AN: A slightly late-to-the-game post-ep for Spoils of War (5x19). I wasn't a viewer of NCIS: LA when Season 5 aired, which is why you didn't get this then with all the others. I know we really don't need one more. But it's been a while, so why not, right? Plus it's something to fill the gap during the winter hiatus. Inspiration for this struck a few months ago after watching The Frozen Lake (5x10) while half-asleep in the middle of the night.

She wasn't alone, but wished she was. Wished she was anywhere but in a cave in Afghanistan with a member of the Taliban holding a huge, bloody blade inches from her face. Most people believe that we chop off their head quickly. That's not what we do. We saw their neck, slowly. Kensi panted, unable to contain her terror.

"Hey, hey, Kensi. It's okay. You're okay. You're home, you're safe."

She allowed Deeks' soothing voice to pull her from her nightmare, only believing that's what it was when she opened her eyes and saw him. His relieved expression, more so than his words, reminded her that she was indeed home, and safe, for the first time in months.

Deeks was on his knees next to Kensi's bed, one hand gripped tightly in hers while the other stroked softly through her hair. He'd been asleep on her couch when he heard her cry out, a sound between a protest and a frightened whimper.

"Deeks?"

"Yeah, I'm here," he whispered.

"Would you…" she moved back into the center of the bed and tugged him toward her.

"Sure, of course. Whatever you need," he said as he laid down on top of the sheets. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her as Kensi nuzzled her face into his chest. After several minutes he felt her body relax and her breathing calm. Deeks was just beginning to let his mind wander to the pleasant memories of the last time they shared a bed when Kensi turned over, presenting her back to him.

He tried not to let the apparent dismissal bother him. "You good, Kens? I can go..."

"No, stay. I just don't want to punch you if I flail around in my sleep."

He spooned behind her, sliding his arm over her waist and threading their fingers together. "Problem solved."

Kensi pulled their joined hands toward her chest, drawing Deeks even closer. "I was going to apologize that night," she said into the darkness.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Waiting for you to show up at the mission, just before Granger and Hetty burst our happy little bubble, I wanted to apologize for punching you."

"You don't have to –"

"Yes I do. I should have right after, but I was so livid I could barely see straight. The rest of the day was…just horrible, and the case needed to be our focus. Then I spent the night on a C-130 instead of talking to you. I'm sorry, Deeks. I never should have punched you, especially in anger like that. And certainly not in the jaw, after all your dental work."

"It's unnecessary, but thank you."

"It's not unnecessary, it's long overdue. I would have regretted dying in Afghanistan without having the chance to make that right with you."

"Did you think about that a lot?" Deeks asked when he found his voice, hoping he kept the surprise at her revelation from his tone.

"Dying?"

"Regrets. I hate to think you were feeling guilt over me."

"I thought about the decisions I'd made in my life that led to where I was. What I'd accomplished. What I'd missed out on." She added softly, "I had a bunch of regrets about you."

"Oh." That hurts, Deeks thought. But then, he had some huge regrets from his time there as well. He considered telling Kensi that he tortured the cleric because he thought she was dead but was worried about her reaction. Hell, he still had serious concerns about his own reactions that day.

Deeks was afraid to ask, but did anyway, "Like what?"

Kensi flipped back over so she could see his face and gently ran a finger across his jawline, "Guilt over punching you was a big one. Disappointment that we hadn't gotten to our thing sooner, that we'd wasted so much time avoiding it. Grief that I'd never know what we could have had. Sadness that I hadn't realized before then that I was falling in love with you too."

"Oh." He was sure he didn't hide his amazement this time.

"Which is why I'm so sorry now too." She took a deep breath and let it out quickly. "About our thing…I can't, not just yet. I hope you don't think I'm leading you on tonight, asking you into my bed. But I don't think it's a good idea for me to be starting something –"

"No, I get it. You're right. I remember what it was like. When I kissed you that first time, all I wanted was to figure things out with you. But then after…Sidorov, the pain and darkness I felt kind of snuffed out all that happiness for a while. A long while. Don't worry, Kens. Our thing will be there when you're ready. No pressure."

"Thanks," she sighed, relieved.

"Can you do me a favor until then?"

"Sure."

"Don't shut me out while you're going through this. My biggest regret from that time was not letting you in. I think my recovery would have been easier if you'd been there with me, like you tried to be. I want to be here for you, Kensi. As your friend and your partner. Nothing more unless and until you say so."

"I can do that."

"Good. Great."

"On that note, I think after tonight I'll be good here by myself."

"Okay. But I'll only be a phone call away."

"I know," she said on a yawn.

"Time to get back to sleep, yeah?"

She nodded into his chest. Several minutes later Deeks thought she was asleep and was about to let himself drift off when he heard Kensi whisper, "They weren't all regrets, you know. When things were at their worst, thinking of you helped. I remembered how you made me laugh, the ways you challenged me, how you've always had my back. Our night together. Everything. It's what got me through. For whatever it's worth."

He pressed his lips to her hair. "It's worth everything, Kensi."