Train Wreck

Inspired by season 16 episode 10, help me through the night.

What if Andrew DeLuca wasn't fine?

We come into this world to leave a mark, or at least we are told that. We walk into each other lives without knowing the impact we are going to cause. Strangers become soulmates, friends become enemies, coworkers turn into a family, endless possibilities we can unblock by just saying hi. Our whole life depends on that initial step towards human ties.

Imagine how Miranda Bailey must be feeling right now, surrounded by loud ambulances delivering her badly injured residents to their colleagues and friends. Her eyes are full of horror; she is not registering sounds or commands. She has a front-row seat to one of her nightmares; she is walking in circles trying to take it all in.

It was a lot.

A hand on her shoulder pulls her out of her trance; he is fine, she thinks, time to be the chief "Uh, okay, these guys go straight to the front of the line. Altman, take Parker." She said while pointing to Teddy where her patient was.

"Go it."

"Page everyone. It's all hands on deck." Miranda says to a nurse while trying to think of her next move. Everything is falling so fast, they're getting weaker so fast. "Come on. Let's move. Move, move!" that feels more like an out-loud self-pep talk than words of courage to her staff.

This wasn't her day, definitely, "Hey, hey, hey, if you're gonna be here, so am I, alright?" What would she do without Ben Warren? "Give me privileges. I can hop in." It was completely reasonable that he wanted to be involved, so it didn't take much thinking for her to agree with him.

"Okay, see if Altman needs help with Parker after that. Go where needed in the E. R., but Ben, that's it, I can't have you in an O.R." She was holding his arm, checking if he was hurt in any kind swiftly and took off because the night has just begun. The pain in her lower belly served as a reminder that she already lost so much today.

It's a horrible day to save lives.

Saying the E.R. was packed, it was a huge understatement. There were multiple wounds on everyone, a lot of personal feelings, nonetheless, they must keep pushing, keep moving, keep healing. Nothing else mattered. Each department was on the move. Tom Koracick and Amelia Shepherd were no exception to this rule.

"Hey, I just heard. Is everyone alive?" Asked the female neurosurgeon with palpable concern in her voice to her former mentor.

"As far as I know, yes. Someone has an endless list of injuries, they're paging us." He is going through the charts as fast as he cans to start prioritizing patients. He already has a winner.

"Wait, who?" She knows all of the trauma patients are her friends, they had been with her in surgeries and parties, she may not be able to call all of them friends, but she was looking forward to that day.

"There are no names yet." He was always so put together, but the lines on his forehead were telling a story that did not match his tone. He did know who was heavily injured, but the storm could wait a little bit more. "How bad is it?" Tom asked the chief as soon as he arrived at the pit.

"Sims and Helm are pretty bad, the same as the couple in the car, the worst one is-" She stopped her sentence the second she saw who was just entering the hospital. She does not have to know this way; her friend side took over her thoughts allowing her chief side to stay on the bench just for a little more. The storm can still wait.

Meredith Grey was marching into the E.R. with Atticus Lincoln, Jo Karev, and a baby? -that would have to be a problem for other time-, talking and acting entirely normal considering the chaos, of course, she has no idea yet. Bailey understood it was time. She would see it on the board or the chart; first, she needed to be alone with her.

"Uh, Lincoln, Shepherd, can you guys jump in here?" Miranda used that millisecond to grab the tablet from Meredith's hands, "Not only are swamped, but we are short-staffed." She was hugging the device for dear life while Tom was giving her a look.

What are you waiting for?

"Well, not anymore because I've called in reinforcements." Clueless that in the next couple of seconds, she'll be asking for the best possible care. Richard Webber and Owen Hunt were walking towards them like some kind of superheroes without a cape.

"Look, before you say something, I don't care; they are my students, I hired them." Webber treated every single intern the same way he would treat his children. He may not work in Grey Sloane anymore, but it'll always be his hospital and his department.

"Okay, temporary privileges granted, we need the help, please go to trauma one; everyone gowns and gloves and keep up." It was getting harder to tell her what was going on; she has had enough losses for one life, Miranda did not want to be the next mental image she would never forget.

She started to designate the rest of her team to the residents, leaving Meredith, Amelia, and herself for last for the most critical patient who was in trauma one. The time is here; she was not ready for the next few seconds, let alone hours. "Shepherd goes in there, Grey come with me."

"Bailey, what are you doing? that's the last room left." Meredith questioned very disconcerted; then it hit her, she hasn't seen him. "Where's Andrew DeLuca?" Her whole body language changed. Her eyes were beginning to feel cloudy; her mind was racing with thoughts she was begging, were not true.

"Mer-"

Trauma one. "I have to go in there." She was more than willing to run, nevertheless, Miranda takes her arm preventing her from getting into the room. "I have to." Meredith was starting to fall apart, and the chief noticed that look in her eyes that was telling her that no mattered what she did, she would not stop the woman in front of her. She let go of the blonde's arm. The storm was here. "How is he?" Bailey didn't respond, the loud gasp that left her mouth was more than an answer.

"Meredith, you shouldn't be in here." Webber was the first one to react. Everyone looked so serious, focused on their work. Amelia's face was saying everything, she was doing her neuro exam, so far, not a single good sign. Grey didn't care; she was already putting on gloves, they weren't dating at the moment, or maybe they were; their lines were blurred, however, that didn't imply she was letting him die.

"Dr. Grey, you can't help." Bailey's voice did not make her move an inch. She was already creating a mental list of his injuries, contemplating what she could fix right now. "Meredith, if you want to be here, let them work; your judgment is clouded."

"No, I can help." She kept working without letting anything get to her. "The abdomen is distended." She had to do something.

"Meredith, maybe it's best if you step outside-" Amelia couldn't even finish her sentence.

"I'm not going through this again!" The room went completely silent. All of them understood what she was referring to; her reaction was completely normal, however, she was way too involved in him to take his case. "I don't want to, not if this time I can do something about it." Her voice went soft; tears began to threaten to go down her face, she was breaking, it was now or never, Bailey in one smooth move, placed herself in front of her.

"Look at me." Meredith obeyed. "I swear to you, he's going to be fine, we got him, please, move so we can do what they didn't for Derek; you are not losing anyone tonight, at least, not on my watch." Miranda knew better than making promises she can't keep about patient health, yet she saw how badly her friend needed it.

Meredith eventually moved, throwing the gloves to the floor and stepping into the corner of the small room. "Talk to me." She was standing like a grounded child with her eyes crossed in front of herself and a face that said more than a million words.

Out of habit, Owen began the report "Andrew DeLuca, blunt force to the head, chest, and abdomen; persistent hypotension after two liters of saline, the pulse is at 130." You can tell how Meredith was doing everything to keep it together after hearing just the first part of what can be hours of dangerous procedures. "I need four units of blood."

"Possible multiple fractures, try to hold still." Webber wasn't happy with the idea of her standing there, but he had to keep going for their sake. He was doing multiple pain exams with Andrew grunting now and then. "He's being poorly responsive." It hurts to hear it, but she had been in hundreds of cases like this, it did not help her nerves at all, but she knew the drill. They have to say every discovery out loud.

"Someone was saying he took most of it, positive loss of consciousness at the scene." Who was this intern who did not know when to keep his mouth shut? Meredith was growing tenser, she was breathing so fast and heavy; it was killing her to keep her knowledge to herself, but she trusted these people with her life. They got him. She kept praying to whoever would listen.

"GCS of 10, possible bleeding in the brain." Bailey was delivering her report, questioning herself when the list of damage would stop growing?

"Get a C.T." Meredith said in a whisper she probably did not notice left her mouth. She was attempting to hug herself the way she knew he would do if he were here. Finally, she was able to stop the silent tears; crying wasn't going to help him; a rational mind would.

"He's got a flail chest in the right. I need a 36 French tube now!" She had to trust this was Owen's area, he has done it in worst conditions, and more times she can count. He got him.

"He's still hypotensive and tachycardic up to two fluid boluses."

"He could be bleeding in his chest, hang two units of blood and give me a full trauma panel, x-rays and cross him for four." He grabbed the IV's Y port, quickly the nurse gave him the plasma he requested and placed it.

Hunt had everything ready for the tube; this was not going to be pretty, "I'm sorry man, this is going to hurt, but you know we have to do it." In the same instant, Owen placed the tube into DeLuca's pleural space. Andrew screamed full of pain that was more than enough to bring Meredith out of the corner directly to the left side of the bed to take his hand.

She got as close as she could to his ear. "You don't get to this to me; you don't get to leave me." Their eyes crossed for the smallest second; Meredith swears she felt how he squeezed her hand, using the other one to run her fingers through his dusty curly hair. It was heartbreaking to watch and feel. Amelia was working on his head and noticed how DeLuca reacted; it gave her a little hope, but he was in awful shape to start thinking positive.

"I need a C.T."

"He's bleeding into his belly. We don't have time. We need to take him straight to the O.R." the typical fight between Owen and Amelia was starting. This was not the occasion or the case for it.

Meredith knew it was her moment to step in, "His GCS hasn't changed since he got here, we have time, his pressure is holding, sedate him to secure the airway and GET THE DAMN C.T.!" Her face was red, the tears were running down her face unapologetically. Normally, she would not cry this bad; she needed to keep him alive, the drama will not keep him from dying, she loved him way too much to let her emotions take the best of her.

"You heard Dr. Grey, move!" The whole team got ready to move Andrew. She tried her best to keep his hand on hers, however, Bailey took Meredith in her arms, hugged her with all of her strength trying to move her, but the blonde was putting up a fight; she did not want him to be alone. "I can not let you go with them, and you know it." She calms down instantly when she realized they were in the corridor. Now it made sense why when she arrived everyone looked at her direction with the same pitiful look they all had now. Meredith needed to keep it together. She had authority and respect, a reputation, that she needs to maintain, even though at the moment, that was at the bottom of her priorities list.

She ran her palms through her face in a failed attempt to look more composed. She gave herself a second to be more aware of her surroundings. She needed something to ground her, "I have to." Meredith hated when someone pulled that on her because she understands it so much, the ache is so heavy, the hole in her chest only gets bigger by the second. The man she loved was losing the fight against death while she was standing outside of the trauma room dedicated to him.

Amelia was out of the suffocating room to update her sister, "Bailey, I got this." She placed a hand on her chief shoulder. Miranda was required to be somewhere else. They looked at each other in the eye to have a silent conversation; the chief left rushing to catch the team with Andrew DeLuca in the gurney. Hundreds of times before Meredith was her strength when she didn't have any. It was time to return the favor, it terrified her a lot, but she had to. Alex wasn't here, Maggie wasn't here (that could be fixed), Cristina was way too far away, she had to be her sister person. "Hey, hey, hey." Meredith was more than ready to leave with them, though, the neurosurgeon caught her soon enough to stop her with a hand on her shoulder, "I'm thinking he has a head lac if the C.T. confirms it, he's going to need a craniotomy." Of course, the blonde knew that. Amelia deduced it was better to tell her things straight, letting her be aware of all the facts, thinking about medical terms could distract her mind from the worst for a while. "Do you want me to page Koracick so I can stay with you?"

So if he dies, I'm not the one responsible.

"No, I need you with him." Grey was finally coming to her senses more and more. Andrew needs her to make his medical decisions while Carina is away. She would give everything to be in the O.R., completely impossible someone in that room would allow her to do something. She had to rely on Amelia being there for her; little did she know her sister preferred to be as far away from the catastrophe.

"Fine, but I'm calling someone to be here with you." Meredith nodded. The neurosurgeon disappeared without saying anything else leaving her dizzy with her mind in a complete haze. She began to turn around in a useless effort to see him walking to her completely fine; that was not going to happen. She did not know why she was torturing herself like that; begging for the impossible was getting her -and him- nowhere.

"Dr. Grey, are you ok?" Levi Schmitt came out from behind her, placing his hands on her shoulder to stop her from moving, but she kept searching with her eyes. "Dr. Grey, are you looking for someone?" He looked so worried and confused, he was at the bar when the accident happened, but he was not aware who was injured and who wasn't.

"I need you to find out to which O.R. they took Andrew DeLuca." The sadness was turning to anger pretty quickly on a strange combination of the stages of grief. Glasses wasn't the one to blame, there was no one to blame.

"Wait, who? Is he alright?" Schmitt being Schmitt in the worst possible moment.

"That's why I have to find out where he is, so start moving. Page me when you know." She was in the head of general surgery mode. She had to be in control of something; the resident in front of her seemed the best option.

"I don´t think you should be-"

"Just do it!" Her pain was taking the best of her, "Please." She managed to take her voice back to the broken tone she had been using all night. Her eyes were begging him to help her, so he ran, he didn't know who to ask, hell, the only thing Levi knew is that he should not be doing it, but if this were Nico... He would be doing the same thing, so he ran.

O.R. two.

Meredith was still standing there in shock when she got the text. She ran for her life the so familiar path with a deviation, Meredith beg she wasn't taking it to the gallery. She was lucky no one who would stop her crossed her way. The whole staff was busy trying to save their friends, she should probably be doing that, but it was better she didn't with her shaking hands and watery eyes. She finally arrived at the gallery, to her surprise, Maggie was already sitting there.

"Richard had a nurse to call me and keep me updated when he saw him. I was sure you wouldn't be able to just sit, so I decided to wait for you in here." Meredith did not say a word; she was feeling tired. The running while facing a life or death matter did not help either. She took a seat next to Pierce, out of instinct, their hands laced together in a tight grip. "He's going to be fine. They set up for an ex-lap, and Amelia is already getting started with the craniotomy. He's hypotensive, already on pressors." She got up to turn on the intercom; she wanted to listen to everything that was happening. Meredith hated how now she had to talk about him as a patient. He was way more than that. He is the one that turns back time for her.

"He cannot go today. We're not completely fine, but he means more to me than everyone, or even I know if he leaves me while thinking I don't respect him, Maggie, I do not know if I can take it. Again."

"Betadine."

"He has a fracture on his left radius."

"Mer, maybe it's better if you leave-"

"No." They were not aware that the intercom was working in all ways possible and the people down in the O.R. were listening to their heartbreaking conversation. Amelia looked terrified. She takes a deep breath each time she hears Meredith's words, but she recovers fast, every single one of those, very focused on her work.

"Meredith, please, listen to her. You should not see this." Webber was working a hundred miles per hour, but his brain could only process her almost daughter's pain.

"If I can't go and take your place, I'm standing here." Ellis, the resemblance between her and her mother would always amaze Richard, and terrified him. Meredith decided not to sit down again, well, her anxiety chose for her. Pacing around the room, looking down whenever she felt like it, crying silently, biting her nails, trying to keep track of what they fixed and what they had left.

"Do you want to talk?" It was eating Maggie how broken her sister looked, not being able to do something about it was worst, she did not work here anymore, and a cardio surgeon, from what she can see, wasn't needed, fortunately, the poor Italian already had enough.

"The colon's avulsed. We'll need to resect and create a temporary colostomy."

It could be worse, she kept repeating to herself. It was becoming harder to watch without doing anything about it. She trusted the whole team with her life -they had saved her before- but the feeling was there, it was killing her. The O.R. was supposed to be her safe place; she is always in control there. She has been powerless before but never like this, never when she can help.

"He's got a grade-2 splenic lac."

"Leave it." She ordered from the intercom that was still on in both ways. She had no plans of changing that soon.

"Agreed, check the four quadrants, and double-check the retrohepatic space." Bailey was the first one to react, and Webber to take the command, they weren't also in the best place, however, Meredith needed them, their resident and friend needed them to work together.

"Crap, his SATs are dropping."

"Check the test tube."

"Cleared."

"Check it again!" Meredith was growing more worried. He was getting worst, way worst. Maggie could sense how bad she wanted to go down; she took her sister's hand forcing her to sit and hugged her to keep her in place.

"Damn it, he's got a huge hemothorax. We have to open his chest. I need a thoracotomy tray!" Owen's tone was desperate, he was always calm and collected. This was getting ugly.

"No, wait, see how much blood comes out, it will probably stop. Just wait." She had to stand up again; her hands were touching the glass as if she could get through it with her mind; Maggie stands up with her, hugging her from behind, at this point, she was crying too for her friend and sister.

"Heart rate is dropping."

"He's crashing. Palets!"

"No…" a whispery word left her lips, and she fell to the floor with her sister trying to catch her. Everything felt so heavy, the air was so hard to breathe, her whole body was failing her, she was so dizzy to the point in any second she could throw up.

"Maggie take her out of here! Clear!" Webber was screaming, one shock in DeLuca wasn't responding, she does not have to see this, hell, she does not have to live this again. "Maggie now! Get her out of there, damn it, Schmitt get up there and help her!" He was the one doing the resuscitation, two shocks in with the same number of rounds of epi. Nothing.

This could not be happening.

"No, please, I have to be here!" Maggie was trying with all of her strength to take her out. She was crying hard, screaming to whoever listened to please do something, holding on to the chairs. "I can't do this again!" Meredith started repeating relentlessly until Levi arrived. He and Pierce finally were able to bring her out of the room, immediately, they placed themselves in front of the door. "I swear if you don't-" she was more than ready to punch someone when somebody's arms trapped her.

"Mer, listen to me." Alex, he was back, it didn't matter who called him or if he was here, she needed to see Andrew, she kept fighting him while he was imploring her to listen until she broke down to tears in his arms. "Pierce, go downstairs to help them." Maggie just ran out of there with an ache in her heart, however, if someone -besides Andrew DeLuca and Cristina Yang- could calm down Meredith was him. "He's going to be fine." Karev wasn't a false hope person, but it was extremely required for him to be in this scenario. He started caressing her hair with his hand; at some point, they ended up on the ground with their backs leaning on the door. The sound of her heavy crying was eclipsing the quiet sounds of the intercom; they were loud enough to be heard from outside.

She turned to look at him in the eyes, "I have to-"

It breaks his heart, seeing her like this, but the last time she ran away. She left him. He was sure as hell he would not let that happen again. "You don't have to do anything, I'm not letting you in there again, you are coming with me to a waiting room, and there you can scream, punch me, or whatever you want, okay? You are not getting in there again." Meredith was significantly calmer. He knew a more populated area would obligate her to look more put together.

They stand up, making their way to the closest waiting area. She was full zombie mode; but with every step, she looked stronger building a solid façade to everyone who didn't know her that well. "Sit here." They were seated side by side, he wanted to hug her, but she was trying so hard to keep it together that he decided against it.

"Who called you?" Her voice was louder. Meredith wanted to distract her mind from what was happening in the O.R. 2.

"Everyone was alerted about the accident with the names of the residents before you on Bailey's orders; Jo, Link, Richard, hell, even Koracick texted me that I should come." He decided to take her hand; her whole body was shaking. She was counting every single breath.

In and out.

Meredith straights her spine. Feeling so small was not something she accustomed to; she allows herself to take a look at the other people in the room; the sorrow was palpable. She always avoided these areas because of what she had been neglect with Derek, but now. She has a moment to think about it; she's thankful. It's always better to rip off the band-aid quickly. "I was going to tell him that I had enough of the break. I even checked my old Italian book to make sure I would say the right words. Mi manchi." She lets out a bitter laugh. "When I'm more than ready to be happy this happens, I have been saying it all day, but it's finally hitting me. I can not lose him too, Alex. I know that I will be capable to put myself back together like I always do, but I don't want to, I really do not want to." A single tear tried to escape her right eye, but she quickly cleaned it. "I love him." She needed to stay positive; for both of them. Karev just held her hand waited with her.

Two hours passed and nobody came for her, that can either means he was fine, or nobody wanted to give her the news. Seconds later, Maggie appeared with a neutral face.

"Just tell me," Meredith said in a firm voice, it sounded normal. Like her usual self. Her eyes were telling a whole different story, damn, her extremely shaky leg was writing an entire novel about it.

"He's not out of the woods yet, but he made it."

Shit, I forgot to call his sister.

hey!, first of all, English is not my first language so sorry in advance for any mistakes. about the medical terms, I only know so much, any mistake I'm sorry but I hope there's none because I used the same injuries Derek had to make it easier for me and harder for you hahahaha.

the original version that I wrote of this was a monster, some parts may feel rushed but I didn't want it to make something really long. also, overdramatic Meredith was on purpose because I felt like she would get a strong PTSD from what happened to the Derek.

I'm going to maintain the show tradition of naming the episodes after songs but actually what inspired this one was the whole folklore album. i hope to update weekly, feel free to make a request on my new tumblr blueitalianpeace.