Chapter 7:

RPOV

I got back to my room without Lissa noticing too much. I looked down at my hands; I had two dislocated finger tips. They started to hurt. With the darkness consuming me and what happened after that I had not even noticed the pain. But I started to notice now. I pulled on them and they clicked back into place. Not fun, but at least they weren't broken. They would be sore for a few days but that would be it.

I was still in my clothes that Mia drenched earlier and I was in need of a shower.

I let the warm water cascade down my back and ease my tense muscles. I let my mind wander. First to what happened with Mia. I had to get this under control. I could not go homicidal over every little thing. This was high-school; pranks, gossip and insults were an everyday occurrence.

Then there was the issue of what happened in the gym. Dimitri. I guess I wasn't the only one who was getting affected by our training session. I entertained the idea that he was just playing along. I mean if a beautiful girl throws herself at you, you don't have to say no. But I knew Dimitri better than that. He would have stopped me and said it was inappropriate. Hell he might still say it was inappropriate. I guess it actually was. But the way he responded and looked at me just before we kissed told me something else. He was feeling this too.

And man was it amazing. I had kissed boys before, but this, this was something else. I felt him in my entire body down to my core. He was able to do what not even Lissa was able to do.

He could bring me back. His voice had pulled me back, it was like a speckle of light came through the dark abyss. Just enough for me to hold onto and pull myself towards him and out of the dark.

And then there were his hands. Oh my God his hands. The way they held my face and stroked my hair. Or how he held me in place, his big strong hands on my back. If I close my eyes I can still feel his hands on my skin, setting me on fire.

It was good I was already in the shower. I turned the water down a few degrees. This was going to be a problem. I needed to get a hold on this.

But self control had never been my strong suit.

I finished the shower and got to work on my homework. I needed something as a distraction from all the thoughts going around in my head and this seemed like a productive way. At least some teachers would be amazed that I actually did my homework for once. It took a lot longer than I wanted, my mind straying very often, but I got it done.

I went to bed completely exhausted. I was emotionally and physically drained. I touched my lips, wishing he was here with me. I drifted off to sleep, imagining his warm body pressed against mine as he had been earlier today.

On Monday morning I had training with Dimitri again. I know we got interrupted both with the explanation of what happened to me (our own fault) and getting interrupted in our make-out session (totally Lissa's fault). I also knew Dimitri had a day to think about both things. I wasn't looking forward to this.

I walked into the gym and I saw Dimitri reading a western novel on the mats, just like nothing had happened. But when he looked at me I knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"We need to talk."

Yeah there it was. The speech. I was dreading this. He was going to say that I could not be around Lissa anymore because I was too dangerous and on top of that he was going to call me a silly girl for throwing myself at him.

I stretched out my hands indicating to continue and let me have it. Better to get it over with.

"Rose I'll be here if you need me to help you with Lissa's emotions. I'll do whatever I can. But what happened yesterday can't happen again. No matter how much I might want to."

The last part was barely a whisper, but I heard.

And he wasn't turning me in? I was clearly out of control. He must have realized the danger I would pose to other students if I happened to have an episode like that around them.

"I thought you would have reported what happened yesterday. You know the first thing, not the second thing." I blushed a little remembering the second thing.

Dimitri coughed trying to not let his mind or mine wander too much to the second thing.

"Kirova would deem you unfit to guard because you could potentially harm other students or even the princess. You would be considered dangerous and unstable. They would take you away from Vasilisa. I think this is how you two have functioned over the past 2 years and I know that breaking you two up won't be in either of your best interest. I am not only doing this for you. I think the princess needs you too and seeing she is my charge I have to do what I think is best."

I was amazed. He really thought this through. Maybe having another pair of eyes on the both of us was not a bad idea. Maybe I could trust him with this. But only having him worry about Lissa did hurt a little bit. He was doing this for her best interest, not mine. I locked down immediately and kept this cool and professional. I had learned from him. I could put on my own Guardian mask.

"Thanks, yesterday just caught me off guard that's all. On the run Lissa had to use some magic to get us out of certain situations, the dark emotions Lissa has seemed to be linked to her magic. The more she uses them the more darkness is in her. I thought because she did not use that much magic here it would be alright. I would not have any episodes like that. It was an error in judgment. It won't happen again. I will be better next time."

He looked at me with empathy in his eyes. He stood up and walked towards me standing a few feet away. If he didn't want the second thing to happen again, he can't be this close. I can't be expected to control the darkness and my feelings for Dimitri at the same time.

"You don't have to put on a mask with me Roza. It is okay to feel scared. I am not judging you. And I don't expect you to handle this all by yourself. I'll be here in any way I can. But you're going to have to trust me."

I felt safe hearing him say those words. I always dreaded what would happen if someone found out. Would they look at me like a monster? But Dimitri only held compassion in his eyes. No sign of fear or disgust. Of course he did not know the whole truth and I hope he never did.

"Why do you think this happens to the princess when no other students seem to be affected by their magic? What does she specialize in anyway? I never read that in her file."

I honestly didn't know. All I know is Lissa is special and she needs to be protected.

"She hasn't specialized yet. Maybe that is the problem. All I know is when she uses her magic it feels amazing, in that instance she is so happy and complete. But I think that after the magic is gone so are the feelings. They leave her body as the magic leaves her, leaving only the dark stuff behind. Maybe I am not taking the darkness away from her. Maybe I am simply giving up my own happiness to restore hers, leaving me empty. Maybe it is a side effect of the bond?"

It was the best theory we had come up with on the run. Psychic darkness must be connected to a psychic bond. But how the bond was formed was also a mystery to us. It started after the accident.

"I suppose. I'll look into things, seeing if I can find some record of other bonded pairs. Roza, I'll be here for anything you need as your mentor and as your friend. But…" He hesitated I could tell. It was hard for him to say his next words. I don't know if it made it any better. " I can't be any more than that."

"Because I am your student?" I asked. Hoping that was all of it. I couldn't handle any other rejection really.

"That is part of it. It is highly inappropriate and not to mention illegal. But it is more than that. We will be guarding partners for the princess after graduation. We both have to put Vasilisa before anything else. I need to put her needs first. Part of that means keeping you both sane from what it is that is affecting Vasilisa. If I allow myself to feel more for you than just being your mentor and guardian partner I might put your needs before Vasilisa's and that can't happen. 'They come first'."

I processed everything Dimitri had said to me. And I guess he was right. I would have to put my personal needs aside for her, just like I have always done. I had no problem giving up my career, my social life or my sanity for Lissa.

But somehow giving up Dimitri felt like a task that was too much. I knew we had to. We had to suppress everything we felt to keep her safe. I would do anything to keep her safe.

"I understand. I will always protect Lissa, no matter what, even if it means giving up my life and my sanity."

Dimitri stepped a little closer to me. He had a weird look in his eyes. It was so full of love it took my breath away. He was mere inches away from my body. He placed his hand on my cheek and smiled at me. Was he going to kiss me again? What did we just discuss? He was giving me very mixed signals.

"I know you will. That's what I love about you."

He let go of me and turned around, picked up his book and sat down on the mat.

"15 laps, 25 minutes."

I stood there for a couple of seconds, shocked, but then started running, knowing her had meant those 25 minutes.

I ran on auto pilot. What just happened? Did he just admit to loving me? Does it matter? I mean it was straight back to business after that. Maybe it was the last thing he needed to get off his chest so we could move on from this. And we had to move on. He seemed to have turned the switch so, so should I. It took the whole 25 minutes to get my thoughts in check but by the time I got to the gym we had both resigned ourselves to our professional relationship.

Training went on as normal. Whenever we would accidentally touch and that electric sizzle went through us we would just ignore it. Whenever Dimitri looked at me a certain way I would look away to give him some time to reel in his emotions, and when I seemed to slip he granted me the same courtesy. It was torture, but we made it through the first training. The second training should be better right?

How long does it usually take to get over a crush?

Instead of thinking this over too much I decided to focus my attention more on my friends. Although I still was not allowed any social time outside of school, Kirova could not deny me lunch. I walked into the commons and saw Lissa sitting at a table at the back with Christian (no shock there) and Natalie.

Natalie was Lissa's cousin as they called each other. Although an actual biological relation was lacking, Royals often referred to each other using familial terms. Natalie Dashkov was the daughter of Victor Dashkov. He and Lissa's father were very close when he was still alive and therefore Lissa called Victor 'uncle'. The Dashkov family and the Dragomirs always had a long standing good relationship and there was even some overlap between the two royal families.

As a friend to the Dragomir's Victor was around often when we were children. I spend a lot of my free time and holidays over at the Dragomirs, since my mother could not be bothered to spend time with me. They never seemed to mind and treated me like family and so did Victor. I always liked Victor for that. Although I had reservations about Natalie. I mean she is a sweet girl desperately trying to get her father's attention but she was just so boring. Always has been. She talks non-stop but doesn't really say much in her long winded speeches. But Natalie was one of the few Royals that did not shun Lissa when she started dating Christian so I was grateful to have her here.

I knew Lissa was happy with Christian but she also regretted being left out of the Royal circle. Not because she cared about what those snobs thought, but because she understood that the political responsibility of the entire Dragomir line fell on the last remaining survivor. She would have to fulfill all the duties that are demanded of a Royal house and that included mostly being favorable with other royals and dealing with them on a daily basis. Most royal families had the luxury of dispersing the responsibilities across many members and if one was not liked they could simply replace them with someone else. Some royal families were so big, like the Ivashkovs, that most don't even have a political job. This was not an option for Lissa and she knew sooner or later she was going to have to face the Royals.

I was joined at the table by Mason and Eddie, Mason sitting next to me and putting his hands around my shoulders. He smiled a cheeky smile at me.

I knew Mason had feelings for me. Our sexual tinted bantering always seemed to have a core of truth to it for him. My life would be so much easier if I could just return those feelings though. But I couldn't. I also did not have the heart to squash his dreams completely so that always left us like this. Suggesting but never accepting.

I was starting to feel all gloomy again when surprisingly it was Natalie that got me out of my depression over my hot mentor.

"So are you guys going to the dance? I was planning on going, even if I don't have a date yet. But anyone could ask me at any minute. I guess you guys don't have to worry about dates. Lissa is obviously going with Christian, and Rose, you could get any boy you wanted to take you to the dance."

Boy yes, man no. I saw a slight hopeful look at Mason and I quickly turned away and ignored the look. Natalie saved me again.

"I don't have anything to wear and daddy is coming in a few days and he said he would take me shopping. It has been so long since I actually went to a mall. It has been like a month or so. Daddy said I can bring some friends so I thought I would bring you guys and we can all go dress shopping together."

I swear she said all that in a single breath, and to prove my point she inhaled deeply as if she was catching her breath. I could feel Lissa's excitement through the bond. Lissa loves shopping especially since she has a never ending trust fund. We were not able to use it on the run so we mostly got clothes from thrift stores.

Lissa actually squealed at the news.

"Sorry guys. Shopping sounds like fun and Kirova has specifically forbidden me to have fun. I doubt she will allow me to go off campus with you guys. But you guys enjoy yourself and when you come back you can show me everything you bought."

I tried to sound very upbeat but I could still feel Lissa's guilt through the bond. She had not considered that I would not be able to go and she regretted her initial reaction. I looked at her and told her it was okay. She deserved to have some fun. I could maybe slip into her head and join them that way.

"I am sure daddy can convince headmistress Kirova to let you come. Daddy can be very persuasive."

That I knew for a fact was true. Victor was a physically weak man, made weaker and older by a fatal genetic disease that was slowly eating away at him. But he had a very keen mind unaffected by the disease. If anything his weak physical appearance strengthened his intellectual ability. Victor was known for his strategic planning. If anyone could convince Kirova to let me go it would be him. After all, if a powerful Royal made a request of Kirova she couldn't really say no. So I was hoping.

We talked about dresses the rest of the lunch and I saw Mason and Eddie zone out at one point. When Christian said he was going to see the feeders, Mason and Eddie jumped at the change to go with him, to keep him company. I giggled a little. Boys were so funny.