Chapter 5:

RPOV

A few weeks have passed. Lissa and I settled back into the normal routine of school life. We also encountered a new development in the bond. We always knew that heightened emotions were a trigger for me to be pulled into Lissa's head. But this was mostly the case for negative emotions. We now also found out that positive emotions do the same. Much to my dislike.

Not that I did not want Lissa to be happy, but the positive emotion which would pull me in, was mostly lust. She and Christian were really hitting it off. She was crushing on him badly. I was starting to see Christian in a new light when I saw him looking at Lissa the same with so much affection. I still disliked him though. I doubt that would go away anytime soon.

I did not however appreciate that I got pulled in for their romantic get togethers in the church's attic. It was still not R-rated but things were progressing between them. I so did not want to be a part of that, certainly when my own love life was non-existent.

Well at least in the real world. In my head I was looking to do similar things and more with a very hot mentor. I swear the sexual tension in our training sessions kept getting worse and worse. At least for me. I doubt Mr. self-control was experiencing any of the sort.

The worst timing with Lissa and Cristian happened a few days ago. I was in my afternoon training with Dimitri. He allowed more time for techniques and combat now that I was closer to his standard of stamina. Although he would still make me do laps before every training.

"You cannot sacrifice speed and stamina for anything. It could be the difference between life and death."

I swear he doesn't read western novels but has the art of war printed on the inside of it. Where else would he come up with all this zen-shit?

We were training together and I could feel myself getting flustered by his close proximity. With every touch it seemed to get worse. I tried to see if he felt the same, but I never saw it in him. He had his guardian mask firmly in place. Man, I have got to get this crush under control. It was not productive.

But with me already getting excited, Lissa's own excitement only added to mine and I was easily drawn into her head. And of course, they were making out. It fulfilled some need in me too. I knew I let out a small moan in sync with Liss. I wanted to kiss Dimitri as much as Lissa wanted to kiss Christian.

Oh yeah Christian, Lissa is kissing Christian. I have to get out of here. With a lot of effort, I was able to pull out of Lissa's head and Christian's bright blue eyes turned into rich chocolate ones. I blinked a few times. He was holding onto me on my shoulders, but the look in his eyes was not the same as Christian's. Where Christian's were filled with desire, Dimitri's were filled with concern.

"Roza, are you alright. Is the princess ok. You...made a strangled sound."

I loved the fact he asked about me first. I blushed. I doubt it sounded strangled. It sounded needy. I knew he knew that too, because even though his guardian mask gave nothing away I could see his ears getting a little redder. That was adorable.

"Yeah, Lissa is just peachy. Too good actually. I get pulled in with all strong emotions. Man, what does she see in Christian anyway."

Understanding crossed Dimitri's face. He let out a small sigh of relief and then a small smile pulled at his lip.

"It's not funny. I get pulled in very often and it is hard to get out."

Dimitri straightened up and there was a serious look in his eyes.

"We need to work on your mental control. You can't be pulled into her head when you are in training. Certainly not if she is not in danger. You can't be…"

Moaning in training like a horny teenager giving you ideas as to what I sound like if you do those things to me?

"Affected in training like that."

Damn. Not that I expected him to own up to it. But it was nice fantasising, which made it easier for Lissa to come into my mind, because we were thinking similar thoughts, just for a different subject.

"Believe me I am trying. I don't want to experience that with Christian. I mean, not that I want Lissa to be alone for the rest of her life, but Christian? He is abrasive, sarcastic; he has no regards for the rules. I mean how can she tolerate such a person?"

Now, this caused him to outright laugh. It was rare for him. I liked the sound of it a lot. It almost made me forget that it was me he was laughing at. Almost.

"I think Vasilisa is the perfect person for dealing with types like him. I mean she has been doing it all her life. Christian is practically the male version of you."

I just stared at him. He did not just say that.

"You take that back. I am nothing like Christian. And you know how Lissa feels when you call her Vasilisa."

Dimitri still called her Princess or Vasilissa. She hated it. But he wasn't budging. It kept a certain distance between them. I knew it was deliberate. But if he kept his distance from her, did that mean he wanted to keep his distance from me?

I went over my description of Christian again and realized those were the exact words one would use to describe me.

"Christian needs a calm and collected person to keep him in check and Lissa provides that for him."

I looked at him again. If his reasoning was true and Christian and I were similar then I also needed someone calm and collected. Someone like him? Did he notice there were also similarities between him and Lissa? Did he imply that he could be that for me?

I tried to hide my blush and my train of thought. Dimitri didn't seem to notice or was trying very hard not to notice it. I hoped for the latter.

The moment had passed and we went back to work, but I couldn't stop thinking about what he said for days.

Today we were at our afternoon practice, doing routine techniques when I was suddenly pulled into Lissa's head again. Dimitri was used to it by now. He knew what to look out for. He had nearly hit my face one time when I was sucked in when he was demonstrating a take down technique. Luckily we were going in slow motion and he had quick reflexes.

I felt Dimitri's arms around me, keeping me safe while I watched through Lissa's eyes. Most of the time his hands only added to the confusion but not this time, this time I hardly felt his hands. I was too busy making sense of the image in front of me.

I immediately knew that this was not one of their romantic interludes but something serious. I felt fear coming from Lissa. I saw red through her eyes. She was in her room and all I could see was red. Red on her hands, on the walls, red everywhere.

I fought to get back to my own head, which wasn't easy when her emotions were that strong. I didn't offer Dimitri an explanation as I sprinted towards Lissa's room in the Moroi dorms.

I could vaguely hear Dimitri following me. I felt Lissa try and use her magic, hot-cold, hot-cold. What was she trying to heal? I had to get to her now and I had to get there before Dimitri did. He couldn't see her healing.

I got there and saw Lissa on the bathroom floor. Hands covered in blood.

I thought she was doing much better, I usually felt it before she started cutting herself. Have I been so caught up in my own world I did not even sense the depression in her? I lifted her hands, turning them, trying to localize the bleeding. But as I took a closer look I saw the blood was not emanating from her but from something fluffy on the ground.

"It was still alive when I got here, but I could not save it. Who would do something like that?"

Lissa explained through sobs. She was overwhelmed. From the lifeless body of what I assumed at one point was a fox and from using her magic. She was breathing heavily, and I could feel that darkness inside of her growing. Swirling and inching away towards her head, almost as if I could feel its strands infecting her mind, poisoning it.

I took some of the anxiety and darkness in me and in that moment Dimitri walked in clearly on high alert looking for threats. He took a moment to look around and make sure that there were no immediate threats.

Then he focused on us. I was dazed. I took too much darkness from Lissa, I had a hard time letting Lissa deal with it on her own. I could feel the darkness creeping in me, poisoning me from the inside out, spreading through my entire body. I held onto the bathroom bath mat. I felt the fibers of the bath mat between my fingers. I gripped it tightly focusing on that feeling of plush between my fingers instead of the poison inside of me. I closed my eyes for a moment. I needed to control it. I could not let it get to me. Not now, not here, not ever.

Dimitri's voice found its way to me and seemed to tether me.

"Rose, Roza are you alright."

I looked at him and saw his concern and something else entirely. He bent down slightly and touched my face with his hands, cupping my cheek and placing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The feeling of his skin on mine in such a gentle manner gave me the strength to get back.

He saw that I had come back from wherever I was and I knew he wanted an explanation. I could not tell him the truth. So I came up with a plausible lie.

"Yeah, I am fine. I just keep getting sucked into Lissa's head, you know, with her being so upset. It took me a while to block her out. But I am good now, thanks."

I looked away from his eyes. I saw he doubted the truth in my words, and I couldn't face him while I was lying to him. I felt ashamed. But thankfully he let it go, for now at least.

Instead of calling me out on my lie, we turned our attention to the more urgent matter, namely Lissa. She was still visibly shaking but had calmed down a bit after I took away some of the darkness. Dimitri alerted the dorm matron and we got the ball rolling on cleaning up the mess.

Something was very clear though. Somebody had placed a dying fox in her room. I had no idea why, but I can only imagine. It could be a prank. That was the best-case scenario. But I doubted it.

I wanted to run away again. But I knew we wouldn't get the opportunity. I looked quickly towards Dimitri. Maybe we could trust him. Maybe I needed help this time. He was supposed to be her Guardian, so he would put her needs above all else right? I shook my head. I had just lied to him to keep Lissa's secret. Maybe if we didn't have another choice, but for right now, I could deal with Lissa and this damn bloody fox on my own.

When we were cleaning up I could see a note Lissa had obviously missed.

'I know what you are and what you can do.'

I stopped dead in my tracks. Somebody was after Lissa again. They knew she could do things other Moroi could not. But who knew? Was that why they had placed the animal in her room, hoping she would reveal her healing abilities? I was glad now that she wasn't able to help it. Maybe it would deter whoever did this that there wasn't something going on.

I tried to remember if something like this happened before we left. Did someone see her heal that raven? Did they try and test her? This one was very obvious, but maybe there had been instances before?

I kept the note to myself and got Lissa to rest up a bit. It wouldn't do her any good to freak her out. It would be havoc on both of our minds. But it didn't matter if I told her or not, she still hardly slept and because of her I didn't sleep much either.

The next day things did not get better. Everyone had heard about the fox. Lissa felt very awkward being the center of attention like that. I wondered how she would handle it when she took a seat on the council. One battle at a time. We needed to survive high school first.

Mia had asked a question in animal behavior class on foxes. I did not know if Mia knew more about the fox or was simply utilizing it as dirt on Lissa, but she was seriously getting on my nerves. Lissa did not need this shit from anybody.

We needed to keep our head low and not draw attention to ourselves. I doubt anyone in the student body had thought much about the fox, probably thinking it was a prank, a sick prak, but still a prank. If anyone of them found out why the fox was left there or had seen the note, we would have a problem. I was grateful that Natalie, Lissa's roommate, hadn't seen it. That would be a lot of awkward questions.

We were all glad when Sunday came along and we could get a break from school and anything associated with school. Although I was not allowed any social interactions, Kirova could not deny me my time in church. Even though we both knew I was not going for divine inspiration.

Lissa was always a church going person and found it to be comforting especially after her parents and brother died. I just went with her to keep her company but was usually bored out of my mind.

"Well Hathaway. I was beginning to think Kirova got you locked up in your room when you weren't in class."

I turned towards the voice. I recognized it well. There had been a time that that voice would have made me swoon. Jesse Zeklos. I hadn't seen much of him yet. He had grown up a bit in those two years. He had been cute then, he was handsome now. But somehow he lost some of his appeal. He really couldn't compare, not to Dimitri. Jesse was a boy, Dimitri was a man.

As if the devil summoned him, Dimitri walked by me, giving me only a nod. His brows furrowed a bit when he looked at Jesse, but I ignored its implications.

"No not on lockdown, well not physically. If I step out of line once, it is off to the gallows with me."

I tried to say a little good naturally. Even though the words were one hundred percent true.

"Too bad. I have been wanting to… talk to you since you came back. You know, catch up on old times."

He raised his eyebrows a little. I knew exactly what he meant. And two years ago I would have taken him up on that offer, but now… now I just wanted to survive. I wanted to stay close to Lissa and graduate any way I could. And unfortunately that didn't include boys.

I was about to respond when Lissa dragged me away.

"So sorry Jesse. I will need to borrow Rose, we can't have Kirova think she is fraternizing now can we."

You can thank me later

I smiled. She did save me. I don't think Jesse would really accept 'no' for an answer. And not only would breaking his nose be a shame of a pretty face, it would also get me expelled.

When the priest started his sermon I zoned out. I looked around and saw Dimitri in the back. He also did not seem to be listening to the priest and seemed deep in thought. He looked contrite, as if he was not allowed to be here, but asking forgiveness for his sins anyway.

He touched the back of his neck, rubbing the spots where he was tattooed. And I think I understood why he felt guilty. He was asking for forgiveness for his kills. Even though they were Strigoi and killing them meant saving others and setting the Strigoi free. He still acknowledged he had taken lives, no matter how twisted those lives had become.

That is more than I ever did. I went from bored to feeling like being judged in church by all the saints lining the walls. They seemed to be focusing on me and my sins. I hadn't felt remorse for the things I had done. I had hardly felt human while I had done them. Doesn't that make me just as bad as a Strigoi?

I turned back to the priest trying to listen and trying my hardest to find some forgiveness from Him for my own crimes.

DPOV

I sat in church, not really listening to what the priest had to say. I was not an overly religious person, even though my mother tried her hardest. But I did find church comforting. There was something serene about the stained glass and smell of incense. Maybe it just reminded me of home. No matter where you go, most churches have the same feel to it, and this church felt identical to the church back home.

I always came to mass on Sundays and sat in the back overthinking my sins. As one is supposed to do in church. Mostly my thoughts went out to the Strigoi I killed or the people I failed to save. I absentmindedly touched the back of my neck where I got my tattoos. One mark for each kill I made. One for each life I took, but also one of each soul I saved. I always tried to remember the last part, and mostly it worked.

But today the sins I was asking silent absolution from were not the kills I made. No, this was a sin of a much more personal and disturbing nature. After the other day when I saw Rose sprint off into the Moroi dorm to go search for Lissa I could no longer deny it. Not that dreaming of her for the past few weeks did much to aid my denial, but it became clear to me just how much Rose actually meant to me.

My first instinct was to check if Rose was okay, not if the princess was. Mistake number one. Mistake number two came right after when I cupped her cheek in my hand in order to draw her back from wherever she was. Rose told me she was in Vasilisa's head, but I had seen her get sucked in on multiple occasions and this did not feel the same way. In this instance I was scared. Very scared. More scared than I should be in that situation. Mistake number three was touching her hair. I had wanted to do so for a very long time. In my dreams, I always ran my hand through her long silky hair. I was obsessed with her hair. In training, I would find excuses just to touch it, and of course, deny it to myself later that that had been my intention, but to actually stroke it, putting my fingers through it, while she came back to herself, was pure bliss.

Of course, this made my dreams of her even more vivid since that day. Something I could not afford. Not only was she my seventeen-year-old student, I also completely forgot about my charge still shivering in animal blood on the ground. I could not let that happen again.

But I was already faltering again. I saw her in the hallway talking to Jesse Zeklos. She was just talking and I became jealous. I wanted to rip her away from his obviously lustful eyes. He was practically calling her to his room for some alone time. I stayed close to see if she would take him up on his invitation. I saw no obvious infatuation from Rose which let me breathe a little easier. The Princess intervened and made sure Rose declined the offer. It was better that way. From Royal to Royal, Jesse wouldn't consider it a slight. He would have been offended if Rose had declined. Rose looked relieved though. And my own relief mirrored hers, for an entirely different reason.

So here I was praying to God to make my heart still and my head steel, so I would not think of her again. I had a feeling this may have been even beyond God's power.