Hans had trouble focusing. He had too much going through his mind right now to handle his duties. Actually, there was only one real thing going through his brain.

Elsa.

Powerful. Elusive. Beautiful. Dangerous. Complicated. Sexy.

She hated him, she loved him. She would do anything for him and anything to him. He liked to focus on making her happy- but all too often those instances were hard to recapture.

There was just no hope for the poor guy, but he simply refused to give up. Instead, he rose from his chair, cleared his throat and did what he did best.

"Gentlemen, we are gathered this hour to discuss a most incredible, and simultaneously dauting situation. There is now definitive proof the Baragor Westerguard is, indeed, alive."

A course of mutterings rose across the room.

"Now, now," He said, calming the assembled military advisors, "We cannot waste too much time panicking."

"We're not in a panic," Explained Councilor Miller, "We're simply shocked that you, an outsider, believes he has the trust of the Arrendelle Council."

Hans smiled over clenched teeth, "I trust the council," He said in a cold voice, reminding them they had sold him out to the Black Spot pirates.

"But you've done nothing to earn our trust," the man retorted. A thumping was heard on the table as men agreed with him. Now, if this were any other Southern Isles meeting, Hans could threaten the man with treason, and summarily execute him. But this was Arrendelle.

"I'm sure you remember that I work for your queen," He said in a pointed voice.

Miller snickered, "Queen, yes. But I don't think she has any desire to work with you. As a matter of fact, I don't think any of us are going to work with you.

"You might have the experience,

or you might have the luck.

But with all due diligence,

I don't give a-"

A knock cut him off. Hans motioned to his second. There was no way he was winning this argument. The Black Spot Pirates were vulnerable, a mere 100 left of their original number. He had to move and now. But without Elsa's support, these men could call him an outsider. And if he fell, it was only a matter of time until they turned on their queen.

Hans figured that she was off with her sister, perhaps mocking his love-making. It served him right for falling in lo-

Like.

He liked her.

With emotions.

Westerguards, after all, do not love.

"My queen!" Exclaimed his second.

Elsa walked in the room. But something was wrong.

It took Hans a moment to put his finger on it. He was used to seeing her in a different light. After all, he had done things with her no other man had been allowed to.

But she was definitely giving off that 'come and get it' air now. Her clothes were lacy, and open. She swayed her hips gently. Her lips, before so pale were blood red. But that was just her allowing that sensuality to bleed out. Previously she'd kept it all in, keeping herself suppressed. That wasn't what was so different.

"Oh no," He groaned.

"Hi! I'm Elsa!" She grinned big- too big. Her hair was in twin pigtails, and the expression on her face was best described as 'vacant'.

"Did you, um, visit the trolls?" Hans asked. He had long suspected that mind magic could damage a person's mind.

"You're not a troll!" She said in a childish voice, "You're my Protector!"

He smiled thinly. So, today the ever-changing landscape of 'what does Elsa currently feel like doing' was stuck on 'childish' for whatever reason.

"Yes, ma'am, I am. At least, I'm trying to be," He gestured towards the map, "Currently we were discussing what our next move would be."

She kept her eyes unfocused. Hans could barely help himself. He sniffed her as she passed, trying to detect alcohol.

None.

Huh.

Odd.

For a second, her eyes focused, keen mind searching out the actual information on the map before turning to Hans, "Why would we move? I like Arrendelle, don't you?"

Hans pinched his nose. Really, there was no point in resisting, "Um, not moving from Arrendelle. We were discussing what to do next about that."

He pointed to the black 'X' marking the Black Spot pirates.

"What do you want to do?" She asked, dumb blond mixing with high-pitched coming from her mouth.

Hans stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was going to whip him, kiss him, or both, "Remove it."

"Okay," She leaned across the table and removed the 'X'.

"…my queen, may I speak to you for a moment?" He grabbed her arm and pulled her away, "What are you doing?!" He snarled.

"What?" she kept that same voice, trying to come across as clueless, "Do I have to have a phallus to attend this little meeting?" She leaned in close, peering over his shoulder to the confused mutterings. Feeling brave, her hand stroked the inside of his thigh, "Because… I had one just a little while ago. You remember, right? Any idea where it went?"

Hans drew back. Okay, so apparently she had found new ways of getting into his head. He could not, would not do anything in front of her staff so as to keep her from embarrassment and she knew it.

"We are trying to keep the Black Spot pirates from reaching Arrendelle. I recommended a pre-emptive strike."

Elsa shrugged, "Well, I guess that's it then."

Councilor Miller sputter, "Your Majesty, I am a member of your council, and strongly recommend you not listen to this warmonger!"

"He's the protector," Said Elsa.

"Well…"

"Did you protect us the last time they attacked?"

"Well….."

"Did you protect me the last time they attacked?"

"Well….."

"Do you honestly think you understand these beasts better than Mr. Westerguard, our Holy Protector of the Southern Isles Port of Arrendelle?!"

The room got really quiet. It was kind of funny how clueless Elsa was pretending to be.

"Now listen here!" He raged, "I was on the council before you were born! And I think I know when we're being duped into a war by a traitor, and murderer!" He pointed an accusatory finger at Hans.

It took her a moment. First, pure rage flushed over her before the queen closed her eyes, and pulled out the big guns.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAH!" She turned, sobbing into Hans' chest. He looked down, confused as everyone else, "You'll protect us," She sobbed, "From, hic, those mean beasts, right, hic?!"

Hans froze in confusion, "Uh… yeah, that's the plan…"

Elsa cried even louder, "I'm so frightened!"

To his credit, Councilor Miller looked ashamed of himself and ushered everyone else out. Elsa got louder and more over-the-top by the second. The two stood together for a moment before the Protector broke the silence.

"What are you doing?" Hans said evenly.

"Crying!" She said, sniffing.

His hand rose to his forehead, rubbing away at his headache. Wonderful(!)

"….seriously?" He pushed her away.

It took the young woman a moment to compose herself, "I'm sorry! I'm just frightened."

Hans looked at her skeptically, "Okay, you can fool them, but I know you. You only cry when you're completely overwhelmed by how bad things are, and how few options you have," He gestured to the map, "Which happens to not be an issue right now, and I haven't even started on whatever all" he gestured to her, "that was. I mean really, who was that for exactly?!"

"Are you yelling at me?" She whispered meekly. He said nothing, just kept the look on his face.

"Seriously?"

She stared at him staring at her. Finally she broke.

"Oh fine!" Elsa shook her head, and took a fresh breath.

"Where did you learn how to cry on command?" He questioned nervously.

"Eh, I've had a lotta practice," She insisted, taking a more thorough look at the map, "Where are we with Baragor? I want to know where he is and what he's doing."

"Not sure," answered Hans, "He seems to be lurking about the Southern Isles," he cleared his throat, "My queen, did you send Illyana to my room awhile back?"

Elsa smirked, "Somebody had to clean those sheets."

Her occasional lover blushed, "I don't exactly want her knowing we-"

"Oh, I told her already," Elsa replied, "Just wanted her to have the proof in front of her. You would not believe what it takes for a girl to make a statement these days…"

"A statement? Is that what this is about?" Hans snorted in disbelief, "And what statement do you believe you made here today?"

He could help but watch as she lifted herself off the table. Mmmm….

She saw him checking her out, "I hope you don't mean anything disrespectful, Mr. Westerguard."

He laughed nervously, "Oh, my queen, there is nothing but appreciation right here!"

She brushed her hair behind her ears and blushed, "Well… I was trying to show some appreciation."

His expression darkened, "Being stupid isn't something I appreciate," He crossed his arms, "What were you trying to accomplish with all this?"

Elsa sighed, "It's just…. I want people to know that you're my Protector. And that means having to appear a certain way. A girl has to walk a certain way and talk a certain way in society. You should understand- you're a man."

Hans scoffed, "You shouldn't have to appear weak in order to garner my protection," he pointed at her accusatorily, "Nor foolish to require my counsel."

She grit her teeth bitterly, "You don't seriously believe that people want me to be strong or independent?! No! They want their queen to cry and need rescuing!"

Hans slammed his hand on the table, "NO! I know how I want my queen!"

"Show me!" She dared him. Elsa then crossed her eyes and spoke in the same stupid high-pitched voice, "How can I get anything done without a man to show me what to do? Waaaah!"

She grunted as he slammed her against the door, "Like I need something else to beat out of the men!" he growled, "They have enough questions about Elsanna! Are you trying to make me angry?"

She giggled stupidly, "I just don't know what you trying to do, Mr. Westerguard! Hey!" She put her hands on something of his that was very sensitive, "What's this?"

Hans groaned. Elsa smirked.

She stroked him.

"Oh," He sighed. Another stroke, another groan.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Westerguard? Do you need help with something?" She licked the side of his chin, "Perhaps there's something you need me for? I do support your endeavors, you know…"

Hans finally lost control, "Shut, up," He snarled, "You're not some stupid girl. You're my queen," He pressed against her, hands going between her legs, "Ten minutes, your bedroom. Sound good?"

"Sounds fantastic!" She smiled brightly, "Oh, wait!" Elsa frowned in confusion, "Elsanna?"

a.n. Five pages of text, people. Please appreciate the effort here.

In all honesty, the end is basically finished mentally. I just want to catch up the chapters I've got in my brain.