A/N I'm probably never gonna be happy with this story but for now, I'll keep going, can always change it later.
Chapter 32 - I want to But I can't
He was seated on his bed watching the streets below, his legs bobbing anxiously as he listened to his father cooking eggs and toast in the kitchen. It was the start of the new semester and all students were returning to school, hid dad had told him that Mickey would too. Going back to school meant that he would need to face his friends, refusing to go would mean he'd have to face Deucalion. The alpha had grown more and more tired of Mickey, seeing as he was no longer of any use it was only a matter of time before he would find a way to get rid of him. The only person keeping him alive was his father and Mickey had no clue what the man was thinking. Most of the time he was shooting amused looks Mickeys' way, other times they were butting heads over various things. They weren't on good terms but it wasn't bad enough for Mickey to be disowned, so for the moment, he would be safe.
His father wasn't a follower but he liked power, that's why he stood by Deucalion. Because Deucalion could make him the most powerful creature alive because he was a man with many visions he was the only one who could see the potential of allying with Earl. Both of them were demons in their way, combined they were a nightmare.
Sighing he let himself fall backward until his back hit the mattress, eyes starring up at the ceiling lamp. He wasn't ready to face his friends mostly because he didn't know what to tell them, partly because he couldn't stand to face them the way he was now. Every time he looked himself in the mirror he saw a monster, what would they be seeing?
But the orders were clear, both the twins and Mickey would be attending school to spy on Scotts' and Dereks' packmates to find their weaknesses. Deucalion would be stupid if he ever thought Mickey would report anything back to him if he had a choice he wouldn't even attend in the first place.
''Breakfast's ready,'' his father called causing Mickey to groan, forced himself to get up. He stopped in front of the mirror, the image of the beast flashing over his face before he shook it off. His hair had grown long, almost reached his shoulders. So he grabbed a black baseball cap from the drawers and put it on, he looked like a homeless guy with his big grey hoodie and the cap. His hair wasn't greasy but neither was it styled, it was uneven and uncombed. His dark t-shirt was ripped and old, the same as his jeans.
Walking into the kitchen he didn't bother to acknowledge his father as he sat down on the empty chair by the table, reaching over to the juice box as he filled up the empty glass in front of him. His father didn't say anything as he ate his portion, idly looking through the papers as if he would find anything interested in it.
Their meal was shared in silence and Mickey was thankful for it, he didn't know if he had it in him to have any type of conversation. He was nervous, his stomach hurt but he forced himself to eat. His phone laid mute in his pocket, he hadn't touched it even once since the last call with Stiles. His mother had tried to call him but in the end, had been forced to contact his father to reach him, they seemed to slowly work out their problems. She still very much hated his father for what he'd done and had promised to cause him to pain the moment she was well enough to hunt him down, it was only a matter of time before she would find them. Mickey kinda hoped for that day to come soon, he'd love to see his father being beaten up by a human.
Putting the dishes in the sink, Mickey headed into the hallway to put on his shoes when his father finally spoke, ''So what did you choose, the left path or the right?''
''The one that will most likely get me killed,'' Mickey muttered as he had to use the wall for balance as he put his shoe on, his finger smarted as he used it as a shoehorn.
''So you gonna be stubborn and walk alone,'' his father mused as he watched his son grow frustrated by the minute, his eyes folded in front of his chest as he leaned against the doorway.
Straightening back up he had to shove some of his bangs behind his hair to keep it from being in his eyes, his mind thinking about his father's words before he shrugged, ''It's not about being stubborn, I ain't got no choice after what I did.''
He didn't want to stick around for the conversation knowing it would only end in another fight between them, it wasn't the right day for a fight. Mickey already had too much on his mind so he ignored his father as he left, letting the door slam shut behind him.
...
Both his hands gripped the steering wheel of his father's car, driving had never been Mickeys' strong point but as he'd found the key stuffed into the pocket of his jacket he couldn't deny himself the chance to drive his fathers brand new BMW. The radio blasted loudly in the speakers as he glared at the road, he wasn't even paying attention to the speed limits. Being alone in the car made him realize how lonely he felt, how much he missed his friends. The music was somber perfectly fitting his increasingly declining mode, the monster within him growling in frustration as he had to stomp on the breaks as to not collide with the vehicle in front of him.
A red light, just what he'd needed. His elbow rested on the door as he chewed on his thumbnail, glaring straight ahead. His thoughts blurred his vision, a futile attempt at remembering old memories in the hope to feel less alone;
He let out a breath as he finally let himself relax, his hand absently stroking the dark locks of Allisons' hair as she rested her head against his chest. He knew that he would have to talk to Scott about his relationship with Allison but that could wait for another day, right now the only thing he wanted in his mind was his beauty.
''What are you thinking about?'' Allison asked in an almost whisper, her voice drowsy but her lips still held a gentle smile when Mickey glanced down at her. Her smile, his hand leaving the beautiful wavy hair to gently cup her exposed cheek. Gently stroking small circles under her beautiful brown eyes.
''Thinking 'bout how lucky I am.'' He answered earning a small chuckle from the girl on his chest, her deep brown eyes glittering with excitement and happiness.
He'd been the luckiest kid on the block, having her in his arms had made him feel invincible. He missed her more then he'd ever realized he would and he wished he'd told her the truth while she was still in Beacon Hills, now it might be too late. Allison was and would always be his heart, she made him feel human. It had been stupid to let her go, he should have packed his things and followed her. Another mistake he would regret for the rest of his life, he clicked his tongue in annoyance as the light turned green.
When he thought about his secret, he realized that there was one person who'd figured it out months ago. Even though Mickey never outright confirmed his theory, he still knew that Stiles had it all figured out;
''Speaking of Gerard and werewolves,'' Stiles suddenly said as Mickey put his phone back into his pocket, his eyes turning to glance at his friend. Stiles glanced at him before his eyes returned to the movie, ''The time in the cafeteria when you punched Jackson, why did you do it?''
His words brought Mickey to silence, his hands stilling in the bowl of chips as a frown fell on his brows. It had been so long that he thought that it was all forgotten, that no one had paid any mind to the act. Slowly resuming his movement, Mickey put the chips in his mouth and chewed, ''You said it yourself, to set boundaries.''
''I've known you since kindergarten and that was the first time I saw you punch someone,'' Stiles further pointed out making Mickey roll his eyes, the buzz-cut haired male was fishing for something.
Fully turning his head so that he could see his friend, straightening up so that his back was no longer against the pillows, ''Just ask.''
Refusing to meet his eyes, Stiles moved the bowl from between them into his lap, ''I don't wanna ask, I want you to tell me.''
''I'm not gonna tell you,'' Mickey said as he let himself slump back down, his head burying itself in the softness of the pillows as he watched the protagonists shoot the zombies.
Even though the conversation ended on a sour note the air in the room remained comfortable, neither of the two wanted to be the first to speak. The movie ended and still, they remained quiet, Stiles changed the channel so they were watching ordinary TV and left the bed to get an extra blanket. Mickey took the offered blanket and shifted so that Stiles could move under his blanket, the both of them absently watching TV.
Feeling his eyes growing heavy with sleep, Mickey was about to give up on staying awake when Stiles finally spoke, ''It's pretty cool though.''
Snorting, Mickey couldn't help the smile on his lips. He settled under the blanket and finally let himself sleep.
So in the end Scott was the only one who hadn't figured it out, he must have known by now. Mickey and Scott hadn't been close as of late but they were still childhood friends and just like Mickey could read Scotts' expressions, so could Scott with Mickey. They'd known each other their whole lives, keeping secrets was impossible. He sighed as the school came into sight if only things could go back to normal.