did my son done something horribly wrong?", Elena asked the Observers, worried what about their son.
"Welp, flashback time again!", Aeralyn called out before the screen turned black with white captions saying: Earlier before that day
The screen goes back to the building earlier where Jaune and Cardin posted a board concerning the leads of possible drug suspects and their dealers, and pretty much Captain Xiao-Long wasn't happy with what they come up with.
"What the fuck is this?", Taiyang asked in frustration. "This is bullshit! Are you two fucking around the school again? We got to pay for this shit, we need results!"
"You seem...vocal, Taiyang", Ozpin said to the man, who only scratched his head awkwardly at his appearance while Summer covered Ruby's ears, not wanting to hear her father curse such obscenities.
"Tell me about it, he had more balls and personality in this one.", Qrow remarked before Summer punched him in the arm for that comment while the Huntsman laughed.
"I can be vocal, Qrow!", Taiyang snorted to his teammate while Raven sighed, knowing that Taiyang is too nice to do such a thing.
"No, no, no, no!", Jaune defensively said as he tried to explain to his superior about their findings. "Look, we are looking aggressively for this very specific tattoo."
"Or the tattoo could just be a dead end.", Cardin said as Jaune gives him a surprised look.
"What the fuck? It's the same case! Do the same thing!", Taiyang angrily told them.
"I can always imagine Jimmy acting like that", Qrow remarked as Winter gave him a glare. Ironwood could only sigh at the implication, seeing incompetence and the lack of discipline among troops being one of the things he hated the most.
"Well, it's not exactly the same case, cause uh...one of got laid last night.", Jaune boldly said to his captain, whose anger shifted to pride.
Jaune facepalmed in despair at this while Sun and Neptune laughed at him. He couldn't even get a girlfriend, even less at getting laid, so why make him a sort of womanizer at some universes. Elena Arc looked at her son with an uneasy look, thinking if he actually had a reputation like that.
"He does not have to tell them in front of that many people.", Glynda mumbled with an angered blush while pushing her glasses.
"It's a story worth telling, I say!", Port remarked with a laugh.
"Arc?!", Taiyang asked, clearly impressed at the young man's move.
"Ssh. Don't wake up my dick. Fluid on the red eye, it hasn't got a wink of sleep.", Jaune told them with a low voice.
"Are you really that vulgar, Arc?", Weiss groaned, not liking his choice of words.
"Not once I had heard him choose those words", Ren seconded.
"We're talking missionary. We're talking missionary. We're talking...when I'm on top and she's on her back. She's smart, she's an Art major.", Jaune described on how he had done it and the girl he was talking about.
Weiss led out a small scream of despair while covering her ears at the pretense of not wanting to hear what he had done, whereas Blake's nose was bleeding on how he gave an explicit detail about it while she took notes. Ruby's ears were luckily still covered by Summer while Yang whistled at the description. The rest of the men were quite impressed at his deviant move, while Jaune himself felt disgusted at his counterpart.
"She can't be that smart, she has a fucking Art major.", Taiyang told him.
"That's a sort of bullshit logic, Tai", Qrow said while chugging his flask.
"Come on, I will give you some dap, Arc.Come on, give me some daps, man!", Taiyang said as he extends his hand and Jaune hits it. "Give me some, give me some." The screen then goes back to that of the Restaurant.
"Dun-dun-duunn!", Roman mockingly told the Arc who was flabbergasted at the revelation. Everyone on the audience looked at him with a raised eyebroe while some facepalmed, some laughed as well.
"What the hell, Jaune?", Ren deadpanned to his leader, who only groaned in despair.
"Can the next universe, not be me this time?", Jaune asked, stressed out by the depiction of him to which Flit and Aeralyn nodded.
"Why is it always Yang?!", Phyrra finally protested in frustration to which both Nora and Ren held her shoulder, knowing too well about her crush on Jaune.
"Dunno, P-Money", Yang told her with a grin. "Maybe I'm that fabulous?"
"Your other self was bragging earlier on how you were doing it in missionary on his face", Neptune recollected until realization hit him. "Oh...", now be felt sorry for the blond boy
"Now, now, Tai.", Ozpin told his former student who was prepared to break Jaune's legs. "May we remind you that this is an alternate universe, so no physical interactions"
Back at the Restaurant
"How do you know this person?", Taiyang asked his daughter in a fake surprised tone.
"Dad, this is Jaune, the guy that I'm dating", Yang told her father as Jaune struggled to remain calm.
"The fuck?", Taiyang cursed in disbelief.
"I-I was.."
"How are your classes doing, Jaune?", Taiyang asked in an almost threatening manner that scared the boy further.
"You're not going to beat him up, are you Tai?", Summer worriedly asked as the man struggled to keep himself calm.
"Not yet."
"...was just in the neighborhood...", Jaune again tried to answer Taiyang but Elena Arc cut in. "I have an idea. Why don't we all sit together? Wouldn't that be fun?"
"No!", Jaune vehemently told them while the others had a similar thought. And having lunch with them is practically the worst that could happen right now.
"Yes, thank you.", Yang accepted before the scene went inside the restaurant where Taiyang is giving Jaune the evil eye as they are sat in awkward silence at the restaurant.
"Most awkward lunch I have ever seen", Emerald remarked as the others felt sorry for Jaune at this one.
Deciding to break the silence, Jaune asked, "So, do you like weather?
"That's the lamest way to start a conversation!", Mercury called out loud, causing the students to chuckle.
"Honestly, he can do better if the situation isn't that bad", Glynda said as Ozpin and Ironwood nodded.
"Do you two know each other?", Raven asked her husband, who replied 'no' in a, annoyed tone.
"It's crazy all these uh...student and parents, potential witnesses.", Jaune stammered, figuring the best way to have a normal conversation, but in vain.
"How did you two meet?", Raven curiously asked Jaune.
"Oh, I love meet-cute stories!", Elena Arc asked in a giddy tone.
"We met at a Poetry Slam and then he stalked me back to my dorm room.", Yang told them as it probably infuriated Taiyang.
"Stalked her?", Taiyang asked in an alarmed tone. "Oh, that's so beautiful!", Elena said excitedly.
"No it isn't!", Taiyang shouted at the screen, seeing his being daughter being stalked to be the worst-case scenario.
"Really? A stalker? Am I a some sort creepy police here?", Jaune asked in a depressed tone.
"Well, were you ever stalked Yang?", Blake asked in a worried tone.
"Nope, but if they did, they'd enter punch town!", she said with determination.
"Then what happened?", Taiyang asked his daughter.
"And then we hung out and we watched a movie. Actually we watched it a couple times.", she narrated to them as she grabs Jaune's hand and he let's go of it as he feels Taiyang getting angrier.
"Yeah, babe", he agreed with her, and that is where Taiyang exploded.
"We can do it sometime, babe!", Yang teasingly said to Jaune as a dark aura surround Phyrra out of jealousy.
"This is bullshit! It's fu...! Waiter! What can a mad man do get some water around here?!", Taiyang shouted to the waiter.
"Give the fucking guy some water! He's mad, he's been through a lot!", Jaune told them in an attempt to diffuse the situation.
"Pfft, mad man. Nice one Tai", Qrow joked to Taiyang.
"May I remind you that she is your niece?!", he reminded Qrow.
"For the sake of your daughter, please keep it together.", Raven told her husband, which had little or no effect. "I'm gonna need a motherfucking crane before I go crazy. I'll be right back."
Taiyang gets up and walks off to get some food while Jonathan Arc decided to start a new conversation. "So, uh...where are you from originally?"
"I'm straight out of Vytal. But my husband's from Vale.", Raven told Jonathan. Taiyang walks over to the food counter where the waiter is serving. "My man, hook me up.", Taiyang asked as the waiter dishes out some beans onto his plate.
"What the fuck are ya'll doin'? Are ya'll rationing around here? Come on! Hook me up.", he berated, causing the waiter places more beans on his plate. Two little fucking string beans. Give me the Goddamned string beans!"
Suddenly, he puts his hands in the bowl of beans and picks a handful up and dumps it on his plate then goes around the table picking up the rest of the food with his hand and slams it on his plate. "I want some fucking deviled eggs! I like fruit! Don't you like fruit? I like fruit!", he shouted as he picks up the lid on one of the good containers.
"This pork shit! Goddammit!", he cursed and he tosses the food container aside in anger.
"Taiyang, food etiquette", Summer reminded her husband.
"I have the right to be angry, okay?", Taiyang defended himself.
"I never see Taiyang this angry before", Raven remarked.
The others were resisting the urge to laugh at Taiyang throwing a fit in a public establishment while both Qrow and Taiyang are currentlt holding on to their anger at Jaune, who was fidgeting at this seat.
The Arc and Xiao-Long family heard Taiyang having a fit at the food service are a where Jaune said, "He's really taking it out on the wrong..." before he was cut off as Taiyang continues on shouting in the background.
"That shit is nasty!", Taiyang told his and Jaune's family.
"He's under a lot of pressure at work.", Raven told them before the screen back to Taiyang continued shouting as he makes his way around the food service area.
"The fact that someone screwed around with his daughter, I can't see why he couldn't", Roman interjected.
"I don't know, but I find it amusing to him like this", Ozpin said with a chuckle.
"What's up? Wanna go to the movies? Taiyang said in rage before he starts stabbing a cooked chicken. "Break your motherfucking legs! Break your legs"
He tosses the chicken aside, Yang then gets up from the table and leaves, back to Taiyang who turns to face a massive flower plant by the food service table. "What? How you doin' Mr. Nice Plant? Get your fucking ass in there!" he shouted as kicked the plant aside.
"Damn, does that guy ever go to anger management class? Guy has issues", Sun questioned as the others sweatdropped at the implication, knowing it to be true.
"What are you, five years old?!", Summer scolded Taiyang for his behaviour.
The screen then turns black that returned them to the first scene earlier.
"Now gentlemen, we're not going to sit here..." he said putting his pistol on his desk loudly. "... and pretend, there's not a big-ass Goliath in the room."
"The fuck is going on?" Cardin asked in an irritated tone.
"He doesn't know, does he?", Ruby asked in a worried tone.
"But knowing Cardin, he's going to be the end of Jaune", Coco exclaimed.
Taiyang grab his portrait turn it face towards Cardin and Jaune, slamming on the desk. "This is 'What the fuck is going on'!" he said as the screen zoom towards the portrait of the image showing Yang smiling in the photo.
Cardin was confused and looked at Jaune who seems to be nervous and sweating and looked back the picture with a ticking sound on the background.
The ticking continue as Cardin looked back and forth from Jaune and the picture of Yang a few more times. Suddenly it dawned to him in which a Ting sound of a lightbulb came.
"OH SHIT!" Cardin yelled. "OH SHIT! HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Cardin yelled while laughing hysterically. "Ah~Shit! No!" he said as he stood up from his chair walking towards the door out of the glass room. "That is 'Not' happening right now! NO!"
Cardin walked down the stairs toward the group of colleagues. "Hey y'all, he's fucking the Captain's daughter! Yo!" he said high-fiving people around him.
"Cardin, you're basically putting nails at Jaune's coffin right now", Velvet muttered with a facepalm.
"I can't be angry at Cardin at this one, still he doesn't really have to announce that to everyone!", Weiss pointed out.
Laughter still continues outside the glass room, leaving Jaune and Taiyang in it. Jaune looked at him with nervousness and fear as Taiyang glared at him with deadly intent to kill.
"Ever time he say that shit..." Taiyang said before a muffling voice yelling, "Oh my FUCK!" from Cardin.
"...that's another foot in your ass." Taiyang continued and Jaune's eyes began to tear a little of depression.
"You can count on me on that", Taiyang agreed with his counterpart, where Jaune paled at the thought.
Outside of the glass room behind Taiyang appeared Cardin running and stopped behind Taiyang and leaning against the glass wall slapping while laughing. "Jaune! You clearly... Yo, this is the best thing Ever!" he said while laughing hysterically.
"Holy shit. Oh my God this..." before Cardin could finished his sentence. Taiyang picked his pistol from his desk and slammed on it closer to the edge as if to dare Cardin to finished his sentence.
Cardin immediately composed himself sat himself straight. "It's really not that funny."
"I'd break your legs if he you said that one more time", Taiyang muttered.
"What if, Captain gets to punch you in face..." Cardin said, starting to recommending to the Captain what to do. "...one time, really, really, really hard."
Jaune began to whimper silently by his friend's betrayal.
But Taiyang, the Captain of the 22 Jump Street Unit have other idea. "Nah. I've got somethingwaybetter than that." he said with evil glee in his eyes.
The scene changed to the place outside of the glass room with Jaune, Cardin and Taiyang surrounded by colleagues that were eager to see what Jaune will receive. Cardkn was behind Jaune with a pair of thick black rubber gloves on his hands as Jaune was prepare for the pain from Taiyang, who now had a taser gun instead of a real gun aimed below. Taiyang pulled the triggered and a wire of electric were shot out land on Jaune's crotch shocking and falling backwards for Cardin to catch him.
"OH!", said by all the guys in the audience, who held their crotches on instinct while Jaune fainted on the sight out of fear of what Taiyang had done to his alternate self while the man simply huffed in pride and declared. "Justice has been served!"
"You think he can still have children on that?", Yang asked while the rest of the females felt scandalized at the thought. Elena and Jonathan were still trying to revive Jaune, who was unconcious at the meantime.
"Well his dick is still intact right? I think he still can, but paralized at the meantime", Roman told her as Flit and Aeralyn prepare for the next universe.
Spectre: Okay, 22 Jump Street done! Now what should I go first at these choices?
-Mortal Kombat 11: To Hell and Back
-Mortal Kombat X: Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade Chapter
-Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Phantom Blood.
-Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Battle Tendency, Rescuing Speedwagon and Joseph vs Santana.
-Call of Duty