Chapter 4:

RPOV

I was back in my room after I showered. Luckily I was one of the few female novices and pretty much had this wing and the bathroom to myself. It avoided a lot of awkward questions I was not ready to answer yet. I wondered how long it would take.

I wasn't just worried for Lissa being back here. I was worried about myself too. The last two years had left marks on both of us, for me quite literally. They would be hard to explain and explaining them would lead to more questions which would put Lissa in danger. But I needed to be here and graduate. I needed to stay with Lissa now and after graduation. So we would just have to risk it. I was most afraid of Guardian Belikov figuring it out. He seemed to have a knack for seeing right through me.

I did my homework. Yeah I know I actually did my homework, I might actually pass my academic classes too if I kept this up. I was lying in my bed being slightly bored, but too tired to actually do something, so I decided to slip into Lissa's head. She had a rough day.

We had some classes together but most of the ones she took were either too advanced for me or were specifically tailored for Moroi. I had been getting anxiety through the bond all day. People staring at her and whispering about us leaving.

I was used to people gossiping about me. Because of my looks and exuberant nature, I was often the center of attention, which led to a lot of gossip. I had learned a long time ago to not let it bother me. But Lissa was always under the radar and because she was royal people tend to be more careful about what they said about her.

Not today though. The news of our return was just too big. Lissa kept to herself all day and barely avoided an attack with Mia. I really had to look out for this girl, she was trouble. Classes were now over and I thought Lissa would waste no time in getting back to her room.

Instead she was walking up the stairs towards the church attic. I knew this was a place that meant a lot to her and she often came here to find some peace and quiet. She entered the attic, the light from the campus shining through the stained glass, giving the place a surreal look.

Lissa quickly discovered she was not alone.

"Oh sorry, I did not know somebody else but me, came up here too. I didn't mean to disturb you. I'll leave."

The boy sitting in the window seat I recognized as Christian Ozera. He was a social outcast at our school, despite being royal. This was partly due to Christian's abrasive personality, but mostly because of the scandal of Christian's parents willingly turning Strigoi when he was little. People avoided him like the plague, thinking he would turn at any moment. Personally, I thought it was short-sighted to judge him for his parent's crimes. Not that I liked him. I shared everyone's opinion in their general dislike of him. I was just not judging him on something he had no control over. I just did not like him for him.

"You don't have to leave on my account. The place is big enough for two. I suppose you need the peace and quiet today more than me anyway, after the day you had."

Okay that wasn't so bad. He was being nice.

"Thanks"

Lissa's cheeks started to flush. Wait what? I could feel Lissa's excitement through the bond. Did she think he was cute?

There was a silence between them for a while. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. Christian broke the silence first.

"So what was it like on the outside? How did two teenagers survive all this time? What did you do for blood?"

Both Lissa and myself tensed up. What was she to answer? We used illegal compulsion to get around. My friend was my blood whore for two years?

"It was nice." Lissa finally said, a little apprehensive.

"It was just me and Rose, no Moroi politics, no me being the last Dragomir, her not being a troublemaker." She laughed to herself at her last comment.

"We were completely dependent on each other and we took care of each other. It was like we were real sisters. But sometimes it was hard because we kept going from place to place and never settled down for long anywhere. We had to keep moving."

He seemed to mull that over in his head a bit.

"So Rose took care of you, huh?

I did not like the tone he used to emphasize 'care'. How had he figured that out? No one had yet to suggest anything of the sort. People have asked the question and we gave them a crock pot theory about using drunk people at parties looking to get high. Nobody had questioned this explanation, but then again not many Moroi knew what it was like living amongst humans. Christian was different. He had lived his fair share of normal human life because he was ostracized by the Moroi community.

I was snapped out of my own thoughts as Lissa's anxiety quickly became overwhelming. She was flustered and fear was evident in her face. I had to teach that girl a poker face. Christian was just fishing but her reactions confirmed his suspicion.

"Please don't tell anyone. People will get the wrong idea. Rose made sure I was OK. She was protecting me."

Christian hid his surprise well. But he shrugged at her question.

"Don't worry, princess, who am I going to tell?"

He did have a point. He did not have any friends, and who would believe him. I exhaled slightly, and so did Lissa. He smiled at Lissa and Lissa smiled back. She was getting that warm feeling again. She sat next to him and they started to talk about what it was like on the outside and Christian filled her in on what happened here while we were gone. I zoned out at that time, not very interested in either topic. If she was in danger I would know through the bond. I called it an early night seeing as I also have an early morning. The first of many. I groaned, but could not help but be a little excited. At least my mentor was not bad. Not bad to train with and not bad to look at. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

I woke up and hit the alarm clock a little harder than I should have. I could already feel it. Today was not a good day. Lissa's depressed mood from yesterday was penetrating me. Although I could tell that her chat with Christian helped, I could still clearly feel the effects. This was not good. I did not have an outlet here. I could not have an outlet here. I hadn't had time to figure out what to do about the darkness behind closed gates. But I suppose the amount of magic she was using here was less too. So we both should be alright. I hoped.

I got ready for training. Maybe I could burn some of it off.

I got to the gym and found Guardian Belikov...Dimitri lying on the mats again reading his western novel. Without looking up he said:

"15 laps, 30 minutes."

I got out onto the track and did my 15 laps. I pushed myself harder. One because I had to get better fast so he would actually teach me something useful and one because I could pretend that the suffocating feeling was from the exercise and not from the darkness threatening to swallow me.

I finished my laps and made it back to the gym in 30 minutes. I think I was a little faster than yesterday and I was feeling slightly less exhausted. Don't get me wrong I was still huffing and puffing, but I could feel the improvement.

He seemed to notice that too. He eyed me carefully and raised an eyebrow. I guess he did not expect me back so soon. He stood up to his impressive six foot seven height and drank me in. I felt naked under his gaze. I could not decipher if that was a bad or a good thing, but it made me blush slightly.

"Good work. Almost a minute faster than yesterday. Start on your weights and if you can show me similar progress in those, maybe I will teach you a technique after that."

I was excited. I didn't think he would give in so easily and that I would be stuck with running and weights for weeks. But I guess he had read the teachers manual on positive reinforcement.

I did my weights and although I knew I was going to hurt the rest of the day I do think I showed him enough progress for him to consider showing me the technique. He confirmed as much and brought out the dummy for me to work on.

"Okay, throw a punch at the dummy, here at his chest."

I threw the punch, the dummy backed up a bit.

"Punch with your hips and not your arm. Extend the punch to get full force behind it. Your goal is not the chest of the dummy, it is the spot behind it. The dummy is simply the obstacle in the way."

I tried again. It moved a little more even though I put the same effort into it.

"Better. Adjust your stance a little to get full range of motion on your hips and to be able to utilize your full strength. Because you are shorter and not as muscular as most of your opponents you have to use what you have more efficiently."

I gave him a glare for calling me short and weak but threw another punch anyway. It still was not what he wanted so he showed me and then proceeded to adjust my body to the correct form.

The moment his hands touched mine, I felt my skin tingle. He quickly took back his hand as if he felt it too. But he did not move his body. It was very close to mine and I could not help but notice we were in an intimate position. His front was facing my back. I could feel his leg against mine as he had placed it in between my legs to get close enough to adjust both my hips and my hands at the same time.

I felt a flutter in my chest. I looked at him and he looked back. For a moment time stood still. The world seemed a bit lighter. As if the electricity of our touch had turned on a light. That was until he cleared his throat and we were once again in the gym. He stepped away and I could see his guardian mask replacing whatever that look was that was on his face before.

"Now try it again."

I punched the dummy again and this time the dummy fell backwards. I was amazed. It did not even take that much force. I beamed and I looked at him in triumph. He looked back at me with pride in his eyes. I felt that rush of heat again. So in true Rose bravado I covered it up.

"Not too bad for someone who is short and weak huh."

He chuckled.

"I never said you were short or weak, Rose. Just shorter and weaker than most of your opponents. But that shouldn't stop you. I mean look at your mother, she is shorter than you and probably less strong. But she still is one of the most respected guardians out there."

I cringed when I heard him mention my mother. I got a little angry at him trying to compare me to my mother. I understood where he was coming from but she was the last person I wanted to be compared to.

"Well if I have to be heartless to be a good guardian you can count me out." I huffed. My mood had completely turned around. The light he had just turned on, was now turned off.

"You don't like your mother very much, do you?"

He asked the question not with intent of sounding fresh or mean, I saw he was interested. He even had a small smile on his face.

"I don't know. I would have to know my mother to be able to tell if I liked her or not. I don't know who my father is, like most Dhampirs and my mother left me at the steps of the academy the first chance she got. I have seen her a handful of times after that, and most of the time she can't even remember to send me a card for Christmas or my birthday. She basically abandoned me to do her job."

I sat down on the mats feeling a little defeated. Janine Hathaway was a legend among others, but to me I could care less about her reputation. Dimitri sat down next to me and took a gulp from his water bottle.

"It is not easy for a female guardian to balance work and a family in this society. Do you have an answer how she could have done better?"

Wait, was he defending her?

"She could at least try to spend some time with me during breaks. Even guardians get time off. And maybe call every once in a while to see how I was doing. Anything to show an interest in my life. Anything so she at least acknowledges that I am alive. But I guess this is better than being raised in a Blood whore community."

I muttered. That was the alternative I knew. Women who got pregnant and couldn't or wouldn't work as a Guardian anymore often ended up in a commune. Not all of them became blood whores probably, but still I can't imagine it was a nice place. I also knew my mother would never have chosen that life. Not even to raise me. And I didn't want her too. I just want her here sometimes. Is that too much to ask?

"It's not always easy for a guardian to make commitments to family, and the pressure to perform and be better than their male peers is higher for female guardians. Besides the dhampir communities are not all what you think they are. Me and my sisters were raised in a dhampir community, by my mother and grandmother. There is a lot of love there. People help each other out and keep each other safe."

I looked at him a little dumbfounded. I basically insulted his entire family with what I just said. I was about to apologize but remembered he had taken my mother's side so I guess I considered it even.

"Did you know your dad at all?"

I was getting a little fascinated with his story; maybe living in a community was not that bad. Maybe having a whole family made up for the stigma of such communities. I wanted to know what it was like. However, when I saw his face change from affectionate when speaking about his mother and sisters to dark and stormy when I mentioned his father, I immediately regretted asking. I liked the other Dimitri better. He was talking more freely and seemed to loosen up a little around me. But now he was tense and closed off. He put his guardian mask back on.

"Unfortunately yes. I do know my father. He is a royal Moroi that liked my mother. Me and my sisters are all his children. He would visit us from time to time. But every time he was there it was hell."

He stopped for a moment to unclench his fists. They had turned white from the strain. I stayed quiet. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to see more of this 'real' Dimitri and not the Guardian mask that seemed to be perpetually placed on his face. But I didn't know if he wanted to share. He looked at me and I could see him debating exactly that. His eyes met mine and I tried to be as gentle as possible. He took a deep breath and continued.

"He drank a lot and took his pent up rage out on my mother. He at least had the decency to not lay a hand on us. But when one night he nearly killed my mother in a drunken rage I stepped in and kicked him out of the house. He never came back after that. He knew I had outgrown him and that my training and dhampir strength were more than he could handle any more as a Moroi."

I just stared at him, taking in his words. His face was relatively calm in relaying the story but his eyes screamed hatred towards his father. His hands were gripping his pants. Without thinking I placed my hand on top of his, in a calming gesture. He took a deep breath and it seemed to be working.

He sighed and he seemed to pull himself out of the memory.

"It was a long time ago." Not that long ago if it still affected him like this.

"How long ago? How old were you when you kicked your father out?"

"Thirteen. But even then I was quite tall for my age, we nearly stood eye to eye." He said with a bit of a smile. I imagined thirteen year old Dimitri, but my mind came up blank. He would have been quite formidable already.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I guess everyone has their own demons."

He squeezed my hand that was still holding onto his and then slowly got up. His demeanor was calm and collected once again.

"You'll be late for class."

I nodded and packed up my stuff and went towards my first class of the day.