Chapter 20

DPOV

I was a nervous wreck in the car, but years of training had prepared me well and no one could tell how nervous I was. We had gotten word from Christian that they escaped. They were alive and right now we were on our way to them.

But I didn't know what kind of condition they were in. Christian hadn't said anything except bring medical attention. I didn't know if Rose was badly hurt or if there were other casualties.

When we arrived in Spokane's suburbia we saw them in a clearing. Rose was standing slightly apart from them functioning as a far guard. I saw she was covered in blood, but I immediately knew it wasn't hers. Did they see the darkness manifest itself, is that way she was off to the side. Were they afraid of her? Mason seemed especially standoffish.

I let myself relax a little bit. She was standing and she was healthy enough to stand guard. By the looks of it Novice Castille was worse off. The two Moroi looked starved, their eyes sunken into their sockets, but they were tough and they survived. With Strigoi being involved that was amazing in and of itself. The rest will heal..

The moment she saw us coming her defenses went up and a moment later they went down again realizing it was us. That's my girl. After three days of hell still on her toes. I stepped out of the car and I saw relief across her face. I knew all she wanted was to run towards me into my arms, that was all I wanted too. For her to be able to let go and not have to worry about anyone but herself for a moment. But we knew we couldn't.

Instead I walked over to her at a normal pace.

"What happened? Are you alright? How are the others?"

"Where fine. The three stooges over there thought it would be a good idea to go all 'van Helsing' on the Strigoi in the mall. It backfired. Eddie was fed off of and Christian and Mia need blood and sleep. Mason and I just need sleep." She thought about it for a second looking up and touching a finger to her chin. "And a truckload of chocolate donuts."

I chuckled. At least I didn't need a psych eval for Rose.

I was sure I was missing some pop-references there, but I got the main part of the story. I thought I heard a sneer towards Mason though. It must have been his idea.

I nodded at Rose and I walked her back towards the ambulance to get her checked out. My hand on her back leading her there. It was the only contact I would allow myself right now. But I needed to touch her, to know she was still there. I saw the tension in her body dissipate at the touch and knew she had needed that too. It was torture and bliss at the same time, I wanted so much more. I needed so much more. I felt like I had been starving for her the last few days. The thought I might never touch her again, never see her again certainly amplified my need for her.

I don't think I ever hated our positions more. What kind of man couldn't hold his woman when she had been through hell. It felt wrong to prioritize our reputations over comforting her. But I knew we had no choice. Soon.

When we approached the ambulance people were staring at her.

Rose stiffened a bit and looked down at herself, her clothes splattered with blood.

"Oh. It's not mine." She casually said and kept walking. The guardians that accompanied us here just stared at her. Including her mother.

It took Janine only a second to shake it off and then she was charging towards her daughter and engulfing her into a bone crushing hug. She didn't seem to mind that she was getting blood all over her. I tried very hard not to be jealous. I had to look away. I didn't begrudge Rose this moment with her mother, but she was able to hold her close where I could not.

I left them to it and walked over to the house they had been held in. I looked inside and saw several guardians standing over the two bodies of the Strigoi. And several others were standing a few feet away by the heads of said Strigoi. I had seen Rose do this before and had never been more grateful for her experience. Although something tells me she would have been able to do this even without it if it meant protecting her friends.

"She did this? With that?" One of the guardians asked no one in particular. "That blade hasn't been sharpened in years." The guardians seemed in awe. Good. Finally Rose was getting some recognition for her talents.

RPOV

We were on our way back to the academy. The plane ride silent. I sat next to my mother and we seemed to have nothing to talk about. My wrists had been bandaged and tented to. I hoped Lissa would be able to heal the burns. Not only did they still hurt but burn scars were a lot less sexy then scars made by blades or even fangs, and on my wrists they would not be easily hidden. But my vanity would have to wait. She used most of her strength to heal Eddie and she hadn't had much strength because like us, she hadn't slept in three days. As it was, she was clinging to me and Christian like her life depended on it.

I was fidgeting with my bandages trying to think of something to talk to my mother about. But I was struggling to come up with a subject. She seemed to have a similar problem. She finally broke the silence.

"So did you have a good time at the resort? You know other than… well, you know. I noticed you were a bit moody before we came here."

"Yeah, I guess I was due a break. We did go skiing and when we weren't outside we were inside playing games. It was fun." Also, the reason I was moody was that I thought my hot lover mentor was going to leave me for a Moroi whore, but we kissed and made up and fucked all over the hotel room so yeah, everything is great.

I was at least smart enough not to say the last bit out loud. It showed how far I had come. Before, I may have actually said it to piss my mother off. But the last few days since the incident she had been trying awfully hard to be a proper mother and try and comfort me. To her knowledge, this was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me and she had tried to be there for me.

I felt a pang of guilt. I have accused my mother of not really knowing me, and here she was not knowing that the events in Spokane are just another Monday for me, and it wasn't even her fault. She knew nothing of the true nature of Lissa's connections with me and its ramifications and I wasn't planning on telling her.

"Good, I am glad you had fun. Sometimes it is important to be able to relax as well. When you go into battle tense and stressed you make the wrong decisions."

I had to laugh internally. My mother's way of saying: all work and no play makes Rose a bad guardian and trying to comfort me at the same time was hilarious. It always led back to her work. But at the moment I appreciated the effort.

Mason was sitting on the other side of the aisle and we still weren't speaking. I had avoided him for the last few days. It hadn't taken much work. The last few days after the incident had been hectic. Although Christian and I got a good helping of lectures on responsibility, Mason had gotten the worst of it. Eddie was still recuperating so they went easy on him and Mia being a Moroi she was let off the hook. I heard Mason was put on probation.

I had no idea what to say to him. After his declaration of love to me, we couldn't just go back to being friends. Friendships rarely survived after one friend broke the other friend's heart. But I knew I couldn't put it off forever. I was trying to come up with valid reasons to turn him down and not hurt him too much, without having to say I was involved with someone else. But in the end, I opted for telling him the truth. I just didn't feel that way about him.

I looked over at the front of the plane towards Dimitri. He was deep in thought and I couldn't help but wonder if he was contemplating the same thing. How he was going to salvage his friendship with Tasha after turning her down. I guess being amazing and extremely hot had its downsides.

My mother pulled me out of my thoughts when she told me that the plane would be landing soon. I hadn't heard a word of what she had said in the last few minutes, but she didn't seem to have noticed.

DPOV

I sat at the front of the plane, deep in thought. I heard the announcement saying we were landing soon. I guess my time was up. I had been avoiding Tasha like the plague. I knew she was expecting an answer. The last few days have been hectic with the incident. Part of me was grateful that she had been busy with Christian. Now we were on our way back to the Academy and Christian seemed fine. I had seen her look my way a few times before boarding the plane. and knew it was coming and when we would land, there would be no place to hide.

The entire flight I was struggling with what to tell Tasha. I had come up with a multitude of reasons why it was impractical or why I was needed elsewhere. But in the end, I decided that I was going to tell her the truth. Well, the partial truth. I just didn't feel that way about her. I wasn't going to mention that I was already in love with someone else.

When we exited the plane Tasha was already standing at the bottom of the stairs. I had a moment of panic until I realized she was probably here for Christian. She was on another plane but since Spokane, she had been hovering over Christian to make sure he was alright.

She looked past me at Christian and he waved to her. As I walked past her, she did stop me.

"Dimitri, after you have settled in I would like to talk to you."

I nodded to her and continued on my way.

I kept my word and after I unpacked I went to find Tasha. She was sitting on a bench in one of the courtyards. I sat down next to her, not yet looking at her.

"So have you thought about my offer?" She asked with a disturbing hopeful tone.

"I have."

"And?"

"Tasha, I am sorry, but I can't be your Guardian."

"Well, why not?"

I had naively hoped she would just leave it at that and not ask why.

"We both know you don't want me to just be your Guardian. And I can't be that for you, Tasha. We have known each other for a long time and I value our friendship, but that is as far as my feelings for you go. It won't be fair to you."

I saw the hurt in her eyes. She had not been expecting this.

"I know, I feel more for you than you do for me. But that can change over time. If you would just give us a chance. And even if you don't feel that way, life as my Guardian will be very easy. You will be free to live your life the way you want, not the way our society dictates."

I knew what she was offering. Not only was she offering a chance at a family, but she was offering freedom. Freedom I would have with no other charge and she knew it too. But still, I wanted freedom for only one reason, Rose, and that was the one thing Tasha couldn't give me. But how can I explain that to Tasha? I decided not to explain.

"I am sorry, Tasha." I hoped she would leave it at that. To encourage that I got up and walked away, leaving a devastated Tasha behind. She didn't try to follow me, for which I was grateful. I hoped that with some time to think about it she would be able to accept this and we could go back to being friends. Somehow I doubted that.

RPOV

I had settled in in my room, meaning tossing my bag on the floor and falling on my bed face first. There was a knock on the door. I groaned I had half a mind to ignore whoever was on the other side. Lissa wouldn't knock and I would know if it was Lissa anyway, but I decided to answer it anyway, my curiosity getting the better of me.

When I opened the door it was Mason behind it. Stupid curiosity.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Can we talk for a bit?"

I wasn't very comfortable talking in my room, for the sole purpose of me not being able to get away if I needed to, but I guess we did have to talk.

"Sure" and I gestured for Mason to come inside.

He awkwardly sat at my desk chair while I sat on my bed. I was fidgeting. Mason wasn't talking, probably working up the courage to start. I also didn't know how to start. I was sorry for the way I talked to him on the street but I wasn't sorry about what I said.

"Look, Mason. I am sorry about.." Mason cut me off.

"No Rose, I get it. I thought about what you said and you were right. I should have put my job first. I should have put them first. I was the one who endangered them in the first place. I just couldn't let you die. But I realize you didn't need my help and I should have trusted you to do your job as you had trusted me to do mine."

All I could do was nod. It seemed Mason had thought about things for a while. And he wasn't done talking.

"When you and Lissa came back, I was ecstatic. I had missed you so much. I had expected things to go back to the way they were. That you were still the same girl you were when you left, the fifteen-year-old reckless rebel I had a crush on. But something in those two years changed you. I didn't want to see it until you yelled at me on the street." He stood up and started to pace a bit back and forth. Trying to articulate exactly what was different about me. "You are always in Guardian mode. Whereas, I stupidly went after Strigoi because I wanted the glory and nearly got everyone killed. Nearly got you killed. I guess I still have a lot to learn. And I will. I will be a better guardian. And when I am, I will come back and ask you out again. And this time I'll be worthy of you."

I was shocked and awed. Mason did realize how important our job is and that it requires you to sacrifice anything and anyone if necessary. I knew this incident would make him a better Guardian. So I didn't have the heart to tell him, no matter how much better he was going to get he didn't stand a chance with me because my heart belonged to another. Another who saw me for who I was and could keep me grounded in all of this. I was reminded a little of my mother. Here there were people trying to connect with me but they couldn't because I kept most of me hidden behind a mask of who Rose used to be. At that moment I felt incredibly lonely, grateful for the one person in the world who could take that feeling away.

Mason didn't even let me speak; he got up and started to walk out the door. At the door frame, he looked back and gave me a dazzling smile from ear to ear. I couldn't help but smile back. I knew that smile was going to cost me dearly one day.

After Mason left I went outside in search of Dimitri. I really needed him at the moment. We hadn't had any alone time over the last few days with everything going on, and I desperately needed him to hold me and look at me and see the real me. See the real struggles I was facing right now. But as I walked across campus I realized I had no idea of where we stood in our relationship. After the cabin, we had decided to cool things down and then we had ourselves a grand fuck fest at the resort so I had no idea where we were at the moment. I knew we probably had more freedom at the resort than here. But I couldn't just go back to ignoring each other again. Even if it was all for show.

I had been walking around campus for the last 20 minutes but no Dimitri. He was probably on patrol or something, so I went to the pond and the cabin to clear my head. I heard Tasha had landed but would leave again tonight so there was really no reason for her to take the bags she had packed from the resort to the cabin and stay there for the last hours she was here.

When I entered the cabin I saw Dimitri lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. One hand behind his head, his legs crossed at the ankles. He turned his head slightly when he heard someone come in and I saw the smile creeping on his face. I climbed in next to him, the arm that was under his head now pulling me close to him. I joined at staring at the ceiling.

"How did it go with Tasha?"

"Could have gone better, could have gone worse."

His answer was a bit of a letdown. On the one hand, I had hoped he would give a detailed blow by blow of how he broke her heart, tears and all. On the other hand, I had hoped she would have accepted it rather well, giving me hope that my situation with Mason could resolve in the same way. But Dimitri wasn't giving me either.

"I went to your room, but I saw Mason going in. Everything all right?" I thought I detected a hint of jealousy and it made my heart sore.

"Yeah, he came and apologized for what happened in Spokane, about endangering everyone and about trying to rescue me when he should have been protecting the others and afterward proclaiming his undying love for me."

Until that moment we had both been looking at the ceiling rather than each other. But that had gotten Dimitri's attention and he quickly turned towards me with anger in his eyes.

"He did what?"

I explained about what had happened on the streets of Spokane and earlier in my room.

"I know keeping the extent of the bond from people is protecting me and Lissa, but it is hard because it feels like I am lying to my friends and to my Mom. If Mason had known about my experience with Strigoi he wouldn't have come back for me and almost died. If I had been a second slower he would be dead right now."

"Something tells me Mason would have come back for you regardless."

Dimitri turned his entire body to the side so he could look at me better and so he had better access to stroking my hair. I reveled in his touch. The last few days I wanted nothing but for him to touch me and hold me and I was denied it for so long. Dimitri pulled me closer to him.

"Rose, I know you lead a lonelier life than most Guardians, keeping more secrets than most. But here you can always be you."

Dimitri amazed me sometimes. I knew that we were very much in tune with one another, being able to read the other person like an open book even if the rest of the world couldn't. It had been the thing that had drawn us together in the first place. But he guessed my thoughts and fears so naturally that I sometimes wonder if he could actually read my mind. The rest of the world thought my depressive attitude the last few days was because I was scared or overwhelmed by the events. Dimitri knew the truth. I felt guilty. Guilty because while the rest of them were traumatized by this, I wasn't even fazed. Guilty because if I had told them the truth Mason may not have had the idea of going after the Strigoi in the first place. If I had shared my experience with them they would have known better than to underestimate them and go in blindly with two novices and an untrained Moroi.

I let my head fall on his chest, needing him to hold me right now. After a few moments, I lifted my gaze and was very close to Dimitri's face, to his lips. I pressed my lips softly against his all the while staying in my Dimitri sized cocoon. He returned the kiss. It was very sweet and gentle. I pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

"So if I can always be myself here does that mean I can keep kissing you?" I asked in a sultry voice.

Dimitri laughed. He understood the subtext. Do we or do we not express our feelings on campus?

"Roza, after what happened at the resort and after I thought I almost lost you I don't think I can go back. I can't control myself around you. We will have to be discrete but after Spokane, I was reminded of how short the lifespan of a Guardian is. I don't want to waste a moment of it. Besides, if we try and stay away from each other, we will end up like we did in your room at the resort, and I think people will notice. So better to let out some of the tension in discrete ways now and again."

He had a cheeky smile on his face, cheeky! It was hot. I added fuel to the fire.

"And now that Lissa knows about us we can always have her compel anyone that sees us, to forget." I pulled myself up a little so I was level with Dimitri. Well, our eyes were level. My legs ended around his kneecaps.

We decided we were going to put the theory to the test and spend the rest of the afternoon in that cabin bed naked.