A/N Sorry for the pity-party that has been going on...Spoke to a friend the other day and then read a comment this morning, I think it's time to make some changes.
Chapter 36 - Time to grow up
''Why do you pity yourself?'' her voice cut through the silent air in the room, it had been stale every since he entered well over twenty minutes ago.
Her question caught him off-guard as he'd been staring idly out the window, his eyes half-closed as he'd been caught in his thoughts. When she spoke he'd tilted his head os he could look at her, she wasn't looking back as she stared at the muted TV. He glanced at the screen but saw nothing interesting, just the news.
''I know you're a teenager and all but all this pent up angsty behavior is kind of pathetic,'' she said once he'd failed to answer her, her words hurt but he knew they were the truth.
He'd told her everything, about his dad, his friends, Allison but most of all Erica. She'd listened, her expression calm and without a word. She hadn't given any reaction to what he told her, not anger nor disgust. She wasn't pitying him and neither did she show any disappointment, until now. It surprised him that it had been the self-pitying part she'd taken most offend too.
''I killed Erica, I deserve some self-hate,'' he muttered but now the self-pitying didn't seem as valid, he realized how stupid he must look.
She stared at him, eyes judging as they roamed over his features and suddenly she let out a small laugh, ''Look at you, so much is going on inside of that head of yours that you fail to see the reality around you.''
That wasn't true, Mickey was stupidly aware of the world around him. He glared at her but when he opened his mouth to retort he was stopped by her voice.
''You accidentally killed a girl, it was an accident. A pack of alphas has come here to harm your friends and to keep them safe you join the alphas, did that protect your friends? No, because you're too indulged in your self-pity that you fail to see that you're doing no one any good. You might as well sit down and enjoy the show because you're doing nothing to contribute to it,'' the more she spoke the more he shrank under her brown stare, her usually warm brown eyes stern as she looked down on him. She wasn't taller then he was but so much prouder, her words were frustratingly accurate.
The teenager in him wanted to lash out at her, to tell her that she was wrong but by doing so he'd just prove her point. Ever since his dad came back he'd become nothing but a side-character in his own story, slowly sinking deeper into the hole of self-pitying he'd dug. He'd pushed his friends away, was most likely going to push even Allison away. Instead of coming clean and looking for help, he'd hidden away to cry about it. Scott and Stiles had been his friends since kindergarten, would they turn their backs on him? Why had he pushed them away, he'd just made everything worse.
''You're doing it again,'' his mother cut through his thoughts making him realize he'd spaced out again, his dull green eyes locking with hers and she finally allowed herself to smile, ''Talk to me, talk to your friends. I promise we'll give you better advice than that head of yours, give you a different perspective.''
''I can't protect anyone,'' he admitted, she didn't object to that and so he continued, ''I want to protect my friends but I can't. I killed Erica because I wasn't strong enough, I can't fight my dad nor the alphas. I'm weak, that's why I can't protect anyone.''
She let out an amused snort at the last part making him look at her, why was she making fun of him? His eyes turned into a glare but she held up her hand to stop him from getting defensive, ''Weak? A supernatural creature literally created to kill even the most terrifying monsters. You're not weak, you're just young and naive. You're impulsive and reckless, egoistic at the best of times, and a selfish brat.''
He winced at her harsh critique, her awful honesty. Her eyes were unforgiving as she stared him down, making sure every word of hers was imbedded deep into his soul. Through it all he knew she was right, he was still a kid. He was childish and a bad decision-maker, that's why Stiles always came up with the plans. He wasn't calm, that's what he had Scott for. They'd always been there to even him up, pushing them away had only served to bring out his worse side. He needed to grow up, take responsibility for his actions, and stop assuming what others think and believe.
''I just don't want anyone else to get hurt,'' as he said it he could see Erica, her face flashing in his mind and lingered but he knew he had to push her away. He couldn't let her death weight him down, his mother was right, it was time for him to grow up.
''So stop being selfish, learn to control that weapon inside of you and get your friends back,'' she lectured but her voice was filled with love, the corner of her lips turned up in a smile.
Forcing his smile knowing what awaited him, knowing he'd have to reach out to his friends. Mickey straightened from the chair, hand gripping his cell phone as he headed for the door. As his hand touched the handle, his mother called out his name.
''Aren't you happy you decided against moping in your room?'' she teased and this time the smile on his lips was genuine, ''And stop skipping school!''
He closed the door.
...
The first one on the list of people he needed to come clean too, he didn't know. Allison popped up in his mind but he knew she wasn't at the top of the priority list, the ones who needed answers were Scott and Stiles. A short text to stiles and the reply came instantly, a simple address and a demand for Mickey to be there.
Finding the place was easy enough, well hidden but traces of familiar people lingered everywhere. Derek, Scott, Stiles were all there. He felt as if he was going to court, his heart beating loudly in his ears as he climbed the stairs. Their voices were muffled by the thick walls, bouncing against the concrete. They hadn't realized that he was there, stood outside the big sliding door as he tried to gather the courage to open it. What was going to happen on the other side? His mind ran the many possibilities until he remembered his mother's previous words, to stop assuming things and get out of his head.
He sucked in a breath to stale himself, his hand gripping the heavy door as he pushed pressure to make it slide open. The voices hushed as their attention was grabbed by his arrival, several sets of curious eyes turning to stare at him.
A feral growl made him flinch, crimson eyes flashing at him as Derek stiffened, ''What's he doing here?''
Forcing himself to not cower under the alphas glare, Mickey let his eyes roam over the occupants in the room. Stiles looked happy to see him but didn't move, unsure what the others would do. Scott had kinda the same expression but more guarded, still his expression was soft and kind. Derek looked pissed, Mickeys' quickly looked away. Peter was... Peter, the former alpha had a neutral expression but anticipating as he awaited the drama that would unfold in front of him.
''It's okay,'' Scott assured, his hand held out towards Derek as if it would be enough to stop him if he chooses to attack. When Derek didn't move, Scotts' attention shifted back to Mickey who remained in the doorway, ''He's here to help.''
''You mean by killing more of us?'' Dereks' words were harsh but well deserved, Mickey kept a cautious eye on the alpha. He deserved being detested, to not be trusted but he knew the best way to make up for it was by helping. He was done feeling sorry for himself, was gonna make up for it by finally doing the right thing.
His eyes found Scotts', biting down on his lower lip as he tried to come up with the right words but found his brain blank. How was he supposed to even start? Was a simply apology enough or should he add something more, if so what would be the right thing? There were so many things he was sorry about, how was he supposed to compile them all without it becoming a full-on book?
It must have shown in his eyes because Scott was suddenly smiling, his brown eyes meeting with Stiles as they shared a knowing look. Mickey steeled himself, hands clenched to fists as he forced himself to speak, ''I thought I was doing the right thing and after Erica, I felt so damn sorry about myself that I lost grip on reality. I painted a picture that the whole world was against me but in reality, I shouldn't have been so self-centered and I'm sorry.''
The room grew quiet as each person worked over his words, deciding how they'd react and he was ready for anything. He knew they would demand answers and he would answer every last one of their questions, he was done lying.
Calming down some, at least his eyes weren't shining crimson anymore as his arms folded over his chest. Derek leveled him with a cautious glare, ''Erica, is she-?''
''Dead,'' he wasn't going to sugar-coat it, was going to be brutally honest because he couldn't allow himself the time to come up with more lies. He'd killed Erica, he wasn't going to hide that and he wasn't going to pity himself over it. All he could do was to honor her by doing the right thing, by standing by and protect those she held close.
''What happened?'' Stiles's voice was filled with sadness but he was acting strong but much he tried to hide it, deep down he felt betrayed by Mickey and what he'd done.
''She bumped into me,'' the scene was playing out in his mind, the adrenaline filling his blood as if his body was reliving the moment. It must the because of the full moon, the beast was pacing in its cage as if it was expecting danger. He forced it to calm, eyes meeting Stiles, ''I was fighting and she bumped into me, I didn't realize it was her and once I did she was already dead. I didn't mean to kill her, I didn't.''
Fresh tears wettened his eyes but he forced them down, wiped hem away with the sleeve of his shirt. He was still gripping the handle on the door, felt it budge under the pressure but he needed something to ground him.
''Are you a werewolf?'' Scotts' question caught him off-guard but he could see the reason for it because Scott would understand the struggles. After all, he'd been through them too.
Only Mickey wasn't a werewolf, he didn't even know himself what he was. The creature trapped inside of him had a lot of things in common with the werewolves but they were not the same, he was a creature created to bring chaos into the world of the supernatural. Created to kill, hunt, and to be immune to the flaws other creatures suffered.
''I don't know,'' it was the truth but Scott didn't understand and so he forced himself to explain, ''My father was created and so he was the only one of our kind, he didn't think his powers would be passed down. To be honest, even he and I are different, I don't even know what I'm capable of.''
''Interesting,'' Peter suddenly cut in causing all of them to turn towards him, his eyes were practically sparkling from how intrigued he'd become, ''You're a Jagger?''
''You know him?'' Dereks' voice was laced with disgust, Mickey shifted uncomfortably as he didn't dare to ask the question himself and was unsure how much he should show on his face.
''I'm more surprised that you hadn't heard of them,'' Peter noted, blue eyes studying Mickey who remained quiet, ''Wicked beasts created for only one purpose, to maim and kill. No one knows where they came from or who created them, luckily there only seems to be two of them.''
''Are there more?'' Scott asked sounding nervous but Mickey assured him as he shook his head, he didn't know of any others except for his father and himself.
''The more reason we shouldn't trust him,'' Derek said, Mickey couldn't help the disappointment he felt. Even though he knew it was gonna be hard to earn their trust back.
''Come on Derek,'' Stiles said making the werewolf glared at him but he wasn't deterred, ''It's not like he's got a reason to kill any of us.''
''He would if his father told him to,'' Peter supplied making Mickey wince as the man looked at him with a knowing look, ''A beta must always obey their alphas' order.''
''He can fight it,'' Scott sounded so sure, his eyes filled with confidence as he looked at Mickey who wished he wasn't so far away from his brown eyes friend, ''It's possible, I did it.''
''I know my words aren't much to go by,'' Mickey said, finally finding the courage to face them all as he even met Derek's eyes, ''You don't have to trust me but I know the vault, I know the enemy. Let me help you and if you still don't trust me I'll leave, just please let me help you.''
They shared looks, Mickey stood awkwardly in the doorway as he waited for them to send him away but once they seemed to have come to a decision, they allowed him to stay. He sighed, raking his mind for all the information he had on Deucalion and his pack.