AN: I have no idea where this came from, but it takes place several hours after the moms leave in the previous installment, "Sneaky Pyromaniac Monkeys." The next Christmas Eve/Christmas Day ficlet should be up in two days and takes us back in time to their first one as a couple.

December 25, 2017

Dear Jack,

It's very early Christmas morning, technically still the middle of the night. Is it weird that I'm alone in my living room writing a letter to my former fiancé? I'm doing what I've done since I was a kid: waking up while it's still dark to sit in the light of the Christmas tree, reminiscing about years past and contemplating the ones to come (okay, when I was younger, I admit I was really trying to figure out what Santa brought me, but the practice evolved as I did). You used to respect my wish to be alone then, and I appreciated that.

It's been a peaceful tradition for me ever since I can remember, with the exception of the year I got up and found you gone. When you weren't beside me in bed that night, I wondered if I'd find you already on the couch, doing some deep thinking of your own. Needless to say, I spent the wee hours of that Christmas morning (and then some) worrying about you. I suppose you're still trying to figure out why I'm writing you, recounting that night. You know I forgave you long ago for leaving me. But now I feel compelled to thank you for it.

Yeah, it seems a little crazy to me too. A dozen years later, I write a letter I'm not sure will ever get to you, to thank you for abandoning me in the middle of the night. It's because the man who's in my bed as I write this is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I wouldn't have met him if you and I had lived the life we planned. When I saw you in Afghanistan and you told me you'd found peace in Islam, how you fell in love again and had a child, I was (ultimately) happy for you. I know you were happy for me the next time we met, when you heard Deeks and I were moving in together. We're engaged now, and by this time next year, we'll be married. Maybe by the Christmas after that we'll have a baby.

Looking back on it now, with the gift of hindsight and in the glow of a Christmas tree I decorated with my last future husband, I can recognize that night so long ago as a turning point in my life. Being forced re-define myself and my future was necessary, and closing myself off to love seemed warranted at the time. I found a career that I love that makes a difference in the world. That work led me to a man who saw behind my façade and fell in love with the woman I became and who was able, willing, and wanting to do whatever it took to make me love him too. I have you to thank for that, Jack.

Time to wrap this up because Deeks will be out soon. It's still oh-dark-thirty, but I've been alone on the couch for nearly an hour and that's usually about as long as it takes him to join me. As much as I valued you giving me space, Deeks understands that I also need the love and support of his presence right now.

There will always be a special place in my heart for you, Jack, and I'll always want the best for you. I hope you'll be glad to know I finally have that too, with Deeks.

Fondly,
Kensi soon-to-be Blye-Deeks

My Dearest Deeks,

You'll be here soon, so I'll make this quick. It's early Christmas morning and you know I'm on our couch thinking about the paths my life has taken, and where I want it to go in the future. When you come and wrap me in your arms, I'll share my latest dreams and desires with you while we gaze at our beautiful tree. You'll do the same, and the tradition will continue, no longer just mine. Now one I look forward to every year in a way I never did when I was alone.

I'll show you the letter I just wrote to Jack. When you finish reading it, you'll hold back your tears and accuse me of being dangerously romantic. After you demonstrate how much my words mean to you 😉, you'll probably get around to asking me why I wrote it now. If you don't, I'll tell you, because it's important.

I realized tonight in my annual middle-of-the-night Christmas musings that much like Jack prompted a change in me all those years ago, you've done the same. The person I became in the aftermath of his departure no longer exists. I am a wholly different woman. I allowed my mom back in my life because of you, and we had a wonderful evening with her and your mother earlier tonight. I dedicated my career to protecting people and have only gotten better at it since you became my partner. I fell in love again, admittedly against my own better judgment, and have never regretted a moment of it. Soon we'll start planning our wedding. And I'm actually excited about figuring out what we'll do next professionally (I never thought I'd say anything good about the prospect of leaving NCIS—especially after how desperate I was to get back there last year) so we can start working on those mutant ninja assassins (or sneaky pyromaniac monkeys—I'm sure we'll love whichever we get) we keep talking about.

I want to thank you too, babe. I love our work, our home, and our life together, and I can't wait to see what the next few years bring. I have you to thank for so much of who I am now and for being happier than I ever thought I could be. Is it any wonder I'll love you until the end of time and back?

Yours Always,
Kensi soon-to-be Blye-Deeks