The nurse came back after an hour or so later and had a clipboard in her hand, which she set on the little table nearby.
"I have some news, Jess. Our records show that your dad is actually out of jail, and has been for some time now. Did you know that?"
"Are, are you talking about George?" My mind has been so numb to my dad for so long that, George was the only person that came into my head on thought. At least I guess I liked to think that way.
"No, his name isn't George. It's James, does that ring a bell?"
Have you ever had the fight or flight kick in? For me, it was just flight. There was no fight. I hadn't heard that name I feel like, since I was born. That, was the name of my biological dad.
"Uh, y-yeah." I stuttered. I should not have agreed. I'd rather live with a foster family for a year than with my dad. He wasn't even my dad. He was a man that ruined my life.
"Well, while we were looking through, he actually called us. He said he wants to meet you, and seemed very happy and relieved that you were alive. He said he heard about the crash and wants to take you in."
I didn't say anything. My mind was only thinking about how I could escape this hospital without being noticed.
"He said he was going to come later today to visit. He seemed very nice and polite. Hopefully this is a big step in recovery for you." She smiled and patted my shoulder gently. I still didn't say anything. I couldn't believe this.
Time passed during the day and it was getting a bit late in the day. My brain hoped that he would have forgotten about me, but I don't think that was the case. Since I wasn't really that hurt from the crash other than scrapes, I was able to move freely around and leave my bed, but only a short while before my head started to pound and I had to lay back down. I'm glad I was laying down because if I was standing, I would've keeled over and fainted. In the doorway, there he was. My biological dad holding some get well flowers. I wanted to run but I couldn't, all I could do was stare and breathe so rapid, my chest heaved. He was different, creepy different. Well, different from the last time I saw him. His hair wasn't shaved short anymore, it was actually long and, normal. He had a small stubble and looked a little more lean and stronger than I remember. He looked like a normal, every day dad and that scared me even more. I think he saw my fear and he set the vase of flowers on the table and spoke very gently, which also scared me.
"Hey, Jess. How're you feelin' bud?" He asked. I didn't want to answer him. I wanted to cry. The worst part of all this was, I had to live with him. My rapist. I only had one more year before I was a legal adult and there was no way that I could get a lawyer and do a bunch of law stuff to keep away from him in time. Which, I had no idea how to do any of that. I was lost. And right now, I was lost and afraid for my life. He saw my face and sighed. He pulled up a chair and sat down, but he didn't sit too close to me.
"Look, Jess, I know this is all hard. I know you're probably petrified right now, and you hate me. I don't blame you. I was a waste of a father back then and, pardon my language, I was a shit human. I didn't deserve the dad title. I know, you deserve so much better than me, and I'm so glad you had your mother to care for you. You turned into a great and wonderful person, I can tell just by looking at you. I know what happened is very sad, and I am very devastated with what happened. But I know what's coming now is inevitable, and I know you probably don't like the news. But I want to tell you right now, that I've changed, okay? I am different now than what I was back then. I ask now that you give me a second chance. I promise with my life, I will treat you the way a respectful and caring parent should treat you."
His voice was so gentle and calm, which, I couldn't tell if I was relaxed by it or still scared. I didn't say anything for a minute as I processed what he said. I didn't really know what to say. You don't really forget something like that, especially at such a young age, it creates a sort of trauma inside you where one little mention or reminder or notion of who hurt you just makes you freeze. It makes you freeze when all you want to do is run away or cry. I could do nothing at this point. I did not want to trust him, that wasn't something I couldn't do easily, especially if I was putting my life in his trust. But, I had to say something. And no one could force me to not say what was on my mind.
"You don't know what I've gone through because of what you did." I said softly and he sat up a little hearing me finally talk. "You don't know, you don't know the therapists I've went through, the medications I've taken, the nightmares I've had, the anxiety I've fought through every single day and the constant memories that have struck my mind every single time I've walked past that basement door! You don't know, the thoughts that go through my head every single day. That's not something you just, heal from, or forgive."
He nodded slightly and looked down to the floor. "I know. I know, Jess. And I know that there's no form of apology or anything I could do to make you feel better or make you forgive me. But I think the first step, is I do not expect you to call me dad. I know that word is probably foreign to you now. I'm just, so glad through all of that, you had your mother. I know her heart was gold. She was a more caring and better person than I could ever be. I can't ask you to forgive me or trust me, all I ask, is that you just take it easy, and I promise you, I will be a better figure in your life."