Chapter 17:
DPOV
I was waiting for Rose outside her room. I had been looking for her since she walked out with Adrian. I had seen her and Vasilisa walk into Adrian's room and be in there for almost two hours. Although it was better than Rose going in there alone, I still wasn't feeling good about it. Okay, my mind was coming up with the most ridiculous scenarios and it wasn't improving my temper at all.
I knew Rose would be coming back here alone. I had seen Vasilisa walk off to what I assumed was Christian's room.
The moment Rose rounded the corner and saw me her face turned from normal to stormy. I was not out of the woods yet. Beneath the surface she might have seen a bit of shame at my earlier behavior, but I think my anger at her walking away with Adrian and going into his room were overpowering that.
She opened her door and was about to slam the door in my face but I stopped her by putting my hand on the door and walking inside, closing the door behind me.
"I don't want to hear it." She said in a raised voice before I could utter a single syllable.
She didn't want to hear my apology or she didn't want to hear what I had to say about Tasha. Was she so sure that I would say yes to her offer?
"Roza, I am sorry about what I said." I tried to be gentle with her. I had messed up. I still didn't know why she was so mad at me. But I know she needed to calm down first, before we could have a real conversation.
She was pacing around her room, like a wild cat trapped in a cage. I did recognize a tendril of darkness there. But it was fueled with something else.
"Roza..?" I tried grabbing her arm so she would stand still but she pulled out of my grip.
"No Dimitri, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know how sorry you are or how you had no choice, or how this is better for the both of us. I just don't want to hear it. If you want to leave, you should just leave." By the end of her rant she had tears in her eyes, but her entire demeanor still screamed rage.
I was getting pretty annoyed myself again, she wouldn't even listen to me. I know it was fear talking, but didn't she know I couldn't leave her? We had tried to stay away from each other and we had failed.
"Rose would you please just let me explain." My voice was raised. But she was leaving me no choice.
"What could you possibly say to make this okay. My world is coming down around me."
She was on the verge of hysterics now. I had no idea this was affecting her so much. I didn't know how scared she was of losing me. Although I never contemplated leaving her, I think I should have talked to her about Tasha's offer the minute I got back to campus. She had had too much time to think about this. I didn't know who told her, but it should have come from me. I should have told her and immediately told her I had no intention of taking it.
I was starting to realise how much Rose had a fear of abandonment. She didn't think she was worthy of love. She didn't think she was enough. I had seen it with Lissa, and I had seen it with her mother. And now I had fed into it, even if I hadn't meant to.
I held her shoulders so she would look at me. "I am not leaving. I was never leaving. I can't leave you. Don't you understand that? I love you and I couldn't leave you if I tried." I practically screamed at her. I needed her to believe me. Because it was the absolute truth. I was physically incapable of staying away from her.
But she shook her head. When she spoke her voice still sounded so angry. She asked the one question I hoped she wouldn't ask.
"But I can't give you the things she can. Don't you want a normal life?"
Her voice was breaking. And so was my heart. No, she couldn't give me the things Tasha could. And once upon a time I might have wanted those things. But just like she couldn't give me a normal life or a family. I couldn't give her those things either. But I was okay with that, because neither one of us was meant for a normal life.
Somewhere in this crazy violent world I had found my soulmate. Someone who knew me, all of me, understood me, and matched me. No one would ever compare.
"No, all I need is you."
And then I kissed her. It wasn't a subtle kiss, it wasn' full of love. It was desperate and almost violent. All of my frustrations were poured into that kiss and I felt her respond the same way. All that anger, hurt and insecurities directed at each other came out.
I pushed her up against the door and intensified the kiss. God, I needed her and I needed her to understand that no other woman could do this to me, affect me like this. I pinned her to the door. She wasn't going anywhere. I was going to show her just how much she was affecting me.
RPOV
He shoved me up the door, pinning me there. I started to take off his duster, then his shirt. He wasn't being so gentle. He ripped my shirt off of me. I didn't care. I had enough shirts, but the feeling he was giving me now was indescribable.
He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He was grabbing me at my thighs and he was pushing his hips into me. I ground my core against his and I heard him growl. My god that was sexy.
He was being dominant here but I was having none of that. I knew he was angry with me for being slightly unreasonable. I was angry with him for keeping the offer Tasha made from me.
We were working through our anger.
I pushed him off of me and while he stepped back I pushed him into the chair. I took the rest of my clothes off and I straddled him, continuing where we left off. I kissed him hungrily and I made my way to his ear and then down his neck and chest. I could feel his breathing pick up and heard a moan escape him. He was keeping me in place with his hands on my hips and I was making rhythmic movements which he guided along with his hands. He was gripping me rather harshly and I knew I would be having a few bruises in the morning.
He was done with me being on top and lifted me up, the chair falling back as he did. He didn't take me far. He placed me on the dresser and he was in between my legs kissing down my neck and chest. I was pulling at his pants and he lent me a hand taking it off. The other was roaming over my body. I relished in the feeling. He took off his boxer and he was finally free to enjoy all of me. He did not waste a minute. He was inside of me before I knew it. His lips back on my neck. I moaned at the sensation of him filling me. The last time in the cabin it was sweet and gentle. Back then we were making love. I loved that feeling, but now it was something else. It was like sparring, trying to get the other one to yield and surrender. It couldn't even be described as sex. No, it was more violent than that. It was a brutal claiming of the other.
He was dominating me again and I almost let him, almost. I lifted my leg and pushed, well kicked him off of me and he stumbled backwards, against the wall. I wanted him on the bed but he was having none of that. He quickly recovered and he shoved me against the wall. My back towards him. He brushed my hair back and I felt a shiver go down my spine as his hot breath was on my neck. He attacked my neck with his tongue as he slid inside of me from the back. I threw my head backwards unto his shoulder and was gripping his hair behind my head, maybe a little too hard. His face was buried in my hair and I could hear him whispering my name in Russian, together with some other phrases I couldn't understand.
I was wondering if he was telling me sweet things or dirty things. By the sound of it and the current mood we were in it was probably the latter. Even if I could not understand a single word other than my name, his intention was clear.
I was done with this position, the height difference complicating things a little bit. I pushed off against the wall and I pushed him against the bed. He fell backwards, exactly where I wanted him. I straddled him again and lowered myself onto him and started riding him. He growled and grunted. I moaned. I was feeling complete at that moment. He gripped my hips and guided me into his rhythm. I had my hands on his chest for support. He gripped my hair and he was lifting himself up as he flipped us, him on top of me again. He was able to penetrate deeper this way and I was having trouble hanging on. I had my hands on his back digging my nails into his shoulders, drawing blood. He growled but made no indication he wasn't enjoying it. He would have to wear a shirt in the next few days wherever he went.
I knew in that moment that Dimitri was made for me. I could never be with a Moroi. With Dimitri, I didn't have to hold back and neither did he. We were destroying the room and we were destroying each other and we were loving every minute of it. A Moroi in my bed could seriously get injured. I briefly wondered if Tasha would be able to survive Dimitri in her bed, but that thought went quickly out the window as I was nearing my peak. I could tell Dimitri was close too as he was gripping me harder and his pace was picking up. I couldn't hold on anymore and fell off the edge, Dimitri following me a few strokes after.
He rolled off of me and pulled me with him, somehow still staying inside of me. He was stroking my hair with one hand, brushing the hair out of my sweat covered face, and the other hand was running up and down my back. I felt him trace some of my scars. Once my breathing had settled down enough to talk again I asked.
"Do they bother you, my scars? Lissa has been working on them but I doubt they ever go away completely." I knew he wouldn't care for something so superficial, but I wanted to know anyway.
"Actually I kind of like them. They are a part of you, a part of your history. You are a warrior, Roza, and this is just an extension of that. I know that you are limited in some sense because of them, but I hope Vasilisa is not able to heal them completely, they're incredibly sexy." He whispered the last part in my ear.
I smiled, until a thought occurred to me. Maybe he had a scar fettish, I mean Tasha had a huge scar, I knew he said he wouldn't want to be her guardian, but there was something that was bothering me.
"Why haven't you said no?"
He looked confused for a moment, but what I was asking him was sinking in. He took a deep breath.
"Roza, I never considered her offer, I just needed time to figure out how to reject her without losing her. Tasha is one of my oldest and honestly one of my few friends, I didn't want to lose that. But I was wrong to keep it from you. I am sorry if I made you feel like I was leaving you."
"Do you have to stay friends with her, I can't stand the way she looks at you." I pouted. He laughed.
"And you think I like you hanging around Mason, or Adrian for that matter." He confessed. I knew where he was coming from. But I guess we would have to deal with other people at least looking at us. I mean, have you seen us. We were gorgeous.
I smiled at him and kissed him, my hands slowly moving through his hair. He was pulling me close again and I could feel him growing inside of me. Ready for round two.
I didn't mind in the least. We were moving a lot calmer now. Not being so overwhelmed by anger anymore. I was on top of him. His hands moved to my hair and he lifted himself up. We were sitting, my legs on either side of his, his chest still flush with mine. My hands were in his hair the same as his hands were in mine.
He was still kissing me and we were moving in sync. The blankets were around my hips and I felt Dimitri's hand sliding down my back. He was gripping my hair gently and he was moving his lips down my neck slowly stroking my hair with one hand and tracing my scars with the other. Both his fetishes being satisfied as it seemed. His hands on me felt amazing, slightly rough but big and warm.
He was kissing me down my neck when he suddenly stopped. I was confused for a moment before I heard an 'oh my God' on multiple fronts. One through the bond and one Dimitri could hear.
Shit Lissa.
I turned around carefully making sure I wasn't exposing myself too much. We were lucky. My bed was positioned opposite the door, so Lissa was staring at my back. It is why Dimitri saw her first. My thighs were covered with blankets and all she could see of Dimitri were his hands and his face.
It was enough though. It was very clear of what we were doing.
"Guardian Belikov?" Lissa asked, slightly apprehensive. I guess finding me having sex was a shocker, finding me having sex with my seven year older mentor was not good. Shit, shit shit.
"What the hell." Oh Lissa swearing was not good and it brought me out of my stupor. Dimitri pulled the blanket over my back covering me up. Luckily Dimitri's boxers and pants were not too far away from the bed so he was able to put them on without flashing Lissa. I scrambled for a large T-shirt I knew should be in the bed somewhere.
Dimitri and I shared a look conveying I would deal with Lissa while he got the hell out of there. He put on the rest of his clothes and I stood up from the bed. He walked to the door passing me and for good measure he kissed me on the forehead.
"I'll see you in the morning." He whispered.
He walked past Lissa and she just glared at him but let him pass. He gave me one more sympathetic look before closing the door. Yeah I was in big trouble now.
"Start explaining!"
I didn't know where to start. I stumbled with a lot of 'ums' and 'wells' before Lissa had enough.
"How long has this been going on and what happened in here?"
I blushed and Lissa got the hint of what exactly happened in here. She was amazed that me being with Dimitri had this results, I could feel through the bond that she was wondering if her own romantic love life with Christian was boring. I smiled at that thought. I don't think Lissa would be into that kind of stuff.
"Well, it sort of depends on how you define this. This is only the second time Dimitri and I have been together, but we have been dancing around it for a while, from the beginning really."
Lissa's expression started to soften a bit, I was sitting on my bed now and she was picking up the chair that we had knocked over and was planning on sitting on it. She then realized why it had been on the ground and quickly made her way to her bed. I chuckled.
She raised her eyebrows in the silent question of whether her bed was safe. She sat down when I nodded.
"Okay just start from the beginning."
So I told her everything, about how he had found me with the darkness coming out, how he was somehow able to bring me back, how he had seen me in the shower and I had to tell him how I got those scars. I told her about the cabin and that we were cooling things down after that and then the offer Tasha had made and how it had led to this moment.
She took everything in and thought about it for a moment.
"Do you love him?"
I couldn't help but smile while I answered.
"Yes."
An ear piercing scream erupted from Lissa as she tackled me on my bed.
"Oh my God Rose, you had sex, you are no longer a virgin. My little girl is growing up."
Okay the last bit was a bit creepy, but I guess she wasn't mad anymore.
"Oh my god this is perfect. I mean normally it would be a big problem for guardians to have a relationship but you guys will stay together after graduation because you'll both be my guardians. But we do have to have rules or something. A sock on the door and by what I have seen here soundproof walls."
She was rambling; I had a hard time cutting in to crush that dream. Lissa didn't understand, how could she? She wasn't raised to believe her own life and happiness were anything but her own to choose. It was different for guardians. I didn't blame her, but she needed to know the truth.
"Liss, listen to me, we can't both be your guardians." This caused her to pause. "It is a conflict of interest, we both need to be completely devoted to our charge. We have to put you first at all times. I don't know if Dimitri or I can do that if the other is in danger. So we need to avoid that situation at all costs. 'You come first'."
My words finally sunk in and I saw her mood shift back to gloomy.
"That is why you didn't tell me right, so I wouldn't feel guilty about keeping you guys apart?"
She was too smart for her own good sometimes.
"Lissa, Dimitri and I will be together, we just haven't found a way yet. Tasha would have actually been perfect if I thought she could keep her bitchy little hands off of my man. Dimitri will ask to be reassigned hopefully somewhere close, so we can spend our off time together. It will work out."
She looked at me skeptically. She knew I was full of shit to make her feel better.
"Rose, guardians usually don't get a say in who they get assigned to. He could be reassigned to Russia. Unless someone was to specifically request him. And we don't even know where we're going after graduation."
I knew all of this was true, but it was better than nothing. My face betrayed that I knew all of this but we had no power to stop this.
"And if Dimitri really helps with the darkness we need to find a way for him to stay close."
I could tell Lissa was processing this. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute I couldn't keep up. She suddenly blocked me.
"Don't worry Rose, I'll take care of it. You have done so much for me, have given up so much for me and I refuse to let you give this up, give him up. Besides both of us being happy would go a long way to keep the effects of spirit at bay."
She furrowed her brows. "And I am sorry for interrupting you two earlier, I know time together will be rare."
I giggled. Lissa overthinking my sexlife was hilarious. If I had known this, I might have had sex sooner.
"Don't worry Liss, You were interrupting round two." I winked at her and she gasped. I laughed.
We spent the rest of the night talking about all the things I couldn't tell her before. It was nice. There was no judgement. There was no shame of an illegitimate relationship or politics. We were two girls gushing over our boyfriends. In that instance I felt normal.