Sitting in the car was unbearable. As she drove, her whole body ached. The bruises and scratches that littered her body grew more and more painful with each bump and divot that she drove over. Cursing to herself, JJ swiped the tears away with the back of her hand before they could start streaming.

No.

She wouldn't start crying. She couldn't. In just a few minutes she'd be with the rest of the team and she didn't want to give them any reason to worry.

She could do it. She'd been doing it for so long.

Though lately, she'd found her strength wavering. As she laid in bed at night, Will asleep beside her, or when she found her mind drifting at work, she would ask herself how much longer she could continue like this. She wasn't sure how much longer she'd make it, and that scared her. Before, she'd been confident that she could keep her secret from her loved ones, and do what she needed to do to protect her son.

Yet now, she wasn't so sure. It made her feel weak to admit, but she didn't think she could keep going. She didn't want to. But did she really have a choice?

The day before :

JJ was seated at her desk, watching her clock count down the minutes. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't will the minutes to stop ticking by. No matter how hard she stared at the numbers on the screen, soon they came to read 5:30 pm. And as much as she would give anything to stay in her office, to not go home, she knew she couldn't. Will always wanted her home by 6:30 unless whenever possible. And even if she was brave enough to disobey him, she needed to keep Henry safe, she needed to hold him in her arms.

It had been an odd week. It had been... quiet. Will had gotten angry a few times, but surprisingly, he hadn't lifted a finger toward her. It almost reminded her of the way things used to be. She would later discover that it made it harder to deal with when things got worse.

JJ picked Henry up from his preschool, which was really more of a daycare held at a friend's house. It was a good way for him to socialize with kids his age, even if it was only for a couple of days per week. Though if she had it her way, he would spend more time there and less with his father.

Buckling the young boy into his car seat, she kissed the top of his head and stroked his hair before closing the car door. The drive home wasn't long, and soon she was carrying Henry through the front door.

Setting him down, she smiled as she watched him scamper off to play with his toys. Once he disappeared into her office where his toybox was, JJ made her way further into the house.

She slipped her blazer off and kicked off her heels, sighing as she entered the kitchen. Will sat at the table, a beer bottle in his hands. She could see a few more empty bottles sitting next to the trash can, but she chose not to comment on them.

JJ gave him a smile, trying to gauge his mood. "Hi honey," she greeted him.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he just looked at her, taking a long sip from his bottle. His eyes were bloodshot and she knew that those empty beers weren't all he had to drink that night.

Opening the fridge, she took a deep breath as she searched through its contents. She didn't bother to peek around the fridge door. "What sounds good for dinner?

Again, no answer.

Giving up on getting a response, she started pulling things out of the fridge. While she prepped and prepared dinner, Will continued to just sit at the table, either watching her or staring at the wall. He finished two more beers.

Thankfully, once she lit the stove, he got up and headed into the garage. JJ breathed a sigh of relief as she slid a pan into the oven. She relaxed a bit with him no longer sitting there, watching. it was unnerving. Shaking it off, she let herself get sucked into cooking.

For a long time, she'd loved cooking. It relaxed and allowed her to focus, not having to think about anything else. Will was in the garage and Henry was playing with his toys in the living room. She knew he was safe and occupied, and there was nothing stopping her from focusing on the task at hand.

She had learned how to cook from her mother as a child. Those memories leaned more towards bittersweet, though. JJ, her mother, and Roslyn all crowded into the kitchen. Smiling, laughing, cooking and baking together. Then later, it was just JJ and her mother. There was less laughter, less smiling, but there was still that feeling of being home that JJ associated with memories in her childhood home.

Will hadn't ever been very skilled at cooking, and he was content to let JJ do it all, though it wasn't out of the ordinary to find him grill sometimes in the summers. When they'd first gotten together and moved in, JJ hadn't minded. It was a task that she enjoyed doing, and, in all honesty, she still didn't really mind. It was time for her to spend alone, or with Henry, and she considered it therapeutic. But deep down, she knew that Will had other reasons for insisting she do all the cooking unless otherwise necessary. She just chose not to think about it.

Really, most things were easy to cope with as long as you didn't think about them.

Just about the same time that Henry came running into the kitchen, plastic car in hand, dinner was finished. She sat him in his booster seat at the table and finished setting the table. Just as she finished setting out drinks for all of them, Will entered the kitchen. She was glad that her back was turned, meaning that he didn't see the small flinch she gave.

They all sat down to a home-cooked meal of pork chops, salad, and roasted vegetables. JJ pulled Henry's plate towards her and cut his food up into more manageable pieces. She knew that she had gotten lucky with Henry not being a very picky eater in the slightest. The only thing he didn't like was tomatoes, and she had learned to leave them on the side instead of putting them into the salad.

Dinner was a fairly quiet affair, and she found herself relaxing more as the meal went on. Henry jabbered on about his friends at daycare, and she even noticed Will smiling once or twice at him. When they were finished eating, she out away the leftovers and carried the dishes to the sink.

She let out a chuckle as she looked down at Henry. "It's a good thing you're taking a bath tonight," she commented, still grinning. He had small bits of food stuck to his shirt, and some smeared on his face. His fingers were greasy from using them to eat too.

He gave her a cheesy smile and tried to wipe his dirty hands on her arm.

"Hey!"

He giggled.

"Okay, okay. Momma's gonna go get your bath started. Can you put your dirty clothes in your basket?"

He nodded, and she helped him up the stairs, closing the safety gate at the top. He headed for his room and she called out to him. "Do you want bubbles?"

He jumped excitedly. "Yes please!"

JJ smiled and went into the bathroom, leaving the door open to listen for Henry. Kneeling down beside the tub, she turned the tap on, adjusting the temperature. She added bubbles and swished her hand around in the water. Eyeing the cabinet under the sink, she wondered if she wanted to get out his bath toys. It was harder to coax him out when his toys were in the bath, but she thought that it sounded quite nice to sit here with her son for a while.

With a grin, she pulled out the basket of bath toys, adding them in. She tossed in his rubber duck and all of his other rubber animals, his little rubber basketball and hoop that suctioned to the wall, and even his bath crayons.

As Henry came into the room, she smiled as she saw that he was able to undress himself. "Did you put them in the laundry basket?

"Yes, Mommy!"

"Good boy." She reached or him but stopped, laughing as she looked down. "Silly monkey! You can't get in the bath with your socks on!"

He giggled. "Yes, I can!"

She scooped him up and he giggled louder as she reached down to peel his socks off, smirking as she tickled his feet a little. He giggled louder, screeching, and she looked at him. "Ready to get in?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, here we go." She lowered him into the water slowly, not wanting him to slip. "Go ahead and sit down," she told him.

He did as he was told and splashed his hands in the water, already playing with the bubbles. Grabbing the cup from the edge of the tub, she scooped up some water and used it to wet his hair, shielding his eyes.

"Did you have fun at daycare today?" she asked as she began to lather shampoo into his long hair.

"Uh huh! We got to play outside!"

"Wow, outside, huh? What did you do outside?"

He picked up one of the crayons and started scribbling on the tub. "We played in the dirt and I found worms!"

She grinned and pulled his hair up into a soapy mohawk. "You know, Momma used to play with lots of bugs when she was a kid."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah." She turned to grab her phone to take a picture of his hair, but frowned. She must have left it downstairs. Damn. She'd have to get a picture of that for Penelope next time. "I would catch ladybugs, and play with worms. But my favorite were the rolie polies."

He turned to look up at her and she smiled at the little frown on his face. "What's a... a polie olie?"

JJ shook her head with a grin, dipping her finger into the water and wiping it on his nose. "Rolie polie," she corrected him gently as he wiped the bubbles from his face. Gently washing the shampoo out of his hair, she answered his question. "They're little bugs that crawl on the ground. But sometimes, they curl up into a little itty bitty ball, to protect themselves."

"I wanna see one!"

"Well, I'll tell you what." Henry looked up at her as she started rubbing him down with body wash. "Next time we play outside, or go to the park, I'll see if I can find one, yeah?"

"Okay, Mommy! Can Spence come too? I like when he comes to the park! He pushes me high on the swing!"

She grinned and reached down to stroke his hair. "I'll ask him, Baby. I'm sure he'd love to come."

For the next while, they sat in the bathroom, in their own little bubble. They played with the rubber animals, and Henry had a lot of fun trying to throw the basketball into the hoop, even if he kept missing. They even played with the crayons, JJ drawing little pictures on the tile and Henry guessing what she was drawing. A long bit later, she picked henry up and set him on the bath rug, wrapping him in a soft towel. After draining the tub and setting them in the basket on the side of the tub to dry, she picked him up and carried him to his room. She knew that he was perfectly capable of walking, but she didn't think she'd ever stop carrying him around until she just couldn't anymore.

She let Henry pick out his pajamas, and helped tuck him into bed. As was their routine most nights, it was time for a bedtime story. Walking over to his bookshelf, she scanned the titles. JJ was about to grab one she usually read him, a silly story about dinosaurs, but she stopped herself. Instead, her finger trailed along the spine of a book she hadn't read to him in a long time. Too long, in fact.

Pulling it from its spot on the shelf, she sat down at the foot of his bed. Opening the book, she smiled. "Little Nutbrown Hare," she started. "who was going to bed..."

It had been the first book she'd ever gotten for Henry. Or was gifted, she supposed. Spencer had given her the book when she was still pregnant, wrapped a bit messily, telling her that it was important for babies to be read to. She smiled at the memory, remembering how she had hugged him, thankful for the sweet gift.

"Guess how much I love you?" she continued, smiling down at Henry, whose eyes were already starting to close as he yawned, melting her heart. "I love you right up to the moon."

Henry's eyes finally slid shut just before she turned to the last page. "I love you right up to the moon — and back."

Closing the book, she leaned down and ever so gently kissed his forehead, pushing his slightly damp hair off of his forehead. Returning the book to its rightful place on the bookcase, she turned his nightlight on and shut his light off, closing the door most of the way.

She paused just outside of his room for a few moments. A warm smile on her face, she slowly made her way downstairs and toward the kitchen.

The warmth that she felt turned to ice when she caught sight of Will. He held her phone in his hand, and the glare on his face would be enough to stop any man in his tracks. She came to a stop in the doorway, the smile dropping from her face. JJ stood stock still until the silence grew to be too much for her. "Is... is everything alright?" she asked gently.

His eyes narrowed a fraction, and she could feel herself shrinking under his accusing gaze. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" he responded.

JJ swallowed hard and she could feel her heart pounding. "I- No?"

Will stood tall, her phone still clenched tightly in his hand. "Is that a question?"

"No! I... I don't know what you're talking about Will. I'm not hiding anything."

A smirk lifted his lips, but it was anything but friendly. "Penelope called."

JJ didn't say anything.

"She said to tell you that an important case came in, and the whole team is flying out in the morning, 6:30 am," he said.

She couldn't stop the frown from forming on her face. "Okay." Was that all?

"She also wanted me to let you know that she was very sorry that she missed you, and to tell you how glad she was that you finally went out with all of them on Tuesday." She didn't like the glint in his eye one bit.

Her heart was pounding in her ears. Shit. "No, Will, it's... it's not what it sounds like. It-," she licked her lips as she pleaded with him. "It was Hotch's birthday, and everyone went out to the bar. It would've been suspicious if I was the only one who didn't go! I only stayed for a little bit, and I didn't drink, I swear!" Her eyes burned, fearful tears threatening to break free at any moment.

He didn't respond, and she thought that was probably the worst response he could've given her. Instead, he set her phone on the counter and grabbed another goddamn beer bottle, already half gone. Turning away she saw his head tilt back as he took a long gulp, only stopping when it was almost empty.

Fidgeting, she didn't know what to do with herself. She opened her mouth unsure, and suddenly Will turned around. Not realizing what was happening at first, she didn't have time to move out of the way. His arm reared back, and a moment later, the bottle came flying at her. Luckily it only caught her bicep and not her head. Still, she screamed, both in pain and shock.

"Fuck," she whimpered as she took a couple of steps back. Her arm fucking hurt, and she didn't doubt for a second that she'd be sporting a wicked bruise. Beer had splashed out and was now soaking into her t-shirt and leggings.

"Keep your fucking mouth shut. Don't wake the kid."

She looked up to see him stalking toward her and she cowered, backing into the wall. Next she knew, his hand was sliding up her shoulder and onto her neck, squeezing. His hand wasn't tight enough to restrict her breathing, but tight enough to make her whimper and gasp. "I'll show you what happens when you fucking lie to me, you bitch."

Will spat at her and she grimaced at the feeling on her cheek. "Will, please!" she pleaded. "I'm sorry! I'll do anything!" Tears, hot and shameful, started streaming down her cheeks.

He grinned when he saw them. "Yes, you will do anything, hm cher? 'Cause if you aren't a good little bitch, I'll go upstairs and drag that little shit out of his bed, and make him watch."

The hatred in her eyes was palpable. He smirked, raising his other hand and stroking he cheek before slapping it roughly, though not hard enough to bruise. "Don't give me that look Baby, you know it only makes me want you more."

She closed her eyes, unable to look at him anymore. Her tears were hot, burning her cheeks.

Using his grip on her throat as leverage, he threw her onto the hardwood floor. "Get up," he ordered.

JJ lay still, her sobs wracking her whole body.

"I said get up!"

She felt his foot connect with her side, once, twice. She bit back her scream, not wanting Henry to hear anything that would no doubt scar him. He kicked her once more and she dragged herself up onto her knees, kneeling in front of him.

"There you go. Next time you'd better do what I say the first time, got it?" He didn't wait for a response. "Now look at me, I wanna see your pretty little tears."

She closed her eyes for a moment before directing her gaze up at him.

"That's right, Baby. Like that."

Bile threatened to force its way up her throat as his hands came to rest on the front of his jeans.

He smirked as he stroked himself through his pants, and when he started to unzip them, she started to break a little bit.

Knowing somehow that she really would beak if she had to go through this, she shut herself away. The tears kept coming, she didn't think they'd ever stop. But her mind stayed shut off, even when he was naked in front of her.

Even when his hands wound themselves in her hair and pulled her closer. Even when he held her head close, not letting her pull off. Even when he threw her back down onto the floor and pulled her hips up into the air. Even when she felt her leggings being pulled down, and her panties pulled to the side. And even when he forced himself inside, setting a pace more brutal than she had ever suffered. Through every kick, punch, slap, thrust, she said nothing. The only sounds that came out of her were quiet sobs that she couldn't stop if she tried.

She felt detached from it all. Locked away in her head, she didn't feel anything that was happening. Not in any real way, at least. She knew that later, once she came back to reality, she would have to face the memories of tonight, but that didn't matter right now. Right now, she was okay. And that alone terrified her more than anything.

A while later, she found herself laying against the cool floor, sobs coming to an end for now. She was alone. Will was satisfied, and he'd gone upstairs, no doubt to pass out in bed.

Slowly, she dragged herself upstairs, which was no easy task. Every inch of her body burned, ached. She didn't want to imagine how bad she would hurt in the morning. In the bathroom, she turned the light on but didn't look on the mirror. She just couldn't.

Turning on the shower, she turned the temperature as high as she could without actually burning her skin. Peeling off her clothes, she threw them in the corner on the floor. She wouldn't mind burning those, however.

Stepping into the shower, she hissed. The hot water felt amazing against her aching muscles, but stung her small scrapes. JJ grabbed a cloth and started cleaning her body, unwilling to feel so filthy for another moment. She scrubbed until her skin was raw. It still wasn't enough. With each new bump and bruise that she found, her breathing sped up and her movements grew more manic until she was scratching at her skin as though she could claw away everything that had happened.

The sobs that broke out of her hurt, her body not in any shaps to be heaving. And heave she did. On her hands and knees, she retched until there was nothing left, and then some more. The vomit was washed down the drain, and when she had nothing left to give, she collapsed onto the tile, letting the water wash over her. She stayed that way until the water was only lukewarm.

After shutting off the tap, she climbed out of the shower, grabbing the nearest towel. Drying off, she pulled on some pajamas from the dirty hamper, not wanting to get a fresh pair from her dresser.

In the hallway, she knew she couldn't go into the master bedroom. Instead, she turned toward Henry's room. Pushing open the door, she was relieved to see him safe and sleeping. Biting her lip, she gently sat on his bed before laying down. She tried her best not to wake him as she pulled him close, and thankfully he only shifted a little bit.

She held him close as she closed her eyes. He was the reason she was strong enough to keep going, and right now all she wanted was to hold him all night. So that's exactly what she did.