Chapter 6:

RPOV

Mass was over and we all exited the church. Lissa and I walked side by side back into the direction of the dorms. We did so very slowly because once we reached our respective dorms, I would be on room arrest again and not able to join her for anything fun. We walked by the cafeteria and Lissa stopped by a pond on campus just admiring the peaceful view (and stalling as much as we could).

When all of a sudden we were drenched. I looked around shocked and heard laughter coming from behind us. I turned around and saw the only likely culprit Mia. I knew Mia was a water user. Also she wasn't really hiding it.

"What's the matter Rose, not used to a girl getting you wet?"

Oh how original. I looked her up and down. For someone so small she had a very big attitude. How easy it would be to just squash her.

"Princess, I do think that outfit has seen better days. You won't be wearing that Chanel outfit to church again. It is ripe for the trash."

I looked at Lissa's clothes. The pond water had algae in it. I doubt the green would come out of that dress, It was practically white when we went to church this morning. Now it was a very muddled light green.

"But I am sure Christian won't mind. He will get what he can take. I don't see anybody else lining up to hang out with that wannabe Strigoi."

I was fuming, I don't care what Mia said about me, I had been hearing it ever since I started to develop breasts. I was used to it and Mia obviously thought my not-so-deserved reputation was the way to get to me. Let her.

But I felt Lissa trying really hard not to cry through the bond. She liked that outfit and always tried to look her best before going to church. Mia did not have much on Lissa as her reputation was squeaky clean, so she went with what she could. She was jealous of Lissa for having expensive designer clothes she obviously could not afford but needed anyway to keep a certain status amongst the Royals.

And of course, the never ending stabs she tried to make at Christian. It was, I think the only rebellious thing Lissa had ever done. Well apart from fleeing the Academy and hiding out the human world for two years. She could handle her clothes being ruined; God knows she had enough money to replace them. But she was getting really tired of people bashing Christian because of something his parents did. Christian was Royalty but they treated him like he was nothing and Lissa fell from grace with all the other Royals just by association.

I was standing in front of Lissa protectively trying my best not to break Mia's nose. Expulsion Rose, remember one wrong move and you will be expelled. This little conniving bitch is not worth it. I gave her my best death glare laced with a bit of darkness and I saw her back up slightly. But then a cruel smile crept on her face. She also realized what I realized. I could do nothing. She had all the power. If I lay a hand on her or retaliate in any way, my life was over.

"What's the matter Rose, no comebacks? Are you just going to let me insult you and your best friend? Not much of a friend or a Guardian if you ask me."

I knew she was baiting me, but god dammit it was working, I got angrier and angrier. She could call me a slut all she wanted, but calling me a bad Guardian was a low blow. She had no idea of the things I had sacrificed to protect Lissa.

The sight of Mia before me started to morph and so did my anger towards her, until I was not angry anymore. No, you could not describe the feeling I was having as angry. No human emotion could describe the feeling I was having. Mia was all that remained of the world as the rest fell away. All the control I had mustered over the last few weeks started to fade. Mia became the focal point for all the things wrong in my life. The unfairness, the inability to act on any of it. The treatment I received since coming back, everyone blaming me for leaving, even the fact that the person in front of me in the breakfast line took the last donut. I knew deep down Mia had nothing to do with most of it, but my primal brain did not care. It was consumed by one thought.

Mia had to pay.

I realized what was happening. The darkness I was slowly ciphering away from Lissa over the past few weeks wanted to come out. It had been too long since I released it. I thought that with Lissa easing on the magic it would take longer. But I was wrong. And if I didn't take care of it now, I would kill Mia and any last shred of humanity I still had inside of me at the moment.

It took everything I had to walk away and I sprinted towards the gym. No one would be there now.

I heard Mia shout something after me that did not sound very polite but I had to keep running. If I stopped I knew I would turn around and I would kill her. No matter what Mia may have done, she doesn't deserve to die, not like that. Not by an animal.

I also hear Lissa calling, both shouting in her actual voice and faintly through the bond. But I could not deal with Lissa either. Lissa had only been able to stop me the first time using compulsion. All the other times Lissa wasn't able to do anything for me until it was over. I could not be around her. I could not be around anyone right now. Whoever crossed my path now would be a dead man or woman. I wasn't biased to any gender.

I reached the gym and hit the wall with my back slowly sliding down, my knees hugged to my chest. I was starting to claw at my arms to feel anything other than what I was feeling. I understood Lissa all too well in that moment. If I had razor blades maybe I would have cut myself too.

I was losing a battle with the darkness I could not afford to lose. But I was losing none the less. I gripped one of the steel construction beams supporting the gym and tried my best to squeeze as hard as I could. I swear I could feel it bending under my power. I felt my fingers tighten around it and some bones shift out of place from the force. It did not even register with me. I felt nothing but the darkness drawing me in. I slowly banged my head against the wall, willing to stay in control.

I could feel nothing, see nothing, and hear nothing.

Until I heard the best and worst sound in the world. How that sound registered with me and all the other sound around me did not, I didn't know.

"Roza"

DPOV

I was still sitting in church even when mass was over. I just wanted to take in the peaceful feeling a little while longer. But it was time to go. I walked back towards Guardian housing. I saw Rose and Vasilisa move very slowly over the campus back to the dorms.

I smiled to myself. Rose was not breaking any rules, but she was stretching them just enough. They stopped at a pond, no doubt savoring the last few moments with each other. Headmistress Kirova really was very hard on Rose. I hoped she would see how much Rose had been working and give her some leeway.

I saw another group of students approaching. I narrowed my eyes. As a Guardian I was trained to read body language and ascertain threats to my charge even if they didn't come from Strigoi. And I was seeing danger now.

I could not believe what was happening. Miss Rinaldi used magic to drench the girls. Although a harmless prank, she still used her magic on other students, which was a clear violation of the rules. Also, she was using it against my charge. I would have to report her later. At the moment I was just going to be a silent witness to this spectacle in case Rose would need backing later.

You know after she broke her nose and was called into Kirova's office to be expelled. But to my pleasant surprise, Rose stood her ground. She protectively moved in front of Lissa, trying very hard to control her anger. I saw Miss Rinaldi flinch but she was counting on Rose to keep her cool and remember that expulsion was a very real possibility if Rose retaliated. I just hope Rose had the same insight.

I thought things were going to be okay and I was about to walk away, when I saw Rose unhinge.

It was something I had seen before. In the alley in Portland, in Vasilisa's room after the fox and now as a result of Miss Rinaldi.

Rose sprinted towards the gym and I followed her. Something was wrong, very wrong. I did not only see the change in Rose but I could somehow feel it too.

I made my way inside and nothing could have prepared me for this. Rose was sitting against the wall of the gym. She seemed to be in pain. She was clawing at her arms, drawing blood. She was gripping the beams and I swear I saw them bend. She was desperate, desperate to hold onto something.

My heart broke. It was like something was eating away at her from the inside out and she was trying not to die. I did not know what to do. I felt so helpless. Whatever was happening to her I could feel Rose slipping. I could not lose her. I slowly approached her. I called her name. Once, twice, three times. But no response. She did not even seem to register I was there. She was staring into the blank space before her..

I came even closer and tried again. This time the desperation was clear in my voice.

"Roza"

I could see recognition in her eyes. I could see my Roza in them, but I could also see something else reflected in her eyes. Something dark. It swirled in her eyes, clouding her beautiful brown eyes.

"You can't be here. You have to go. No one can be here."

She wasn't making any sense. She was squeezing her eyes closed and was curled up as small as she could, willing whatever was affecting her to go away. There were tears running down her face now.

"No Rose, I am not going anywhere. Please, what's wrong? You have to tell me how to help you. Please let me help you." I pleaded with her. I know I was begging, but seeing her like this was killing me.

"You can't, you have to go. Or I'll hurt you."

She sobbed but managed to say it through clenched teeth. I saw the struggle in her to hold on. Why would she hurt me? What was this thing affecting her? Did she think I could not protect myself from her?

She started to get up and try to move away from me.

I decided I had enough. I grabbed her hands trying to stop her from hurting herself. She started fighting me, thrashing around in my hands and arms. She was wild, she was strong. I never felt her be this strong. But I could not let her go. I would not let her go. I moved her hands towards the wall to get a better grip on her, pinning them beside her head. I used my body to pin the rest of her body to the wall. There was no space between us and I could feel her entire body against me.

She was hardwired. Every muscle in her body was tensed up and ready to fight. I could feel her haggard breathing against my chest. But I did not let go. I started to slowly whisper to her to calm down. My head was next to hers, slowly bent down. I whispered in her ear in Russian.

"Please Roza, come back to me. You have to come back to me."

I slowly felt the tension in her body subside but it was replaced by sobs, I let her hands slowly come down and she fell to her knees. I moved next to her on the ground. I pulled her into my chest again and let her cry. I slowly moved my hands up and down her back and stroked her hair, telling her it would be alright.

She was gripping my t-shirt very firmly as if hanging on for dear life. And honestly, I knew I felt the same way. I held her there until the sobs started to fade. I knew these were messed up circumstances and I was scared to death because I did not know what was going on with Rose. But I could not deny, that having her in my arms felt amazing. She fit perfectly to the curve of my body as if she was always meant to be there.

She slowly started to look up at me. Tears stained her face, but her eyes were back to normal. I could not detect any of the darkness I saw earlier, only fear. My hand had a mind of its own as I brushed some of her hair out of her face. I cupped her face in my hand and I felt her lean slightly into it. I heard her sigh. I realized just how close we were. Not just her body hugged against mine but her face was inches away from mine. My lips so close to hers. I think she realized this too. I saw some of the fear in her eyes leave and be replaced with something else.

"Roza, what happened?"

I tried very hard to ignore how close we were and focused instead on what just happened. I did not, however, move away. I saw she was about to lie to me again or try to downplay it.

"And don't tell me it is nothing. THAT was not nothing."

I heard her sigh in resignation. She looked down to the ground, not willing to see my reaction when she told me.

"I can take Lissa's negative emotions through the bond and take them into myself. Lissa gets too overwhelmed sometimes and this helps her a lot. I only take a little bit at the time, but without an outlet, sometimes this darkness becomes too much and it finds its way towards the surface. I am fine now."

I still had the idea she was downplaying it. She still looked shaken. And how would a bit of negative emotions result in this? If Rose didn't take these emotions would this happen to Vasilissa? What would happen the next time this happened and I was not around to calm her down. Would I be able to calm her down again if I was there? Somehow I felt how close I had come to losing her today. The thought alone was enough to suffocate me. I subconsciously stroked her hair again. I just needed to feel her with me here, knowing she was here. I stopped looking at her eyes and started to look at her mouth. Her lips were slightly parted and ruby red from all the blood and adrenaline pumping through her after her ordeal.

I could not do this. She was my student. I could not kiss her, no matter how much I might want to. I had to resist her.

Rose, however, made the choice for us, as closed the distance and placed her lips on mine. I was lost. No matter how good my self-control was, I lost every bit of it in that moment. Her lips were so soft and I pulled her in closer. I placed my hand on the back of her neck as she moved her arms around me. She moved slightly on her knees and I pressed her flush against my body, placing my hand on her back keeping her as close as possible. She moved her hand in my hair tugging on it slightly.

The kiss went from something desperate to something a whole lot more. She opened her mouth and I took her invitation. Her warm soft tongue caressing mine. My hand had moved under her shirt and I was holding her into place, moving from her hips upwards. I registered some rough patches I could not quit place, but my mind was occupied with other things to care about at the moment. We needed to stop. I had to stop. But I could not. Her hold on me was too strong. I had been denying myself this for weeks. Waking up every morning after a night filled with dreams of Rose thinking it would pass. I know it was more that lust, as she filled a certain need in me that no other woman had before. Now her hold on me was too great and she would be the end of me. I had accepted that when she kissed me.

I would throw everything away just to keep kissing her. But suddenly she pulled away. I immediately felt the loss of her body against mine as she straightened herself and moved away from me. She quickly pulled her sleeves down hiding the damage she had done to herself. Her hands looked battered and she pulled the sleeves over them just a bit. I was confused. I could not imagine Rose having better self-control than me. Maybe this did not mean the same to her as it did to me? But as I looked into her eyes I saw she felt the sudden loss of my lips on hers as much as I did.

The gym door slammed open.

"Rose, Rose are you okay?"

Vasilisa walked into the gym and I understood why Rose pulled away so suddenly. She had felt the princess approach us through the bond and did not want her to witness us in a full on make-out session. Because I could deny it all I wanted, but that was exactly what it was. She stood up and I saw her put her mask into place.

"Yeah Liss, I am fine. I got a little too riled up over Mia if you know what I mean and had to cool down far away from her. I am fine now."

Riled up was not the word I would use to describe what I just witnessed, but it was not my place to say. Rose was obviously trying to protect the princess. I knew her loyalty towards Vasilisa was great, a guardian was meant to give up everything for their charge, but no one ever considered that giving up your sanity would be part of the deal. Did the princess know? Or was Rose keeping her in the dark just how much her emotions were affecting Rose?

I started to resent the princess a little. It was her emotions doing this to Rose. Did she expect this from Rose? I knew Rose always kept Vasilisa sheltered; trying her best not to just protect her physically but also mentally, but I had no idea to what extent. I knew I was in trouble thinking this. 'They come first'. I was not meant to put Rose before my charge in any way even if it meant sacrificing everything Rose was or could be for the princess.

Rose and Vasilisa walked out of the gym together. I was still on the ground. Rose looked back over her shoulder as she walked out. I knew we both realized this was going to be a problem.

The girls left my field of vision and I groaned and put my head against the wall. This was not good. I was falling hard for my seventeen-year-old student, and I was making her out to be more important than my charge. The best thing I could do was to distance myself from her and try to get back to whatever professional relation we had before. Training lessons filled with sexual tension and nights dreaming of her body pressed against mine. Yeah, that was the ideal situation. I thought sarcastically.

Part of me had wanted this kiss so I could get whatever it was about her that made my nights unbearable out of my system. Reality is never as good as your imagination. And I imagined a lot of things about Rose. If I could just kiss her in real life the spell would be broken and I could get back to boring dreams and being her mentor.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I just had to stuff all that back in and endure more erotically filled dreams. I could not allow myself to get closer. If anyone had seen us I would be fired or worse, and it would hurt Rose's reputation to a point I don't know if she can recover from.

But could I go back to ignoring my feelings knowing Rose was suffering? What if she needed me again?

Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Yeah, I was royally screwed.