Chapter Seventeen
"How are things going, Hazel? Are the breathing exercises working?"
My therapist's office was an oval shape with a whole wall made of glass looking out into the forest that surrounds Forks. She had paintings all over the walls and her degrees were framed above her desk in the corner. The chair she always sat in was black leather and it matched the loveseat I was sitting on.
"Things are about as good as can be expected. I haven't felt the need to use any of the exercises yet." I always felt so out of place whenever I came here. I didn't feel like myself.
When I was younger I never saw myself as someone who would one day need therapy. I was a happy child, I didn't need to come talk to a shrink once a week to discuss my feelings. Even when I was pregnant I never needed therapy. I was okay, I was fine. Even after what happened with Anthony I felt fine. I still get nightmares every once in a while, but overall I felt okay. I was only here because it was work mandated. I still haven't even told my family and friends about what happened. Not even Paul or Bella know what happened.
"And the nightmares? Are they getting better?" I shook my head.
My nightmares have actually changed and have gotten worse after the incident with Edward and Paul last week. I've always been afraid of wolves, that was no surprise to me, but to have been afraid of Paul? That was something totally new to me, and I didn't want to be afraid of him. I liked him.
"Have you told anyone yet? About the incidident with Anthony?" I shook my head again. "Have you considered telling anyone else?" I turned my head from the window and looked at her. I gave her a small smile and shook my head no again. She was about to ask me another question when the timer went off, signaling our hour was over. "Alright, we'll continue this next week. I strongly advise you to tell someone, Hazel. It might help with the nightmares and the healing process." I gave her another polite smile and shook her hand before exiting her office.
That was the thing though, I didn't want to tell anyone because there was really nothing to tell. Nothing was going to help with the healing process, because there was nothing to heal. I was fine.
At least, that's what I kept telling myself.
~~~TOS~~~
Paul POV
"Paul, man, come on. You can't sit in your room and hide forever." Jared called threw my door.
Ever since I saw the fear in Hazel's eyes I haven't been able to see or talk to anyone, not even my parents. I just I wish I could talk to her, that's the only person I want to talk to. But I can't. It hurt me so much to see how scared she was. I knew she was afraid of wolves, but I never expected her to be afraid of me. I've only known her for such a short time but because of the imrpint my feelings for her have grown so strong so fast. I love this girl with my entire being and seeing her so scared was like being punched in the stomach a million times. I know I have a duty to the pack, I know I should be out there training with them to take down the red head. I know I need to help protect everything and to keep Bella safe, but I can't bring myself to leave my room and see everyone. The pain is too much.
The last time I had felt a pain like this it was when I had broken up with my high school girlfriend. Even back then I didn't know if I would survive the pain from that, but this was a million and one times worse.
"Paul, come on. Let me in." Jared continued to bang on the door for a few more minutes before he finally gave up and left me alone.
I knew I was letting down the pack by distancing myself like this, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how else to heal. I sighed and rolled onto my back on my bed and glared at the ceiling.
I was angry. Angry at the stupid Gods for making me this way. Angry at the damn blood sucker for trying to harm Hazel. Angry at Sam. Angery at Jared. But mostly I was angry at myself for causing Hazel to be afraid of me.
~~~TOS~~~
Hazel POV
"Momma, can you sing my song please?" Penny was wearing her favorite pair of Cinderella pajamas and her hair was frizzy and a wild mess when she came into my room later that night. I smiled at my little girl and fought back the tears.
No matter how rough things get or how shitty I am at being a parent sometimes, I know I have the unconditional love of this little girl. No matter how much of a piece of shit her father is, I would always be thankful for him giving me this little girl on prom night. I fought so hard for her, I fought against Anthony and Renee to keep her instead of having an abortion or giving her up for adoption. She was mine, and I wasn't going to let anything or anyone take her away from me.
"Sure, baby. Couldn't sleep?" She shook her head and crawled up into my bed with me. She pulled back the covers and snuggled into my side like she always did. "Alright, so what song was it again? You'll have to remind me." She let out a big dramatic sigh before answering me.
"Mommaaaa, you know the one I'm talking about. The one that's about me, hellooo." I laughed. She was just too sassy for her own good. One of these days her sassiness was going to get her in a lot of trouble.
"Fine, fine." I smiled down at her before I started singing.
I'll tell the world, I'll sing a song
It's a better place since you came along
Since you came along
Your touch is sunlight through the trees
Your kisses are the ocean breeze
Everything's alright when you're with me
And I hold my favorite thing
I hold the love that you bring
But it feels like I've opened my eyes again
And the colors are golden and bright again
There's a song in my heart, I feel like I belong
It's a better place since you came along
It's a better place since you came along
I see the whole world in your eyes
It's like I've known you all my life
We just feel so right
So I pour my heart into your hands
It's like you really understand
You love the way I am
And I hold my favorite thing
I hold the love that you bring
But it feels like I've opened my eyes again
And the colors are golden and bright again
There's a song in my heart, I feel like I belong
It's a better place since you came along
It's a better place since you came along...
I was only halfway through the song when I heard her light snoring. I started singing that song for her when she was a baby and I didn't know how else to get her to stop crying. I used to play it for her on my piano all the time, but nights like this when she couldn't sleep she just prefered to hear my voice instead of the music. I brushed her bangs out of her eyes and turned off my bedside lamp before snuggling deeper into the covers with her still curled into my side. It didn't matter what happened to me or around us, as long as my little girl was safe, I would be okay.
~~~TOS~~~
Paul's POV
I gave in that night. I snuck out of my bedroom window and phased before running to Hazel's house. I laid under her window and listened to her softly hum while she read her book. I missed her. I wanted nothing more than to tell her I was sorry for scaring her and to give her a big hug and a kiss. I missed her hugs, and her lips. I missed the way that she would always laugh at my jokes and whatever dumb thing I was doing just to see her laugh.
My ears perked up when I heard Penny come into her room. I missed the hell out of that little girl. I listened as she asked Hazel to sing her song and how they bantered a little bit back and forth.
And then I heard her sing. And it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard other than her laugh. When she was finished with the song I vowed right then and there, that I would do whatever it took to get her to forgive me and to talk to me again. I was in love with this girl, and damn it I was going to fight for her.
~~~TOS~~~
Song was Better Place by Rachel Platten.
Thank you all for the support of my decision for a break. I greatly appreciate each and every single one of you! I know this chapter was a little short, but I really wanted to get this out for you guys. You've all been waiting so patiently, and I promise the next chapter will be so so much better! Don't forget to leave a review!