Hi everyone!
After the release of the wonderful series The Queen's Gambit, I couldn't help but write a little one-shot about Benny and Beth. I found that these two characters had such a chemistry on-screen that I just felt like I had to write a little sequel!
English is not my mother-tongue. I'm actually a French fanfic writer which could explain some mistakes. Do not hesitate to tell me if some phrases don't make any sense, I won't be offended, on the contrary, it would help me to get better!
I'd like to thank my friend and beta reader Saki who helped me to translate my french text into the one you'll read!
I hope this little story will please you :)
The characters belong to Walter Tevis, I'm just having fun with them!
World Champion.
She had beaten Borgov. She had fucking beaten Borgov. Her head was spinning, and it wasn't even due to alcohol, drugs or painkillers. Her head was spinning with happiness, overwhelmed by pride and emotion.
She felt in the swirl of her drink that the plane was about to land. Beth had ordered a cool Coke. No more alcohol for her lately. If this victory had taught her anything, it was that she was able to reach moon and stars when she was in her right mind. That she didn't have to hide in pills and alcohol anymore to be able to play better.
And... there was Benny.
Not that she was doing it for him. But it didn't seem right for her to see him if she was drunk. And anyway, she didn't feel like drinking as much as she used to anyway.
When she won, she was quick to call Benny and his friends – crammed into his apartment in New York – and tell them in person her victory. Of course, they all knew it already. News were flying around in the chess world, especially when it came to the crowning of the new world's best chess player.
Elizabeth Harmon, the world champion who dethroned the great Borgov with checkers, bishops and rooks. It all still seemed so crazy, so blurry.
If Mr. Shaibel were still alive, he would probably have smirked under his moustache. She slightly giggled: she could hardly imagine him just smiling for a moment. But she liked to think that such a thing would have been possible if he hadn't left this world so quickly to join her mother.
Beth wasn't sad when she thought of all the lives that had left her. She felt an immeasurable sense of pride piercing through her chest. If they were no longer there to congratulate her, she would be congratulating herself for them. Her pride was matched only by her drive to win.
And now?
What would she do, now? Would she retire as quickly as Harry seemed to suggest? Certainly not, she thought. She would continue playing chess for as long as she could breathe.
Her thoughts faded as she saw the top of the Empire State Building pierce the clouds. She was arriving in New York. She was going to see them all again soon.
Were they still angry with her? Would Benny talk to her the way he used to? Would Harry look at her with the same pitying look – the same he gave her before the parking lot in Kentucky?
Her fist tightened on the pawn she was holding. After the biggest game of her life, Beth will continue to train as if she was about to start it all over again. Chess had avenged all the failures she had braved during her life.
On the tarmac, a chubby young man was waving at the plane, while the state security guard told Beth to beware of the Communists swarming in New York City.
"A real city of Reds if you ask me. Well, now you'll be able to spot them."
She listened to him only with a distracted ear, buzzing with excitement. She couldn't even think about her game anymore. She closed her chessboard and put it back in her purse.
"Do you need me to take you home?", he asked flatly.
"There's no need, thank you. I'll take a cab, and then walk a bit."
"Again? Didn't you walk enough earlier? You almost missed your flight," he almost reproached her.
Who does he think he is? she wondered, her face tinged with irony.
"I don't have anything to miss anymore. You've already helped me out there."
"As you wish. Don't get a ride from just anyone."
"I'm a big girl, I'll be fine," she smiled.
How boring he is, she blew gently. But she couldn't even get angry at the fact that she was being chaperoned so much. After all, it was his job. Besides, she was the world champion now. Nothing could spoil her evening.
Benny had offered her to spend the evening at his place. And by "spending the evening" he probably meant "sleeping" — or more. Beth was trying not to think about it too much.
If she had listened to herself, she would have immediately said yes, but she hadn't been able to give him a definitive answer. She was feeling uncomfortable not paying Jolene back the moment she set foot in the United States. So, she had taken a ticket to New York to see the boys and would leave later on the evening to give her the money back (plus interest). She already owed her sister so much. She was so proud and happy to be able to count her among her loved ones.
Her chest swelled with a feeling she had never experienced sober: peace and quiet. Knowing that she was loved, and above all supported despite her vices, was without a doubt the sweetest emotion she had ever felt in her life.
She was dragging her small wheeled suitcase in search of a cab. She wanted to see her friends as soon as possible — and if she was completely honest, she especially wanted to see Benny again as soon as possible.
"Beth!"
Suddenly a mass covered her completely, hugging her so tightly that her breath was taken away. She recognized Matt (or was it Mike?) under his firm grip. She laughed, as her intuition was right:
"Matt!"
"Our Champion!" was clapping Mike two meters away before taking her into his arms at his turn. "You are really something!"
"Yeah, I've been hearing this quite a lot lately," she chuckled.
The two of them had all apparently just arrived at the airport. She didn't expect them to pick her up together, or even just one of them to make the trip. She didn't know what else to do but smile. She wasn't very good at that kind of thing.
"And it's not just the two of us!" Matt said.
"Even if our presence is already a blessing," Mike added, joking.
Her heart was pounding so loud she could hear it in her ears. She was looking at the rest of the group that was arriving, and searched for Benny — in spite of herself. She saw Harry come in a hurry from the corner of the hallway. She rushed into his arms — it was good to see him again.
"I'm so, so proud of you," he whispered almost tearing, near her ear.
"Thank you," she smiled sincerely.
He smiled back. His eyes were no longer filled with pity. Phew. They were soft and tender, almost like the day when he had kissed her – well, maybe a little less nervous.
"Your technique at the end was dazzling, we were stunned with the others and—"
Suddenly, she saw Benny with his fists in his pockets. He knows how to make himself be waited, she thought. She was dying to let Harry talking alone and just run into his arms, but she held back and pretended she didn't see him.
His heels were clacking on the tiled airport floor until he arrived to Beth height. Close to her, a distinct tension set itself apart in the air — so much that Harry stopped his endless speech.
Beth was obviously having more trouble than she thought to hold on to her urge to run into his arms to thank him. To thank him for forgiving her, for helping her, for coming back.
She searched for his eyes but they weren't looking at hers. He didn't seem any happier than that to see her again. With a look screwed on her lips, he greeted her:
"Beth."
"Benny."
"Well. Good job, kiddo. That was— pretty good."
"Pretty good, huh?"
He could no longer contain his joy at seeing her again. His manifestly indifferent gaze betrayed an unspeakable happiness. He dropped his hat and clicked his tongue:
"Fuck, come here."
He grabbed her firmly, much more than Matt did. She felt her whole body tensed against him and responded, for the first time, to his embrace. She wasn't the type to be very expressive in her emotions, but she was a quick-learner. She dropped her suitcase, overwhelmed with emotion.
"Too happy to see me?" he whispered against her ear.
"Shut up, you," she smiled, tearing.
"So, what was he like?" asked Matt, a beer in his hand.
"Well, impressive, of course. You've already seen him. He lost in a very classy way."
"Classier than you, that's for sure," Benny teased.
"Says the one who lost fifty bucks on speed chess."
He grabbed his bottle, slowly took a sip and finally pointed at her with the bottleneck:
"That's low."
She wrinkled her nose and puffed gently. Benny discreetly bit his cheek. It's not good, he thought. He was starting to get drunk. He didn't want to be drunk for her return. And he knew that drunk, he wasn't really himself around her - or maybe on the contrary, he was too much himself.
"Anyway, it was an absolu—"
"And," he cut her off, "when you decided to continue, it took you a while to make your move. They said on the radio that you were glaring at the ceiling." She nodded, "Okay, then, what's your trick?"
"Oh, that. That's my little thing."
"Oh, I see, Ma'am World Champion can't reveal all her secrets, right?"
"Come on, stop it," she laughed. "As if it really matters!"
"Are you kidding? Of course it matters! You beat Borgov, Beth! Do you realize that you are the best chess player in the world?"
Embarrassed, she waved her hand to make him stop. Matt and Mike stood up and whirled her around singing, "World's best is Beth Harmon!"
She laughed. It did her so much good that she couldn't hold back a little tear from rolling down her cheek.
"Beth, are you crying?" Harry asked.
"It's okay," she hastened to wipe it off, "I'm probably a little tired." She looked at her repaired Bulova and tapped the watch's hand to check the time: "I should go. If I want to be able to see Jolene tomorrow morning, I have to take the first night train."
"Are you leaving already? It's only eleven!"
"Yes, I'm sorry. I have to go pay her back. She's the one who paid for my trip. I— had the bad habit of getting into debt at the beginning of my career, I don't want it to happen again," she says with a lump in her throat, thinking of Mr. Shaibel.
"Can't it wait until tomorrow? Spend the evening here," Matt begged her.
Beth cast a discreet glance at Benny, but he was looking away and didn't seem the least bit concerned about whether or not she would stay. She would have liked to say it wasn't bothering her, but she couldn't ignore the stabbing pain in her chest at the thought.
"I don't know, I promised her and—"
"Sleep here," Benny almost ordered her, his stare lost in the vague.
His voice seemed to come from beyond the grave. Everyone turned to him. His rosy cheeks betrayed his drunkenness. Beth recognized his greedy tone. It was the same hoarse voice he had when they had sex together. The same voice that she couldn't get out of her mind at night before going to bed and that had kept her from being fully focused since her victory.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I mean— sleep here. You know you're welcome, and you have your own bed," he said more controlled, pointing the air mattress in the corner.
"My bed, huh," she repeated, half joking and half dry.
Was he making fun of her? Was he seeking revenge about last time?
The atmosphere - yet so relaxed – turned sour from that moment of the evening. They all played a few games, replaying the finale but nothing much more. The rest of the group congratulated her once again on the doorstep and all left few minutes later.
Only Beth and Benny were left alone in the apartment.
"I should go too," she said, grabbing her coat.
"Beth."
His hand grabbed hers to prevent her from finishing her gesture. He had the same look on his face as he did the last time, before they decided to sleep together.
"Yes, Benny?"
"Can we talk a little— you and I?"
His voice was lower and huskier than usual, and he stuttered very slightly, Beth noticed. Sober and perfectly in possession of her movements - unlike him - she knew exactly what they were going to talk about. But her condition gave her an advantage, and she would be lying to herself if she said that she didn't want to hear what he had to tell her.
The more seconds were spent in his presence, the more she felt attracted to him. It was—
Mesmerizing.
"Sure."
They settled on the couch. He grabbed his own head, gently admitting:
"Okay, where should I begin—"
"Maybe by you letting me go alone to Russia?"
She didn't expect her tone to be so brutal. It surprised him. She had been very hurt by his attitude. She had needed him so much at that time, and his only reaction was to pout like a spoiled child.
"Are you kidding me, now? You had left me before that, Beth."
"Still. You let me go alone."
She shook her head.
"Maybe Cleo wasn't wrong."
"Come on, what did she say this time?"
"She said that you don't love anyone but yourself—"
"Did she really say that?" he asked, miffed.
Beth shrugged. He sneered a mirthless laugh, finishing his bottle.
"Now that's a freaking comedy."
He seemed really upset. More than just a scolding, it was an attack on the way he handled his feelings about Beth. Coming from Cleo, all of this sounded like a joke. Who the hell is she to tell Beth such things about me? he was thinking, infuriated.
"It didn't matter," she said. "I'm well aware of who I am. I've got a big load of problems that I'm dragging behind me, it's true, but—"
"That's where you're wrong. I already know all this, Beth. When I invited you to New York, before Paris— I knew what I was getting into. Well— no, not really."
He didn't know that he would gradually fall in love with her. Moreover, he had set barriers between himself and her – but they had been too quickly shattered.
"But I knew who I was inviting. And I chose to do it because I think you're brilliant and that you should be given every chance." He let a little time go by: "You're fucking amazing, Beth."
She wasn't sure how to react. Her chess skills were "fucking amazing", that's for sure. But herself? She didn't know.
And that was the tough question. Who was he talking about at that moment? The Beth playing chess, or the whole Beth, with her flaws and her complex family background?
"It's more complicated than it sounds, I—"
He had difficulty speaking. It was as if he was refraining himself from saying everything that was on his mind. Suddenly his eyes went shady. He drank the rest of his beer in one go, putting it back noisily on the table.
"When I heard what you'd done in Paris, I was in such a rage that I hardly recognized myself. I was— so mad at you."
She pursed her lips. What more can I say? she thought. She, too, had been furious against herself at that moment. And she was already feeling guilty enough without him.
"I was pissed at Cleo, pissed at the alcohol industry— pissed at myself for not stopping you—"
"Benny, it's my fault, not yours, okay?"
She rolled her eyes. She was the one suffering from addiction and he was the one blaming himself? It doesn't make any sense, she whispered to herself.
"You said it yourself. I acted selfishly. I knew it. And Cleo—"
"Cleo didn't force me to do anything."
"She should never have proposed something like that to you the day before a game against Borgov. And you should never have accepted it."
"I don't get it, what's the point of arguing about this?" Beth became exasperated. "It's history now."
"Not really."
He grabbed his head in his hands. Beth didn't realize he was so worried about her. Everyone was actually worried; but Benny was the only one who said it loud and clear enough to make a difference in Beth's case.
"Beth. Just because you stopped drinking since Moscow doesn't mean you're going to stop forever. Weaning yourself off is a long way.
"No shit," she raised her eyebrows, very ironic, "you don't know who you're talking to."
"On the contrary, I think I do."
He grabbed her arm to force her to look him in the eyes. She didn't like the way the discussion was going. She decided to turn it to her advantage, like when she was stuck in the corner of the chessboard.
She got up and turned around a chair to stand over him.
"I haven't drunk a drop tonight," she pointed out.
"I've seen."
"I didn't even feel like it."
"I hope so.
"You, on the other hand—"
"Yeah, but I, don't have a drinking problem," he said categorically.
"No, I mean— you drank, I didn't—"
He obviously understood that she was referring to the last time they slept together. But Benny feared this "friendship with benefits" that seemed to be taking shape before his eyes. He didn't want this, he realized. He didn't want them to be friends.
"What difference does it make?"
"Benny..."
As if he didn't understand, she thought to herself. He's still making me wait.
She approached him and gently ran a hand through his hair. His beautiful hair. But he had too much to say, too much was at stake. He couldn't just let her sleep with him without her understanding what was going on in his head.
"Beth."
"Yes?"
"What you need to know is that— I'm doing all this because I care about you. And not because I— only love myself."
"I know."
"I just—" He frowned, realizing what he had just said. Well, it was too late now. He might as well go all the way. "I really care about you."
"I know."
A silence fell. She came closer to him:
"Benny."
The eyes of his began to shine.
"Thank you for calling me back— in spite of everything. Thank you for coming with the others to help me. It was— really nice of you."
"Did you really think I was going to let you come back empty-handed?"
"You told me never to call you again."
"I didn't say 'never'."
"Whatever, you— I really thought that this whole thing made me lose y—" She refrained herself from speaking further.
She wasn't drunk. She didn't want to admit such things to him. And yet that was what she thought. If she had stopped drinking, from Moscow, it was because she had never felt such shame since that phone call. And the mere idea that she could have lost Benny forever to an addiction made her sick.
But all their relationship made her doubt Benny's true intentions. Was he doing all this for the sake of chess? Was he really thinking about her, besides the champion?
It had always been chess with Benny. Was it still now? Beth's brain was foggy.
"What were you thinking, Beth?"
"Come on, you've understood," she smiled uncomfortably.
"You know, I meant what I said."
"When?"
"On the phone."
"When you said you didn't want me to call you anymore?"
"That. And other things too."
"What else, then?"
"When I said I missed you. I reacted selfishly because I thought it would have made you react, because I couldn't think of any other solution."
"You could have come to Kentucky."
"I wanted to. And then I was too proud, too stupid."
He had difficulty swallowing his saliva. How many beers did he drink?
"And I was really disappointed and sad and— I was really fucking pissed off because you weren't with me. So yeah, it was probably selfish of me, but— you act selfishly when you like someone."
"Come on, Benny. You basically left me drink my sorrow. Don't make fun of me."
"I'm not making fun of you, Beth. I'm... oh and you know what? Fuck it."
He leaned towards her, slipped a hand at the base of her neck and kissed her immediately. If she was surprised at the moment, she immediately deepened the kiss. Now that they were kissing, she could tell that she had been waiting for this moment all evening. And that she had been hoping that Benny would want to talk to her.
They continued their languid ballet, closing their eyes, enjoying every second together. They looked so much alike, so proud, so gifted, so... mysteriously attached to each other.
He interrupted the kiss but kept his hand against her neck, her lips a few centimeters away from his own. He smelled like beer and envy, which made Beth's mind foggier than it already was - intoxicated by her victory.
"Stay and sleep here... please."
"Jolene..." she only said, in the hope of being understood.
"I'm sure she doesn't care, Beth."
He had a point, she probably didn't care. They hadn't even set a proper repayment date.
"You're probably right."
"So?"
His voice really sounded like begging.
"I'll stay... only if I don't sleep on the damn air mattress."
Benny laughed heartily. This sound delighted Beth from the depths of her being, she couldn't help but smile.
"Beth, of course you're not going to sleep on that shitty mattress. I was saying that because the others were here."
"You know, I think they've figured it out by now. They're not all as naive as they seem," she explained.
"That they've figured what out?"
"Well, that we're fucking? Isn't that what we're doing?"
Benny didn't seem to want to hear that. He stared painfully into Beth's eyes.
"So that's how you see us, huh?" he whispered to himself.
Beth didn't expect him to react this way. But at the same time, the more she thought about it, the more the idea of just sleeping with Benny seemed hollow, incomplete. She wanted to spend time with him, to stop this pretense of war. She wanted them to talk it out, to put things right. But this kind of reconciliation took time.
Maybe wanting to control this situation was not the solution. What if Beth was putting herself in danger? Wouldn't it be easier?
"Look, you're right," he says, "it wasn't such a good idea, I—"
"I like you Benny."
He stopped.
She played with the folds of her skirt like a punished child. At first, he thought that she was lying to him, that she was only saying this so they would finally end up sleeping together. But it was the first time that Benny saw her so vulnerable. What had happened to the girl who had kicked his ass at his favorite game?
He was the only one who tried to understand her beyond chess - even though his passion sometimes took up too much space. He was the only one who confronted her head-on when a problem arose.
"Like... really. So, what do we do now?"
What to do? This was a difficult question. Could a couple between the two of them work? Benny looked at her for a long time, detailing each of the features of her beautiful face.
"We'll see," he replied simply, "let's just carry on and see how it goes."
They kissed and made love all night long. Benny was even more attentive to her desires and requests. She gladly returned the favor, dizzy with what she felt about him. How could they have waited so long to talk to each other again?
They were naked against each other, Benny hugging her, and she could only make out half of his face, lit by the dim light of dawn. And as she was falling asleep in his arms, he kissed her forehead and whispered a discreet secret:
"I love you, Beth."
Well, that escalated quickly haha! I was in a romantic mood, I wanted to bring them together in the end and make sure to leave an uncertain yet optimistic future for them! Don't be to hard on Beth, she has real issues with dealing with her emotions ;)
I hope you enjoyed this fanfic, see you guys soon :) Feel free to leave me a little review so I can get better!
Nizzie